Unapologetically Me

Chapter Forty Nine

I worked my ass off for the audition. I meant that as literally as I could get. Kimmy was a good coach at helping me with the dance moves and teaching me when and how to remove my top during the dance, which was kind of embarrassing, but I knew it was necessary.

It was uncomfortable for the first few times, but after doing the dance routine over and over again, it became easier letting her see me half nude on the little stage of the studio she and a few other girls practiced at. Kade owned the building, and a few of the girls that worked for him would go and work out there and practice new routines and such.

A lot of them were so supportive of me and helped Kimmy coach me for the audition that by the time the audition came, I felt pretty confident.

That is until I stepped into the studio where it was being held and saw a few men and women with expensive looking clothes milling around, watching the other women dance. Even Kade made an appearance, which made Kimmy excited.

A few girls auditioned ahead of me and I watched them with rapt attention. They had gorgeous bodies and confidence that was off the charts. The way they moved reminded me of the organized choreography from our school dance team.

They were perfect and I didn't know how I could compete. I knew that there were plenty of openings for Kade's clubs, but what if I wasn't good enough? Some of them were even bold enough to strut off stage and dance on some of the men's laps and Kimmy hadn't gone through that with me.

I didn't know if they would be okay with just my dance audition, but Kimmy assured me I was fine. If I didn't get this job, then I was screwed to be working doubles at the convenience store for the foreseeable future and I really didn't want that.

I wanted to be stable and I knew the only way right now was to nail this audition.

When my turn was coming up, I gave myself one more look in the mirror. Kimmy had bought me a new set of black, lacy lingerie that hinted what was underneath. It felt like I had practically nothing on as I walked up onto the small stage. I gave a small demure smile like Kimmy told me to do and when my music began, it was like old habits.

I got lost in the music, doing all of the dance moves she had taught me and slipping my bra off without the struggle. I chose a slower song and as it played I could feel their eyes on my bare chest and the way I would sway and move my body. My cheeks were on fire and my heart was beating a million miles a minute as my song finished.

I didn't even look out at the crowd to see their faces. I was too scared that they didn't like what they saw and I would be a laughingstock for putting my tiny chest out there like that.

Not only that, but my heels were killing me. I hated heels with a passion and having worn them every day until now, I was glad to take them off and rub my feet.

Kimmy came running into the back dressing room excitedly, hopping on the balls of her feet as she stood in front of me.

"You killed it, Kelly. God, you're so gorgeous, you had all of those men out their drooling."

I snorted. "Yeah, you're only saying that 'cause you're my friend."

"I'm dead serious. They liked you. You should have seen them going up to Kade after your performance."

I had seen some of the people do that after a couple of other girls and I wondered even then if I'm that meant that they liked them.

"I could have honestly barfed up there."

"And they would have lapped it right up." I made a face at her and she giggled.

"C'mon, get dressed so we can go back out there and watch the rest."

I nodded and pulled on my leggings and a T-shirt on and my comfortable pair of flats. I pinned my hair up into a messy bun and left my makeup on. Kimmy eyed me and sighed.

"Even like that men would want you to sit on their faces. I'm so jealous."

I rolled my eyes. "Your compliments are completely different from any others I've ever received."

"Different is good!"

I laughed and we made our way to the small table with refreshments for the guests. I grabbed a water and a banana and sat with Hayley and Kimmy as we watched the other girls perform. We cheered for some of our favorites and watched the men go up to Kade a few times during different performances.

Now that my audition was done, I expected to feel less nervous about all of this, but my stomach wouldn't quit with the butterflies.

We lounged around for the remainder of the auditions and when Kade stood up, everyone quite literally stopped breathing.

"Women! You all did amazing! I will get in touch with the lucky ones by tomorrow evening. Until then, have a great evening!"

He clapped his giant hands together and I took a deep breath. So tomorrow evening. I closed my eyes, hoping that I didn't do all of this in vain.

The girls took me out to an early dinner since I was due at my job right after and while we ordered, Marlene walked in with Justice. I don't know why, but I felt completely embarrassed to be seen by her and I think the guilt from what I did today had something to do with it.

"Kelly! How are you? You haven't come by to see us in a while! Hello girls!"

"Hello Mrs. Starr!" The girls said in unison, grinning at her. Justice's eyes bugged out at their attire and I was glad that I hadn't worn anything suspicious.

"I know." I said chagrined. "I've been working a lot and my mom has had a lot of doctor's appointments, so I haven't really had time."

"It's okay! James told me you have been super busy, but we would love to have you over one day. Let me know when you have off and I'll make your favorite casserole."

I smiled at her. "That sounds amazing. I've been living off of junk food forever now."

She smiled and patted my cheek. "You girls here for dinner?"

"Yes ma'am. " Hayley answered for us. "Before Kelly has to go in for work."

"That's good! Love you Kelly! See you around!"

She stepped up to order and Justice stayed near us, still eyeing the girls with interest. Kimmy smiled at her and then grabbed my arm lightly and pulled us to a table.

"She's cute." She said quietly.

"She's kind of a b*tch and underage."

"Darn. Maybe next year." I rolled my eyes at her and got a call from James right then. I took a deep breath and answered.

"Hey baby, what's going on?"

"Hey! I was just thinking about you. What are you up to?"

"Having dinner with the girls before work."

"Sounds like fun, say hi to Hayley for me."

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Will do, any other requests?"

"Just the usual. Nudes. Tons of them." I grinned and blushed.

"Maybe in the morning when I get home."

"And give me wood before class?"

"If you want the nudes, yes."

He sighed dramatically and I bit my lip to keep my goofy smile off of my face. "Fine, but I'll get you back at the most inconvenient time."

"Works for me."

"James! Are you ready?" I heard a girl's voice in the background and my smile fell off of my face instantly.

"Who was that?"

"Um..yeah give me a minute." he called.

"That was Sarah. We're going out to celebrate Liam's birthday."

I felt my stomach churn and I nodded slowly. Kimmy's eyebrows raised at me and I shook my head at her.

"Oh, that's nice."

"Yeah."

The silence was awkward now and I didn't know what to say to not make it weird. "Okay, well I'll let you get to it. My food is on the way anyways."

"Alright, baby. I love you."

"I love you too."

He clicked off and I took a deep breath and stared down at my phone.

"What is it?"

"Is it strange to be jealous of a girl with a boyfriend?"

"What does that mean?"

"A girl hangs out with James and her boyfriend all of the time and it just seems like they're always going out."

"Third wheeling?"

"I guess, but I don't know, he talks about her a lot and it bothers me."

Hayley and her exchanged looks. My stomach churned again at their expressions and I sighed. "What?"

"What does your gut tell you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like...when he mentions her name, does it sound normal or like...he likes her?"

"I don't know. I just get prickly. Like I hate when he talks about her, even if her boyfriend is always mentioned."

"What's her full name?" Kimmy asked me, taking her phone out.

"Sarah Williams, I think."

She nodded and began clicking away on her phone. I watched her as the waitress came and brought our food and walked away.

Hayley looked over her shoulder as she clicked away and then turned her phone to me.

"Found her."

She showed me her phone and I took it from her quickly. It was a social media page with a picture of James, a girl and another man. The man was looking away from the camera to something behind him, holding her waist and she was looking up at James with twinkling eyes, while James stared at the camera.

I clenched my jaw and handed the phone back. She was a mousy girl with light brown hair that was cut into a bob that went to her shoulders. She had a plain face, but her brownish green eyes looked up at him with adoration, it made me feel all sorts of jealousy.

"She looks like she's two seconds from jumping him." Hayley commented.

"Yeah sort of the type of look you give that one guy from the ice cream store." Kimmy said.

I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Do you think he'd cheat on me?"

"Does he still call you every night?"

"Yes. Except for one night."

"And he is still acting the same?"

"Yeah, for the most part. He's stressed a lot, but nothing else has changed."

"Well, in my opinion, I think you're good. It could just be a crush on her end."

I rolled my eyes and nodded. "Okay, that's what I was thinking too, I just hate it."

Kimmy reached across the table and placed her hand on mine. She gave it a small squeeze and frowned at me.

"I'm not trying to be a Debbie downer, but long distance sh*t hardly ever works, Kelly. It takes a lot of trust and dedication for it to work."

I looked down at my food, suddenly not hungry and sighed. I didn't want her to be right. James and I had gone through too much sh*t for distance to be the thing that broke us apart.

"Dude, shut up! Why did you have to drop that on her right now?" Hayley smacked Kimmy on the arm and Kimmy slapped her back gently.

"Well, remember Kira? How she tried to keep her boyfriend after he moved to Minnesota and he ended up in a threesome with two other dudes?"

"That's different from Kelly's case. You saw how he looked at her. It was like she hung the damn moon. He loves her. They'll make it through."

I smiled at Hayley as she took my hand over the table and shook it. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

But the thought of that girl looking up at him in that picture wouldn't leave my mind.