Unapologetically Me

Chapter Forty Seven

I held my breath as the phone rang and began feeling nervous. I didn't even know if I still wanted to do this, now that it was day time and I had all night to think about it. But as my mom emerged from her bedroom yawning with her legs looking more swollen than usual, I felt my resolve harden.

"Hey, baby." He said as he answered the phone. I smiled at the sound of his voice.

"Hey, did I catch you at a good time?"

"Yup. Just woke up. I have a few hours before we take off to go bowling."

"Bowling?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, you know where you throw giant heavy balls to a bunch of pins at the end of a lane and wear funny shoes?"

"I know what bowling is, smart ass." I rolled my eyes and he chuckled again. "I just didn't know you liked bowling."

"I didn't. I mean, I only went as a kid, but it's not too bad."

"That sounds fun. Not really, but you do you I guess."

I smiled and he laughed. He sounded so happy, I wondered if asking his opinion or dropping all of my sh*t on him would ruin his mood. But...I kind of needed to talk to him. Even if it didn't resolve any of my issues, at least I would know how he felt about it, talking in the real sense and not the what if version.

"It's fun..I'll take you some time when I get home."

"Ew. Fine. But anyways, I was hoping I could talk to you about something."

There was a small pause on his end. "Okay. Is it bad?"

"Um...no? I don't think so. I mean...I guess your opinion might be? I don't know."

"That sounds like it could be bad. What is it?"

I took a deep breath and glanced at my mom sitting in the kitchen eating some cereal.

I stood up and walked to my bedroom and shut the door.

"Well, it's been getting a little harder to make ends meet here. I've been working doubles every night and my mom's deductibles are laughable at this point. Her medications are barely covered in her insurance and...it's just been a lot."

There was silence on his end and I winced. "But...that's not what I called to talk to you about. It's just what I wanted you to know before approaching the real subject."

"Okay, but hold on, why didn't you tell me about everything else?"

"You have enough on your plate at school with all of your essays and papers due. I'm not going to complain about all of this sh*t to you."

"Kelly, that's what I'm here for. I mean, you listen to all of my boring sh*t every night and now that I think about it, I hardly ever let you talk. Sh*t...I've been sh*tty, haven't I?"

"No. I haven't wanted to tell you because it's not your problem. But anyways, that's not the point."

"What is then?"

"There's a job opportunity that will help me and my mom catch up on bills and everything, but I wanted your opinion on whether I should take it or not."

"Well, if it's going to help, why not?"

I pressed my lips together and sighed. "Because Kimmy and Hayley are going to be there?"

More silence and this time I didn't try to over talk it. I knew he knew what I was talking about. My stomach squeezed as I waited for him and then he sighed.

"I'm trying not to be judgemental about it, but is that really what you want? There might be guys you know show up or old friends of your dad's and they're going to be seeing you...you know?"

I took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of my bed. "I know. I've had plenty of time to think about it, but I wanted to hear what you had to say about it before I made any decisions."

"I don't like it." He said quietly. "I don't want to be worried all of the time, thinking about guys manhandling you or like stalking you because where you work."

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I know. I mean, I have known your opinion on it since before, but I can't keep doing these double shifts all of the time. I barely get like three to four hours of sleep during the week and the only reason I'm home right now is because I didn't go run my usual errands so that I could talk to you about this."

"Why haven't you told me?"

"About what?"

"About all of the sh*t you've been putting yourself through. I can-"

"Do what? You're across the country, James. You're at school and I'm here. There's nothing you can do to help me. I'm trying my hardest to help myself but quite frankly, if I don't do anything new, I'll be in the red for the rest of my life. My mom's bills are outrageous and we need a roof over our heads and I'm stressing every f*cking day over how the hell I'm going to keep paying for food." My voice shook and I wiped at my eyes.

"I just...I don't feel comfortable with you dancing naked in front of other men. I-If I was there, it would be different because then I could at least know that you're okay, but I'm not."

"You think I want to do it? Honestly, if I could find any other higher paying jobs that would hire me and I could still take my mom to all of her appointments and do everything else I need to do, don't you think I wouldn't have already jumped on it? I don't have many choices, right now."

"I don't think you've searched around enough." He said quietly.

I clenched my jaw and stared at the phone. "I have put in application after application every where else, from flipping f*cking burgers to being a f*cking maid at hotels. I have gotten zero responses and at the places I have gotten responses, they want me to work the hours that I need during the day to do everything I need to do "

"It just seems like a giant leap. I mean, not too long ago, you agreed with me on this point and now you want to go dance naked in front of hundreds of horny business men and frat boys?"

I wipe the tears streaming down my cheeks impatiently and nod slowly.

"Okay." I whispered.

There was a long sigh on his side. "I'm sorry. That was harsh. It just...I can't stand the thought of other men looking at you. You're mine and I love you and I want you to do whatever you think is best."

"I'll just keep working at the convenience store until I find something else." I told him quietly. "I love you too."

"Kelly, don't be mad at me. I swear it's not my intention. I hate not being there and being able to talk to you normal. I've had plenty of distractions here, but you have no idea how guilty I feel when I think of everything you're dealing with alone over there."

"It's okay. Don't feel guilty. It's not your fault or your problem. I can do it. And when the time comes, we'll be together again. And hopefully when that time comes, I won't be bogged down with so many issues."

"You know I can handle that. What I can't handle is hearing you sound so down. I want to be there, and...I know this sucks but I probably won't be down until Christmas. Mom and Dad are having issues with the shop, so I don't want to burden them more for an extra plane ticket."

I closed my eyes and felt sorrow begin to spread throughout my chest. "Oh! That sucks! But I get it."

It was going to be hard without him, but I knew I could get through. I knew that I did well on my dad's death anniversary, so Thanksgiving would be okay.

I mean, I had gone to the cemetery and looked at the stone my uncle had gotten him and cried for a little bit. I even took mom and she took it much harder than I had. We went to lunch afterwards and had a decent conversation of things we missed about him.

I didn't know how Thanksgiving would be like, but I hoped for the best.

"I'm sorry, baby. I miss you."

"I miss you too." I told him quietly. "Like a lot."

"I know. You know...I still haven't received a video."

I grinned despite being an emotional mess and shook my head. "You know I have to have time to make those type of videos?"

"Well, you have time now, don't you?"

"I think I'd have to be in the mood for something like that."

"Well, you want to know what I'm doing right now?"

I bit my lip and rolled my eyes. "Sure. Tell me."

"Right now I'm moving my hand over the front of my pants. I'm uncomfortably hard."

I bit my lip. "Well, you could always pull it out."

"Is that what you want me to do?"

"Yes." I felt a zing down to my core and I realized just this was making me feel better. Usually bout conversations weren't like this. I missed this side of him. "I want you to pull it out and stroke it and imagine it's me."

He hissed and I knew he was doing just that. "What are you doing?" He rasped.

I laid back in bed and smoothed my hand down my stomach and touched myself over my pants. "I don't know. Tell me."

"I want you to pinch your sweet n*pples and tell me how it feels."

I moved my hand back up to my my chest and closed my eyes, pinching my n*pple. "God, it feels so good. How hard are you?"

"So f*cking hard, it hurts."

I bit my lip and moved my hand back down under my underwear and moved my fingers over my aching c**t. I breathed out a moan and I could hear him groan on his end. "I'm so wet." I whispered to him.

"F*ck, I can just imagine how slick your p*ssy is. Are you rubbing it for me?"

"Yes," I moaned. "I wish you were hear to be able to feel just how amazing it feels."

His breath heightened and I imagined him pumping himself, getting it slick with his precum.

"Me too, baby. God, I need to see you. I want to see just how f*cking sexy you look right now."

I smiled and pulled my hand out of my pants. I undressed quickly and sent him a picture of my top half with a small, flirty smile. My hair was a mess and my eyes looked tired but when he saw it, he groaned.

"F*ck you look so perfect. I want your beautiful t*ts in my mouth." He groaned and it sent another jolt of pleasure through my body down to my core.

I touched myself, listening to his breathing and when I got a picture I bit my lip. It was of his hand wrapped around his large erection with a little bead of precum at the tip.

"I want to lick the c*m right off the tip." I moaned. F*ck, I want you so badly."

We continued until his breathing hitched and he groaned. "I just came so hard, baby. Have you come yet?"

"Alm-Ahhh!" I bit down on my lip as I came, my toes curling and my calf muscles pulled taut.

"Yes." I told him breathlessly. He sighed through the phone in contentment and I smiled.

"Not bad for the first phone s*x?"

I grinned. "Yeah. Not bad."

"Maybe next time I can get more pictures?"

"Hmm...maybe I'll come through with an actual video if we can keep doing this."

He chuckled and it warmed me. After we hung up, I pulled on my clothes and laid in bed and thought of our whole conversation, not just the fun parts.

I knew he was against it, and I wasn't going to quit the convenience store, but I think the best thing for my situation was maybe to try one weekend out at the club and see how it went for me. If I hated it too much, then it would be my first and last time, but if it wasn't so bad, and the money was good, it wouldn't hurt. Plus, on just a weekend, what could it hurt?