Unapologetically Me

Chapter Ten

Going back to school felt strange. Everyone was the same. No one seemed to have changed, yet I felt completely different. I walked through the hallways in a daze and when people would talk to me, I hardly listened to what they had to say.

After spending the rest of the weekend dealing with my mom after my uncle left, I was exhausted. He had left after we had a screaming match in the middle of the living room after I got home from James' house. He said that I was acting like a spoiled brat and was very disrespectful to my father's memory.

I told him that he hosted the whole funeral to look more likeable because he was an old dried up prune that no one wanted to re-elect. His face had turned tomato red and he slapped me roughly across the face. My aunt and cousin took him to another room and yelled at me to go to my room.

I stayed there until they left later that night, crying because I couldn't believe everything that had gone on. I admit, I did a t like a spoiled brat at the funeral. I was sick and tired of being told what to do and how to do it and how to dress. He wanted everything perfect.

Going with James was the ultimate 'f*ck you' I could have ever given him. That's what started the fight when I got home. Him calling me a floozy and saying I had loose morals and couldn't wait to hear when he would be a great-uncle.

Looking back, I did kind of lose my head that day. I almost slept with James again. My heart was so full of misery I just wanted to feel something else. And God everything he made me feel was worth it.

That is until I heard him talking about another girl with Michael. I had somehow fallen asleep after Michael got there and asked James about us and had woken up when James had said that he had plans with a girl for Halloween. And then he said that he thought I was pretty much using him and I felt horrible. I had pretended to sleep up until they stopped talking about important things and then I gathered my stuff and left.

He had offered me a ride, but I refused graciously and thanked him for letting me sleep and that I would see him in school.

And now I was dreading going to the only class that we shared together because I didn't want to see him and be embarrassed about how I threw myself at him.

I steeled myself at the entrance of the classroom, already a bit late because I had stopped in the bathroom to check my makeup and hair. I know, but I couldn't help myself. If he was going to see me again, I wanted to make sure he regretted even thinking about another girl.

I walked into the classroom and ducked my head as I walked to the back where I usually sat. I didn't have any of my friends in this class, so I usually spent most of my time doodling or on my phone. So the back was the best place to be. I slid into my chair and looked up at the teacher who had gotten quiet when I walked in.

"You're late, Miss Whitmore."

"I know. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

I felt everyone's eyes on me and I pretended to dig in my bag for a pencil. I knew where he sat in this class too. He was two seats up and to the right. I could see the back of his head from where I sat in the center back row.

Mrs. Danforth began talking about some essays and some other sh*t I wasn't paying attention to and I couldn't stop looking at him.

Every now and then, as he was sitting sideways, he'd begin to turn and I'd look away quickly and pretend to be doing something. I felt stupid, ignoring him the way that I was, but I was a jealous person.

When the teacher gave us some down time, I took my earbuds and slipped them in my ears and laid my head on my desk. It was only on the desk for a minute until I felt a tap on my shoulder. Mrs. Danforth had a manila folder that looked pretty f*cking hefty and set it on my desk.

"Some of these papers will be due on Wednesday. I wrote on a paper all the dates so that you can make sure to get those in on time."

I nodded, groaning internally at all of the work I had missed out on. There were two other classes that had given me the same thing and I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I stared at the manila folder and felt tears start to prick at the corners of my eyes. This sucked. On top of making sure my mom was okay, I had mountains of homework with impending due dates.

I received a text. And I glanced down at it.

James: I can help you, if you need.

I glanced up at him but he was busy writing in some journal.

Me: Thanks, I'll let you know. :-)

I needed to cut myself off of him. He was a one night stand. Almost two. Nothing else. He was only nice to me because my dad died. He also still had a pair of my comfortable panties. I blushed thinking about it and glanced up. His steel blue eyes were looking right at me. I pressed my lips into a small smile and looked away.

I felt like a b*tch, but he had said he was interested in someone else. Why would I stick around?

When class let out I let him walk out before I even gathered my stuff and then I walked out. He was already down the hallway talking to Michael and some chick with black hair. She had a pink streak through it and also wore a nose ring. She had a pretty smile, I had to give it to her, but her hair looked dry and her makeup was smudged.

I felt arms wrap around my waist and I grinned at Chloe as she laid her head on my shoulder from behind.

"Hey, how's the first day back?"

"Miserable. And I still have cheerleading after school and a mountain of school work, so there's that."

"Well, bright side is that you have cheer with me! And I can let you copy any work I already have done from Finnigan's class."

"Aww! You're the best." I grinned and we began walking to my locker. I stopped when I saw Dexter standing next to it, a shark-like grin on his face as she caught notice of me. I clenched my fists and sighed. I knew eventually I'd have to talk to him, so why not now?

"Hey, baby, I've missed you." He grabbed my waist and leaned in to kiss me. I lifted my hand and moved my face.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to kiss my girl. What else?"

I furrowed my eyebrows and shook my head. "I'm not your girl, Dex."

"Sure you are. You told me that as soon as I broke up with Ally, you'd be all mine. I'm collecting."

"That was before you lied to me to get a bl*w job."

"C'mon, Kelly, lighten up. You're kind of acting like a b*tch."

I glared up at him then looked back down at my my locker. I opened it quickly and shook my head. "No, Dex, you're acting like a d**k. I'm over it. Go back to your precious Ally. I don't want you, anymore."

"Is it because of the other guy you f*cked?"

"No one said anything about f*cking. And no. It's not about any other guy. I just know that you are an obnoxious a*shole. And you've said sh*t about me behind my back that isn't even true."

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Like what, Kel? Give me one prime example."

"That I've f*cked you."

"I never said that to anyone."

"You're lying. But it's okay. I'm not falling for any of your sh*t anymore. Now please, leave me alone." The halls were starting to thin of people and I knew if I didn't leave in the next second, I'd be late for yet another class. I tried to move past him but he placed his arms on either side of me and blocked me in.

"I don't know who's saying that, but I wouldn't say sh*t that's untrue."

"Dexter, move. I need to get to class."

"C'mon, Kel. Let's skip. We can go back to my place and I can show you how a real man f*cks."

I gasped and without a second thought I grabbed his shoulders and brought my knee up sharply to his groin. He doubled over immediately, his whole face turning a purplish shade of red. "Try f*cking anyone with that." I spat and walked to my next class.

No more taking bullsh*t. I was going to do what I wanted whenever I wanted. I stepped into my next class and sat down quickly while the teacher's back was turned. Dexter was in this class with me and came ambling in, his face a grotesque pink color.

How did I ever find him attractive? I scowled as he sat next to me and and took my phone out so that I wouldn't be forced to look at his stupid face.

I scrolled through my phone and decided, what the heck, if I was really going to start doing whatever I wanted, then what I wanted was a little bit more time with the geeky, tall, tech whizz with a cute gap in his teeth and electric blue eyes.

Me: Can you maybe help me after school? I have cheer first, but after that I'm free.

I sent it and within a few seconds I received a text back.

James: Sure. Six okay?

Me: Perfect. See you there! Thank you!

I took a deep breath and smiled. Eat your heart out pink streak.

***

I was thoroughly bushed after practice. Taking a week off without sleep was not good for cheer. Now I sat in my kitchen staring at the pile of paperwork that I needed to get done. I separated everything that needed to be turned in sooner in one pile and later in another.

As I began working on some calculus homework, my doorbell rang and I jumped up. Feeling a horde of butterflies erupt in my stomach.

When I opened the front door he gave me a tight smile and raised his eyebrows.

"Hey."

"Hi. I'm set up in the kitchen. It has more surface area to set my work on." I let him in and shut the front door. I led him into my kitchen and watched him set his book bag down on one of the empty stools and sit down in another. I sat down opposite him and chewed on my bottom lip. There was a weird energy between us and I wasn't quite sure how to address it.

"I have this pile that needs to be turned in these next couple of days. The rest have due dates up to next week." I pointed at each pile and he picked up the calculus paper I was working on.

"The first few questions are wrong. You didn't multiply the correct number here. And he erased a couple of X's and he wrote the line. I stared at the math and felt myself deflate. I was good at math, but I was so tired.

I took the paper from him and looked at what he pointed out to me. I fixed it and turned it back to him. He nodded and smiled. "Yeah, that looks right."

"I just hate this type of math. It's so complicated to me. I'm good with numbers but this is...ugh!"

"Yeah. But after you learn it, it isn't so bad. What all did Danforth give you?"

I passed a while packet to him and watched him raise his eyebrows. "We didn't do half of this in class. Why does she hate you?"

"I dated her grandson and dumped him in the ninth grade. She has never gotten over it I guess."

"Pete?"

"Yeah. Like two weeks of jamming his tongue down my throat and I was done."

"Ew. Well, if you want we can go through the ones I've done already, and then we can see about the extras she gave you."

"Okay."

He took all of the papers they had done and it was a small pile compared to the giant packet she gave me. I rolled my eyes and groaned. Up the stairs I heard my mom call for me and I winced.

"I'll be back." I looked at James and he nodded continued to look through my paperwork.

I ran up the stairs quickly and stopped dead at the stench coming from my mom's room. I stepped in slowly and sighed when I saw the giant puddle of vomit dead center of the bedroom and the front of my mom's pants soaked with piss.

"Mom, what the hell? Why didn't you go to the bathroom?" She mumbled something unintelligible and I closed my eyes. I walked around the vomit puddle and grabbed her under her arm and hauled her to the bathroom. I helped her out of her clothes and turned the shower on.

Once inside, she slumped down to the small seating area and let the water run down her body. I watched her, anger starting to bubble up my chest. Why did I have to do this?

I stepped into the shower fully clothed and helped her wash. After I had her fully washed and dried I put some bed clothes on her and laid her in her bed. I was grateful she didn't piss in it, or else I'd have to change her sheets and all of that s**t.

I cleaned up the vomit as best as I could from the cream carpet, but it left a giant yellow-ish stain. It was only as I stepped out of my mom's bedroom and saw James standing at the top of the stairs that I remembered that he was here. I felt my cheeks burn and I closed her bedroom door. My clothes were still dripping from being in the shower with her and I didn't know how to explain it.

"Let me change and I'll be right down."

He nodded slowly and began walking back down the stairs. I walked down the hall to my bedroom and clenched my fists. How could I have forgotten that he was here?

I changed out of my wet t-shirt and pants and pulled on a big t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants. I brushed my wet hair and left it down to dry and wiped the makeup off of my face.

Downstairs I stood at the doorway to the kitchen feeling awkward. James looked up from my homework and stared at me blankly. I didn't know what to make of it. So I did the only thing I could think of.

"I'm hungry. Do you want something? We have pizza rolls, chicken nuggets, corn dogs, frozen waffles?"

He smiled and shrugged. "Whatever you want, I'll take it too."

I busied myself making us some pizza rolls in the air fryer and grabbed us a couple of sodas. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah."

"Are you?" I felt my eyes tear up, but I didn't want to cry around him. It's all I seemed to do. I nodded and didn't say anything else. I pushed my hair behind my ears and sat down in front of him.

"You can talk to me if you want. I won't say anything to anyone."

"It's normal. Or...at least around here it is. Only my dad would take care of her." I sighed and shrugged. "She's been an alcoholic all my life. I've never known her to be sober."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"I don't need pity."

"I know."

"I've never had to do it myself. My dad usually...It's embarrassing."

"It's not your fault."

"I know. I'm...it's not something I go about publicizing. Chloe's the only other person that knows how bad she is."

"I won't tell anyone. I promise." He placed a hand over mine and I nodded and smiled up at him.

"Thanks."

"And...I have a confession."

"You told Michael. I know. I heard you."

"You did?"

"Yeah. It's not a big deal. I'm okay with it."

"I'm sorry. He's my best friend and we tell each other everything."

"So did you end up telling him all of the gory details?"

"You heard that too?"

"Yes. So did you?"

"After you left, I did."

"I'm sorry about that by the way. I didn't mean to make you feel like I was using you. I like you and I'm okay if you just want to remain friends. Or not."

"F*ck, you were awake the entire time?"

I giggled and stood up to get the pizza rolls. "No. I went to sleep, but I heard that part."

"What else did you hear?"

"That you're dressing in a couple costume with pink streak."

"Pink streak?"

"Yeah. Nose ring?"

"Lara?"

I snapped and pointed at him. "Bingo! That one. Do you need costume suggestions?" I wiggled my eyebrows at him as I set his plate of pizza rolls in front of him.

"I am not wearing a couple costume."