Unapologetically Me

Chapter Thirteen

I woke up feeling deliciously sore. Everything that happens last night flooded my brain and I grinned up at my ceiling. I bit my lip and actually felt excited to start the day off. I didn't know how it would turn out between the both of us, but I was sure more of this would happen, so it excited me.

I jumped into the shower and then got dressed. I noticed a couple of new hickies on my neck and decided I needed to probably tell him to hold off on those.

Not that I was embarrassed about them, but I knew if Dexter saw them, even though he was back with Alicia, he would flip his lid.

I went down the stairs and felt ravenous. I dug through the freezer for my usual frozen waffles and frowned at the empty box that had been left behind. I looked around the freezer and then in the fridge and continued to pull out empty containers and plastic bags.

Seeing everything piled up made my amazing mood fade instantly. We were out of food. This has never happened before. I swallowed hard and realized that my dad was the sole shopper. Mom was never sober enough to go and I never even realized that Dad had done so much to keep us going.

I bit my lip and sat down at the kitchen island. I stand at all of the empty containers and felt myself take another deep breath. I got up and went upstairs and grabbed a pen and a notebook. Dad wasn't here anymore to do this, so someone had to do it, right?

I wrote down all of the empties on my list then threw them all in the trash can that was nearly overflowing now. I took the bag out, ashamed to know that here was yet another thing I never noticed. I went around the house and grabbed every trash, including my mom's which was the heaviest with bottles of beer and liquor. I took the trash out to the trash bins and saw that there were two.

What the f*ck? I groaned and looked down at all of the trash I had . I stuffed it all in the green can and shrugged. I would need to learn how in the hell to sort my trash.

I resumed my list of things I saw missing in the fridge. All we had left in there and the freezer were meats. I didn't know how to cook, so what could I do with it?

I decided not to worry about that right now. Instead I checked my pantry and resumed taking empty boxes a d packages out of there and writing down everything that was missing. I noticed a pack of my dad's favorite cereal and felt of it. It was half empty.

I pushed it back on the shelf, even though I knew I would never touch it. I couldn't bear the thought of throwing it away. I finished up my list and then wondered where all of the credit cards were. I walked into my mom's room and she was awake, sitting in pajamas and smoking a cigarette. Dad hated when she smoked and never allowed her to do it in the house. I fanned the smoke away from me as much as I could and sighed.

"Mom I need to go grocery shopping. Where are the credit cards?"

"Check my purse." She pointed towards the dresser and sat back, her eyes glued to the TV.

I opened her purse and found her wallet, along with my dad's. I opened his and took a couple of his cards then looked in Mom's and found some cash. It was a good three hundred and I waved it at her.

"I'm taking this justbin case the cards don't go through."

"Fine. Grab me another pack of cigarettes while you're out. And I need more beer."

"I'm not old enough to get either of those mom."

"Figure it out." She waved me away and turned the volume on her TV to a deafening roar. I growled and left.

I grabbed the keys to my dad's Porsche and then decided against but because there wasn't much space in the trunk. So I took my mom's keys to her Range Rover.

Which store had everything I needed? I felt inept at wondering that, but I had never in my entire life went grocery shopping before. My dad had asked me to go with him a few times, but I always refused. Now I didn't know where in the hell to go.

Me: Name some grocery stores in our area.

James: Trader Joe's, Vons, Smith's

Me: Which one is the best?

James: I don't know. They all carry groceries if that's what you're after.

Me: Okay. Thank you!

I didn't want to embarrass myself any further and ask him any stupid questions, so I looked up grocery stores near me and found that I had seen the logo for Trader Joe's before. So I decided to go there.

I pulled into the parking lot and felt nervous all of a sudden. It was just like shopping for clothes right? Not a big deal. I walked in and grabbed a grocery cart. I wondered how many times Dad had come here for groceries to get away from mom.

It was huge. There was a giant section full of vegetables and fruits to the left. I hadn't put any on my list, but decided that I should probably include some. I was fascinated to find already made salads and some other cute little things. But some of the prices shocked me!

Who would willingly pay four dollars for a single piece of fruit? I grabbed a few salads and moved into an aisle full of peanut butter and jellies and other stuff. There were so many choices.

I sighed as I looked through my list and back up at all of the stuff in the aisle. My phone tinkled in my pocket and I dug it out, annoyed already by having to look for all of the stuff I needed like a damn scavenger hunt.

"Hello?"

"Hey, did you find what you were looking for?"

"Yes but who willingly comes to these type of places? I can't...there are too many choices. I will never get through my list." I glanced down the aisle and a few annoyed people moved around my parked cart.

I tried to be nice and mouth apologies but the looks people give in grocery stores were unbelievably rude. But as I pushed my cart down the aisle, I could understand it. There was just too much stuff.

"Yeah, well it gets easier once you know the layout of the store and where all of your usual stuff is."

"Yeah, well, I'm thinking that I might just abandon cart and leave. Fast food sounds so good right about now."

"Would you feel better with company?"

I perked up a small smile crawling up my lips as I thought about seeing James already.

"Well if you're not too busy, I wouldn't mind it."

"Nope. I was heading to Michael's house, but he came wait since he ditched me last night. I'll be there in five."

I grinned as I finally found the brand of peanut butter my dad usually bought and placed it in the cart. I looked at the prices next to our usual peanut butter and noticed some that were a couple of dollars less. I contemplated what the difference was between the peanut butters and was still standing there when James popped up from behind me, placing a large, warm hand on my lower back.

"Hey!" I grinned up at him and picked up both peanut butters and asked him my burning question. "What's the difference in taste? Because my dad usually picked this one up, but this one costs less."

I weighed either of the peanut butters in my hand and he raised an eyebrow. "The brand is the difference. I have never tasted peanut butter and thought, hmmm....this brand tastes off. It's all the same to me."

I looked at the cheaper peanut butter and placed it in the cart. I put the name brand one back on the shelf and kept pushing along. "What else is on your list?"

I handed him my mile long list and he raised his eyebrows. I watched his eyes scan over the list and then he grabbed the cart and began walking briskly to the next aisle.

"Macaroni and cheese." He pointed at the section and looked at the prices. Not bad.

"Is this the same as the peanut butter?"

"No! If you like a certain one, I would go for that one. My mom made the mistake of grabbing a different brand one time and now no one trusts that the Mac will be good."

I grinned as he walked me through the store and we picked out all of my groceries. When we went to check out, I looked at the size of my cart and felt nerves begin to nag at my insides.

I always had a limit on what I could spend on my credit card. My dad always told me what I could spend. I never just spent money without knowing what my budget was. James places things on the conveyor belt, talking about something that him and Michael had done at some point and all I could think about was if I was going to have enough for all of this.

I watched the register as the lady scanned my groceries. I began doubting if I really needed some of this stuff as the price began moving higher and higher. I sighed in relief as it came to a rest at right under three hundred dollars.

I didn't both with the credit cards. I used the cash out of my mom's purse and paid for everything and felt amazing that I got through my very first grocery trip. Well...with James' help. He helped me put everything in the back of my mom's SUV.

"Thank you. You really didn't have to come help me. I know it's pathetic that I don't know how in the hell to shop for this stuff, but my dad did it all."

"Not pathetic. You could never be pathetic. Sad. That's the word you're looking for." I grinned and swatted his arm. He grinned down at me and put the last few groceries in my trunk. I admired his bright blue eyes behind his glasses and leaned up and gave him a peck on his cheek.

He blushed and shut my trunk. "Thanks for helping me."

"You're welcome. Anytime."

We parted ways and now I was regretting having Chloe stay the night tonight because all I wanted now was for him to come over again.

At home it took about an hour to get all of the groceries in and put up. As I was putting the last few boxes of soda in the pantry, mom came downstairs and watched me stand up. Her eyes scanned over my face and then zeroed in on my neck.

"Where's my cigarettes and beer?"

I sighed, having completely forgotten about her request. "I'm not old enough to buy those mom. I told you that already."

"And whoever gave you those bites couldn't bother to help?"

"He's my age. He can't buy any either."

"He was able to get you drunk and high the night your father passed." I glared at her and shook my head.

"Mom, stop. I can drive you to the store if you want."

"What I wanted was for you to get it for me!" She spat angrily. She marched over to the counter where I set my purse and dug in it. I watched her snatch my wallet out and take out all of the credit cards and left over cash.

"Where's my money?"

"The cash?"

"Yes. My money!"

"I spent it on groceries."

"Why didn't you use the cards?"

"I want sure what the limit was on them. I didn't want to go over."

She sneered and rolled her eyes. "So you use up all of my money instead."

"Mom, I told you I was taking it."

" You were supposed to get me my stuff!" She shrieked angrily. "Use your f*cking head for something better than telling your legs to open up for strange d**k!"

I blushed and felt angry tears prick my eyes. "Why don't you use your f*cking head and realize I'm not old enough to get you that stuff?"

She reared back and for the second time this week I was struck across my face. I stumbled back and looked up at my mom, shocked that she would ever hit me."

"Don't you dare talk to me like that! I'm your mother!" Her face contorted into an angry, wrinkled mess and I took a deep breath, holding onto my hot, stinging cheek.

I turned away from her and began walking upstairs to get away from her before I said anything else to piss her off. Before I could get on the first step she grabbed my hair and jerked me down. I cried out in pain as she stood over me, her bloodshot eyes glaring holes into my skull.

"Don't walk away from me! Go back out and get my stuff!"

I didn't let myself cry until I was sitting in her car and stared at the angry red mark on my cheek. I felt everything I had been suppressing for the last week bubble up to the surface and I grabbed the steering wheel and screamed. I shook the wheel and screamed until my voice went hoarse and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and curl up into a little ball and disappear.

Instead I blackout out of the driveway and drove around, trying to think about how I was going to get my mom's fix.

I had an idea of what I could do but I would have to swallow my pride and tuck my tail in between my legs.

I took my phone out and took a deep breath as I dialed the number.

"Hello?"

"Dexter."