red

I called her Red. The black-eyed demon that plagued every part of my existence. Every thought, every emotion, she would tarnish. She's the wave that possesses me when I get angry. The kind of anger that scared people. I do not hate her. In fact, I believe that she has saved me more times than I care to amount. Most people tell me that she's a poison that needs to be dealt with. On some aspects, I agree, Red needs boundaries, but she's my Gaudian. She's been suppressed lately. With all the drugs that the doctors and shrinks proscribe. Mania. Bipolar. Anxiety. ADHD. Depression. Clinical names for her. I'm sure if the shrinks found out I named her, I would be in mental hospital before I could say "f**k it!" Trust me, it takes a f**k tone of that s**t to contain her, but I can feel her struggling, every second to escape the grasp that it has over her. She didn't always have a leash. Red used to have full control over my mind. To under stand this you must understand how it all began and that start all the way in 5th grad. Follow along for a trip down memory lane... If you can stomach it....