I'm Not Me Anymore

09 - Continuation

"Fuck.." naiiyak kong sabi habang yung isa kong kamay nasa noo ko.

Narinig kong may kumatok sa pintuan kaya napatigil ako sakaka iyak at agad pinunasan ang luha ko. Dahan-dahan kong binuksan yung pinto and I saw Kiel. May hawak hawak siyang snacks. Tinaas niya yung plastik na hawak hawak niya.

"Snacks?" ngiti niyang sabi.

Napaawang labi ako tapos ngumiti nang tipid. "Sure." mahina kong sabi.

Pinapasok ko siya sa loob ng kwarto tapos umupo kami sa kama ko. Kinuha niya yung cellphone niya sa bulsa niya tapos sumenyas sakin.

Habang ko nilalabas yung mga snacks na binili niya, natigilan ako sa narinig kong tugtog.

She will be loved.

Napatitig ako sakaniya as he stares at me while smiling. 

"Beauty queen of only eighteen, she had some trouble with herself.. He was always there to help her, she always belonged to someone else..I drove for miles and miles, and wound up at your door..I've had you so many times, but somehow I want more.." sabay niya sa kanta.

Habang ako nakatulala lang. "Let me sing a song for you to make you feel better." he said in a monotone.

"I don't mind spending every day.. Out on your corner in the pouring rain.. Look for the girl with the broken smile.. Ask her if she wants to stay a while.. And she will be loved, And she will be loved." he leaned closer to me kaya napasandal ako sa headboard. 

"Tap on my window, knock on my door, I want to make you feel beautiful.. I know I tend to get so insecure, it doesn't matter anymore.. It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along, yeah. My heart is full and my door's always open, you come anytime you want, yeah." he said in a monotone. 

"I don't mind spending every day.. Out on your corner in the pouring rain.. Look for the girl with the broken smile.. Ask her if she wants to stay a while. And she will be loved,  And she will be loved, And she will be loved and she will be loved." he continued. 

"I know where you hide, alone in your car. Know all of the things that make you who you are.. I know that goodbye means nothing at all.. Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls, yeah. Tap on my window, knock on my door, I want to make you feel beautiful.." 

"I don't mind spending every day.. Out on your corner in the pouring rain, oh. Look for the girl with the broken smile.. Ask her if she wants to stay a while. And she will be loved, And she will be loved,  And she will be loved and she will be loved.." 

"Yeah, yeah. I don't mind spending every day (Ooh, ooh)..  Out on your corner in the pouring rain.. (Please don't try so hard to say goodbye)" mahina niyang sabi. 

Sobrang lapit na namin sa isa't isa. I can hear him breathing. He grabbed my chin as I closed my eyes. He gave me soft kiss on my cheeks at nang maramdaman kong lumayo siya sakin nang kaunti, idinilat ko ang mga mata ko. I stared at him for a second while my heart is beating so fast.

"You can cry it all out. I'm here for you. My shoulder is free to be cried on by you." 

Napaawang labi ako at nang maramdamam kong my tears started to fall on my cheeks. I sobbed while looking down. I heard him sighed and he grabbed my nape papalapit sakaniya. I was crying for almost 20 minutes. 

The pain.. it hurts. I'm so wounded. So wounded. When this wound will be healed? How long am I going to suffer? 

I was okay. I was doing fine. I was recovering until my toxic family visited me here just to talk s**t about me, which triggers my depression and destroys me. 

Nang maramdaman kong wala na akong luhang malabas, dahan-dahan akong humiwalay sakaniya. I wiped my tears on my cheeks and I gave him a small smile. 

"I cherish you like nothing else. Ikaw ang pahinga ko, Kiel."