They call me babu (Stories collection)

Red lines

I desire nothing but to silence the pain inside me... as if I were a fish searching for a river that had dried up a long time ago...! Do you know the meaning of this feeling? Do you know what it means to live because you have to! You have no choice or alternative but death.. Even death will not come to you obediently if you wanted it or wished for it.

You know, sir, and you, my lady, I mean that someone asks you about your condition and you say to him.. I live only breathing air every day, every hour, every minute and moment.

Do you You know the meaning of wishing at every moment that the days pass you by and the months and years pass to swallow with it that bitterness that consumes you and hides in the corridors of the whole universe to escape from something or some sadness or something that weighs me down and far away by carrying your heart until it makes you sick.. ??

The truth is that I still ask myself and the same question insists on me, and even repeats itself within me, with a begging insistence asking for charity for the most urgent needs! Then torrents of confusion and questions overwhelm me, eagerly and thirsty, and I wonder: Which is better? Vulgar happiness or noble sadness that is above pleasure and pleasure?

And from all cheapness or baseness, even if they are the only way to happiness or ecstasy? But I know for sure that it remains a false pleasure, a temporary and fleeting pleasure, it will always remain in the gutter, because it is expensive and we should not lose more for it than it deserves.

It is cheap no matter how much he pays for it and no matter how much effort is made for it..I know.. I also know that I lost the luster of things, I know that this sparkle left me without a return... I remember exactly the last time I met this sparkle, that passion. He promised me to come back again.

Yes, I remember that he promised me that he would not be gone for long and that he would return as he used to come back to me when he left me,, I waited for him.. and the wait was long Then, at first, I did not believe.. I lied to myself.. I lied to my feelings.

My feelings must have deceived me this time. Has my life been extinguished? Has it turned dark? I see but I don't see?! I feel but I don't feel? Where are you sparkle? Why did you leave ? Maybe I offended you one day without knowing... Answer... Answer me Did I offend you? Why did you let me down and leave? Why did you tell me that you are coming back but you are not back to me?

The question remains unanswered, and the answer is so... It always goes unheeded..and disappears like a mirage..it catches the wind in every direction and anyway or anyway...but there and on the other side of the shore of life I see you, noble sadness, lofty and steadfast, even when you are alone..and with the courage of a valiant fighter standing steadfast in the face of this cheapness and that deceptive happiness.

Tears will fall from you with giving...a giving that deserves a lot of effort and more than sacrifices... tears as pure as snow white... as transparent as raindrops... Noble sadness, you are too pure to be contaminated by the hand of sin. Or you will be disturbed by a sin or guilt.

Pain is inevitable But suffering is optional...There are those who resort to it and rest in it, thinking that by doing so they will gain everyone's sympathy and attention..And in return, there are those who enjoy their pain...and even rejoice in it!!!! And willingly .. for a reason that is simple and difficult at the same time! ..it is easy to abstain! It's someone who wants to cleanse himself from the inside and I see myself wondering if I have to suffer to the end?

I have become accustomed to Islam. even if happiness visits me or a sparkle knocks on my door one day, I will not believe it! Is it my desire to be purified from something? Does pain cleanse us from within? Will I buy my happiness that has been hidden behind distant horizons with my pain? It seems to me that pain cleanses everything.

The loneliness of worry and pyramid suffices you, and your wounds become full of blood.. And sadness and lonely silence are the best that a mouth folds over, until it becomes your greatest concern and your greatest hope that the dose of pain will decrease.

Your remains,, Now that your greatest hopes have become, your pain will diminish! Now, which is better to be happy and ignorant or miserable and knowing, banal happiness without reason or logical, scientific and methodical thinking, or lofty pain and noble sadness? Look at me, fix your eyes with mine, and ask yourself which one do I lose, which one do I win? Perhaps this is the most difficult equation in history, the value of profit versus the value of loss, which is worth the suffering and trouble? Which one is worth leaving, which one is worth staying? See which one you lost?

And which one did you win already? Which one is worth the risk? which of these ? The winner or the loser .. who are they in reality? Who is the real winner, who is the real loser? I know it's relative. This complicates the matter further, who preceded whom? Who has the preference? Who takes precedence? The first egg or the chicken?

And the same question remains hanging, imposing itself with the same question? Who wins if he already won, and who won what and why? Who is the loser? If he lost already lost what and why? What the winner gains is the ultimate in loss for the loser.

What the loser loses is in itself the pinnacle of profit for the winner!!!! Each according to his opinion, and each according to his claim, the ugliness of loss in front of the value and splendor of profit,, Loss and gain, but gain and loss.. which one.. which one.. which one interests me, and does not mean losing to me?

Which is more painful to lose and which is more important and great to find and fulfill? If you removed the blurring of that aura that blocked you from seeing for the rest of your life, and if you thought, you worked your mind honestly and logically without that aura even for once, you would see everything, everything, very clearly.. and when you discover the truth, what would you do then?????

How I wished to know or see your reaction before it is too late .. Because at that time and at that time you will not be anything, and you will not be the being that you were. What if staying away from what harms you is the same as what harms you.

You have no choice. It saddens me to tell you that. but if you persist in the legacies of your wrong beliefs that they have all stuffed your mind with since your birth, and if you surrender to everything that comes into your ear of intimidation, intimidation, adoration and enticement, punishment and reward.

Without realizing your mind, you will be a victim of inherited ignorance and stupidity, and you will become a map they drew from the skin of your body to be exploited in the worst way to achieve their goals and interests through the game (the carrot and stick that they have always played, they play with you if you do not work your mind and save yourself. Then you will be like a person tied to the iron bars of life and by width And the train will inevitably pass over you. And you are waiting for (the carrot to save you from what you are in, but it will never come.

You want the carrot to heal your wounds and heal your pain through it. And you fear the punishment and torment that you are always threatened with if you do not respond to orders. Reason and misery with Jumba to Jumb,, or ignorance With matters and their interiors and happiness together, together, together?,, But know, dear reader, that the price is always exorbitant in front of the greatness and value of the gain.

And only those who had a lot and very, very rich will be able to pay this price. This is how the picture is completed and the symbols of the equation become clear, and remember that you did not choose for yourself the beginning and did not draw the boundaries of the end, and that you.

You will be surprised by a turning point you did not expect, and at this turn everything will end..and you will end yourself.