They call me babu (Stories collection)

I have a lot to say, the fires of my words often scream in my chest and then suddenly turn into burning ashes... But they quickly re-ignite again and on their own... Do you know why? Because every time I remember that day or the beginning of those events, How many nights have I been wondering? How did this happen, why, and when? I can't find anyone to answer but what the details of this day and night specifically remind me of. I went on this day after I was a little tired due to a health problem that killed me. But I decided the next day to go to implement my idea, and I intended to spend this day in the library. the public. I woke up this morning Active I don't know why?! Although I had just started recovering from the ill health that afflicted me in the past two days, and because I love writing a lot and love stories, novels and articles. I decided to write a book in which I express my views on life and people and their wrong beliefs, whether social or even some of the questions that were bothering me In the strange beliefs of religions in general, which have always been, especially in the recent period, insist on me and raise my questions and astonishment, but rather my confusion!!!?? I decided to express all this in a group of articles in a special book that expresses me. So I went to the public library, which contains all the books that any researcher or reader who loves to read and write would resort to. .. Indeed, I went and entered the library and stood in front of the huge bookshelf full of drunkenness with all kinds of books stacked next to each other until it seemed to me like a huge genie or a mysterious ghost hiding stubbornness around it so that they do not know its mystery or reveal its secret, which increases their passion and fear at the same time, or Like a magic talisman, waiting for the hand that reaches to it to start its magical action. I took the first book and started browsing it, then the second and third. All the books were about the myths in our lives and their impact on all aspects of life, socially and religiously. About a lot of mystery that began to wrap my mind in a dark cloak that blocked it from the ray of reason and thought and covered it with its dark, dull, mysterious color. And when I was diving into the seas of words. the waves of the lines drew me, one after the other, to suddenly throw me over a hard rock from the seashore, at one time, the book was covered. My chest groans, and I remembered what happened one day. I felt that I was a fish looking for a river that had dried up a long time ago. and at that time, I did not desire anything but to silence the pain inside me. Although I am drowning in my tears, my tears are patted on my shoulder with warm tenderness like a warm wave running through my body to melt the winter snows that I feel despite the heat of the weather!!!!!! But the coldness was from inside me that shivered,and I remembered the first day I met him. The day dawned behind him a second, then a third, and so on. Then those days appeared before my eyes as if they were a black cloud on a stormy day..I was regurgitating the memories that I was deluding myself that they were real or worth keeping. With it only so that I can continue to love him.. his love that exhausted me and destroyed my strength that fainted or almost fainted because of him.. he is completely similar in his arrogance to this god.. this god that I read about in this book that I have now.. I don’t know why he mentioned me By him.. By that the man who has always played the role of the hero in my life..but he is the hero of Bladeur..without a present but without a past as well! A paper hero..yes, this is how I discovered or revealed to me while I read in that book that exposes and reveals the truth and illusion of the existence of this god..the fake god. Who has no scientific evidence and no logical and realistic evidence for his existence.. And the shadow of this man appeared to me while I was reading this question? Did you answer me once when I called you, O God? Did you give me what I wanted, or was I asking for it from you, O God? Do you understand my needs and desires someday? And the answers were in the negative..no, then no, and then no...when all the false masks collapse..all goals fall and all hopes wither and wither in the pit of the labyrinth of infinity...and cut off the last of the melting ropes of air! In troubled water. When you will find yourself gradually falling into an abyss of crumbling ideas to take you to the farthest borders of the state of despair with all its vast outskirts Your goal will never come close to you. It will not come close no matter how hard you try or whatever you do! Perhaps your goal does not want you as you want it.and it may not benefit you as you will benefit it...that it has not yet fallen into your love. It is you, O God, you do not respond..and do not answer..how much I called you..how I hoped for you...how much I obeyed you, but you do not benefit and do not benefit... and I kept wondering? Are you really there..? Are you a real being...? So why didn't you achieve what they wanted for me? And please do not lure me to the court of your prestige and your false authority again, claiming that this is in my favor.. Could you have made what is not in my favor in my favor!!!? Let me judge you oh God. This time I will judge you You are the one who must be held accountable..and not the one who deserves to be held accountable..you are the one who deserves punishment and you should deserve torment...Oh God, I have always been afraid of the aging of time..the aging of life..the aging of wrinkles in myself is not in my face but in my life.. Yes, my life has grown old, O God, while you are sitting and watching... Do my pains make you happy... as I made this damned man who I always thought was close to me and far from me.. Both of you, O God, have failed me.. (The God-Man and the God-Man) how similar you are Your qualities in imposing power and control over my life and myself as a female and as a woman. Both of you sought to destroy me and my past life... If you, O God, the man, were honest in what you claim, why did you create them and create them?? tell them. ..to worship you!! Only for the sake of your worship.. for your comfort.for your pleasure. Then let them starve to satisfy you of supplication, groveling and reverence..and let them strip naked so that you may be covered by your might and tyranny... and let them be tormented in your path so that you may enjoy your glory and power!!! Just as he did the man God with me.. I became unimaginable and nonexistent, and I lost you with my desire and conviction, as he became lost to me. Deception and lying blinded you as blinded him.