No more Blues

Chapter 4

Francine's POV

I did my best to search and browse the internet on how to cure Rhiana's sickness , as the days goes by I am feeling anxious about everything ..

everytime I didn't receive her reply I was being paranoid and would call her office or friend's number to ask what is she doing and they will just tell me that everything is okay and I need to calm down ..

what should I do?

the person I love most is dying and have limited time on earth ..

every session of her chemotherapy is heartbreaking for me to see her suffer and in pain ..

but knowing that sooner or later she will die is my most worry and fear right now ..

until one day her doctor contacted me that and asked me to drop by at the hospital because she found something in Rhiana's latest test results ..

He found out that rhiana's brain tumor can still have a chance to be remove through surgery but the chances are 70/30 ...

I really don't like the fact that the chances are low but still I tell Rhiana about it .. then she replied ," why not ? 30% chance is still a chance for us to have, we can't just sit here and wait for me to wither like flower" ..

so after that day , we decided to go together to the hospital to know the possible outcome of the proposed surgery ..

and the doctor said , she might lose some of her memory .. and it will also affect her ability to talk or communicate since it was located in her brain ..

but then rhiana still choose to have the surgery ..

-- two days before the surgery--

I found rhiana searching for IVF facilities abroad , I also found her looking for baby clothes and when I asked her about it .. she said that once she recovered we will go abroad as soon as possible ...

as if she is assuring me that she is gonna be okay and everything will be fine because at first I was hesitant to this idea ..

later that night I woke up without her by my side ...

I saw her in the kitchen sitting and in deep pain ...

I called her numerous time but then due to the pain she is having , she can't even hear me ..

I come near her and look at her and saw her face , she is crying so much ...

i was unaware that behind her smile and sweetness is so much pain ..

she hide it to me knowing that I will get worried about it ..

I have nothing to offer to ease the pain the she is having right now so I just hugged her ..

after a few hours , the pain goes away...

love ? can you please tell me if you are in pain? haven't we promise to go through this together ?

rhiana: yes love , I am sorry ... I just don't want you to see me like this .. I suppose to give you happiness in life not sadness ...

me: We will be together in sickness and in health love so allow me to hold you and be with you okay?

rhiana : yes love , thank you so much for being my beloved wife ..

after that incident , whenever she goes outside I would often asked her where she will go and she will just laughed at me and tell me to calm down ..

one more day before the surgery she is writing some notes on her "so called" diary and write things about her name , her personal info ,my name as her wife and her passwords , also she writes a letter for herself .. when I asked her why she is doing that , she replied , " just in case i forgot about you after my surgery , atleast I have something to remind me that you are my wife."

those words makes me sad ...

what if ? what if she forgot about me ?

what if , she will not recognized me or push me away? what would I do?

as I was thinking about those things .. I find her looking at me and says, " Love , remember this , even if my brain cannot recognized you .. my heart will always know that you are someone I love ... I promise you that I will always remember your name even if I was about to close my eyes I will continuously remember your name , Francine Chua Austine ... my one and only wife ..."

hearing those words from her makes me cry a river , then she hugged me tight and the day went by ...

Today is the day of her surgery and I still can't help but worry about rhiana, we did the surgery abroad since no one knows that she has cancer except her friend isha which she trust the most ..

we've already packed her things and get ready for the operation , i brought many types of clothes as if I was gonna live in the hospital but rhiana told me to her two clothes because after the operation she will directly go home with me ..

when we arrived at the hospital the nurses already shave her hair , then rhiana asked me if I would still love her even if she's bald and I answered ," my love for you will never change because despite of your appearance , it was you and your heart that I fall in love with."

she just smile and says," if ever I'd forget about you due to the operation , please don't give up on me and reminding me about you and about us .. okay? "

then I replied ," of course , when did I ever give up on you? I love you bubba .."

rhiana was already sent to the operation room and only me and isha was left outside .. I walked through the hospital's isle back and forth which makes isha talk to me and tell me to calm down ..

she also told me to have a rest since it will be a four hours long operation and if I will be needed she will just call me ..

I tell her that I can't sleep a wink for just a second because I am worried about what will happen to rhiana after the operation , what if while I am sleeping there will be a problem.. I wanted to stay to rhiana's side up until she woke up ..

isha told me that I need to take a rest because after the operation , I will be the one to take care of rhiana so I agree ..

when I got home , I saw a note on the fridge .. it was rhiana's hand written ..

to my beloved wife ,

i know that at this moment I am inside the operation room but please don't worry about me .. you know I am a fighter right ? I never give up in everything .. I promise that I will be with you and will never leave you whatever happens .. Do you know what? while I am writing this letter I am already imagining what it would be like to have little francine running through our rooms and kitchen , I imagined us getting married in a church seeing you wearing a pink gown an many more.. bubba I love you .. please wait for me okay? and please stop crying, I will be okay as long as you are beside me .. "

while reading her letter ,

i received a text message from heusaff asking where I am and He will never allow me to just end things between us as easy as that ..

to be honest I don't like heusaff it's just that .. when rhiana became so cold to me and thought that I became a burden to her I ended up communicating to heusaff .. but after I knew everything I stop communicating with heusaff which makes him became more possessive ...

I just blocked his number and put his SNS into restrictions so that she can't contact me ..