A Busted Afternoon

June 1, 1972 Sixty miles west of Wendover, NV When it started to rain, Sammy Neff laughed. A full-throated, resonant sound. One that came from deep in his body and erupted from him in a sort of orgasm of joy. Only, to Ed Sorenson’s ears, Sammy didn’t sound very amused. There was a sort of tinny, annoyed quality to the laughter. One that betrayed Sammy’s undeniable frustration as the sky opened in an angry torrent. The entire drive from Evanston had been uneventful, the two of them enjoying a companionable silence for most of the journey. Just an hour before, they had been humming along with “All the Young Dudes” and the sky had been clear across the salt flats. “Get in the car!” Ed shouted, sticking his head out the window, becoming drenched in an instant. “It’s not running yet.” “You’ll get sick if you stay out in the rain.” And the last thing either of them needed was to catch pneumonia. Ed didn’t want to die on their first trip away from home, and all the warnings from his mother echoed through the years. She would have a heart attack if she saw Sammy standing without a coat in the rain. On the other hand, it was probably bad enough that her eighteen-year-old son, her only boy, had decided to take off without more than a day’s warning. “I won’t get sick. I’m not sugar, I won’t melt.” “Just get in the damned car before you catch your death. If anything happens to you, I’m going to be stranded out here. Probably ‘til I die.” Sammy looked around the lifted hood, and now he had a genuine smile. His blond hair hung in his face, and he looked distinctly like a wet puppy. If he had a tail, he would be wagging it. “You’re not going to die out here.” “I will if you’re not here to help me!” Ed was forced to shout over the roar of the water. He wouldn’t be surprised if there were flash flood warnings in the area. He thought about making a crack about needing an ark, but the jokes could wait until Sammy wasn’t being bombarded by the rain. Ed hadn’t even thought to pack a slicker. He wouldn’t need it where he was going, and the last thing he had expected was to be stranded on the side of the road, in a flash flood, in the desert. “You’ve got a point.” Sammy slammed the hood down and trotted over to the passenger side. His thin T-shirt was already soaked through, the material clinging to his shoulders and his chiseled chest. His n*****s were hard peaks from the cold water, and Ed knew he shouldn’t be staring at them, but he couldn’t help himself. Especially when his mouth watered to taste the rain on that hard flesh. “So…do you know what’s wrong?” Ed asked, once Sammy settled in the car. His clothes dripped on the leather seat, but Ed wasn’t worried about him harming the old station wagon. He had picked it up for a few hundred dollars, and there were several good reasons Mr. Henderson was so willing to part with it for hardly anything. Ed found himself almost painfully distracted by the way the stray drops of rain still rolled down the curve of Sammy’s ear. “I have a pretty good idea.” “What?” “It’s your alternator.” “Is that a bad thing?” As soon as he asked the question, Ed knew the answer. Old Man Henderson had f****d him over. The old bastard had probably thought it was a hilarious joke. Send the stupid kid off with the piece of s**t car nobody else would pay to buy. He had probably figured it wouldn’t make much of a difference anyway, since Ed’s number had been so high in the lottery. Ed wouldn’t need the old station wagon in Vietnam. Sammy snorted. “Pretty bad. And not the sort of thing people usually have a spare for in the trunk.” Ed dragged his gaze from Sammy and looked out to the sheets of rain. “What are we going to do?” “There’s a garage back a few miles back.” Ed frowned. “You mean Wendover? That’s more than a few miles. And we can’t walk that in this rain.” “We could hitchhike.” “Maybe, but I haven’t seen anybody on this road for the past hour.” Ed hit his head against the steering wheel. “This was a really bad idea. I’m sorry I got you sucked into this.” Sammy chuckled good-naturedly. “No, man, it’s cool. I wanted to get the hell out of Evanston, didn’t I? You’re doing me a favor.” Ed glanced up from the corner of his eye, feeling miserable. “This is a favor? Really? Getting you stranded in the middle of the godforsaken desert is a favor?” “It’s better than being stranded in the godforsaken wasteland that is Evanston.” Ed couldn’t help but smile at that. A small, tired smile. The decision to run away to California hadn’t actually been a spur-of-the-moment, spontaneous thing. Ed had spent most of the past year scrimping and saving his pennies, putting away everything he could, working every odd job he could find in a twenty-mile radius. His body had hardened over the previous year, his skin turning rough, his face taking on a permanent reddish hue. He had been almost as pleased with that as he had been with the money he kept hidden in a jar behind the barn. But the decision to invite Sammy Neff had been completely spontaneous and more than a little desperate. “I didn’t know you hated it there so much.” “You didn’t?” Sammy brushed his hair away from his face, sending a tiny shower of water over Ed’s shoulder. “I thought that’s why you asked me to come with you.” “No. I asked because I heard you were a good mechanic, and I was hoping to get some free labor out of you.” “If you had told me that, I would have grabbed a few parts from the garage before we took off. Hey, you mind if I turn on the radio?” “No.” Though Ed didn’t think that Sammy would be able to find any signal. “I have a few 8-tracks, too.” The clouds around them were almost purple in their fury. They stretched down to the ground in long fingers, as though the weight of the water was so great, it could pull the very sky down. A bolt of lightning struck so close, and so hard, that for a moment, the entire world was nothing but white light. Ed reared back, away from the window, blinking rapidly to clear his vision. “Oh, right,” Sammy said. “The radio doesn’t work. You okay?” “Yeah, I’m good. Why?” “You’ve got a death grip on the wheel.” “Oh.” Ed took a deep breath and forced himself to loosen his hold. His knuckles were already turning white, and his armpits were damp. It was either nerves, or the humidity in the air. A humidity that only got worse with each second. “I didn’t think it was supposed to rain like this in the desert.” “I think my old man told me once that there was always the danger of flash floods in the desert.” “That would have been good information to have.” Sammy smiled. “Yeah, it would have been. Sorry about that.” As far as Ed was concerned, there was nothing as delightful as Sammy’s smile. It was so easy. Sammy had always been a good-natured boy, bestowing smiles on the world regardless of what was happening around him. When they were eight, Sammy had crashed face-first into a wall during a pick-up game of football. His face had been covered in blood, his eyes already starting to swell, and every kid on the playground stopped to stare in horrified fascination. Two teachers rushed over, as flustered as wet hens, prepared to drive him the forty-two miles to the nearest big hospital. And in all the chaos and confusion, Sammy had smiled at them. Missing teeth and all. Ed had been quite close to the point of the accident—he had been sitting against the wall reading when Sammy slammed into the bricks—and he never forgot that moment. Now, thinking about it again, he wondered if maybe Sammy had seen him there and threw his body at an awkward angle in a bid to avoid trampling the smaller boy? Ed was consumed with curiosity, but he couldn’t think of a graceful way to introduce the topic. Or even explain why he was still thinking about it. “What do you think you’ll do in California?” Sammy asked. “I don’t know. I want to see the beach.” “That’s your big plan? You’re dragging us all the way out to California to see the beach?” “I’ve never seen it before. Have you?” Sammy paused a beat. “No. Not too many of those in Wyoming.” “My point exactly.” “But you’ve got to have a plan after that. A guy like you.” Ed dropped his head back and stared up at the ceiling. It was covered in unknown stains. He was pretty sure that a Coke can left out to freeze in his car was the source of most of the stains. He wanted to believe that it was a simple accident, and not his brother trying to destroy the one thing Ed owned in the world. He wanted to believe that, but he didn’t. “A guy like me? What sort of guy am I?” “Quiet. Bookish. You know.” “A nerd?” “I never said that.” “I think it’s what you were implying.” “Maybe, but I always liked that about you.” “Really? Until two days ago, I didn’t even think you knew I existed.” “I knew.” Sammy pulled at his shirt, separating the wet material from his skin. “We did have just about every class together in high school, after all.” “Yeah, but we never saw each other outside of class.” “Yeah, we did.” Ed tilted his head. “When?” “When you came up and worked for my dad last summer. That’s when I noticed you weren’t exactly the nerd I thought you were. You did a pretty good job of lifting those bales of hay.” Something sizzled down Ed’s spine—it might have been pleasure. A secret, low sort of pleasure. Sammy had noticed him working in the barn? Had Sammy stared at him? No, probably not. That seemed like just a little too much to hope for. On the other hand, Ed had spent so much time watching Sammy, he was surprised he hadn’t noticed the other boy looking at him. “I was motivated.” “That’s my point. You did all that work, and you don’t have a plan for California?” Ed snorted. “It’s not very responsible of me, is it?” Light and shadows played on Sammy’s face, reflecting off the rain on the windows, constantly changing shapes. A sudden, violent burst of water momentarily overwhelmed their conversation, and the two of them were trapped in a strange silence. He could smell Sammy’s skin, and his drying hair, and his damp shirt. They were much too close, physically, to be having any sort of reasonable conversation. Despite the long hours they had already spent sitting side by side, they hadn’t been this close. Perhaps because Ed had been focusing on the road before. “Was it really that bad?” The question was asked with such obvious concern, such solemnity, that Ed couldn’t be sure he heard it at all. He understood what Sammy meant. He just couldn’t believe Sammy knew to ask. Especially since Ed had always partly believed that Sammy lived in a different world, one far removed from Ed’s. Their worlds intersected in a few places, and at a few times, but ultimately their paths were divergent. Except, Sammy had apparently not been given that memo. Sammy had apparently noticed Ed, even when Ed wanted nothing more than to be invisible. “It was. I had a scholarship to the University of Wyoming. It covered tuition, but not room and board. And I know it’s not the greatest school in the world, but it was something. Enough to keep me from being drafted.” “What happened?” “My old man wouldn’t help. I couldn’t delay the scholarship for a year. So I lost it and now…” “Yeah. Right. And now…” “I’ll go when they call me,” Ed quickly added. “Of course, I will. But before I do, I want to see the beach. I want to be somewhere other than Wyoming. I want to live a little bit.” “Me, too.” A new silence, deafening like the roar of the storm outside. Fat drops of water landed on the windshield and the hood before bouncing off again. They almost reminded Ed of gunshots, but they were too small. Too muffled. Maybe the air rifle that shot pellets. The one he always used to keep the magpies out of the garden. A semi-truck sped by, a huge wave of water splashing over the car in its wake. “s**t,” Ed muttered. “We should have tried to flag him down.” “Don’t worry about it. It’s probably not going to rain for very long. And we have food in the back.” “You really don’t mind being stuck on the side of the road?” Sammy shook his head. “I’ve been stuck worse places. Besides, it’s not too bad. Actually, it’s kind of nice out here.” Ed smiled. “You know, I don’t really know what to think of you. I mean, I thought I knew you. Or at least knew what I needed to know about you.” “Now you’re not so sure?” “No, I’m really not.” “Why?” “Because you…what are you going to do in California? You drop everything to join me, you leave a note for your parents, but you haven’t actually told me what you think is going to happen once we get there.” “I figured I would keep an eye on you.” “Really? That’s your reason?” “Yep.” Ed stared at him. “But that doesn’t…really?” Sammy offered a soft smile. It wasn’t nearly as wide or as shiny as his other smile, but it was still enough to send a funny flutter through Ed’s chest. Neither of Sammy’s parents were particularly good-looking people, but somehow, their genes had created somebody like him. Even Sammy’s brothers and his sister didn’t have the same perfect symmetry, the same bright eyes. Sammy was one of a kind. “Yes, really. I’ve been doing it for years.” “You’ve been keeping an eye on me for years?” Ed didn’t know what to make of that. It didn’t make any sense, for one thing. If Sammy had been keeping an eye on him for years, why weren’t they actually friends? And furthermore, why would Sammy even bother? Why bother with him over anybody else? “Yeah. I’m a little surprised you never noticed.” “I never knew to look. Why?” “It wasn’t anything I planned. But…look it’s going to sound silly.” “I don’t think it will.” “Do you remember Josh Miller? That kid who moved away when we were in fourth grade?” Ed nodded. Not too many people moved away, and since there weren’t many people in the area to begin with, everybody always noticed when somebody disappeared from the school. “Well, we all hung out in second grade because we were all in Ms. Bonner’s class. Me, Josh, Tim Delaway, and that Preston kid.” “Anthony?” “Yeah. Anyway, we used to think it was great fun to target some of the smaller boys and drag them into the girl’s bathroom. And since Josh was already like five and a half feet tall when he was eight, he also liked to give them swirlies if he thought he could get away with it.” Ed grimaced. “Yeah, I remember. It was like he never got in trouble for that shit.” “He got in trouble a few times. We all did. But before we got it through our thick skulls to stop, Josh suggested we…dunk you. But I didn’t want to do that, because, well, it didn’t seem like a fair fight. You know?” Ed knew. Due to an unfortunate combination of genetics and circumstances, Ed had been a particularly small child. Several bouts with pneumonia had him hospitalized for most of his young life, and his mother hated the thought of him spending any real time outside. Until he was twelve, he was only allowed outside at recess if he promised not to “overexert” himself. That on top of the fact that his parents were beanpoles, and Ed supposed he made an easy target. Except, barring a few minor taunts and scuffles, he had pretty much avoided getting targeted. “Wait…did this have something to do with you getting sent to the principal’s office?” “Yeah. We got in a fight. It was actually pretty brutal. As brutal as two seven year olds can be, I guess. And it wasn’t the last one. We kept at each other like a couple of wild dogs for the rest of the year. He was determined to get you, and the more Ms. Bonner punished him, the more determined he got. But I managed to keep him away from you, and then the next year, he basically forgot. Then he moved away.” Ed gaped at Sammy. He didn’t know what to say. It seemed a little too late to thank him. “Sammy…I had no idea.” “It’s cool. I didn’t really know how to tell you. But after that, I just kept an eye out. Besides, you were always nice to me. When we had to work together in class. And in seventh grade, you helped me pass a math test.” “And now you want to come to California with me to stop me from getting beat up by bullies?” “And to help you in case this piece of s**t car falls apart on the way.” “I wish I had known. I wish…I didn’t even suspect. I just thought…I wish I had known. We could have actually been friends. Or something.” “I think we’re friends now.” “Well, yeah. But I meant…I could have at least shown more appreciation since you were apparently my guardian angel.” “It wasn’t a bad job. Especially after we started high school and you didn’t really have a big target sign on your back anymore.” Ed reacted without thought, reaching out to take Sammy’s shoulder. He squeezed it lightly, wishing that there could be more contact. Wishing there didn’t have to be such a distance between them. They had been closer than Ed had ever imagined, and yet, he knew he couldn’t do what he really wanted to do. “Sammy…” “I didn’t creep you out, did I?” “No. I mean, that’s what everybody wants, right? Somebody who will always have their back.” He wasn’t going to move his hand until Sammy made him, but his fingers were starting to tingle from the contact. Sammy’s shirt was still damp, but his skin was so warm through the material that it almost felt like he wasn’t wearing anything at all. Ed imagined himself leaning forward and inhaling, catching the scent of rain on his skin. His mouth watered to taste the clean, salty tang of his neck. Lightning slashed across the sky, cutting it in two. Ed hadn’t realized how dark it was getting until the flash illuminated Sammy’s face, and he saw something in Sammy’s eyes that he hadn’t noticed before. The boom of thunder shook the car, and sent a new shiver down his spine. He hated thunder. He hated loud noises in general, but this was worse. Being stuck in the middle of the desert in what amounted to an oversized tin can during the worst rainstorm of his life made the thunder so much worse. “You shouldn’t worry about the thunder. There’s not a safer place you can be in a lightning storm.” “I know. I still wish I was in a house. Hell, I’d settle for some little hotel room at this point.” “With a bed?” Ed swallowed. “Well, most hotel rooms do have beds, right?” “Something you can stretch out on and watch the rain roll down the window.” “I suppose you could watch the rain here, too.” “We could lay down in the back.” “You could. I don’t think we’d both fit in the back seat.” Ed said it lightly, like it was too ridiculous to ever take seriously. “No, I meant all the way in the back. We could probably fit back there.” Ed finally released Sammy’s shoulder—it was ridiculous to keep such a tight hold on him—and looked over his shoulder. Sammy was right. They could fit back there. It wouldn’t exactly be comfortable because they were both a little too tall, but the back of the station wagon was empty. They could crawl back there and… And what? Just lay there and pretend that they weren’t touching each other in a tiny, cramped space? Watch the water sluicing down the back window and silently follow the patterns? It seemed like a silly way to pass the time. Worse than that, it seemed like a maddening way to pass the time. There would be no avoiding or ignoring Sammy’s natural, musky scent. Or just how good his chest looked covered in a damp, thin T-shirt. “Come on.” Ed didn’t even have a chance to protest before Sammy was climbing over his seat like a monkey. He nearly kicked Ed in the head in his excitement. “Are you really serious?” “Yes. Do you have anything better to do? Besides, we could be stuck here for a while. We might as well get comfortable.” “I’m comfortable here.” Ed glanced in his rearview mirror in time to see the tight curve of Sammy’s ass. It was so nice, it didn’t need the wet denim clinging to it, but that certainly helped. “We might as well get more comfortable.” Ed decided to stop arguing. Partially because he didn’t actually have another argument against moving. Partially because there was no point pretending that he didn’t want to. Especially since they were probably going to get cold as the storm raged on and the night approached. The fear of being trapped on the side of the road, in the rain, for an entire night momentarily overwhelmed the thrill of being so close to Sammy. If he had been fantasizing about being trapped with Sammy, he’d probably hit on something close to this scenario. But the fantasy and the reality were too far apart, and as he climbed over the back seat, he found himself wishing all the harder for a hotel room. “There,” Sammy announced with satisfaction. “That’s better, right?” Perhaps. For some definition of better. They were both on their sides, facing each other, their knees bent in order to accommodate the narrow space. Over Sammy’s shoulder, Ed saw another flash of lightning. From his new angle, he could see the true expanse of the dark, angry clouds stretching across Nevada. Maybe as far as California. “This is so weird,” Ed murmured. “Why?” “Why? Because I never thought I’d have to drive clear across Utah to get in the backseat of a car with you.” “You’ve thought about what it would take to get in the back of a car with me?” Sammy asked. “I…that came out wrong.” “Did it?” “Yes.” “What did you mean then?” “Just that…I didn’t expect to be in the backseat of any car with you.” “But you thought about it?” Ed blinked. Sammy looked at him with an open face, his eyes without guile, his smile teasing the corners of his mouth. This was a setup. He knew it at that moment as well as he knew his own name. The car probably didn’t need a new alternator. They probably didn’t need to be sitting on the side of the road in the rising water. Sammy had taken advantage of Ed’s spontaneous invitation, and now he was completely orchestrating this entire, weird situation. “Have you?” Ed challenged. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m not a queer or anything. So if you’re thinking something’s going to happen, just stop.” He spoke without thought, but he couldn’t have anticipated Sammy’s reaction. His face collapsed, his bright eyes darkened, and he leaned back, putting several more inches between them. “I was just trying to be nice.” “No, you weren’t. You planned out this whole thing, didn’t you?” “What are you talking about?” “The car. I bet it’s not even really dead, is it? You probably loosened the battery cables or something so I’d think we’re really stuck here.” “Why would I do that?” “You’ve admitted it yourself. You’ve been obsessed with me for like your whole life.” Ed hated every word out of his own mouth, but they made him feel powerful. Instead of being knocked off center, he was the one who left Sammy upset and disoriented. Instead of feeling like the world was out of his control, like he was nothing but a leaf drifting from unknown place to unknown place, he had somebody’s destiny in his hands. “Which is sick, by the way. You need to get over it.” “Ed…don’t. This isn’t…don’t.” “Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you’re not some sort of pervert. Tell me you didn’t sabotage my car.” “I didn’t sabotage your f*****g car!” Sammy pushed Ed’s shoulder and scrambled to the tailgate, his long limbs slowing his progress. “Do you want me to prove it to you?” “What are you going to do?” Sammy pulled the latch free and kicked the tailgate open. Rain immediately swept into the car, like a wave crashing onto the beach. “I’m going to Wendover.” “In this storm? You’ll catch your death. Or get fried.” “I’ll risk it.” He slammed the tailgate shut before Ed could speak, leaving him alone with the booming thunder and the constant rhythm of the rain on the station wagon’s roof. It was pounding as hard as his heart.