Rising Stars

Chapter 1Adrenaline swirls wildly, descending through every single nerve in Jasper’s body. Excitement mixes with fear until he can’t tell one feeling from the other anymore. The darkness of the stage falls into the audience and appears to stretch infinitely as he stands frozen in disbelief at what he’s just done. What Ryan has just done. The piercing screams and cheers of the audience flood Jasper’s ears, distorting nightmarishly through his intensifying panic. Jasper’s legs are growing weak the longer he stands here. Every part of him is fueled by an irrational need to disappear. It’s not until Blake’s arm wraps over his shoulders that he snaps out of it and draws in a shaky breath. “Come on, badass. We’ve gotta go. Flynn’s waiting.” Blake’s words are like a strike of energy and strength that powers through Jasper, bringing him back to life. With Blake’s guiding hand on his shoulder, Jasper can finally move, though he’s dizzy with every weightless step he takes. When Simon opens the backstage door to the brightly lit hallway, Jasper realizes Blake is keeping him upright, but Ryan is the one who’s leading him out. Their hands are still clasped together, like they’ve molded into one. Maybe in time this will feel like a power couple moment, but right now Jasper’s body is being taken over by a tingling of nerves and rising nausea he’s never felt after a show before. Every few steps, Ryan casts a nervous glance over his shoulder, but Jasper can’t even force a fake smile right now. It’s like everything has shut down to protect him until he’s somewhere he feels safe to show emotions. God knows he won’t allow himself to be caught dead showing anything if a single person with a camera crosses paths with him between now and the privacy of his hotel room. He’s been vulnerable enough tonight. Simon pushes open the heavy doors at the back of the building with a loud clunk, and there’s an immediate feeling of freedom that encompasses Jasper as he escapes the building that tonight hosted the biggest moment of his life. He breathes it in slowly, the stress and doubt that had squeezed his lungs releases at last. “You fuckin’ killed it, little badass.” Flynn smirks, patting Jasper on the head and messing up his hair. Blake fist bumps Flynn as he walks past. “Thanks for helping us, bro. I owe you big time.” “I want a house with three bathrooms I won’t use, a tennis court just for show, and a personal chef.” Blake lets go of Jasper to turn out his pockets and shrug. “Sorry, dude, I’m unemployed.” “Sounds about right, you little fuck.” Flynn grins, tosses Simon the keys to the sleek black van Chris had hired for them during their tour, and cracks open a bottle of beer. “Text me when you’re back at the hotel,” Flynn shouts to Blake. The band piles in the van while Flynn backs towards the exit. He and the band had discussed the most inconspicuous way Flynn could interfere with Chris if he dares to try to come after his disgruntled ex-employees, and settled on Flynn playing the part of an intimidating, random drunk guy loitering around the back of the building. Simon gets in the driver’s seat, Luke in the passenger seat and Jasper in the back with Blake on one side, and Ryan on the other. Ryan tries to let go of him as Jasper struggles to do up his seat belt with one shaky hand. Jasper, overwhelmed at the idea of not being held together by Ryan’s comforting grip, squeezes him tight and shakes his head. Ryan smiles, reaching across him to click Jasper’s buckle in for him just as Simon stalls the van. “Dude, are you f*****g serious right now?” Blake yells, sounding annoyed more than anything, that their dramatic getaway is turning into a comedy skit. “Shut up. It’s fine,” Simon says, sounding flustered. He re-starts the van just as they hear Flynn feigning drunken aggression. “Chris is shitting himself,” Blake says, grinning while he watches through the back window as the van not-so-smoothly makes their escape. Simon glances in the rear-view mirror. “Your brother won’t hurt him, though, right? The last thing we need is an assault charge.” “Nah, just shake him up a little.” Blake turns back, smirking at Jasper beside him. “Speaking of shaken up. You guys kinda pulled a last-minute trick back there. You good?” Jasper stares down at his and Ryan’s entwined fingers, noticing his knuckles are white from holding on so tight. “I’m just as surprised as you,” he says, relaxing his grip. Ryan presses a comforting kiss to Jasper’s temple. “I figured the next thing Chris would’ve done is throw our relationship into a headline. I didn’t want him to be the one to announce it. Also, I felt inspired to throw caution to the wind and just be bold like you. After how brave you’d been, I felt compelled to show you how proud I am to be yours.” “Gay.” Blake breaks the sincere moment, nudging Jasper. “So, the world knows about you. They know you guys are at least on casually kissing terms. And we’re all unemployed. What a night. And firing Chris like that. Ugh, I’ve always wanted to have a proper mic-drop moment. That was f*****g satisfying.” Simon clears his throat. “You all did well tonight. I’m proud of everything we achieved. Not just the encore, but the way we put what we could into the show without giving away that Chris lost control of us until we were ready for him to know. Amazing job. And Blake, we all owe your brother for hacking the light and audio controls to make that whole last part possible.” “Eh. He did it for the thrill more than anything. Flynn’s doing his good, so when he needs it, karma will come back for him.” Blake shrugs and pulls his phone out of his pocket, turning it around to show Jasper. “Speaking of people getting what they deserve, look who’s trying to call me.” Jasper raises an eyebrow at the name on the screen and gives his first sincere smile since leaving the stage. “You actually have him listed in your phone as d**k-Face?” “Don’t answer it,” Simon calls out. Blake rolls his eyes. “No s**t, Simon. The f**k would I?” Luke turns in his seat to face the three in the back. “He tried to call me just before, but I turned my phone off.” As Blake’s phone rings out, Ryan’s phone vibrates and everyone stares at him, surprised. Chris calling Blake is desperate, but calling Ryan is absolute insanity. Ryan gives a sweet smile as he checks his phone. “It’s my mom,” he says, answering the call. “Hi, Mom. Yeah, we’re fine. I know. It wasn’t the plan, but I couldn’t resist. I’ll call you later, okay? Love you too.” Jasper pulls his phone from his pocket, ignoring the insane number of messages and notifications that are coming through since his on-stage declaration. He goes into speed dial, calling the first person on the list. “What do you want?” Blake casts him an amused frown. “Just seeing what you’ve saved me as.” Blake smirks and shows him the call screen. “For now.” He winks. Jasper hangs up, cheeks burning, and he hopes Ryan hadn’t been looking over his shoulder to see the nickname Blake has for him. He lowers his voice to almost a whisper as he says, “I’m your best friend. You wouldn’t sacrifice me.” Blake pockets his phone. “If it’s any consolation, I’d shed genuine tears and never get over it.” “I’m mildly offended, but not even the slightest bit surprised.” Jasper tilts his head back against the headrest. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Ryan rubs his hand and places a soft kiss on his forehead, but it does little to stall the mix of emotions he’s drowning in. The rest of the drive is silent, though the tension is thick in the air. Jasper is sure everyone needs to debrief, but he’s nowhere near ready to acknowledge how he’s just announced his sexuality to the universe, and sealed the moment with a surprise kiss from Ryan, setting them free from hiding their relationship, but opening it up to literally everyone to have an opinion about. * * * * The moment they’re back at their hotel, Jasper locks himself in the bathroom, sitting in the shower. The hot water pelts over him, forcing him from doom-scrolling through the fallout of online comments. He considers locking himself in here for an eternity just so he can’t look at his phone and read whatever is being said about him. He tries to focus on one thought at a time. First, there’s a building fear that coming out like that will affect his life forever. People won’t forget. That had been the intention of it. Now, though, the truth is out there. Spreading like wildfire through the media, no doubt. Hundreds of videos of the moment he told the planet he’s gay will forever cycle the internet. There can’t be any hiding. He can’t follow the untouchable bravery on stage with anything less than fearless, unapologetic pride. He’d not considered how it’d feel to be out like this. It’s freeing and daunting all at once. Much like the first time he kissed Ryan and realized this part of himself. The next thing strangling its way through every thought is his parents. His very public, very dramatic coming out will probably be the end of him having any chance at a relationship with them. He can’t stand the thought of waiting to hear from them, or the frustration of them choosing to ignore or deny this part of him now that they know. Continuing as parents in title only, not in the way of loving and supporting him in what makes him happy and complete. He doesn’t want to deal with that. Not at all. He shakes the thought away. The final thing he’s dreading is the are you okay? and how are you feeling? questions his well-meaning bandmates are going to ask the moment they see him again. He doesn’t have an answer for them. Obviously, he feels pride for what he’s done. But he’s not sure he’s okay. After spending just months coming to terms with this part of who he is, he’s opened that up to everyone’s inescapable opinions. It’d not been long since he was out to himself, let alone Blake. And regardless of how it looked on stage, he hadn’t even come out because he wanted to or was ready. He had to. It was that or allow Chris to profit off the announcement like the absolute scum he’s proven to be. Then there’s Ryan. Even though it seems ridiculous, Jasper is struggling to picture himself feeling any comfort from Ryan right now. The last thing Jasper wants is to talk or have a deep emotional conversation about how he’s feeling. In this moment, with his head spinning, he can’t even imagine being held or touched. The absurdity of feeling nervous now, after how alive and carefree he’d felt when Ryan kissed him in front of not only the audience, but an unfathomable number of people watching online, is beyond ironic. Outside this bathroom, he has the safety of everyone who’s already supported him with this. Yet the thought of letting them love him is more daunting than the thought of facing hate or judgement from strangers. If the water pressure and the temperature weren’t becoming a depressing metaphor for his deteriorating ability to hold himself together, Jasper may have stayed in the shower’s solitude forever. But Ryan hadn’t come in to check on him, and the curiosity of why crushes him with a sense of selfishness. Ryan made a very public move by kissing him on stage, so the gauntlet of emotions would have him, too. That thought is enough to pull Jasper back to his feet and out of the shower. Jasper dries himself and dresses, expecting to see Ryan in some stage of a panic attack when he exits the bathroom. Instead, he finds Ryan sitting on the bed, writing in his journal, the calmest he’s ever looked. Jasper pauses in the doorway, staring at him, confused. Ryan looks over, smiling with unexpected confidence. “Are you seriously fine?” Jasper asks almost the exact question he’d been dreading having to hear. Ryan closes his journal, placing it on the bedside table. “No. You?” Jasper hugs himself and shakes his head. “Want to talk about it?” Jasper shakes his head again. “Okay.” Ryan pats the bed beside him. “Want to lie here and pretend we’ll get to sleep tonight?” Jasper sighs as he walks over to the bed, flicking the light off before climbing on. There’s a feeling of instant comfort as his body sinks beside Ryan’s. “What’ve we done? We’ve just given an open invitation to the entire planet to scrutinize our relationship,” Jasper says, completely monotone, suppressing the depth of his fear. “I’m feeling positive about that. You heard the fans. They were screaming, chanting our names, supporting us. I’ve never felt so safe to be out.” Ryan places a soft kiss on Jasper’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around him and bringing him close. “The entire planet, Ry, not just the fans that already shipped us. We knew they would react like that. I’m talking about everyone else.” “I don’t care about everyone else. I care about us. Are you upset I kissed you in front of everyone?” “No.” Jasper doesn’t even let Ryan finish the question before he answers. He groans, trying to understand why he’s so stressed about this, when Ryan is making things sound simple. “We made the plan for me to come out and never really stopped to plan what we’d do afterwards. I don’t like not knowing what’s next. I need a purpose. What if this just ruined all our careers? I publicly exposed our manager. Who the hell will want to work with me now?” “Someone with nothing to hide would be my guess.” Jasper almost resents that Ryan seems fine. “How am I the one stressing and you’re the one making jokes right now?” Ryan laughs and places a kiss on the back of Jasper’s neck. “I’m enamored by you. You left me no choice but to show the entire world that. Nothing anyone says or does will ever make me wish I’d contained myself. I’ve watched the video so many times already, and each time I watch that kiss and hear the screams from the audience, it brings tears to my eyes. I can’t believe we did that.” “I can’t believe we did that, either,” Jasper says in a slightly impressed tone, a small smile on his lips. If Ryan is fine with this, then Jasper will put all his trust in Ryan being right this time. After all, Jasper was right about Chris. It’s someone else’s turn to be right about something. That might as well be his anxiety-ridden boyfriend being right about the good nature of people. Though Jasper’s thoughts in this moment are nothing but pessimistic, having Ryan’s body against him makes him care just a little less about anyone else’s opinion. In fact, the comfort he’s feeling right now is getting him confusingly turned on, but he’s sure it’s more out of a wish to distract himself from thinking about the bizarre reality of the night. There’s a long silence as they both settle into the moment. Jasper envies Ryan’s calm breathing and the relaxed rhythm of his heart. He himself feels as though he’s about to hit round two of his big brave declarations. This one is more terrifying. There isn’t a sea of people, livestreaming to an endless extension. Just one person. One person and three words that hold more meaning than Jasper trusts those words to fully express. But he knows Ryan needs to hear them, and after tonight, he knows there’s no doubt in his mind that he means the words with every piece of his heart and soul. “So, I promised after the show we could talk about feelings and love songs…” Jasper waits for a response. The sound of his own blood rushing through his ears with the nerves is so deafening it even drowns out the sound of traffic outside. Yet beside him, Ryan stays silent. “Ry?” Jasper turns to see his boyfriend’s eyes closed. “Are you asleep?” Silence answers him and Jasper swallows down the disappointment. “If I say it while you’re sleeping, that’d be a cliché, right?” Jasper rolls his eyes and stares down at their hands. “How are you asleep? It’s going to take intoxication for me to get any rest.” Jasper groans, wanting to get out of bed, wake Blake if he’s asleep, and devour the mini bar until he forgets all the reasons his heart hasn’t slowed yet. But leaving Ryan’s side doesn’t feel worth it, so instead, he rolls over and rests his head on Ryan’s chest, timing his heartbeat as he tries to will his own heart to slow and let him fade into the same peaceful sleep Ryan seems to be in. * * * * It’s a long night for Jasper tossing and turning, desperately trying to avoid the temptation to look at his phone and see what is being said about himself and Ryan. Too afraid of what he wouldn’t be able to ignore, he knows better than to read anything while still in his pessimistic mood. Lucky to scrape in a few hours’ broken sleep, Jasper wakes to an empty bed, the sound of the shower running in the bathroom. For one blissful moment, he forgets the night before, and considers joining Ryan in the shower, but as soon as he checks the time on his phone and sees all the notifications taunting him, he’s overcome with an unfamiliar feeling of fear. He pulls back the sheets and gets up, stretching and walking over to the door to face his friends instead. The second the bedroom door cracks open, Simon, standing right behind the door with his hand raised to knock, launches into a question. “Have you seen what’s on Twitter?” “Good morning. You scared the ever-loving f**k out of me.” Jasper closes the door behind him, expecting Ryan to walk out of the bathroom at any moment, hopefully without clothes on. “What’s up?” Simon’s thick eyebrows draw together in a deep, intense frown. “Since when do you not spend twenty minutes of your morning on Twitter before you even get out of bed?” Jasper shrugs, a coy smile on his face. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to, Simon.” Simon’s face flushes like he’s embarrassed at the suggestion. “You guys haven’t been doing anything in there, have you?” “Why the sudden interest in my s*x life?” Jasper crosses his arms and frowns, looking over at Blake, who is heading towards them with two hotel security guards. “You good, dude?” Blake throws an arm around Jasper’s shoulder in a hug Jasper is becoming familiar with. The s**t is going down, but I’ve got your back, hug. “Fine thanks. What’s going on?” “They’re just gonna see if they can find the camera.” Jasper goes cold. “Camera?”