shadows

they came for her, stayed for him (4)

Renee wasn’t sure of it herself. Was it really a good idea? Was she wrong? It was true that she worried for her daughter. But she also worried for Emilia, even if she was of the same opinion as Fanny, disapproving of Emilia’s decision getting into a relationship with a married man. Emilia was better than that.

Renee remembered the day they met. It was after school. She was there to pick her little girl up. She was beaming as she saw Fanny running out with her twin tails flying. Fanny was dragging along a new girl.

“Mum, this is Emilia,” Fanny said, gushing over her new friend. “She joined our class today. She’s so smart. She won a scholarship. Isn’t that amazing?”

“Yes it is,” Renee agreed.

Emilia looked smart and quiet. There was a pretty girl hiding underneath the rough exterior. Renee knew about her. The school had informed the parents association, and Renee was on the association. Emilia was an orphan. And her grades had been the kind of remarkable that turned heads. The school was more than willing to open its gates for such a bright student, especially with the city offering the girl a scholarship.

Renee approved of the girls’ friendship. They would be good for each other. And she didn’t change her mind. Through school. Through university. She was even convinced that it was Emilia who dragged Fanny along to the university they went to. If not for Emilia, Fanny wouldn’t have made it to a university that good. Fanny just didn’t have the smarts. She was vocal about her opinion. And the girls didn’t argue.

Renee wouldn’t have imagined it possible even in the wildest nightmare. Emilia getting into a relationship with a married man. And even forsaking Fanny’s friendship for it. Renee couldn’t understand what Emilia was thinking. She had even considered the possibility that Emilia was possessed.

And now, here they were. She had to meet with Emilia. She needed to understand. What happened back then. What was happening now. She needed to see Emilia, who she had come to care for as a daughter. And she needed to see Emilia’s little boy.

And now was as good a time as any. She told the servants to not let Fanny out. And left for the hotel.

-

Renee would have preferred to meet at the lobby. Open area. Public. She was sure Emilia would be more comfortable here, under the circumstances. The circumstances also made it impossible. Renee had the front desk call ahead. Got Emilia’s permission before going up.

Emilia left the door open. She was on the bed with Emil who was awake and giggling away. Renee looked in. Saw the mother and the baby before she could call out. She walked in, closing the door behind her. And walked right over to the bed.

“He’s handsome,” Renee said, bending over the giggling baby who she felt was greeting her. “Got your eyes. Not sure about the rest just yet.”

“Really?” Emilia asked in wonder. “I didn’t see it. No one did.”

Both women were studying the baby deeply. It was something they couldn’t tire of. And there certainly was nothing more enjoyable.

“So, I had a chat with his other mother,” Renee said after a while.

“Yeah,” Emilia said. “I’m sure it wasn’t the most pleasant. I’m sorry.”

“You should be. Do you have any idea just how great you’ve disappointed me? Us? Everyone who believed in you? Everyone who loved you? What were you thinking? No. Tell me this. Was that how you saw yourself? Is that how you see yourself still? Do you still think so little of yourself?”

Emilia could only apologise.

“I’m sorry. I can give all sorts of excuses.”

“No, you can’t. I’d be surprised if you did.”

“No. I can’t. You’re right. I am sorry. I have no excuses. And I have no explanation. Does it even matter?”

“No. It doesn’t.”

“But I am really sorry for disappointing you. I hope you can forgive me. Think of it as me having lost my mind briefly. I couldn’t think of you. Or anyone else. It’s over now.”

“Is it? Really? Over?”

“It is. I promise.”

“Okay. I believe you. I can’t help it. I guess I love you the same even now. And so, I’ll tell you what I told Fanny. Because I look at the both of you as my daughters. I want the two of you to be apart. Three. Five. One of the two. A few years apart would test your feelings. Would be all the evidence anyone would need. That I would need. If you two still feel the same, you can stay together. A couple of mothers. I will happily accept it. I could only be happy over my grandson.”

Emilia was delighted. It wasn’t the best outcome. She had to part with Fanny. And truth be told, she had gotten used to having Fanny by her side. And after everything they had been through, everything they had survived, she felt incomplete in Fanny’s absence. Today confirmed that.

But it was still a better outcome than she had prepared for. She hadn’t yet mended the relationship with Renee, but they had made great strides in the direction. And Emil had gotten himself a grandma. What could be better?

“Alright,” Emilia said. “I agree with it. My feelings won’t change. Fanny means too much to me. But if you feel that I am holding her back, I won’t argue. I understand how you might feel as a mother. I guess it’s only something you understand when you are a mother yourself. I must say this though, I’m quite certain her feelings won’t change either. And she will agree too. I hope this allows me the opportunity to earn your forgiveness. I have been a fool. I will be better. I will be the person you always expected of me.”

“I expected great things of you, Emilia. Greater than I did of Fanny. Meeting them would be quite the challenge. Are you sure you want to put yourself through that?”

“I must. My mistakes I must correct myself.”

“Alright. I look forward to it. Now, we have something else, much more important to talk about. You don’t plan on living at a hotel, do you?”

“No, no.”

“And do you have a place in mind? Can’t go to your new apartment. My grandson deserves better.”

“Yes, he does. And no, I don’t have a place in mind. I was hoping to start looking after a couple of days. I’m sure I can find a place in a few days. Little Emil will be home by the end of the week.”

“Hmm. How about you come home? Now that I’ve even called Emil my grandson, don’t you think we should start treating each other as mother and daughter? I’ve always looked on you as my daughter.”

Emilia couldn’t answer immediately. She wasn’t unfamiliar with Renee’s affection. Still, she had never thought about giving it a title. She had never considered the possibility of getting herself a parent. Now was as good a time as any to give it a thought.

“Can I?” She asked hesitantly.

“Would you like it?” Renee asked.

“I think I would,” Emilia said honestly.

“I think you can then,” Renee said, excitedly.

“I’m sorry, mother. I should have been a better daughter. I shouldn’t have disappointed you like I did.”

“It’s okay, for now. We will talk about it. Another day. I will not forget. I promise you that.”

“And I will be ready. I promise you that.”

“So, you are coming home?”

“About that,” Emilia said, and hesitated.

“What is it?”

Renee realised she was still the same familiar with her new daughter. She could see Emilia’s thoughts on her face. There was something. Troublesome. Stopping Emilia from saying yes.

“There is something.”