shadows

black was her shadow (3)

Fanny was seven when her grandmother passed away. But that wasn’t how Fanny remembered it.

There was a party that evening. The Gorro family’s daughter was getting married to the Mansion family’s son. This was an arranged marriage. As if that wasn’t enough drama, the wedding was happening five months after the bride broke up with her sweetheart of six years, a boy from a smaller, poorer family. The couple had made no secret of the relationship. But the reason for the break up was certainly was. No one knew what happened. And so, everyone was excited about attending the wedding, because who knew what drama would ensue?

All of Fanny’s family was attending the wedding, because the family had been friends with the Gorro family for generations. Fanny was supposed to go as well. But that morning changed her mind. Her grandma woke feeling unwell. Trouble in the stomach. Maybe something bad the old woman had eaten. Or maybe her old stomach was just feeling grumpy. Whichever the case, the old woman was in no mood or condition of health to go to the wedding. And Fanny decided she would keep grandma company.

After a light lunch, everyone left for the wedding. Fanny went over to grandma’s room. The old woman was lying in bed. Fanny sat by her side. She had grandma tell her three stories before letting the old woman take a nap. Fanny curled up in the large chair, playing a video game.

Some time in the evening, the old woman lay awake, staring at an empty corner. Fanny didn’t realise it immediately, being lost in her video game. After the game ended, she looked up. Saw grandma was awake. Her eyes followed grandma’s to the corner. She saw nothing. She went over to grandma. And asked.

“What are you seeing grandma?”

“Oh, nothing sweetheart. Sit with me, will you? I want to talk to my sweet little granddaughter.”

Grandma was smiling. Fanny couldn’t keep from smiling too. She loved grandma’s beautiful smile. She had seen photographs from when grandma was younger. Grandma had been a beautiful woman. Much more than her mother and her aunts and everyone she knew. She wanted to be as beautiful as grandma. And she loved it when grandma told her she would grow to be even more beautiful.

“Yes grandma,” she said, jumping over into grandma’s arms.

“You know I love you, don’t you?”

Fanny nodded. Of course she knew that.

The old woman nodded, smiling deeper.

“Can you do me a favour? Can you remember what I am going to tell you now? And then, repeat it, word for word, to mama and papa and everyone else?”

“Of course,” Fanny said proudly. “I have a very good head. You know that. But why can’t you tell them yourself?”

“I can. If I could. But I can’t.”

“Huh?”

Fanny was confused. The look of confusion she wore on her face tickled the old woman.

“Don’t worry. Just remember to tell everyone I love them. I have always been proud of every single one of them. And that will never change. Okay? You got all of it?”

“Yes,” Fanny said, nodding vigorously, her face tightened in concentration.

“Good. Tell them, I would have liked it better if we were all together. If I had known before, I would have insisted everyone stayed. But I’m okay. I have my little sweetheart granddaughter with me. Until the end. Okay?”

Fanny continued nodding.

“And, remember this. You won’t understand now. Not for a while. But it’s okay. Just remember. You did great. No one will blame you. You will not blame yourself either. Okay?”

Fanny nodded.

And then, grandma fell silent.

“I will take a nap now. Okay?”

“Okay,” Fanny said. “But, why won’t you tell me what is in the corner? What do you see?”

The old woman stared at the young face a long time before sighing in resignation. She never could be firm to that beautiful young face.

“There is a dark shadow. It’s huge. Tall as two of me. Wide as three of me. It could wrap me whole, like the biggest blanket. The biggest, blackest blanket. And it’s here for me.”

“Why can’t I see it?”

“Because little sweetheart, that is my shadow. Don’t you ever wish to see one. Remember this too.”

“Okay. I will never see one. But I want to. Why can’t I?”

“You are too small to understand. When you are bigger, you will. Now, let me sleep. I am so tired. So sleepy.”

Fanny lied in grandma’s arms. Singing a lullaby. Gently rubbing grandma’s stomach. And there, she too fell asleep.

When everyone returned later in the night, they found the lights turned off. Their first thought was that the two girls were asleep. But then they got worried. Even if that was the case, the older girl wouldn’t do so without turning on the lights. They ran up to the old woman’s room. There they saw the old woman in bed, still, peaceful, asleep. The smaller girl in the chair, frozen, lost.

Fanny saw that everyone had returned. She repeated grandma’s words for them.

“Grandma won’t wake up. Why won’t grandma wake up?”

Everyone was thrown into a flurry. The doctor was called. The old woman was checked upon. No one knew how to explain to the seven year old girl that her grandma had passed away, and so would never wake up. Especially when they thought about how the girl had been sleeping with her grandma all evening.