shadows

1 - 01

To the beginning.

That was what Anton had in his mind. And that was where he expected to go.

A window opened in the water by his side. He looked through it. And saw a woman on a small bed. The blanket pulled over right up to her chin. A fan was noisily turning on the ceiling. It did push the currents of air to all ends of the room, which was good enough.

She was a large lump. Her eyes were moving restlessly under the lids. Her lips parted, like she was breathing through them as much as she was through her nose. But otherwise, she was still.

He reached for the window. The moment his hand touched the water that made up the window instead of glass, it was as if he touched her. And the scene changed.

Gone was the room. In its place, an endless sea of white. The woman was floating in the sea. She was much smaller. And there was something familiar about her.

She opened her eyes and saw him. Without the window or anything else interrupting. Her eyes went wide.

“What,” she started to say. Then, changed her mind. “How.” But that wasn’t it either. “Who,” she said. And stopped one last time. A smile blooming on her face. She recognised him. It should have been impossible. And yet she did. Maybe that was what it meant, a mother’s heart.

“No,” he thought. Pulling his hand away. The window fell apart, dissolving into the lake.

“What’s wrong?” Tremor asked from the other side. “Is that not it? You did think the beginning.” He tapped at the side of his head with a finger. “Isn’t this the beginning? Aren’t you happy? Seeing the mother you never got to see? How is she? Pretty? As you imagined?”

Anton didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. Clearly, Tremor could see inside his head. Maybe it was because he was living inside his head. And since Tremor possessed his body, Tremor could look into all of him.

And that was true. That woman was his mother. The mother he knew nothing about. No one would tell him anything. No one would even mention her. Except for two things. She was a terrible woman, who got into a relationship with a married man who she had seduced, and cheated. And second, she died giving birth to him, which made him no better than her. After all, the woman had almost broken a happy marriage. And he had taken a life before even leaving his mother’s womb.

He heard the words only once. Thanks to a family servant who wasn’t speaking out of kindness, but to let him know his place. He was the lowest of low. And he wasn’t even allowed a voice.

Truth be told, he didn’t think of his mother, until now. Not because there was never a reason. But because he had always known it would be futile. No one alive could help him, let alone his dead mother. And he didn’t want her to experience any more suffering. She was gone. She should enjoy the peace.

“Not now,” he told himself. Ignoring the grin on Tremor’s face, his grin on now a stranger’s face, he continued. “This isn’t the beginning. Further back.”

Another window appeared. The other side was a brighter scene. The woman, thin and pretty and bright and smiling, was on the balcony. Resting her hands on the iron parapet. Standing right next to the rattan chair. Looking down at the park a short distance away.

He reached for the window. He didn’t stop with his hand this time. He pushed in further. And stepped through to the other side.

She didn’t see him immediately. A couple of minutes passed before she did. And when she did, she moved aside. To make space for him. There was no surprise on her face. No fear. Just curiosity. And a smile that seemed out of place, because it was so warm. She saw him looking at her. Her smile widened. And she spoke.

“Let me guess. You’re thinking, why is she so calm. Am I right? Or am I right?”

Her voice was small. And pleasant. Pretty as she was. The kind that you would want to hear more of. The kind that you wouldn’t tire of. And when coupled with her pretty face, it was all the more remarkable.

He shook his head. “No,” he said. The sound of his voice surprising him more than it did her. And that surprised her just enough to show on her face. He finally had an expression he could be pleased with on her face. “I’m actually thinking, nothing. What are you thinking?”

“That this seems strangely familiar,” she answered readily. “Like I’ve seen you before. But that couldn’t be. That’s not it exactly. I don’t know you. I’ve never met you. I’ve never seen you. And yet, you are familiar. Like a face I saw in a dream. Does that make sense to you?”

He nodded. He was truly startled. It was more than surprise. There was a bit of disbelief. A hint of fear. This wasn’t possible. How could she remember a dream she would be having for the first time about a year from now? How did that make sense? How did any of this make sense? And yet, it did. The answer couldn’t be simpler. Tremor.

“Good,” she said, nodding too, looking exactly like him as she did. No, that wasn’t right. He looked exactly like her. “So, you wanna tell me what this is all about?” She asked. “I’m getting a horror movie vibe. Tell me you’re no devil come to claim me for my sins.”

He was confused. And it showed. He saw her look at him, read his thoughts. And he smiled as he heard her laugh. It was just as pretty. He didn’t even know her name. How could he know her sins?

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know nothing. I only know I am here to help. No. Not even that. I’m only here to offer a word of advice. You are in danger. Not immediate. But definite. I want you to be careful. I need you to survive. Can you do that? Please? Not for me. For yourself.”

He reached for her, as if to appease her, comfort her. Maybe erase the uncomfortable expression on her face. He could feel Tremor’s agitation. Like he was doing something that wasn’t allowed. But he couldn’t stop himself. And there was too little room for even Tremor to do anything. His hand found her shoulder. And at the moment of contact, he felt it. An inseparable connection. He was inside her. Inside an egg that had only just fertilised. This was truly the beginning. Couldn’t have been more than a few hours since the egg welcomed the sperm. That was him inside. He felt another window form. He fell through. He knew he was falling into the egg. He was truly returning to the beginning.

She stood startled. Tears flowed free. And an indescribable warmth enveloped her. The moment he touched her, she felt something she had never felt before. And the moment he disappeared, she felt like she had lost something very important. The loss was momentary. And yet, it was so strong that it wrung her heart and pushed out the tears.

But then, her hands moved to her stomach. To where her womb would be. She knew in that moment. Everything had changed. She wasn’t alone anymore. She was pregnant. And the one she saw, that she spoke to just now, was her boy all grown up. She didn’t understand how she knew all of this. She didn’t question it. This was her boy. She would never doubt her boy. She smiled. Sat down in the rattan chair. Kept her eyes on the park. And her boy’s words echoed in her ears. “You are in danger.”

He said she had to survive. That meant she would die. And he didn’t want that. She would survive then. For him. For them. And if she was truly in danger, she had to first leave. Get as far away from here as she could. And there was nothing holding her back.

She smiled in relief, gently rubbing her stomach.

“Alright, little one,” she whispered in a loving voice. “We will survive.”

-

On the other side, Tremor was trembling. In anger. Out of frustration. In disbelief. What just happened? How was such a thing possible? No, more importantly, what had he done?

He looked into the lake. But there was no reflection. Anton was truly gone. He had just allowed a great law to be broken.

The shock lasted a while. Then, a smile replaced it on his face. This was good. The law was broken. Who knew what s**t storm that would kick up. He wasn’t displeased, anyway. He loved a good battle. And there couldn’t be a greater battle than what was coming.

“It’s a great opportunity, little Anton,” he said softly. “You could very well start off something of extraordinary proportions. I’m so very curious to see how well you do.”

He looked up to a window on the second floor of the castle. A pretty woman looked back from the other side.