The Bartender

8

Time seemed to have warped around me as I stood there in an eerie, deafening silence. As I stood there at an empty grave that belonged to the two people I cared a great deal about, my mind was as empty as the caskets that lay beneath the ground. 

It was a Saturday, just two weeks after the missing plane my sister, Kat and my brother-in-law were discovered—crashed with no survivors, hence, the empty caskets. I’ve drained every last tear I could form in the last two weeks. It was as if life had been sucked out of me and I was only a shell of a person. 

As much as I wanted to say nothing else had mattered at this moment, there was. It was only yesterday, the lawyers of my sister and brother-in-law, Jim paid me a little visit. They said it was time (and long enough) for me to start planning ahead for the future of my niece—Maxine Russell who was now an orphan that couldn’t grasp the word ‘death’ just yet. She thinks her parent were still at work high up in the sky, only this time, they wouldn’t come back down anymore.

It was only through those legal documents I had discovered that Katherine had made me the sole and legal guardian of my niece the day their child was born. Me—the same irresponsible, workaholic, single aunt who brought her child to a bar has to now step in and fulfill the role of a mother. 

Let’s see, what do I know the first thing about being a legal guardian of a child? Nothing. This is absolutely insane! I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a child. I was the child! Did Katherine do this to me as a prank? Revenge even?

Well, the sane side of my mind told me Katherine wouldn’t have known she would die at such a young age enough to play such a sick prank on me.

The house (which apparently had my name on it was paid in full), their insurance coverage, bank accounts, cars and everything else the couple owned shall be given to Maxine as soon as she reached a legal age of 18, until then, I was it's steward.

All these thoughts in my head had been my recent nightmares but I did not let them dwell on too long. Truth is I couldn’t. There was absolutely no room for prolonged grief, not when Maxine was mine to take care from now.

“Aunt Ronnie.” Maxine said quietly. “Yes sweetheart?” I answered, not looking at her for I was afraid she’d see those swollen, sunken lifeless eyes. “How long will mommy and daddy be gone for?” she asked, holding her teddy by its leg.

My brain couldn’t formulate an answer but only my lips quivered in response. But an unexpected person came to my aid—one whom I now call a friend. “Max, your parents are needed some place far from where we are. But they’ve put you in your aunt’s care because they know she’ll love you just as much as they did, however, they need you to do the same as well and that is to be your aunt’s companion.” Judah said to Max on his knees, looking at her at eye level.

Max nodded. “But what do I do when I miss mommy and daddy, Uncle Judah?” 

A tear rolled down my cheek and I swatted it away with a finger. “Maybe you could write to them Max. I always do so when I miss someone.”

“Uh huh.” She nodded. “And when I’m done writing them, will you send them for me then?”

“Of course, Max.”

“Thank you Uncle Judah.”

“You’re most welcome.” Judah ruffled her hair and rose to his full height once more. 

Thunder crackled from a distance and the sky grew darker. Hearing raindrops percolating in the clouds high above, I sighed. Jackie had offered to drive mom home to her place so she could keep an eye on my mom while I had my own space and settled the rest.

Over the last two weeks, Max stayed at Jim’s parent’s home until the lawyers arrived at mine with legal documents of sorts. From the start of this weekend, Maxine was now my responsibility in accordance with their will. There were a lot of things I needed to adjust, to create for this child as her new legal guardian and I had very little help from my mother who had trouble wrapping her head around losing her eldest daughter. 

“Let me take the both of you home and settle dinner.” Judah offered kindly.

Max shook the sleeve of Judah and he looked down at her once more. “Could you pick me up please? My feet hurt.” She squeaked. He didn’t deny her that; with one quick swoop, Max was in his arm and she quickly wrapped her little chubby arms around his neck and he settled his other hand on my shoulder, leading me out of the cemetery. 

It’ll be some time before I return here and when I do, I’ll come back much stronger.

**

“Judah, you can’t keep coddling her like that. You keep doing that and she’ll grow attached to you.” I chided, dumping the salad bowl into the sink. Max insisted on having a big bite of ice cream and Judah allowed her to, she wanted him to put her to bed and he did just that.

I’ve decided that my penthouse was no place for a child to live in and so, as written in the will of Max’s parents, the two-storey, 5 bedroom home with a picket white fence now belonged to me. I couldn’t bear to rob Max’s childhood home for my comfort.

Although I was nowhere close to even packing, I’ve brought a few of my essentials in a luggage along with me and tonight would be the first night I’d spend here at my sister’s home.

“What’s wrong with Max being attached to me? I like the kid, the kid likes me—we get along well.”

‘It’s just a matter of time before you decide this isn’t for you and leave’ I thought but decided to keep it to myself.

“But we don’t like each other, remember? We’re practically sworn enemies ever since you decided you hated me at our first meeting.”

“For the last time Ronnie, I do not hate you.” He sighed exasperatedly, stacking the rest of the dirty dishes and piling them into the sink. “Mmhmm, you even named a horrible drink after my name.”

“Which, in turn has made you famous and got me a sweet profit that night.” He said with a cheeky, boyish grin. “You should thank me for discovering a hidden talent of yours.”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the towel from the kitchen counter as he began doing the dishes. “Why do we keep arguing about the same stupid thing?” I wondered aloud.

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” he said without looking at me. “Sometimes stupid, trivial things keep your mind off the things that bother you.”

“I don’t think I’ll get used to even living here just yet.” I begin, looking around the spacious living quarters around us. “As much as I rather live in my own place but I can’t take away every little thing that reminds Max of her parents. This is the place she grew up in and will continue to. Oh but who am I kidding? It’s a family home for a single woman and her niece.”

“Ronnie, it’s a family home. You are her only family right now that cares the most for her. I can’t say you’ll get used to this place but give yourself some time to adapt the change. You don’t have to get rid of the traces of the previous owner but you can learn to embrace it as your own and create new memories with Max.”

“I know, guaranteed that’s going to take a while. And then there’s the moving I have to worry about, getting Max back to school and then it’s quite a long drive here from work. Oh, don’t get me started on my mother…”I clutched my temple, massaging it with my thumb and pointer finger.

Judah shut off the tap and dried his hands. He approached me slowly and gestured me to turn around. I looked at him strangely as I did but said nothing. His cold fingers pressed against my temple gently, massaging them in small, slow circles. I breathed a sigh of quiet relief. “Where did you learn how to do that?”

“Used to it for my wi—well, it doesn’t matter.”

“You don’t have to hide it, you know, I know you were once married.”

“And divorced.” he said firmly. “You knew yet you never once asked.”

“It wasn’t my place to do so. If you had wanted me to know, you would’ve brought it up.” I said, my eyes closed on its own accord as I allowed myself to relax for a bit. I couldn’t deny I also enjoyed his woodsy, musky scent from behind. I also had it memorized and I can’t tell if I was the one who’s actually attached and not Max.

“We were married for two years, thought that was going to last but it didn’t. She claims my line of work interfered with our marriage and the way I handled things in many ways and it’s best we went our separate ways. Never knew there came a day I’d be drafting my own divorce papers in my office.” His voice sounded distant as he spoke.

“Ironic as that sounds, I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. But I can’t help but think, what made you think of me the way you did? The whole idea of a relationship seemed repulsive to you ever since then?” I asked. He added a slight pressure to my temples and it seemed to relieve other aching parts of my body.

“I don’t think relationships are repulsive. I just didn’t think of it as a necessity for someone who isn’t even sure of what they want. When someone isn’t looking for a relationship, they wouldn’t be announcing it in the first place. But when you do, that’s like pulling a little Uno reverse on yourself hoping you’d find your other half in the most unexpected place.” He remarked calmly, his finger slid from temples and began squeezing my shoulder blades gently, lower it went to my upper forearms, elbows, forearms and lastly, my hand. He did not move them after.

That was the most comforting gesture anyone could ever do to me; he was expertly removing all forms of stress and cluttered mind with just the touch of his fingers. “Maybe, just maybe, the person only said so because they’re not attracted to that of whom they meet.”

“Highly unlikely.” He whispered close to my ear, causing the hairs on my skin to stand. I hadn’t realized how close he was standing until now. My pulse was racing and my blood was rushing in my ears. 

“There, you feeling better now?” he asked; as if on cue, he released me and all of my bodily reactions came to a halt when his skin left mine. “Y-yeah.” I shook my head a little hoping I’d get a grip. “I uhh, I’ll just go check on Max to see if she’s still asleep.”

“It’s getting late, I think I should leave.”

“Yeah sure, of course. I’ll walk you out.” I offered and he nodded. Grabbing his jacket from the couch and keys, he headed for the front door. “Thank you for everything Judah, I just want you to know I appreciate it—the friendship and all the help in the last two weeks.” I smiled gratefully. 

I noticed that he was growing his beard once more. Two weeks ago he had shaved them off quite a bit but it grew out nicely once more. Four weeks ago, this man was probably the most arrogant shithead I’ve ever met, pompous and egotistical even with no ounce of empathy even. Well, I was wrong. In the event of the fortnight, he’s been a proper human being to me and my mom and even Max.

Judah was around when Max came over for a few hours over the course of two weeks—she was crying for me, her wreck of an aunt. He took her out for little ice cream dates when I had to send in a couple of drawings for work although I had taken 6 weeks away from work.

I wasn’t so sure what changed, maybe it was because I seemed so miserable and vulnerable, and I couldn’t take an insult no more that he was nicer to me.

“You don’t have to thank me, that’s what friends for, no?”

I smiled and leaned against the door as he stepped out into the chilly night. “Oh wow, how much did that cost you just to say those words to me?” 

“A lot. But that’s only because it’ll be the first and last time you’ll ever hear me say that.”

“Goodnight Judah.”

“Goodnight Veronica.”

Shutting the door, I made my way slowly back into the kitchen once more to pour myself a glass of wine I found in the fridge, unbothered to find a wine glass to pair with. Dumping myself on the couch in the now empty living room, I took a single sip and savored it at the tip of my tongue—the lush opulent taste seared the back of my throat as I gulped the night away.

My phone buzzed twice and the screen lit brightly. Yet another message from the phone company I was subscribed to informing me of a freebie I was entitled to. Tapping on the notification, the text box opened and there, just above the latest text box was the text I had received but ignored the night of my sister’s disappearance. 

My eyes widened when I realized it was a voice message. My fingers shook as I tapped on the box that had a number.

‘You have one unheard message.’

‘Ronnie! It’s your big sister. If you’re getting this and I hope you do, know that I didn’t mean anything I—‘

A loud crash from somewhere in the background followed by an explosion and with lots of screaming. ‘I love you, I love you so, so much Ronnie and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. And Max! Tell her, tell her—’

It was the loudest explosion I’ve ever heard over a phone and the voice message ended abruptly. I was stunned, my breathing had stopped the moment I heard my sister’s voice. The glass in my hand shattered and I burst out into loud, muffled tears.

I couldn’t breathe even though I was gasping for air. I stood up; cutting my feet in the process with all the glass that lay shattered on the wooden floor boards. The one text I had ignored held the last and final memory I would have of my sister—it was the last time I would ever hear her voice. 

There was calm knocking on the door and I stumbled forward, cursing as I did through a torrent of emotions and blurry vision.  I didn’t answer, the last thing I needed was an unwanted visitor offering their condolences.

“I forgot my wallet, probably left my memory somewhere in there too.” 

But it wasn’t anyone else at the door.

I swung open the door with such force to help me stand upright, the playful look on Judah’s face disappeared as he noticed the trail of blood stain on the floor boards and me hyperventilating in front of me. I couldn’t express how relieved I was to see a familiar face.

“Ronnie, what—.” He didn’t ask any further as he just reached for me. It was only natural instinct that I threw my arms around his neck and sobbed loudly in his shirt. “Shh, it’s alright.” He picked me up with ease, carrying me bridal style and shutting the door with his foot as he maneuvered his way into the kitchen expertly.

He must’ve realized the blood came from my feet since I was struggling to stand upright. He sat me down on the dining table and stood between my legs, allowing me to weep in silence. I really did not want to wake Max because her aunt could no longer hold it together. 

Judah rubbed my back in small circles and a palm nestled behind my head as I laid there on his shoulder while hot, salty tears rolled down my cheeks whilst blurring my vision. “Ronnie, I know you probably did not want me to see this but I’m glad I came back. I’m going to stay the night just to make sure you’re okay, will you be okay with that?” he asked gently. I nodded tiredly. 

“Alright then,” he used a thumb and wiped away my tears, cupping my cheek gently with one hand, “Let’s get your feet cleaned and bandaged.” 

I allowed him to do what was necessary—I could feel no pain when he had to rub the alcohol pads over my heels before bandaging them with gauze and some bandage he found in one of the cabinets.

Just like the first week we met, when I had gotten pissed drunk, he took care of me (grudgingly at that time), wiping the tears from my face with a warm towel and made me a drink that tasted similarly like warm milk while he cleaned up the broken glass, making sure no one else would get hurt.

A warm throw blanket was placed over me but no sleep came. So we sat up talking all night, him in the corner of the couch and I in the other. I told him about the voicemail I received that night at the bar which I had just opened, I told him about my childhood and how Kat and I used to prank our parents with the silliest of things, and how we avoided school faking a fever with a hairdryer over our foreheads, how my older sister had protected me when kids used to bully me at school…

“She’d whoop their butts with her bare hands, literally, especially this kid called Pansy Parker.”

“I hope her parents weren’t drunk naming their child.”

“Very likely.” I offered a small smile and scooted closer for warmth that the blanket couldn’t offer me. I needed the touch of another human being, I needed my friend. 

“It’s quite clear to me that you were all your sister had and know that she loves you very much. Every sibling squabbles, bicker and fight but they always come around, don’t they?” he chuckled lightly, inching closer as well. “Maybe it’s time you stepped up into her role and take care of Max like she did with you when you were still a kid, who knows what you might find in spite of all that?”

“I hope someday I’d be able to forgive myself then. All I want to do know is to love Max the way my sister loved me.”

“So you do just that and know that I’ll be with you every step of the way, Ronnie.” He reached for my hand, squeezing it very gently. 

“I’m glad you came back.” 

“I’m glad I did too.”