If only

BASTARD

Today was a hectic day for Wayne, it wasn’t the usual day for him. He finally arrived in his house after he walked with Jill to the terminal. He sighed, and hesitated to open the doors. Today he felt more than joy than he ever had, it was probably the happiest day of his life since he moved back into his hometown. The smile of the girl who saved her flashes to his eyes and brought him glee. It gave him the strength to face what lies ahead. Because trust me, he loathed the monster behind the door. He looked at the clock, it was 6:30pm already. He never went home this late. The doors opened with the horrid creaking sound, he saw his mother sat in a chair facing the doors, as if she waited for him to arrive. He already knew what’s to come.

“Where have you been?” Her mother looked furious. She raised her hand and BAAAAAAAAAAAM a slap came from her right hand and landed on the part where his cheeks beat up. “YOU BASTARD!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN”

No question asked. 

The pain elevates. He simply stood while the sting felt greatly in his cheeks.

His father came to see what’s wrong. A blank face with no sign of empathy, he didn’t say any single word and just stood there. Like there wasn’t scene of a son being beaten up by his mother. She didn’t even let him explain and continued to spew boiling words at him.

“LOOK AT YOUR SON!!” She pointed furiously “HE GOT INTO A FIGHT!! THIS BASTARD HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT TROUBLE THE FOLLOWING DAYS!!” Her mother didn’t even ask, she immediately concluded. He was tired of this same s**t over and over. Wayne didn’t respond and walk past her.

“I’M NOT DONE TALKING!! DON’T BE RUDE!!” she pulled his arm, dragged him down and gave vigorous another slap on the same cheeks that seemed to already swell from the beating he got. From this time, his father just left without giving a s**t about what happened.

“WHAT THE f**k ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE!?” Her mother continued throwing words to him, Wayne simply let those words pass his ears. “YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD! YOU ALWAYS GET INTO TROUBLE, YOU BLEW EVERYTHING!! YOU BECAME WORST WITH YOUR LIFE. LOOK AT YOU? GRADES FAILING, YOUR LIFE IS FAILING!!”

Maybe I should have died earlier.

“YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED”

The girl’s words were nicer than this.

“YOU’RE UNGRATEFUL”

It’s much more acceptable to receive hurtful words from a person evil by nature, than a person who goes to the church and claims to have faith and belief.

“PUTANG INA MO!! FIXED YOUR LIFE DECSION!!”

Her words seemed to never stop. Her eyes already looked swell from deadly glare, and her veins could almost pop up. The sharp words continued to stab on him front forward.

“BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD!”

Those are the same words that she kept uttering. Bastard, an unpleasant or despicable person. That’s what her mother describes her. “YOU ALWAYS BRING TROUBLE TO US” she shouted.

“I better have no son, than to have you...” Those were her last words before she left him alone.

“Someday, when time comes… I’ll kill you motherfucker...” He whispered quietly. Wayne stood up and went upstairs. "Just like the people who did me wrong."

“Are you okay?” his father asked.

“Shut the f**k up, will you? What the f**k do you see in her? What’s wrong with you?” Wayne responded.

His father remained silent. Thus, Wayne walked past him. “You should try to understand what she is going through... Your mother, she wants you to have a better life”

“Shouldn’t it be the other way around? And better life? Funny… Very funny! “He bit his lips and utter bitterly. A sound of silence in his dark room. He didn’t even bother to open the lights, just let the void consume him; he fell into his bed and sulk deep on his soft pillow.

The only safe place in the house.

Fuck everything… Really, f**k everything…

I just want peace…

“Hey, dinners ready, go down. She is calling us.” He was about to fell asleep when his father came up to his room and called him.

” I don’t have a choice, right?” He asked. He hated this part of 24/7 routine. He hates to share the same table with the person who always gives him pain and headache.

“No,” his father quickly responds. “These are the rules, better go down and eat with us, or you know what could happen. Look at you already beaten up, then make it worst”

With no sense of free will, he got up and head straight down to the kitchen. He passed down the darkest hallway, the only light in the house was at the chandelier of the kitchen. He got to his chair, served himself and they prayed. They all started eating. The first few minutes were nothing but dead silent. Only the sound of utensils clattering as it hits the plates can be heard. It was the typical scenario they had at the table. When his father finished half of his meal, he broke the silence, “So, what happen to you?”

No response, he continued on his meal. The mother coughed and raised her tone, “YOUR FATHER IS ASKING A QUESTION!”

“Got into an accident, and ended up being beaten...” An annoyed sigh before he lost his appetite. 

“Is that so? Nice way coming up with the lie.” Her mother didn’t believe a single word that he said.

“Stop it Elis, at least listen to him first…” his father argued. 

“Fine whatever, let’s listen to his lie”

“H-huh, no point of talking then…” He got up and without finishing his meal, Wayne left the table.

“Stay, you haven’t finished your meal. Don’t waste food!” said his mother. But he had enough and responded with frustration,

“NO... I won’t, not tonight.” Wayne returned to his room, and locked his door.

“I TOLD YOU FOR A THOUSAND TIMES ALREADY, SEND HIM BACK TO THE UNIVERSITY...LOOK AT HIM! HE’S WASTING HIS LIFE IN THAT GOOD FOR NOTHING SCHOOL!!” Her mother shouted.

“WELL, YOU ARE BEING HARSH ON HIM ELIS!!” The father argued back.

“HARSH? HE’S THE ONE WHO KEPT MESSING UP!! LOOK AT HIS GRADES? THE RESPONSE OF HIS TEACHER, IT’S NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT HIS GRADES IN THE UNIVERSITY! THIS ALL STARTED WHEN HE DIDN’T LISTEN TO ME! AND IT’S BECAUSE YOU LET HIM TRANSFER! I WAS AGAINST THIS BECAUSE I KNEW THIS WILL HAPPEN!”

“SHUT UP ELIS!! DON’T SO BE NAÏVE, HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO LISTEN TO HIM FIRST?”

“LISTEN TO WHAT? TO HIS STUPID IDEAS?”

Though he was on top, he can hear the argument between his parents, there were fighting because of him, and he hated this part of the night for it happened once or twice a week. There wasn’t any night that ended like this. Her mother always brought up the topic about him leaving the university and how it was the biggest failure of his life. He never gave them the right answer, thus her mother concluded differently. How the hell will he tell her?

“If only I didn't commit a murder” He utter while his face covered by his pillow.

“Everything will be okay, little brother.” a soft and warm voice whispered in his ears.

“AIRA!?” He looked shocked. “Don’t just appear out of nowhere!!”

“Well, you miss your dead sister?”

“I guess y-you can say that… Hehe…Hehehe” He kept laughing until tears just fell from his eyes. There was the sense of longing, sorrow and loneliness.

She felt the teary eyes in him. “Too bad I can’t hug little brother, I’m already dead AHAHAHAHA! But I’m here to cheer you up. Big sister is here to cheer you up!”

“I really miss you Aira!” His face was covered the droplets of sadness, they pour uncontrollably until you can no longer paint him in the canvas. He missed her sister so much, she is the one who always there to support him, the only person he could count on in time of trouble. She is the person who is no longer there, just a fragment of his memory. She is there when he is sad, when he is happy, but only there when he is alone. She is there to give him the best advice, and a friend who always listen to his problem.

JUST LIKE WHEN YOU WERE ALIVE.