Blessings from the Moon

The bar was filled with the stale smell of dirty bar rags, vomit, and body odor. But Felicity paid it no mind. Instead, she set her glass down and laid her head beside it on the sticky bar and stared at the distorted images of the people enjoying their night on the other side of the glass. Her face felt hot and flushed from all the drinking and the bar felt cool, if sober, she would have been repulsed by it. All night people came and went, no one sparing her a second glance. This was easier in my twenties. She thought. You can say that again. Her wolf replied. It was her 39th birthday and she was drinking alone. She never met her mate, never had children, and her parents were long gone, having died in the Rogue Wars. She had a brother once but he also died. So here she was all alone, knowing better than trying to compete with the younger girls around her. Enjoy it while it lasts, girls. She thought bitterly. If only she had partied a little bit more and socialized a little more or even participated in life a little bit more, maybe she wouldn't be so lonely now. With a deep sigh of regret, she peeled her face off the bar and waved down the bartender. "Another?" He looked her up and down. She would have been flattered if he had been checking her out, but she knew better. He was simply assessing whether or not he should sell her another or cut her off. Getting old sucks. She was arguably not all that old, but in a college town, 39 was borderline ancient. "No thanks....Josh." Muttering his name after waiting a moment for her blurry vision to focus on the name tag. "I just want to pay the tab." Reaching out, she handed him a hundred dollar bill. "Keep the change." Ready to go, you old dog? She asked her wolf Felicia. After you, Old Hag. Was the reply. It was always friendly, teasing banter between them. Looking back, she thought about her teenage years. She and her wolf were so optimistic about being great warriors and finding our mate right away. The more years that passed, the more she realized her story was not one of the glorious tales that would stand out for all time. Instead, she was just another average wolf with an average story. She would be happy to settle for average, but it would be easier to accept if she had her mate by her side. I suppose we should count ourselves lucky we never found our mate. I tell Felicia. How so? She asked back. Well, for starters, we will never have to feel the pain of losing them. It was an over-simplified answer, and it offered little comfort. She stumbled across the street towards her car. She had parked it under a street light so it would be easier to find her if someone had to come and drive her back. She had done that a time or two. One good thing about getting older, we can drink less and get buzzed for less! I declared to my wolf. I had the distinct impression of her tilting her head sideways in consideration. How about we walk back tonight? Felicia asked me. I considered it for a moment, thinking about how much trouble I got in the last time I tried to drive home like this. It was not very common for a wolf to get that drunk, but it was enough that the guards at the border thought I may have been fed wolfsbane. They had gone as far as waking the Alpha to tell him about it. It was quite embarrassing being berated by him in the pack hospital, in front of everyone, when the doctor declared me fine, but very drunk. That is probably the smart thing to do. I replied. That's me, the smart one. I snorted at my wolf's sass. I opened up my car door and put my coat, keys and shoes in it before slamming the door shut. To the humans, I am sure I looked strange walking to the edge of town towards the tree line, barefoot, in the chill autumn air. To any wolves that might have seen me, they would know what I was doing. Though they may question the distance between my parking space and my destination. Between the cold air and the effort of walking, I was sobering quickly. At this rate I could turn around and go back to my car and be good to drive by the time I got there. I would have done exactly that but I was feeling a pull towards the woods. It had been awhile since I shifted. So stepping into the trees and out of my clothes, I shifted into my wolf. Felicia looked like your typical Timber Wolf. Not to big, but not easily mistaken as a german shephard either. Felicia stretched and sniffed the air. Inhaling it deeply. Then withought any warning she let out a deep gutteral howl. There was no response. Good, she thought. Noone to bother us. Trotting off into the woods, Felicia stopped at every rock, tree, and item of interest to sniff and analyze. I let her do what she wanted. It's the small things in life, right? Then she turned and headed in the wrong direction but I trusted my wolf. She wouldn't go anywhere crazy. She was more responsible than me in that sense. It wasn't long before I realized where she was heading. Lookout point. It had a great view of the town and the woods. It used to be a popular hookup spot for the college kids and teens until the sherriffs office starting driving up here on the weekends to ruin their fun and eventually they blocked the road off that led up here. She was never one of those kids. Perhaps she would have been if she had found her mate at that age. Felicia lay down, head hanging over the edge staring off into the distance. It was serene. The moon was shining, the air was crisp and the stars were twinkling brightly. I would call it the perfect night. A light breeze blew through Felicias fur disturbing the undercoat and creating a light chill up her back. It was not unpleasant. Somewhere in the distance an owl started calling out for its mate. Off in the woods a rabbit screamed as it succumbed to a predator. Occasionaly you could hear the rustle of small nocturnal animal scavenging through the underbrush and fallen leaves. This was peaceful. This made Felicia almost feel whole. Another breeze came through and left a familiar smell hanging in the air. I knew that smell. I just could not remember from where. Felicia... I did not have to say more. She lifted her head and looked around, following the smell. It was subtle and earthy and easy to miss in the woods. It blended in so naturally. The difference was this earthy smell was warm and inviting, like the smell of the forest after a heavy summer rain. A stark contrast to the current conditions. If I were in human form and not in Felicias form I would be smiling. It was that kind of smell. The kind that lifts your spirit and makes you feel light for no apparent reason. There was a pull. It was barely there, but it was there. Why was it so faint? Felicias paws padded quietly along the forest floor, nimbly navigating the uneven terrain. She was being drawn somewhere and the closer she got the stronger the pull. Now it was more like a nagging feeling, like I forgot something and was trying to remember what it was that I forgot. Now I could smell rabbit and blood. Ahead of us there was a clearing and a lone wolf happily tearing into the rabbit. Felicia quietly stepped out of the tree line and waited for him to notice her. He was the one with the earthy smell we liked so much. Why were drawn to him. He spotted us and snarled aggressively, taking a stance to protect his prey from us. Felicia took a few steps closer and he snapped his teeth in warning. We sat and watched him finish his meal. There was something off about this wolf. His eyes were not the eyes of a wolf, but more like a human. Only they were vacant and broken. He's going feral. Felicia said. Do you think his human self is completely gone? I asked. No. I think a part of him is still there. We waited quietly as he made sure he got every last bite he wanted off the rabbit carcass. Finally he walked a few feet away from it and sat looking at us. The wind shifted, carrying our scent to him and he raised his nose to the air to sniff. Whatever he smelled peaked his interest as his ears darted forward and he tentatively walked towards us, sniffing the air periodically. It can't be. Felicia said. What? Smell that. Breath deep and feel the pull. She instructed me. You are in charge of our nose right now. I reminded her. She mentally rolled her eyes at me, but I did as she asked and really let myself tune into what I was feeling. It was there, a pull, and clearly this wolf felt it to. MATE. My wolf and I said simultaneously. We finally found out mate, but he was turning feral. He was letting his wolf take over and return to a natural state. His human self was letting go for some reason. Felicia... I don't think he can shift back. She said. Her sorrow for her mate mirroring my own. We found him, just to lose him? I cried. If wolves could sob, we would be sobbing right now. Our mate was more animal than human. He was in front of us now. We were nose to nose. A slight glimmer of recognition in his eyes. It was all I could do to keep in the sorrowful howl that wanted to rip through us. He head butted Felicia, clearly over joyed that they found their mates. Will we never get their names? You are not thinking of rejecting out mates are you? She asked. No. I just want to know their names. We have to make a decision. Felicia sounded hesitant. What decision is that? I could feel our combined anxiety climbing. We can leave and accept that we will never have another mate for the rest of our lives... She stopped. Or what? I asked. Or... we can choose to live feral with our mate. She finished quietly. Let's shift back. I want to see if he can understand me. I told Felicia. The other wolf watched impassively as our bones rearranged themselves into my human form. It was cold, so I squatted down and wrapped my arms around me to cover up as much as possible. "Hello, My mate." I whispered. He gently wagged his tail. "Is your human still in there?" I asked. He c****d his head as if he was thinking about what I said and finally he dipped his head. "Can you shift?" His ears drooped and he looked away. "I see." He must have taken my words as potential rejection because he lay on his belly and started whining pitifully. "I am not rejecting you." I assured him. He looked at me as if he was unsure whether he could believe me. "We may never learn your names, but I would like for you to know ours. I am Felicity, my wolf is Felicia." His tail swung from side to side. With a 'Harumph' or what passes for attempted speech he turn and looked over his shoulder at me. I think he wants us to follow him. Felicia said. Well I am not running barefoot and naked through these woods, so let's shift back. As soon as we were back on all fours and covered in fur, our mate trotted off in the opposite direction with us only a couple of feet behind him. Every so often he would stop and sniff, then look around as if to regain his bearrings and then continued on. Eventually we found ourselves in front of an fischer in the rock. Just Large enough for a grown man to crawl through and large enough for our wolves to walk right in. As we walked, the rock around us slowly closed overhead turning into a cave. It was surprisingly dry in the cave and a bit warmer due to the wind being blocked. Our eyes quickly adjusted to the low light levels as we followed our mate further in. Eventually he stopped, sat and pointedly stared off to the side. Hesitantly we approached the spot that he was clearly indicating. There, behind a rock and under a ledge, sat a pile of neatly folded clothes. Felicia crept closer as I retreated to the back of her mind. I was apprehensive about what we would find upon closer inspection. Let's look. I want to know more about our mates. Felicia said as I warred against her. Doing so would make this to real. She waited me out. Telling me that we needed answers and if necessary, closure. With that, I conceded and we shifted back into our human self. I never bothered looking back towards my mate. Having spent so long as a werewolf I was neither self consience about my nudity nor did I care. Especially not in front of my mate. If he could still feel the pull as I did then he would not see any of my flaws as I saw them. Slowly I reached out and felt around the clothes and found a wallet. If was faded and the leather was cracking from the lack of care. Even the clothes looked as if they had been abandoned here for quite some time. It was clear that he had deserted his human life and had no intention of going back to it. I opened the wallet and pulled the ID out from behind the now yellowing plastic cover. Liam P. O'Brien. His photo showed a dignified man hardened by life experience. There was no sign of hope or happiness on his face, in fact his eyes looked empty. He was handsome in rugged way and I would have fallen for him the second I laid eyes on him if we had met years before. I finally turned to look at my mate. "Is Liam still in there with you?" I asked. He c****d his head to the side as if he were thinking how to respond. Then he stood and walked up to me and pressed his head against my knee sending soft tingles up my leg. If he were gone, then there would be no connection what so ever. Yet it was there. Through it I could feel the soft thrum of mental anguish. It was clear he had retreated into his wolf to save himself. Felicity, what should we do? I asked. I am not sure, but I know he needs us. He is broken. She replied. Broken? Yes, like he is living with painful memories. The explaination made me think of soldiers returning from warzones with PTSD. We can't bring him home with us. Ferals were not allowed near the pack, but unlike rogues, they were not seen as a threat. Just as a werewolf that has lost his wolf is no better than a human, a wolf that has lost his human is just that, a wolf. The only reason they were chased from pack lands was to keep them from taking any game on packlands. That was not the only problem. Returning with him would mean getting pressured to reject him. Noone has bothered to try to rehad a feral before. Then again, I wasn't sure if any of them were ever mates with a feral. We can stay with him. Maybe he will come back if he knows he is not alone. Felicia replied quietly. His wolf whimpered. I rifled through the wallet to see what else I could learn about him. There were business cards and a few names with phone numbers jotted down, a random piece of folded paper with an address, a bank card, 3 credit cards and 17 dollars cash. Tucked between the bills was a small photo. It was his wolf. Flipping it over a single name was scribbled on the back. "Luca." Luca, I assume it is him because he and the photo are identical, perked up. Ears at attention he looks somewhat happy. What do we have to lose by going with him? Felicia asked. So I gave it serious thought. Other than drinking, dwelling on the aftermath of the Rogue wars and my sad excuse for a life, I really didn't have anything. There was nothing I would lose sleep over. I wrapped my arms around Lucas neck and closed my eyes. "Luca, if you are listening. Let me know you are there. I will stay if you are there." I pleaded. I waited for a sign, an answer, anything. Instead what I got was a jumble of thoughts and maybe his memories. Flashes of the war from their perspective, what they went through and the sadness and anger, the high of victory and the crushing sense of loss despite it. Then, under all the memories i heard it. It was faint but it was there. Mate? Liams voice quietly echoed through my mind. I wanted to reassure him. So I reached out to him. Yes Liam. Mate. I am here. I will always be here. I felt the faint acknowledgement and the subtle sense of relief before he retreated back into his wolf. I let Felicia take over and shifted back into our wolf. It wasn't until Felicia and Liam were curled up together sleeping that I realized just how cold I had been. Not just from the weather, but in my soul. Liams presence was soft yet somehow warming and if I had to spend months or even years helping him piece himself together again, I would do that for him.