Remnie's last story.

The Past Can Be a Present

Alex and Jonas left briefly to gather provisions from their apartment: food, first aid, flashlights, camp and grilling gear and changes of clothes. The most important contributions were a couple cases of water and two large bags of charcoal.

Hunter cleared the ash from the fire place and lined the bottom with coal, afterwards he covered a grill grate with foil and cooking spray and balanced it in the fire place for some cooking. They all agreed that what was left of raw meat should be cooked up for lunch and dinner. Jonas had a cast iron pot and prepared a stew that he slid right over the coals to cook while Remnie unpacked the last of her meat and cooked it on the grill grate. They all ate well and decided to rest before the evening broadcast came on. Hunter, over tired from his journey to his sister and a poor amount of sleep laid down by the fire place resting his head on his rolled up sleeping bag and drifted off. Jonas put on oven mitts and took their make shift stove apart, he then added a log to the fire and stretched out on the couch with Remnie's prompting.

Remnie had a stock pot of water boiling that she had filled with tub water. she took it to her sink and quickly scrubbed the dishes and left them to air dry. She glanced around her open living area and saw that Alex was playing solitaire on the kitchen table while Hunter and Jonas slept. Hunter didn't know it, but Remnie had dated Alex off and on for a bit over a year. They were definitely off at the moment. Remnie had pushed him away the last time her medications were adjusted. Having PTSD with anxiety and depression and the occasional bouts of paranoia and depression made it hard to get close to people.She was normally high functioning, but when she wasn't...she pushed people away. She normally did well under pressure, she was good at reacting and planning, it was the lulls in life she had difficulty with. Alex's eyes met hers and he looked at her with concern. Remnie didn't know how to react to his facial expression and said "Um, I think I'll lay down for awhile. You know rest my eyes a bit." She headed to her room, which Alex knew had to feel much cooler without the fireplace, and shut the door.

Her back was against the door and she let out a long sigh. Seeing him again was difficult. She had pushed him away before her last hospital stay and hadn't reached out to him sense.

She made her way to a chest at the end of her bed and pulled out two long blue candles that were encased in glass with painted saints on them. She wasn't religious really, she just enjoyed religious history and collected random things.Remnie fell into a category of being well read about many subjects: Religion, arts,history and survivalist tactics being her favorite subjects. She also had a basic grasp on sciences and math.

She lit the candles and placed them on both of her night stands, then she pulled out a large feather down blanket and 2 heavy quilts and put them on her bed. She crawled into bed, getting under the stack of blankets hoping she could warm up enough to sleep a little. So many thoughts rushed through her mind, racing each other for the forefront of her mind. She was so lost in her own head she didn't notice Alex opening the door and calling her name.

"Rem? I just wanted to clear the air, could we talk?" He watched her closely and it registered in his mind that she couldn't hear him. Part of her PTSD would cancel sound out and cause a delay for her to acknowledge her surroundings. This happened when she felt stressed out, but didn't have the means to act on her stress. When she felt a loss of control. She was curled under the blankets with her long hair blanketed over the pillows facing away from the bedroom door. Alex approached her slowly trying to avoid startling her and cleared his throat "Ahem, Remnie?" She sat up quickly, clinging to her quilts as if they had the answers she was searching for if she'd just clung tightly enough. "Oh hey, I didn't hear you come in," She said softly her eyes taking him in. Alex had a deep olive skin tone and short wavy dark brown hair. He was about 6'1 to her 5'3. He had the most piercing hazel eyes and was fairly toned from hiking on his off days. They had actually met at a camp site and realized his father lived in the unit next to hers later. God that seemed like a life time ago. He met her when she was out in the open air and comfortable. Being in nature, especially deep in the woods and cut off made her feel so free. He practically fell in love the first time they met, but being in the real world for Remnie was where she had the most difficulty. Expectations, rules, traditions, routines...she often felt so lost trying to navigate where most flourished.

Their eyes locked and he tried again "Rem, do you think we could talk? Please? I missed you so much while you were gone, I wanted to visit, but I was trying to respect your wishes and leave you alone." Rem looked down at her quilts and swallowed, "Um, sure. I guess we can try to talk if you want." "Could I get in the bed with you? It's cold in here, I promise I won't try anything, you said it's over and I get that.." She cut him off and said " Yes, please. I'm freezing anyways get in." They laid there side by side , not touching staring at the ceiling. Alex traced the lines in the ceiling patterns with his eyes trying to think of the best way to break the ice, it was Remnie, however, who managed it "Some weather we're having, huh?" She said nonchalantly. They both broke out laughing and Alex let out a big sigh of relief. "At least you haven't lost your sense of humor." He said still half laughing at her. "Rem I've missed you. I've missed you like air baby." She looked into his eyes, she could drown in this man if she let herself. "Alex I was in a really bad head space when I broke things off, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be completely okay. I never want to be a burden to you. I hate that I've been such a burden to Hunter for so long. He's all I've had for so long. Without him I'd probably of died by now." "I doubt he sees it that way, I never saw you that way." "Alex can I ask you something?" She looked so vulnerable to him, smaller somehow. "You can ask me anything Remnie." "How do I know this is all really happening? What if I'm still locked up in that hospital and having a psychotic episode, like really lost it? What if I'm really strapped down to a bed and I am lost some place in my own head?" She sounded so frantic. He shook his head. "If you are, we all are. So I guess the bright side is we are all going mad together." "Alex, will you hold me for a little while?" Her voice trembled and he nudged her onto his chest and stroked her long wavy auburn hair. If the only thing in the world that made sense to Alex was Remnie in his arms again, well then he felt the universe had given him a gift.

He stroked her hair and said softly "So that's your older brother? He isn't big on conversation is he?" "Hunter is a doer. When...when our parents died in a car accident we were put in foster care and separated. It got really bad for me. He always found me and promised he'd get me out when he aged out. He graduated early and got a job before he aged out, as soon as he did age out he got everything our parents left him and his savings and got us a little house. I was 10 when the accident happened...he got me out when I was 14." Remnie's voice cracked a bit as she spoke. "He got me into an okay school and got me a counselor to help deal with trauma and anxiety. I'd of given up without him." "I'm glad he was there for you." Alex said. "Was I though?" Hunter's voice came from the door frame. Remnie jumped up. Alex followed suit. Hunter looked like he would rip Alex to pieces. "I must of really of been a benefit to her, wasn't fast enough to save her from that sick bastard who fostered her last, and Rem I know your judgment is a bit impaired, but really didn't you two just meet five minutes ago?" His words were venomous as they came out through gritted teeth. Jonas came up behind him and said " They dated for the better part of a year. He would of married her if she would of let him. I'll thank you to calm down now and perhaps get caught up with your sister. Seems she's failed to fill you in." Jonas spoke quickly, and as he did Hunter seemed to deflate. "Rem, this is the guy you let go of before you asked me to get you help?" "Yes." She whispered it. "Are you having regrets about your decision?" "From the moment I did it, I regretted it. I love Alex."