Dilemma 🥹
GRACE POV
I sighed loudly when I heard the final bell, that signals the end of today’s school day, rang, its sharp sound cutting through the classroom’s chatter,” why can’t we just go home in the evening, at least that’s how it is in the Korean high school movies that I do watch” I thought to myself and sigh, I jealously watched the boarders in my class pack their things their things with smiles on their faces; I watched how they moved in groups and pairs, laughing, carefree, headed to their hostel,” when will I ever leave this school with a smiling face again?” I asked myself,” “I don’t think that day will ever come” my subconscious mind answered me this time,I just sighed because she’s right. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy at the thought of going home again not with everything going on in my life presently.
“ mom said she’ll make my favorite meal today” a girl in my class said to her friend with a smile on her face,”same here mom said to come home early so we can go to the spa together to relax our bodies” her friend replied, I envy them, no worries about what awaits them at home because it’s obviously a good think unlike mine, no listening to the endless comparisons from their parents, no constant reminder that they’re not enough , no one is making them put their mental health in line just for them to get good grades, lol indeed life isn’t balance at all.
I stared blankly as the boarders disappeared through the door, free from everything that weighed them down, I wish I could be like them, living somewhere else, far from my parents voices, far from the constant reminder of being a mistake.
A sudden, sharp slap on my shoulder jolted me from my thoughts, “ Hey!” My best friends stood there, an amused but frustrated look on their faces. “ We’ve been calling your name for ages. Where were you?” Petra said
I blinked shaking off the fog of my daydream. “ Oh…….. sorry, I was just…thinking.”
“Thinking?” Joel asked with a raised eyebrows. “Or lost in your own world again?”
I forced a small laugh trying to brush off the moment, but the heaviness in my chest lingered. Even my best friends did not know, no one did.
“ You coming?” Petra asked, slinging her bag over her shoulders.
“ Yeah, I’ll catch up” I replied, my voice quieter than I intended.
My friends shrugged and headed towards the door, leaving me alone in the now-empty classroom. I glanced at the clock. It was late. If I didn’t leave soon my parents will have something to nag me about. But the idea of going home felt heavier with each step I took toward the door.
I pushed open the classroom doors, trying to shake off the heavy feelings, the hallway was buzzing with students eager to head home, but I felt detached, burdened by the anticipation of what awaited me.
Outside Petra and Joel are waiting by the entrance. Petra was animatedly discussing her plans for this weekend, while Joel stood beside her,concerned evident in his eyes. His gaze always lingers with a softness that made me feel a pang of guilt for not opening up more to him.
“Hey!” petra called out, waving me over.
“We are heading to the cafe after this. You coming?”
I glanced at the clock, the familiar dread tightening in my chest.” I can’t today,” I said with a forced smile. “Got to get home and continue my role as the ‘World’s Most Neglected Daughter’.”
Joel’s brow furrowed with worry. “Are you sure? You’ve seemed off all day. Maybe some time out could help.”
I saw the concern in their eyes and felt a lump in my throat. I didn’t want to add to their worries, so I tried to lighten the mood. “ Come on,you know me. I’m just perfecting my award-winning performance. I promise I’ll catch you with you both tomorrow.”
Petra laughed, but I could tell she was still concerned. “You’re always full of jokes,” she said nudging me gently. “Are you sure you don’t want to come? We could use your company.”
Joel’s gaze lingered on me, his eyes a mix of worry and something softer. “We’re not letting you off the hook that easily,” he said though his tone carries an undertone of care that made me wonder if there was more to his words.
“It’s okay Joel, let’s let her off the hook for now, but do not leave us hanging,okay?”
“I won’t, I promise.” I said not meaning what I said, but had to just to stop them from worrying about me.
“Alright then,see you tomorrow. Come here baby girl” Joel said and I know what he meant.
I moved in for our traditional group greeting-a quick forehead kiss. When Joel’s lips lingered longer than usual, I felt a flicker of warmth mixed with curiosity. He looked at me with a tenderness I couldn’t quite place.
“Everything okay?” I asked a hint of concern in my voice.
Joel finally pulled back, his gaze soft but worried. “Yeah,just-“ He hesitated searching for the right words. “Just take care of yourself, okay?”
I nodded, trying to reassure him. “I will. And thanks for always looking out for me.”
Petra grinned and gave me a playful nudge.” Alright, go home and handle whatever’s going on. We will see you tomorrow and don’t leave us hanging!”
As I walk towards the parking lot, my smile faded as I saw the driver waiting by the car. Despite everything, his presence was a rare comfort, though it brought its own set of complications.
I climbed into the back seat, and he gave me a warm,reassuring look. “Long day?”he asked trying to keep his tone light.
“Yeah,” I said forcing a smile. “Just one of those days.”
He nodded sympathetically. “Well, I hope you can find a bit of peace tonight. Ever tried that new coffee place? They say the pastries are amazing “
I chuckled softly. “I’ve heard about it. Maybe I’ll check it out.”
He kept the conversation flowing, and I appreciated the distraction. His warm talk was a welcome reprieve from my anxiety. As we drove, I tried to focus on his words, finding a bit of comfort in the normalcy of our chat, even if it was just a temporary escape.
As the car pulled into the driveway, something caught my eyes, and my heart stopped. It’s my father’s sleek, imposing black sedan and my tutor’s small, familiar car—a chill ran down my spine. This wasn’t right. Dad wasn’t supposed to be home yet. He never came home this early. My heart raced as I walked slowly toward the front door, dreading what was waiting inside.
I paused for a moment, gripping the door handle, trying to calm the rising panic. Maybe it wasn’t what I thought. Maybe I could still explain myself. But even as I thought it, I knew better. Dad never let things slide—especially when it came to me.
With a deep breath, I pushed open the door and stepped into the sitting room, where the tension hit me like a wave.
My father was already there, sitting in his usual chair, his back straight, his eyes cold and locked onto me the second I walked in. His face was a mask of restrained anger, and the sight of it made my stomach churn. My legs felt weak as I stood frozen in the doorway, the silence thick and suffocating.
*"You’re late,"* he said, his voice calm but razor-sharp, like he had been waiting for me. He wasn’t yelling—he didn’t need to. The disappointment in his tone was worse than any raised voice could have been.
I swallowed hard, my throat dry. I glanced around the room, looking for Mr. Sterling, hoping he could somehow help me out of this mess. But the room was empty, save for the two of us. That only made the knot in my stomach tighter. He had probably gone to set up for the lesson, but my father… he had clearly been waiting for this moment.
*"Do you know what time it is?"* my father continued, his eyes narrowing. *"I came home early today to see how your lesson is progressing, and I find that you’re not even here."*
I opened my mouth to speak, to explain, but no words came out. I was caught. There was no excuse for this. I hadn’t made it back on time, and now I was paying for it.
His gaze didn’t leave me for a second, as if daring me to come up with a reason. *"Where were you?"* he demanded, his voice a little harder now. *"Your tutor has been waiting here for over half an hour, and yet you waltz in like your time is more important than anyone else’s."*
I took a shaky breath, trying to steady myself. *"I... I lost track of time,"* I stammered, my voice barely a whisper. *"I didn’t mean to be late."*
*"Lost track of time,"* he repeated, his tone dripping with disdain. *"That’s your excuse? After what happened with the audition, you should be doing everything to show me that you’re capable of taking this seriously. And instead, you’re proving exactly what I’ve feared."*
His words stung, each one cutting deeper than the last. The failed audition had been bad enough—losing to Lauren, his rival’s daughter, was still fresh in his mind. It was another black mark against me. And now, this.
*"I’m sorry,"* I said, though I knew it wouldn’t matter. Sorry didn’t change the fact that I had let him down again.
He stood up slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. *"You’re the eldest,"* he said, his voice low but firm. *"You’re supposed to be the example, the one who sets the standard for your siblings. And yet, here you are, making excuses for your irresponsibility. Do you think that’s what this family needs?"*
I shook my head, the familiar burn of tears threatening to spill over. I blinked rapidly, willing myself not to cry. Crying only made him angrier.
*"You’ve got a tutor sitting here, wasting his time because you can’t manage yours,"* he continued, stepping closer. *"What do you think this says about you? About your commitment? You’ve already embarrassed me with the modeling audition, and now this? What’s next?"*
I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t do anything but stand there, the weight of his words pressing down on me like a physical force. My father’s expectations were suffocating, and no matter what I did, it was never enough.
*"I came home early today,"* he said, his voice hardening even more, *"to see if you’ve made any progress. But it seems you’re more interested in wasting everyone’s time than making something of yourself."*
I bit my lip, trying to hold back the sob that was threatening to break free. I couldn’t let him see me cry. Not again. Not when I had already disappointed him so much.
*"Go to the study,"* he said finally, his voice cold and final. *"Mr. Sterling is waiting for you. We’ll discuss this further after your lesson."*
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. With shaky legs, I turned and made my way toward the study, each step feeling heavier than the last. The looming conversation that would come after hung over me like a dark cloud, and I knew there was no escaping the fallout.
As I reached the study door, his voice rang out again, sharp and unforgiving.
*"And while we're at it,"* he said, his tone dripping with disdain, *"let's not forget your performance last time. How you managed to embarrass yourself—and me—by losing to Lauren in front of everyone."*
I froze, my hand resting on the door handle, knowing there was more to come. I could feel his anger pulsing through the room, and I knew this wasn’t over.
*"Your sister,"* he continued, *"just came home with first place again. Top of her class. She knows what it means to carry the weight of this family's name. She's excelling—constantly proving herself to be the daughter this family deserves."*
The familiar sting of comparison cut through me like a knife. It didn’t matter how hard I tried, or what I did. I could never be enough for him. Not while my sister existed as the perfect standard.
*"What’s your excuse?"* he demanded, his voice rising slightly. *"What have you been doing that made you slip so far behind? You were once the shining star of this family. Now look at you."*
I wanted to disappear, to melt into the floor and escape his relentless criticism. But there was no escape. Not here. Not with him.
He stepped closer, his eyes burning with that same cold fury. *"I don't know what's been distracting you,"* he said, his voice low and biting, *"but you better let go of it. Whatever it is that's made you lose focus, you fix it. Because if you don't, you’ll lose everything."*
I swallowed hard, my throat tight. The weight of his words pressed down on me, suffocating. I could barely breathe under the pressure of his expectations.
*"If you don't return to being the star you once were,"* he said, his voice dangerously calm, *"then you’ll be ready to see hell. I won't let you drag this family’s name through the mud. I won’t be a laughing stock because of you."*
I flinched at his words, feeling the familiar knot in my chest tighten. There was no room for failure here. Not for me.
Just when I thought he was finished, my father turned his cold gaze toward the study where Mr. Sterling was waiting. His voice was low but commanding, leaving no room for argument.
*"Mr. Sterling,"* he called out, without even looking back at me, *"before you leave today, I expect a full report on her performance. Every detail. I want to know exactly how much progress she’s made and where she continues to fall short."*
I felt the blood drain from my face. He wasn’t just angry—he was making sure I couldn’t hide, couldn’t escape the consequences of my failures.
Mr. Sterling appeared at the doorway, his expression neutral but his discomfort clear. He glanced at me for a brief moment, and I could feel his pity. But pity wouldn’t save me now.
*"Yes, sir,"* Mr. Sterling replied, his voice calm and professional. *"I’ll make sure to go over everything with you before I leave."*
I wanted to shrink, to disappear. My father wasn’t going to let me off the hook this time. Every mistake I made today would be laid bare, dissected, and added to the growing list of disappointments.
*"Good,"* my father said, his tone final. He turned back to me, eyes hard. *"You’d better hope you have something worth reporting today."*
As my father turned to leave, his eyes lingered on me for a moment longer, scanning me from head to toe, his expression full of disdain. He paused, narrowing his eyes at my school uniform, which was now another mark against me.
*"And change out of that uniform,"* he snapped. *"You’re not in school anymore. You look unprepared and careless standing here like that."*
I nodded quickly, not trusting myself to speak. The uniform felt like a weight on my body, a symbol of my tardiness and everything I hadn’t done right today. Without another word, I turned and headed upstairs to my room, each step heavier than the last, knowing that the real battle was still ahead.
