BY THE WILL OF ALLAH

CHAPTER 4: BETWEEN BOUNDARIES AND FEELINGS

The days passed in a blur of assignments and endless studying. Huda barely had time to think about anything other than exams. Her notebooks were filled with scribbled notes, and late nights became routine.

Yet, despite being so consumed by academics, her thoughts occasionally wandered back to that moment—when Noor had stood up for her so fearlessly. The way she had confronted Izaan, the confidence in her voice, the unwavering strength she had shown... It lingered in Huda's mind.

She admired Noor. Respected her. But more than anything, she wished she could do the same for herself.

Late one evening, after a long study session at Noor's house, Huda finally voiced what had been bothering her.

"Noor," she started hesitantly, closing her book and looking at her friend. "I've been thinking about what happened with Izaan..."

Noor glanced up from her notes. "Hmm? What about it?"

Huda sighed, playing with the edge of a page. "You stood up for me that day. You protected me. And I'm grateful... but I don't want to keep relying on you every time something happens."

Noor raised a brow, intrigued.

"I want to be strong on my own," Huda admitted. "I want to be able to stand up for myself without needing someone else to do it for me."

A small smile formed on Noor's lips. "That's a good thing, Huda. You should be able to defend yourself. And I know you can."

Huda met her gaze. "But I don't know how."

Noor leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand. "That's what I'm here for. I'll help you. I'll teach you how to be firm, how to speak up when you need to. You just need a little push, and I'll make sure you get it."

Huda felt something settle inside her—a determination she had never felt before.

"Okay," she said. "Teach me."

A week passed.

Huda had been trying. She wasn't perfect at it, but she was making an effort. Small things—like speaking her mind more, correcting people when they assumed things about her, and not hesitating to say 'no'—were steps in the right direction. Noor guided her, encouraging her every time she made progress.

But she didn't expect to be tested so soon.

That afternoon, as she was leaving university, she spotted someone standing near the exit. Izaan.

Her feet halted for a second, but she quickly composed herself and kept walking. Maybe if she ignored him, he wouldn't say anything.

She was wrong.

"Huda, wait," Izaan called, stepping forward.

She stiffened. Her instinct was to keep walking, pretend she hadn't heard him. But he wasn't letting that happen.

"I just need a minute," he said, his tone softer than she had ever heard before. "Please."

She hesitated, torn between stopping and walking away. But before she could decide, Noor, who was beside her, leaned in and whispered, "You got this. Don't stay silent. Speak up."

Taking a deep breath, Huda turned to face him.

"I don't have time, Izaan," she said, her voice steady but distant. "Say what you need to and be done with it."

He looked surprised by her directness but quickly recovered. "I just... I wanted to apologize. I know I crossed a line. I shouldn't have gotten your number without permission, and I shouldn't have texted you that night."

Huda said nothing, her arms crossed.

"I wasn't thinking," he continued. "And I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I really am. I just... I didn't know how else to talk to you."

She stayed silent for a moment, her mind processing his words. Then, finally, she spoke.

"Apology accepted," she said simply. "But don't talk to me again."

His eyes flickered with something unreadable. Regret? Disappointment? She didn't know.

"But—"

"No 'but,'" she cut him off. "You crossed a boundary, and I'm setting one now. Don't try to break it again." And for the first time, she felt... free.

With that, she turned and walked away, Noor smiling proudly beside her.

But as much as she wanted to forget about it, fate had other plans.

The next day, their professor announced group study sessions for their upcoming exams. Students murmured amongst themselves, some excited, others groaning at the idea of forced teamwork.

"Huda, Noor, Izaan, and Daniel," the professor called out, reading the assigned groups.

Huda's stomach dropped.

She could feel Izaan's gaze from across the room, but she refused to look his way.

As the study session began, she focused on her notes, avoiding any interaction with him. But Izaan didn't seem to have the same plan.

At first, his efforts were subtle—passing a pen when hers ran out of ink, nodding when she made a good point in discussion. Then, he started speaking directly to her.

"That was a good explanation," he said after she answered a question.

She didn't respond.

"You're really good at this subject, huh?" he tried again.

Still, she ignored him.

But the truth was... she had started noticing things.

The way he looked at her when she spoke. The way he seemed different from before—not as arrogant, not as intrusive. There was something else in his eyes now. Something softer.

And the most frustrating part?

A small, unfamiliar feeling stirred inside her.

But she wasn't going to acknowledge it.

Not now. Not ever.

Because feelings... they led to complications. And she wasn't ready for that, She wasn't ready to face those emotions, especially because of her faith. Her father would never approve of her getting involved with someone like Izaan, and more importantly, she had no intention of engaging in anything that went against her religious values. She was determined to follow the principles her religion taught her, and that meant keeping a clear boundary when it came to Haram relationships.

Not with Izaan.

Not with anyone.

Next day, Huda was completely immersed in her studies—or at least, she was supposed to be. With exams right around the corner, her days were packed with assignments, lectures, and endless revision. It wasn't new for her; she and Noor had always studied together whenever exams approached. Sometimes, they stayed at Huda's home; other times, at Noor's. It was a tradition they had followed since childhood, ever since they met in kindergarten and became inseparable.

From middle school to high school, then college, and now university, their bond never wavered. They were always together, through every struggle and every success.

Noor, like Huda, belonged to a Muslim family. Over the years, their families had grown close, making it easy for them to spend time at each other's houses. Noor, however, was not an only child like Huda. She had a younger brother, a five-year-old miracle in her family.

Her parents had long wished for a son, but every time, fate had been cruel. Each time her mother conceived; the baby boy didn't survive in the womb. After countless heartbreaks, they had lost hope—until, unexpectedly, Noor's mother became pregnant again. And this time, against all odds, Allah answered their prayers.

Her little brother was not just the youngest in the family—he was their miracle, their joy. Noor loved him dearly, though the age gap between them was significant.

But Huda wasn't fully present.

She kept zoning out, her mind replaying the past few weeks. Noor had defended her without hesitation. Izaan had crossed a line and then begged for forgiveness. And she... she had finally spoken up for herself. That moment kept circling in her mind.

Had she really done the right thing?

Did she really not care anymore?

Noor, noticing Huda's silence, put down her pen. "Huda, what's up with you?"

Huda blinked, snapping out of her thoughts. "Huh? What?"

"You're doing it again. Zoning out," Noor said, tilting her head. "Talk to me."

Huda hesitated before sighing. "I don't know, Noor. I feel... weird."

"Weird how?"

"I don't know how to explain it," Huda murmured, fidgeting with her pen. "It's like... I'm supposed to hate Izaan. He did something wrong, and I made it clear that I don't want him near me. But ever since that study group was formed, I feel like he's—"

"Like he's what?" Noor pressed.

"Like he's not as bad as I thought," Huda admitted reluctantly. "I mean, he doesn't push too much. He asks for notes, tries to talk, but never forces it. And sometimes, I catch myself... noticing things."

Noor raised an eyebrow. "Noticing what exactly?"

Huda sighed. "The way he looks at me. The way he waits for my reaction. The way his voice changes when he talks to me."

Noor smirked. "Ohhh, so you're saying—"

"No!" Huda cut in, shaking her head. "That's the thing. I don't want to notice. I don't want to feel anything, Noor."

Noor studied her for a moment before smiling knowingly. "Feelings don't ask for permission, Huda. You can reject them all you want, but if they're there... they won't disappear just because you say so.'' Noor looked at her seriously. ''Huda, you're ignoring your feelings, and that's not good. In the end, it will hurt you. And you know what? Whatever you're feeling, it can't happen because you're firm in your beliefs and values, and that's something you know deep down. I'm not saying you shouldn't have feelings, but I think it would be best if you talked to Aunty about it first."

Huda groaned, covering her face. "I don't want to feel anything for him. Not after everything."

Noor leaned back. "Then don't. But be honest with yourself. Ignoring it won't change what's happening inside you."

Huda didn't respond.

Because deep down, she knew Noor was right.

And that terrified her.

The Study Group & The Growing Tension

The next day, the study group met in the university library. Huda sat beside Noor, while Izaan was across from her with Daniel , the fourth member.

She tried to focus on her notes.

She really did.

But she could feel him.

She wasn't looking, but she knew Izaan kept glancing at her. Every time she shifted in her seat, she could sense his attention flickering toward her.

And worst of all?

Her own gaze betrayed her.

At one point, Izaan leaned forward to pass Noor a book, and Huda caught herself staring at his hands.

Why am I even looking at his hands?! she screamed internally, immediately snapping her eyes back to her notes.

Then, as if fate enjoyed torturing her, their hands almost touched when he handed her a paper. Huda snatched it away faster than necessary, her heart skipping a beat.

Izaan noticed.

His lips twitched as if he was about to say something, but he stayed silent.

That annoyed her even more.

The whole session went like this—silent looks, small interactions, and Huda pretending nothing was happening.

Finally, Noor, who had been watching everything like a hawk, leaned over and whispered, "You're losing, Huda."

Huda clenched her jaw. "I'm not playing a game."

Noor smirked. "Yeah? Then why do you look like you're about to pass out every time he looks at you?"

"I do not!"

"You do."

Huda exhaled sharply. "I'm just... uncomfortable. That's all."

Noor chuckled. "Yeah. Keep telling yourself that."

Days passed, and the pattern continued.

Huda kept her distance, but Izaan was always there. Not pushing. Not forcing. Just... existing in her space.

And no matter how much she hated it, she couldn't deny one truth anymore.

She had stopped seeing him as just a mistake from her past.

She had started seeing him as a person.

And that was dangerous.

Because feelings, once acknowledged, were impossible to erase.

And Huda?

She wasn't ready to face that yet.