BY THE WILL OF ALLAH

I never thought love could feel like a sin. Yet here I am, standing in the dim glow of my bedroom lamp, my heart heavier than my hands, which tremble over my prayer mat. The echoes of whispered duas fill the air, but tonight, they do not bring me peace. How did I get here? How did I let my heart wander where it was never meant to go? I close my eyes, seeking refuge in the past—before Izaan, before the stolen glances and hushed conversations, before my world split between devotion and desire. It all began on a cold autumn morning in Pompeu Fabra University in Barcelona, when the crisp air carried with it a storm I never saw coming... It was another early morning, just like every day. I woke up, got ready for university, and headed downstairs. Mama was busy preparing breakfast. After eating, I left for university, unaware that this morning would turn my world upside down. When I arrived at the university, I saw Noor, my best friend, waiting for me. We started walking toward our class when someone suddenly stopped us. "Umm, hello Huda, hello Noor." "Hi," Noor replied, sounding a bit surprised when she noticed I wasn’t responding. "Do you need something, Izaan?" Izaan hesitated before answering. "No, I just... wanted to talk to Huda for a moment." But Huda remained silent. "Sorry, I don’t want to talk to anyone right now," she said quickly, walking away. When Noor followed Huda into the classroom, she found her sitting in her usual spot, lost in her own thoughts. Huda had barely taken her seat when the incident replayed in her mind, leaving her feeling uneasy. It was the first time a boy had ever approached her, and she didn’t know how to react. As she tried to process everything, Noor came over to shake her, about to say something, but just then, the teacher entered and the lecture began. After class, Huda was about to head home, but once again, someone stopped her. She turned to see the same boy from earlier—the one Noor had called Izaan. Before Huda could leave, Izaan stepped forward, his heart racing as if it might burst from his chest. "Huda, please, just listen to me for a moment," Izaan said, his voice trembling. He was about to confess, and his words felt heavy, like a weight he could no longer hold. Huda remained silent, her veil hiding her expression, leaving him unsure of what she was thinking. "I... I really like you," Izaan began, his words stumbling. "No, I... I fell in love with you the moment I accidentally saw your face. Huda, please, accept me... please." He said everything in a single breath, his chest tightening with fear and anticipation. He waited for a response, but when no words came from her, panic surged within him. Huda remained distant, lost in her own world, unable to process the magnitude of the moment. For the first time in her life, someone had confessed their feelings to her. The idea of being liked, of being seen that way, felt so foreign, so overwhelming. When Huda finally snapped back to reality, she looked at Izaan, and the words tumbled out without hesitation: "No, Mr. Izaan, I can’t accept this. I’m sorry." Her voice was steady, but deep inside, there was a whirlwind of emotions she wasn’t yet ready to face.