Story of Adler: My Life Being Alone

I resided in a solo apartment. I choose to be independent because of my toxic peers and to be independent about my decisions in life. They almost controlled my life and I can't do anything just to stop their toxic doings. And one day later, I was given a chance to go away from my house. I bring all of my belongings and I want to live a peaceful life without anyone. I do not regret choosing my decisions just for the sake of my mental and emotional health. I don't have any relatives in my household right now. I just want to be alone and to choose any decision that I want to pursue and to do. After that day, I bought my things for my new home. I was confidently happy at the front of my lonely life suffering from my past moments while staying at a supermarket. I was fully grateful because I live a peaceful life after difficult times. I'm happy for the people that I see. As ng independent, I don't have any contact with any of my enemy relatives. But I just want to avoid some bad moments that trigger my stress. I'm grateful that I was given a second life to change anything about me. And it's me vs. me. I'm responsible for my mistakes and imperfections. 5 days later, I see myself in an apartment 10 kilometers away from my family's home. This thing gives me a private life. No one controls my life. I enjoyed being independent. When things going worse, I will stay strong just for the sake of my dreams and ambitions. I pursued my dreams privately. No one knows about my progress. They will know that thing until that success will see by the people. From this apartment, I learned to love myself. When I realized it, I don't want to have any life partner. I will just wait for him unexpectedly. I will try to build myself better and the best. Although I regret that I didn't independent myself in the past times, I will strive to do what the best will I achieve what I didn't gain before. One day, in the first months of my new home, I didn't gain any friends here in the city. I enjoyed and am addicted to being alone because that's my happiness. Do you think I'm better alone these days? Yes. That's why I get my dream job low-key. With no one on my side, I'm not struggling to live my life privately. Although I don't know everything about my new city, I improve myself, and I learned to be self-reliant. I learned anything in this world and you know? I started my new career. In the past, I suffered from depression and anxiety. It takes me many months and years to recover because of traumas from my relatives. It's too hard for me to forget those things and to relieve my pain. Since today, when I don't have any homies here in my home, I recovered my mental health. Additionally, I build my home far away from any houses. I just don't want to hear any loud and noisy voices in my home. I was shocked at how much was changed during a couple of weeks. I achieve many in my life and this is not the end. I will try to fulfill my promises. Let's go back to the moments during the first months of residing in my new house. When I tried to buy new things for innovation of my house, some personnel in the supermarket are looking mad at me. I don't know if this triggers my new anxiety. I can't describe my feelings anymore. I'm thankful because I'm not getting injured by them, but they are like discriminating against me. When I got back home, I was tired of handling my newly brought items. I don't clean my house at all, instead, I sleep for a few hours since it was an afternoon during those times. When I woke up later, I clean my house and I did my bad routine, which is overthinking. I don't know why I include it in my evening routine but sometimes I enjoyed it because I got tired easily when I cried from these tasks. My overthinking is all about the past traumas that I said earlier. I worried that it will happen in a few days, months, years, and so on because sometimes, I can't do anything to prevent this from happening to me. I know on the internet that we can't stop discrimination and racism in any area. I can't also do anything to stop the overthinking routine. I also received rejections from the people. I observed, experienced, and realized that although you are almost perfect, you will still receive rejections. My case is a few different. I was rejected by almost all. I don't have friends before also. I can't lean any hand to receive some help when I'm suffering. I was almost lost in this world. I tried to be nice to them, but they still did and looked bad on me. But these events gave me a lesson, which is "Don't rely on other people, you have only yourself." Although I'm struggling at first, I learned from it and I will master it later. I learned that "Your value is not determined by how others see you." because every people have different preference and standards. Although almost all people are disliking you, you only have yourself, be yourself, and be true to yourself. I can't give everything to them because they hate me. I'm just grateful for what God gives me. Every time I lose, I will strive higher.