Rise of The Moon Goddess (book 2 of 3)

Feels Like I Am In Hell

Zahra’s Prov.

“Okay what do I have to do?” I asked Ariadne.

“Your going to have to relive everything all the bad, good, and more. I am going to cast a spell on you that will open all the memories you buried or have not yet buried in you mind. And you cant use any emotion if you do, I will have to cast a spell to eliminate that emotion. This is going to be difficult for you and your wolf physically and mentally. So, Zahra Luna of the Blood and Moon pack are you prepare for what has to be done?”

I froze I have to relive everything from when I was born to know without showing any emotions, am I ever ready for it?

‘Your going to have to be if we are to save the world from the darkness that is getting more powerful then before. Remember I’m here with you all the way we can do this even if I have to keep telling you its not real or talk to you.’ Kotori said and then walked to the back of my mind.

I then looked at Ariadne with determination,

“I am ready for what needs to be done whatever it takes even if it costs me my life.”

“Good because you are going to need that confidence if you want to hide the truth.”

As she said that I remembered what this goddess like woman said. That I will die in the end and I am okay with that I am prepared for it, well as much as I can be anyway.

“Okay enough talking let’s begin Althea I need to you keep your magic ready so if anything happens, you’re there to heal her, Corvus I need you to make sure no one disturbs this training it is crucial that she is to not be disturbed.”

They both nodded and then she turns to me,

“Sit on this bench and close your eyes.”

I did as she instructed, and she was barley mumbling some words yet again I could not hear them.

All of a sudden, I was in a trans of some sort. I can see my mother and father looking at something that was bundled in a pink blanket. As I got closer it was me. I remember the songs that she would sing to me before I went to sleep.

“Sleep my precious little one.

For today is all done

I wish you a goodnight sleep.

For tomorrow will come at a leap

I will see you tomorrow.

So, there is no need to be sorrow.

I will watch over you.

So, close your eyes and seek the dreams you want to pursue.”

It was a weird song, but what really got me to sleep was her angle like voice singing it. It was easy to not have any emotions to this because I do not really know much other then that song that she sang every night.

Then I saw the time that I was in fade away and then I saw a young teenager in school I walked to that teen only to find out it was me. I was alone I did not really have any friends at school, so I would always read with my back against a tree until the bell rang for us to go inside school for the last half of school.

Then that one soon faded and all I saw was darkness. Then I heard me and John talking that is when it was hard to have no emotion.

‘I know you miss him but remember he’s here with us.’ Kotori said in my head and she was right. He will forever be in our hearts.

“You know if you were not the alphas daughter, I would have got rid of you.” John said to my other self.

I remember what I said next it was a sarcastic remark too saying how sweet of him to say that. I then laughed at what he said afterwards something in the lines of,

“Go fall down the escalator again will ya and come back with a more mature Zahra.”

Then I felt something strange the happiness that I felt no longer was there I was emotionless to this happy and precious memory and then I remembered what Ariadne said that if I showed any emotion, she would get rid of that emotion. But why I think if I use the happy ones my power will grow much stronger.

I then remembered what happened next, I got angry that my parents where keeping something from me and if I wanted to be the Luna, I am today they needed to stop. I then see myself run through me and as I turned, I knew where I was going. Then my vision got blurry and all of a sudden, I was looking at the battle that came afterwards how John and Jay battling the rouges and then I see myself falling off the cliff with the rouge that pushed me off.

All of this was my fault and I still blamed myself for it and then that blame, and pain disappeared probably from Ariadne using magic on me, again I felt no emotion.

Then my vision went to the beach where I heard my fairy guardian Laila talking to me. And then my vision once again blurred and the next thing I knew I was in the hospital and I see my dad with me after my surgery. Once again, I felt like crying and all of a sudden that feeling disappeared. Then my vision turned black. Out in the distance as I turned, I saw my dad in his office I was around eighteen and he was talking to a girl that looks like Nyk sitting on the opposite side of the office.

As I walked, I saw myself walking in the door. I remember telling my father that I was sorry, and I can come back another time, but he told me to come in that he wanted me to meet someone who ended turning out to be the coolest chick I met named Nyk.

Then my vison went to when my pack, the Blood Moon Pack, was attacked and Nyk was holding me down which now I am grateful for but at the same time I hated it. Again, those emotions soon left me as I saw one member getting killed right after another with no emotions at all.

My vision went black and then next thing I hear is,

“Let’s take a break okay that way we are not straining your brain.” Ariadne said.

I opened my eyes, and it was midafternoon already I sat down in a chair that was in her house and she was cooking us something to eat but there was one question that remained in my head.

“Why are we getting rid of the happy emotions wouldn’t that strengthen me in the long run?”

“No, any emotions will hinder your concentration and for your next question not this spell will not effect your emotions when you see Ryder, or they shouldn’t anyway.”

“So, what your saying is your not sure if it will or not, and if it does you know he will be pissed at you right?”

“Yes, I’m well aware of this however I can always cast a spell to go against the spells that I cast towards your emotions to cancel that spell out. However, I don’t know if it will actually work and if our progress stayed or will you have emotions to your past memories again.”

I sat there thinking about what she said and then she put a plate of pancakes and eggs with bacon and syrup on top of everything in front of me. Corvus and Althea came in the door and sat in the seats on each side of me and Ariadne sat in the seat across from mine.

We ate in silence and then we rested our bellies before we started to train again. I knew what would come next. To be honest I remember everything like it all happened yesterday. Once again, I ran away and then I was kidn*pped because of my stupidity and it cause Ryder and his pack a hard time. It also cause a lot of trauma for me being tied and tortured and when I slept, I had bad dreams, which I knew later was a spell from a warlock named Asmodeus that was secretly working with Puck.

“Your thinking about what is going to happen when we started training again.”

“Yes, and I remember everything every little detail all the pain and suffering I went through and I could feel that pain from another person that I didn’t know at the time was my mate.”

“If that’s the case do you have any emotions towards that memory?”

“Only one rage.”

“Why.”

“Because if it weren’t for my stupidity none of it would have happened and yet I feel like it was supposed to happen so I could meet Luck. He was the good side of Puck. Puck was the sick and twisted one putting a knife that gently went down my neck to my chest. Licking my sexually and yet I could not move or kill him. However, there is another emotion that I have towards Puck….I feel sorry for him because something had to have happened for him to be like that. I think his true self was Luck. Someone that was kind and caring, but in order to escape I had to kill Puck which meant I had to kill Luck as well.” I paused for a moment then I continued to talk, “Now that I think about it, I was meant to meet him so I could relieve the pain and suffering feelings that I got from Luck. Luck wanted me to kill him in the end so he wouldn’t have to suffer anymore.”

“Yes, it’s interesting what the moon goddess puts us through she knew you would kill him she knew that Luck was truly suffering however she couldn’t bare it killing him herself for reasons no one knows.”

“So, she had me do it for her.”

“Yes, and I know it makes you think that she was a coward for not doing it herself however, it did make you stronger then what you where before did it not?”

I thought about what she said, and it be honest she was right it did make me stronger it also made me appreciate the little things in life that I took for granted. The more I thought about that question the more that I wish I could go back in time to all the regrets that I have running through my head every day. I wanted to fix those, but I know I cant fix them but instead learn from them that way I will not make the same mistakes.

“Well, you want me to just erase those emotions, or do you want to torture yourself by reliving them?”

To be honest I wanted to torture myself, but I do not think I could take it besides if I do that anyway on a daily basis what good would it do me know.

“No, go ahead and erase them but then when this is all over, I want them all back.” I told her.

She looked at me like I was crazy but then she understood. She casted the spell and any emotion that I had towards any memory was gone. I did not feel the pain and the hurt or the happiness that I had from the good memories.

“I think that is enough for today Corvus can you cast a spell to teleport Zahra home?”

Corvus just nodded and I went through the portal and I ended up in mine and Ryders room.

I went over to the bed and sat down and sighed while closing my eyes. I then felt hands on my shoulders and the sparks quickly burst through my shoulders and went through my body.

“Babies are you okay?” I heard the god like voice of my mate.

I opened my eyes and I saw his eyes filled with concern,

“Yea, I’m just tiered that’s all training was really hard.” On the last word I choked trying not to cry but I could not help it.

He then pulled me on the floor with him and hugged me tightly.

Ryder’s Prov.

I stopped doing my pack work because I can feel Zahra coming through a portal in our room. I walked out of my office and to the door of our room and stopped just before I grabbed the knob. Something was off she is about to break down I can feel the pain that is trying to escape but she is trying to hold it in. I then heard her sigh, and I went to her I wanted to comfort her. I asked her if everything was okay, and she told me she was tiered I then knew she did not want to talk about it then she broke down crying. Something happened I can feel so much pain coming from her ever since she came home even more so then now.

After about an hour of her crying she passed out and I gently laid her in the bed and moved her hair out of her face gently, so I did not wake her up and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

When I closed the door, Eric was waiting for me in the hallway,

“How much of it did you hear?”

“Enough to know that whatever kind of training she is going through was really hard for her.”

“Yes, I never felt so much pain until now I want to talk to the witch but I’m going to wait and see if Zahra will not tell me herself first.”

“I agree with you but whatever training that she is doing that is causing her so much pain shouldn’t continue.”

“I agree with you on this, but we have to let it continue if it is going in this direction and I hate to say that because I don’t want her to feel this away at all. Go ahead and cancel that dinner date I set up for me and her will you I don’t think it’s a good idea with her in this state.”

“Consider it done Ryder. I really do hope she feels better soon.” Eric said to me before he left.

“Me too.” I said to no one.

I went back to my office and finished my paperwork and then I went to the bedroom and slide in the covers and pulled her close to me so her back is against my chest.

I rubbed her arm as she slept for the whole night. I stayed awake so if she was to wake up, I was there awake and ready to either talk to her or comfort her.

It was six in the morning and I left to make breakfast for our kids and her. I ate while I was cooking so I did not go hungry because the last thing I wanted to do I piss her off because I was not eating. The last time I did that she really held that against me for almost a month.

As I walked in the room and sat the tray down on her nightstand she shot up from the bed and there was this horror look on her face.

“Hey are you okay.” I said as I sat on the floor and grabbed her hand.

She jumped at the touch and it scared me normally she was not so jumpy.

“Zahra please let me in your head I want to know what’s going on so I can help you.”

“I can’t not yet please understand I just need more time.” She said in a shaky voice.

“Okay ill wait here have some breakfast.” I said as I handed her the tray, but she just put it back down and laid down and went back to sleep.

I touched her forehead to see if maybe she was not feeling well and as my skin touched hers it was like she was on fire.

‘Eric, I need you to call the doctor I think Zahra is sick.’ I told him through the mind link.

I then got dressed because all I was wearing was shorts and I rather be presentable when I have company over. I just threw on some faded blue jeans and a black t-shirt. The next thing I knew I heard a knock on the door.

“Please come in doctor.” I said.

The door opened and the doctor put her bag down on the foot of the bed.

“Hey Ryder, what seems to be the problem?” Clara said as she went to Zahra to start examining her.

“She came home form training and she was really exhausted and in pain mentally anyway. She slept through the night and she woke up from a nightmare or something like that. She didn’t eat her food like she normally would and went back to sleep.”

Clara listened to her heart then felt her forehead, took her temperature the whole nine yards.

“Well, she is running a fever her heart rate however is higher then normal. I say let her rest for now if she does not eat at all today let me know. What has me concerned is her fever and her heartrate but like you said she had a nightmare which will spike the heartrate which then gives her a fever.”

“Okay ill let you know if things get worse. Thank you for coming so quickly.”

“Not a problem.” Clara said and packed up her bag and left.

I took care of the kids while checking on Zahra to my surprise I ended up sleeping in my office chair.

“Alpha you need to go to bed if you are this tired.” Eric said waking me up.

“What time is it?”

“Three in the morning sir.”

I groggily got up and headed to the bedroom and I soon as my head hit the pillow I went fast to sleep.

I woke up to a soaked blanket thrown at me and I took it off looked at Zahra and she was soaked with sweat, and I looked at the tray that was still full of food. I picked her up and rushed to the hospital that’s when I had enough, I need to talk with Ariadne about this.