The Ocean's Song

“Close your eyes,” I said softly, staring at the water as it lapped softly at the sandy shore. “What do you think of when you hear the ocean?” I turned away from the ocean and to my children. Marella and Oceanus, twins, looked at me like I grew a second head, then to each other, and back again.  “The world is covered by 70% of water.” Marella said thoughtfully. “The human body is 60% water.” Oceanus said.  I laughed, holding my stomach as the rest of my body began to shake with each heavy breath. The two exchanged looks again and I forced myself to calm down. “Well, when I think of the ocean, I think of your grandmama and grand Papi.” I said, my voice slightly pained. I sat down, motioning for them to follow. Marella gave me a look of curiosity and worry.  “You never mention our grandparents.” She said softly. I sighed, turning my gaze back to the ocean. I stayed far enough away from the water, listening to the constant crashing of waves, watching the white water rush across the surface and the waves tower far above our heads.  “I lost my father long before I was your age.” I said, turning to look at them. I let out a soft sigh, remembering the man that had called me his little princess. It may have been true, I was his princess, but the use of ‘his’ in that sentence always gave me a jolt of pride. Until he was killed, and then my world fell into a darkness none of us could imagine. “And grandma?” Cea, Oceanus’ nickname, asked softly, almost like he was scared. I reached forward, cupping his cheek lovingly, and gave a sad tentative smile.  “She followed my father when I was a little older than you two. But that’s a story for another time.” I said, my dim smile turning bright when I heard my wife walking towards us. “Mom is here, come on. Lunch must be ready.” I said, rising to my feet and the kids rushing to theirs, into their mother's arms. Jade got to her knees, laughing softly as the two squeezed her hard. She smiled softly and pulled away, kissing each cheek before telling them,  “Lunch is ready on the porch. You can watch your mother leave while you eat, now hurry before it gets cold.” The two nodded, running up the stairs to the deck. As they ran, I heard something about a race to the steps and I laughed, walking into my lover's arms. “Hi, my love.” I mumbled softly. “How are you doing?” She asked, her voice gentle and loving. I let out a breath, deciding between being honest or hiding. I looked at her, her eyes meeting my own and any mask I was weaving within my head vanished. There was no way I could hide from her. “How okay should I be?” I asked honestly. “I’m going to the funeral of my mother, whom I left 21 years ago and only saw that one time when I turned my back on my family.” “But you’ll be gone for more than one day?” Jaden asked, confused. I nodded, “Because the day after the funeral, will be my coronation.” I mumbled. Her eyes widened and for a moment, I didn’t think she’d say anything. “Wait, are you-” “No,” I said firmly, holding her gaze. I leaned forward, cupping her face in my hands and whispering. “I am never leaving you. I’m just going to have to learn to live both on land, and in the sea.” “As queen.” She whispered, her voice laced with pain. “Marina, there isn’t a way for that to work.” I sighed softly, turning to look at the sea. “As queen, I can make it work,” I looked at her. Her hair had grown over the years, darkened and the old waves that had once reminded me so much of my home had straightened to the long strands of earthy color. Her eyes had grown, not in size but wisdom. They once were so bright with innocence and vulnerable from years of pain, but now burned with knowledge and power that I’d never seen in a person before. Not even my own father. But I remember the pain from before, the same pain was in my mother's eyes when I left the palace for the first time. “As your wife, and a mother of our family, I swear to you.” She leaned into my touch and I felt a part of my heart swell for her. “I believe you.” She said. I nodded, pulling away and standing, steeling myself for what may come. “So are you ready?” She asked again. I bit my lip, an old habit. “As ready as I ever could be,” I said reluctantly. Jaden stood up and took my hands in hers, stepping in front of me. She smiled, nodding and pulling me tightly into her chest. I let her, my own smile appearing on my face.  “Promise to come back.” She asked. I kissed the ring on her finger, letting my lips linger before pulling away to look her in the eyes. “I am yours. I will always return to you, my love. Always.”  She nodded, leaning forward and kissing my lips. The sparks flew, never-ending. I smiled softly into the kiss, pulling her closer to me. My mind blanked from every problem in the world and I let out a soft breath, pulling away reluctantly. I cupped her cheeks and then turned to my children. They were laughing and eating. For a minute, they both seemed peaceful and happy. Then, they looked at me and it didn’t take but that same moment for them to realize what was happening. They’d known I was leaving and what I am, for a very long time. Since just after they could be schooled. My children stood and leaned into each other. A pain echoed into their face and I realized, I could never leave them. Not permanently, anyway. I blew a gentle kiss to each of them and they did the same, waving to me. I opened my mouth, weaving a song of love, motherhood, and grace into my words. I breathed my power and devotion into it, pressing it farther and farther until I noticed the small smile on their faces.  Then I turned, taking each step with power and ready. The water reached my feet and I resisted the pull of the ocean’s song. I realized for a moment that I wouldn’t be able to get in on my own, so I looked at her and let out a breath. My wife nodded and wadded out the water. She leaned down and I wrapped my arms around her neck as she carried me out to sea. When the water reached her waist, she gently set me down and the water rushed across my skin. The water called out to my heart and with each tug, more and more patches of my now black scales. Her fingers grazed my merged, covered legs and my spine shivered as they went up to my back. Jaden took my shirt off my body, my scales covering my breasts and she smiled.  “I always loved when you allowed yourself to be free.” She said to me. “I’ve always been the freest with you.” I said back, letting her drop me into the water completely. The slightest bit of pain from the last scales emerging dimmed and the water took away the trickles of blood that chased it. I flicked my fin, turning onto my stomach, and looked over my shoulder. “I will come back to you, Jaden.” I turned into the water, arching my back and diving, flipping my tail with a powerful thrust that propelled my body away from the love of my life and towards the most painful part of my life. Then the white water rushed my vision and for a second, everything turned black as my eyes adjusted to see in the dark. And I did the one thing I swore I would never do. I left.