Sunset Rubies

Feelings, What feelings?

“No. I don’t hate Cal, but I’m not sure what I feel for him either. On one hand he is becoming my friend again, but on the other I fear getting too close to him. I need to focus on Leishmann and freeing our people. I need to learn to trust my abilities so I can be confident and strong when I meet him on the battlefield. I don’t know who I can trust if I can’t trust my own capabilities.”

“Him. Trust him.” She studied Keith for a moment, surprised he was taking Cal’s side. He had to know that by saying those words to her he was encouraging her to change her whole outlook on her relationship with Cal. “But don’t tell Mark I told you that.” He smiled and proceeded through the door of the cabin. She smiled to herself and followed, thinking intently on his words.

“Look, I didn’t let them eat more than two. ‘Control is a soldier’s best defense in battle’,” Jamerico quoted Cal. “And ‘eating healthy helps muscles to grow.’ Marcel said so. I did good right? I’m helping them learn control right, C?” Jamerico smiled, beaming with pride. He had adopted Cal’s nickname for her shortly after Cal had started using it again. She smiled at the boy.

“Good job. That is very grown up of you. One day you will the best general in the army.” Jamerico wanted so badly to be like his older brother and new Uncles.

For his birthday her brothers had given him a small knife and Cal carved a wooden practice sword that he trained with nightly after chores. She watched him now as he sat down on the bench, the small knife gently gliding over the sharpening stone again; the way Keith had taught him.

In the last couple months he and his sisters had filled out some. With healthy meals and new clothes they looked nothing like the half-starved ghosts that had arrived in the village.

After a bath and a haircut Jamerico was the spitting image of his older brother with the same dark hair and handsome faces. The difference was in their eyes. When Cal smiled the gray orbs filled with the light of it. Jamericos deep blue eyes always seemed careful, shielded. It was as though he always expected something to fly in and snatch away this new happiness.

Jamerico was slowly beginning to adjust to his new life, but the old one still haunted him daily. If he made a mistake he would flinch away from others and become very pensive and apologetic. Although he smiled more, he still rarely laughed, and he was careful about how much he spoke.

He still had nightmares, though Cal and Claire were the only two who knew about them. He wanted so much to look brave in front of his uncles that they swore they wouldn’t tell. He was the bravest boy she had ever met and she wished he could always shine with that sense of pride and accomplishment he was feeling now.

Claire looked from Jamerico to the girls, still awed at the difference in them. They had been filthy and haunted; their small faces sunken against the bones. Though they had not received the same level of abuse that Jamerico had met, it had still been rough for them. It was no surprise that when Claire tried to bathe them, they had fought her until Marcel came to assist. When they were finally clean and their hair gently brushed, they were presented to the men in fresh pajamas and at once the three big hearts melted.

Both girls had long black curls. Midlyn’s big brown eyes had sparkled and Lilith’s violet eyes danced from the praise her brother and new uncles showered on them. Those eyes now glistened with happiness. Their young age seemed to help them adjust well to their new surroundings and although they still had fears, they trusted more easily than Jamerico had.

In the first day they learned their new “uncles” were giant teddy bears and they could get anything they wanted from them. Cal was no different. Although at times he could be firm, the word “Sucker” was still stamped across his forehead in great big imaginary letters. Still, Claire couldn’t help but be amazed at the patience and kindness he showed them. It seemed impossible that such a tender person could come from such a poison as Leishmann

Now that Keith had given his blessing, Claire felt all of the small emotions she had been suppressing over the last few months come bubbling to the surface. She admitted to herself that Cal was wonderful. His smile sent the butterflies in her stomach aflutter. His eyes? She could sink into their depths like the stormy sea they resembled. She wondered if his arms would still make her feel…?

She shook her head to rid it of the wayward thoughts. No matter how great he was with his siblings, she could not allow herself to think about him. She needed to stay focused on the troops and maintaining their rapid improvement under his teaching. She was startled from her ponderings by a tug at the leg of her trousers.

“’laire, tan we hab one mor?” Lilith pleaded, “Midun won’ ge’ tuck adin ib we tan?” Claire smiled. All three children talked much better than they had in the beginning-especially when they weren’t crying; further proof they had been sorely neglected by their previous caretakers.

“One and then you can go outside to play, but stay in the yard and out of the shed.” She looked at Midlyn when she said the last.

“We will. Thank you,” Midlyn promised. The girls grabbed one more sweet and headed for the door. “Jamerico, come play with us! We wan’ ta play ‘save the princesses’, you can be the knigh’.”

Jamerico rolled his eyes but still grabbed his wooden sword. “How bout ‘kill the dragons’? You can be the dragons!” He grinned. The girls squealed and ran out the door with Jamerico on their heels, calling, “My dear princesses, how may I serve you?” Claire could almost see him bowing before his little sisters. He was a good kid.

“Here, put these on the shelf.” She handed Keith the jar of candy and then smacked his hand when he reached in to grab a few for himself.

“Hey, three kids! By myself! Aaaall day! Remember?” He popped a candy in his mouth.

She rolled her eyes and went about putting things away. Later as she sat at the kitchen table enjoying a cup of tea she caught herself thinking--not for the first time--how easy it was to live in Danyon. In many ways she cherished the simplicities this life afforded.

Danyon lacked the hustle and bustle of everyday life in Tyrell. There were no sidewalks to be crowded by people rushing to and from places. There were no roads to clutter with cars honking and irritable people yelling as they sat bumper to bumper. There were no clocks screaming at you to get a move on or you’ll be late.

Here you could just sit and listen to the quiet morning birds singing or the whistling in the trees from the canyon breeze. Everything in Danyon was simpler. She looked out the window. Well not everything. She sneered at the clothes drying on the line. She would do anything for a washer and dryer!

“You look deep in thought.” Claire startled at Marcel’s voice. She hadn’t heard her come in. “I didn’t expect you back so early. Did Mark get a chance to see his girlfriend?” Claire smiled, but shrugged.

“Maybe that’s where he took off to once he saw me safely home.” She turned to find Shaylee at Marcel’s side and told the pretty girl solemnly, “Keith was about to fall into an exhaustion induced coma. He has been through quite the ordeal today. I think he barely survived having three children to himself. He’s extremely tired.” Claire watched with satisfaction as Shaylee’s eye filled with concern.

“After a rough day he should be able to take it easy, don’t you think Aunt?” Shaylee asked. Marcel nodded and shared a wink with Claire as Shaylee slipped over to Keith’s rocking chair by the fireplace. “I’ll get you some warm tea, and would you like something to eat? Let me get you a tub of hot water to soak your feet.” Keith nodded and thanked her with his sweetest smile, then stuck his tongue at Claire the moment Shaylee’s back was turned. See this is how you treat a man when he has had a bad day it seemed to say. Claire rolled her eyes-- a bad habit she noticed she’d been developing recently.

“When do you think those two will admit they have feelings for each other?” Claire whispered to Marcel once Shaylee was out of earshot, feeding Keith scones and tea.

“Probably as soon as you admit yours for Cal!” Claire, who had been snickering at her own joke, suddenly choked on the air.

“I don’t have feelings for him!” Claire protested by reflex, but then thought of the constant flood of emotions. She glanced at Marcel who had one eyebrow raised, waiting for her to admit it. “Do I? Oh Marcel help me. I have no idea what I think about him.” Claire stood abruptly and crossed to the kitchen sink. She placed her cup of tea on the counter, picked up a knife and began attacking a stack of washed vegetables as she spoke, sliding the diced pieces in a stew pot for dinner.

“Keith said to put my trust in him and I do, but I… there’s so many things that I feel right now. Is he only a friend? Or is there more? Do I even want there to be more? I’m so confused on what I should do.” After a moment Claire sighed and looked questioningly at Marcel who had watched this outburst with amusement.

“I’d imagine that if you trusted yourself you would find the answer within your heart.” At Marcel’s simple answer, tears filled Claire’s eyes. She was scared. Scared to allow herself to open up to him because once she did she would give him her whole heart and she couldn’t be sure it was the best idea at this time.

After dinner Claire washed and dressed the girls in their night shirts. She sang softly to them as she brushed out their long curls in front of the fire until she looked out the window and noted the late hour. “It’s getting dark out, time for bed, Loves.”

“But Cal’s not home yet,” Jamerico argued. Claire looked out the window again. Every night she and Cal put the girls to bed together. Cal would tell a funny story while she tucked the girls in and sat beside their cot holding their hands. When Cal finished the story he would kiss the girls and they would sit in silence until the girls fell asleep. It never took long.

He never missed their bedtime, but the later it got the more evident it became that Cal was not going to be home for their evening ritual.

“I know,” she sighed. “Why don’t I tell you girls a story tonight and have Cal come kiss you when he gets home?” Two sets of large eyes began to fill with tears and Claire felt a swell of annoyance at Cal for not telling the girls he would be late tonight.

“Want me to tell you one?” Mark offered. They seemed to consider this, looking between the two adults, but ultimately shook their heads.

“It’s ‘kay. Claire ken do it,” Midlyn said in a sad voice. Lilith took Claire’s hand and pulled her up. Claire held her free hand out to Midlyn and led both girls into their room. “Do you think Cal’s ‘kay?” Midlyn asked as Claire tucked her in bed.

“Of course I do. I am sure he just lost track of time and is on his way home right now.” Midlyn nodded her head, but didn’t smile. “So what kind of story would you two like to hear tonight?” She tucked Lilith in.

“I wan’ Cal tory!” Lilith pouted.

“I know. I promise to make him tell you two stories tomorrow night.” Lilith perked up at that idea. Claire kissed her forehead.

“’laire, are you my new sister?”

“Oh baby!” Claire said, stroking her silky hair. She was caught off guard for a moment and nearly found it difficult to speak through the sudden fullness in her heart. “I would love to be your sister.”

“Do big sisers leeb?” Claire held Lilith for a few minutes before laying her back in bed and tucking her in. She struggled to find words that felt right. She couldn’t promise not to leave because a time would come when she would have to fight against Leishmann. She looked at the two sets of eyes that waited for her answer. What could she offer them?

“I love you both. You are my little angels.” She gave each of their hands a reassuring squeeze. “I will always make sure you are safe.” Mentally, she crossed her fingers hoping that would be enough of a promise for them.

“Can you sing us to sleep tonigh’?” Midlyn asked. Claire relaxed, relieved to have a change in subject.

“Of course I can.” It took a little longer for the girls to fall asleep, but as Claire sang a fourth song to them, Midlyn and Lilith’s eyes fluttered closed. Claire sat and watched their sweet faces as they slept before turning down the lantern and slipping out of the room. “Cal’s still not back yet?”

“No, I bet he found someone to fight,” Jamerico replied, overly excited about the prospect. “Do you think he won?”

“I heard him say yesterday he wanted to get a surprise for Midlyn’s birthday. It’s coming up in a few weeks,” Shaylee offered.

“That’s right, I forgo’ about that.” Jamerico didn’t quite sound convinced.

“In fact I know for sure that’s where he went. He told me last night he was going to be in town all day. I am sorry I forgot. He said he might be home late too,” Shaylee added. Every adult in the room knew she was telling a fib, but Jamerico seemed to believe her. “Why don’t you go on to bed now and I’ll have him wake you when he gets home.”

“That’s a good idea. No use staying up late tonight anyway. Keith and I will be getting you up pretty early tomorrow to go hunting. That is...if you want to go?” Claire grinned at her big brother. What a perfect distraction.

“Really? We are goin’ huntin’ tomorrow?” Jamerico asked excitedly, but managing to keep his voice low to not wake his sisters. Mark nodded and Jamerico jumped up from the floor and rushed across the room, pausing only once to turn to Claire. “Make sure he wakes me up. I wan’ ta tell him Keith taugh’ me how ta sharpen my knife, and show him how sharp it is.”

“I give you my word.” She gave him a hug and kissed his forehead, then watched him disappear into the room he shared with Cal. She noticed how much he had grown in the last couple months. Soon he’d be taller than her.

“What do you think is keeping him?” Marcel asked the moment Jamerico was out of earshot.

“I don’t know, maybe he’s had an accident or something. Do you think we should go look for him?” Shaylee asked as Keith picked up a brush and began running it through her chestnut hair. She turned on the bench to give him better access to her long locks. She smiled and Claire couldn’t have been happier for her friend at that moment. It was clear Shaylee cared a great deal for Keith and he returned the feelings.

“No need for all that. You guys worry too much. He probably just got caught up in town. In fact he may be with his girlfriend, that should keep him out for quite a while,” Mark offered, wagging his eyebrows.

“Oh? Is he interested in any of the girls in town?” The question was meant to sound nonchalant, but Marcel looked at Claire when she asked it. The thought of Cal being with another woman caused a strange aching tug in her chest and with it the air felt too thin. How could he? He was hers. She shook herself. No, he wasn’t hers and she didn’t want him...did she?

“There are definitely a lot of girls interested in him,” Mark grinned. “Poor guy can’t walk down the street without the ladies wishing him a good day, or hinting that they wished they had someone to go walking with, but I believe it’s Shaundra he’s been spending time with.” Claire struggled to breathe. Her lungs constricted and she felt a desperate need to be outside, in the fresh air.

“I think I need a walk,” she wheezed. Marcel attempted to hide the small smile playing on her lips, but Claire saw it and glared.

“Okay, but be careful. I don’t like that Cal hasn’t returned yet. He’s never out this late,” Marcel replied. Claire almost sighed in relief. Marcel’s concern gave the nagging feeling deep inside Claire’s chest a name. Worried. She was only worried about Cals safety. There was no way the idea of another girl laying in Cal’s arms, feeling his lips…She was concerned, not jealous!

“If you are that worried maybe she shouldn’t go out at all,” Mark said. Keith began to nod in agreement, but Shaylee elbowed him in the rib. He tugged her hair in retaliation, but went back to brushing, making her brown eyes close luxuriously. Claire couldn’t help but feel a twinge of envy. How would it feel to have Cal comb her hair? No. Not Cal. A man. Any man. No, not just any man would do. Oh she needed to get out of here.

“Let her go,” Shaylee commanded.

“She’ll be fine,” Marcel agreed.

“But I don’t think...” Mark started, but Claire cut him off.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll stay in the clearing.” Claire could understand Mark’s anxiety, a thousand things could go wrong in a blink of an eye, but she really needed time to think. Lilith’s innocent question had shaken her and all this talk about Cal and other women...She grabbed her jacket and--out of habit--her hunting knife and hurried out the door.