Withering Soul

I Didn’t Even Start Yet

The Angels finally debuted. The girl group where Sofie joined in. For our company level, they were admitted as successful. The albums sold well and their music videos were liked by people. And that was an achievement.

Being the youngest and the most beautiful, Sofie attracted attention the most amongst others. She became the topic of discussion. Along with the fame, she got hated the most too. Seeing from the group's performance, she was literally the face of the group. Singing was not her forte, nor dancing, the two most important aspects being in the group of idols. Even though she could fit into the qualifications well, it didn't make people shut their mouths but throw hatred. Saying the only things she had were her face and body. And it led to a bigger fire burning her alive.

In the first month of their debut, she still looked fine. She did well in every performance and interview. As if nothing happened. I did wish nothing really happened, because I could only see her from the screen. Till one day a disaster happened.

A YouTube channel which usually digs up dirty issues in an idol's life released scandalous news of two idols who had just debuted in a girl group. They found them having a romantic relationship by showing their photos. They hugged in a secluded place, something like in a dark place behind a building which we knew was right behind our company building. Not only hugging, they kissed. The first fatal mistake was that they dated. And another sin was, they were gay. Something which was hard to accept in the community around that time. Their news was going viral and became the most talked about on social media platforms, the fame they got through the scandal was way much bigger than they had on their debut. They became well known in a matter of days, but in a bad way. We received notice from the office to stop coming to the office until they figure out how to handle the news. I was so nervous, hoping it wouldn't be the case. I was so scared imagining that I didn't even have a chance to be a man for her. I didn't even know what happened to her in the past years and there she had more problems in her life.

The company finally released a statement that it wasn't them. That the photos and news were made by the gossip channel to gain popularity and to bash Sofie because they hated her. I sighed in relief. I wanted to believe that it was the case. Only for a few seconds. After that was the peak of the catastrophe. A video of Sofie being angry went viral to confirm that the photos were truly her and her spouse. It was hell! She complained in a live interaction from an sns account, saying she couldn't understand as to why she should abide by the people's opinion.

"I don't understand at all. What's wrong with people? What is f*****g wrong?! We did nothing wrong. We didn't commit a crime. Why is it wrong? Is having someone you love to appease you from having bad days a mistake?... "

She kept mumbling words while sobbing and suddenly the video was stopped. A 3-minute-or-so video of her complaining, asking for justice, but for the people it was confirmation. The hot gossip which they enjoyed talking about was confirmed, right! And it was such a big fire for us. To all of us. The company was shut down for days. We had days off from work until further notice. Their group stopped their activities, the promotion, the schedule for TV and radio programs were on halt. No, I guess it was canceled. Which brought a huge loss to the company. I didn't know how it went on, but the final decision was, the two of them were discharged from the group. I predicted they would pay a penalty for the loss. No, it's not about the money. I was more worried about Sofie. I wished I could do something. Besides being broken-hearted, I was so sad, knowing that nothing about her I knew about. Literally nothing. Some songs that I made, especially love songs, she was my muse, all the stories that I constructed in the lyrics were all vague. I formed her in my stories, which looked nothing like her. I wonder who I described in the lyrics? Sofie? She was so far fetched. I didn't know her. Right at that moment, I slapped my head saying, I didn't know her at all. It was a broken heart scandal. She disappeared just that way. I asked for help from mom and dad to search for her whereabouts. The initial goal was to make sure she was okay.

Mom and dad visited their house for the first time after years, after the brokenhearted moment since Brenda’s death. It was an awkward moment knowing that mom didn’t like her dad at all for betraying her close friend. But they didn’t meet Sofie because she chose to live on her own. Well, whoever would make the same decision, I wonder if someone could still live with such a kind of dad. And she had no choice but to start studying again as a student and planned to work in her dad's company right after. That's all. Dad and mom left the house with such a tiny amount of information without having any chance to see Sofie and check if she was okay or not. Just like that, I had no choice but to go on with my own life.

The company’s pace was back to normal after heavy turbulence. Talking about loss, I didn’t think that's the case. Because Sofie’s parents and the other members must have paid a hefty sum of penalty funds for breaking the contract agreement. They must have suffered a huge loss. Let’s talk about the advantages. We became a bit well known for the scandal. People searched about the agency on the internet and found that we had some groups. The graphics in our music videos on the music platform were raised and praised by many. Yes, it brought goodness to the company with the sacrifice of two little lambs. And to be honest, I hated that.

…

The car stopped exactly in front of the lobby, it was midnight. It was a tiring day having a long discussion, argument and mix and match of music tones with Jude. The door opened and I got off, bowing my body.

“Thank you Bobby”, saying goodbye to my road manager.

“Call me an hour before leaving for the office tomorrow”, he walked and got on the driver’s seat while attaching his hand to his ear, opening his thumb and pinky finger.

“Alright” he left. I walked into the building, taking my position in front of the lift quietly. I always did it, quietly positioning myself in any crowd and trying not to be noticed. I knew my group or myself might not be that popular yet, but I was too lazy to bump into some who knew me and diligently created hassle like shouting or making commotion. I liked peace. Right in front of me, two girls were waiting for the lift. From the smell, they must have drunk. They smelled of alcohol. The taller girl with long hair was a bit sober and she supported the other one not to fall down. Another girl with short brown hair was leaning her body on her, snorted and muttered.

We heard the sound of the lift opening. They moved to get in. I fixed the position of my hoodie and face mask to make sure my face was hidden well. They took a position right after pressing the floor and leaning on the backside of the lift. I stepped in and took a glimpse of them. Sofie? I moved in slow motion to make sure that it was her, and it was her! The other girl was Cara, her girlfriend. Girlfriend? f**k it! I hated saying that word. But it’s them! I pressed the floor button for my house, on the 10th floor, and looking from the button, theirs was on the 9th floor. I was speculating in my mind, asking if it was Sofie’s house or that girl’s house? While once or twice pretending to move my neck feeling tired to make sure once again that it’s her. And on the 9th floor, they walked out of the lift giving their backs to me. They walked through, I was waiting till they stopped facing the door, and threw my face as soon as they stopped. All I did was think. So it was real. Yeah, it’s real. They looked like a couple. I was hoping all along that the news was fake to put all the blame on both of them and to take full credit to the group’s members who were left behind.

‘Zev, bro, it was real’

‘No!’ I snapped.

‘We need concrete proof to say that it was real. What’s wrong with accompanying your friend home? Nothing wrong with that!’ but it could be true if it’s Cara’s house. Cara was supposed to deliver her to her house, not to her bringing Sofie to her house.

‘Well, let’s hope that it is Sofie’s house.’ No, I needed further investigation.

‘But how? How to know if it’s Sofie’s or Cara’s?’

I started by googling Cara’s profile on the internet. Cara Choi… She was 20 years old. She might be the oldest in the group, not really sure. She was a university student. I bet she might go back to campus after leaving the group. She was from Seoul, her family lived in one of the most expensive complex housing in the city. I tried to conclude… but no, it didn’t mean that she was living with her family. Seeing from the photos on the internet of her, she was rich. Her fashion taste was great. I could say she was a tomboy girl, she brought the concept into her every appearance. Well, when I saw her in front of the lift too, her style was classy yet fierce, with an all-black outfit wearing heels, skinny jeans and a blazer. Did they visit a nightclub? But Sofie was still 16, could she? Well, they might do any shady thing to be able to get into, like making fake ID, or maybe they had someone work in the night club, but whatever. No clues were said about whose house it was. God, help me, whose house? I ended that day by overthinking while hoping that I would be able to get the answer the next day.

“Jude, let’s finalize each of the verses and notes we want, let’s meet tomorrow. Not gonna visit the office today”. I sent a text to Jude as soon as I opened my eyes due to the bright light invading my room through the window in the morning the next day. Shoot! I didn’t even close the curtain and fell asleep just like that. At short notice, I chose to avoid meeting Jude, unless my anger could explode just right about time. Things like that often happened when we discussed lyrics and notes, and as the youngest, I often succumbed to his opinion to avoid world war, which I anticipated would happen. Well, another reason was, I wanted to continue my investigation regarding Sofie. 99% of my hope, it was Sofie’s house. And if it was the case. I had abundant plans in my head to intervene in her life no matter what.

“Alright. Good idea.'' He approved my suggestion. I looked at the watch, it was 10a.m. and I was hungry. I checked my fridge and found nothing but bottles of water. After chugging one, I got ready to go out hunting for food. Cafes and restaurants were provided on the 1st floor and I planned to have some bread and coffee to start the day. I put on sweatpants and a hoodie of the same color and put on a face mask to disguise myself. A glimpse of hope grew in me when the lift stopped on the 9th floor. It opened and it was Cara! She got in. She was still in the same outfit as on the last day, holding her bag. I was flying, my heart was beating. Didn’t it mean that it was Sofie’s house? She was there to deliver Sofie home!

While fixing my heartbeat, the flash of ideas flew about my head. What should I do next to be able to see Sofie? What’s the first step? The lift opened and we walked out. She headed to the lobby, the front gate exiting the building. Wasn’t it another sign that she was not from the building? Why was I so happy? While smiling, I walked to the food court section of the building. I ordered the food in my head, bread and coffee and hurriedly went back to my house. I opened the building web-site. I wanted to study the building structure. I wanted to make sure how many people were there in the building. It happened that 3 quarters of the building was for office and business purposes. On each floor, there was only one apartment. The width and size depended. On any floor, the apartment might be bigger than for other purposes and on other floors, vice versa. It had 2 entry gates. The other side was for the office and business side. No wonder the food court was wide with many food vendors, and many people visited. It must be provided for the whole building's occupants, the tenants and all the companies’ workers. The good news was, Sofie’s house was the only house on the floor. The same size as mine. We took half the size of the floor. Execution time.