Withering Soul

In Love

I left for the office in the morning. We planned to wrap things up in the composing stage and would move to making a demo and then recording it with all of the whole members. As I had planned myself, I let Jude take over the discussion till we got a summary.

"Zev, something is wrong? It's an easy day you made for me. Where's that Zev?" He teased me.

"Well, things are good. Let's not complicate it. What about the songs demo?"

"We can do it in our own studio, at home. Let's make it based on the track list we made. I think we had agreed about everything on it. So, no worry. Just follow the script. How many days do we need?"

"What do you think? When is the schedule for the whole of us?"

"Monday, next week?"

"So, see you on Monday then. Let's check each other via email."

"Alright. Thank you Zev. Hope everything is good with you."

"Yeah, good. No worry." No, I was not good at all. I was crazy as f**k. Sofie never left my mind for even a second. I complimented myself for being able to involve myself in the discussion without a major incident which might embarrass me. It's Jude. He might be able to trample on my pride if I couldn't follow his pace.

'But Zev, let's go home buddy. Do something.' Yes, I should do something, unless I might go really crazy.

As soon as I got off the lift, I saw something placed in front of my door. A paper bag.

'Mom?' No, mom would have called me to say that she had dropped something. But she never did such a thing since I was living in the house. I should be the one who visited them and brought anything I wanted from the house to mine, if I wanted to. I peeped at the bag, it was meal boxes. With a note, in a flash, I read 'Sofie' in the right corner of the paper. My heart almost jumped out. I took it and hurriedly got into the house, I took a seat on the dining chair, placed the bag on the table, and read the note,

"Oppa, I noticed that you bought food from a restaurant. It's not good for your health. I really hope you eat a healthy and warm meal 3 times a day. Reheat the soup. Sofie."

I flipped back the paper, another writing.

"It's funny that we don't have each other's phone numbers, right? Mine : xxx xxx xxx. Call me"

I took a moment to enjoy the beat of my heart. I was overwhelmed, I felt like flying. Ah, that was how it felt to be in love with someone. The agony I had of the day disappeared in a second. After a moment, I soon realized that it was just an act of care. I snapped myself back. It didn't mean she liked me back. Whoever could do such a thing, like paying back the favors they once received, including Sofie. I sobered up in a second. But what the hell, I was so freaking happy about the care she gave me. I took a look at the watch, it was 1a.m. and it'd be crazy if I knocked on her door at that hour or called her number.

'Tomorrow Zev, let's do it tomorrow'. Well, yeah. Why not? I opened the paper bag and found two boxes of meals. One was rice complete with all side dishes and another one was beef soup. Well, mom had always been caring about my meals, but that one was enough to make me feel touched, overly happy. I was flying, I should say again. After reheating the soup, I ate it. It tasted delicious enough to make me suspicious that she bought them. Whatever, I finished them all, besides tasting delicious, they were hearty. I felt so full.

“Hello…” I took a second to absorb the positive energy produced in my body by hearing her voice.

“Hi, it’s me, Zev.”

“Oppa…” I heard the sound of her giggling over the phone. “Just wake up?”

“Mmm…” I was still half asleep, but she was the 1st thing I remember as soon as I noticed the light from outside the building. I didn’t even check what time it was.

“Get more sleep then, why bother calling me?”

“Thank you for the meal. I was afraid you would fall asleep last night, so I didn’t call you”

“Oh, sure. Did you eat them?”

“Mmm, I did. Before sleeping”

“Like it?”

“So much”

“Should I pack some for lunch?”

“Lunch?”

“Yes, it’s 11a.m. now. Get more sleep, I will prepare for two. Call me when you’re ready for it.”

“Alright”. I felt ecstatic that I couldn’t get back to sleep. I almost called her saying that I was ready for lunch, but my conscience reminded me not to rush things. I got myself coffee using the brewing machine and headed to the studio. I promised Jude to finish the song's demo before the due time for the next schedule with the whole team next week.

That’s what I did every time I looked at the lyrics and songs I made. Everything was simply about Sofie. I thought it was the right time to realize what kind of feeling I had towards her. When she left me without any words 7 years ago, it was a huge loss for me. I was still a kid, but I was so broken, enough to make me decide on a new turn in my life, as a kid! Yes, I was still a kid at that time. I just didn’t know how to put it into words. I felt so lost. During the time I didn’t see her, when I just had a glimpse of hope that someday I would meet her, I pursued my dream as if it was the only thing I had. That’s how I cope with the situation. And when I met her again 3 years ago in the same building, I was back to life. Yet, I still didn’t dare to conclude anything about my feelings. But I weaved all the heartbeat, the emotions, the depression, the feelings in my lyrics and songs. Yes, I was so whipped by her. I was in love with Sofie. Slowly but surely, through time, I realized she was one of my obsessions. I tried to tell myself that it was a pity in the first place. But yeah, it might be it. But then I had an urge to protect her. And came a regret when I couldn’t even do anything for her. And just like that, I grew in love. Maybe because she appeared to be a gorgeous lady? Well, really? What if she appeared as a girl just like her 9 years ago? A shy, timid, messy, skinny girl? Interesting, but I didn’t have any idea. Even back then, I wasn't really concerned about physical appearance. The fact was, she grew up to be a gorgeous lady. That’s it. And I got lost in my own arguments. I lost it. When I heard my phone ring, I didn’t even touch my work. The computer screen was still the same as an hour-or-so ago. Sofie…

“Hello”

“Oppa, lunch? Did you even have breakfast?” ah yeah, right, I didn’t eat any.

“I have coffee…”

“Come here, let’s eat. Okay?”

“Alright” and in a flash, I had been in the lift down to her house. Only one press on the bell, the door opened. She let the door open and left it for me to close. She led the way to the dining table. The first impression I got was her fragrant, expensive brand of floral perfume. And she appeared more normal than last time. She dressed beautifully, still a mini dress covering till half of her thighs, wrapping her body showing the curve of her waist. I needed some time to calm the man in me. ‘Hold on buddy, you should get used to it. Seems that she only has that kind of clothes. You should normalize seeing such beauty in front of you.’ Yes, I think so. I had to make myself used to such a sight right before my eyes. She blew her hair in a simple tone and, I had a guess, she only put on some lip balm. Should I repeat again? She had such absolute beauty.

And on the table, she served homey food. Rice, vegetable soup, grilled salmon, saute sliced beef and some side dishes. She came from the pantry bringing a water jug and glasses in her hands. I took the glasses from her hands and put them on the table and took a seat. She did the same. While pouring the water into the glasses she talked. I guess I looked like a stupid bump. I didn't get what she said while my eyes were locked on her. Why did I see an image of a perfect woman? As if she had done such a thing often, as if it was a normal thing to do in her house, I wondered.

“Oppa, hope you like it, let’s eat”. She handed me the spoon and chopsticks. Did she know how stunned I was at that time? And I took the stuff from her hands. She smiled, looking at me.

“Why? C’mon, eat”

“Ah, yeah, let’s eat” I stuttered a bit and she was still smiling.

“You take the first bite, oppa,” she said casually. Well, it only happened in a family where a man or the oldest had to start to take the first bite. ‘What are we? Family?’ but I tried to match her norms, ‘let’s make it casual Zev. as if it’s normal to happen all over the world, no biggie buddy.’ And I spooned the rice into my mouth and started chewing. She made her movement, she ate her first bite.

“Oppa, are they really good? The food from yesterday?”

“Mmm…so good. I wondered if you made them yourself or did you buy them?” she chuckled softly.

“Really? I cooked them.” She looked proud.

“Should I believe it?” she giggled even more.

“Oppa, what’s that question? Is it impossible to cook meals?”

“Well, I don’t think you can do it. How come? Do you even go grocery shopping?”

“Ah… yeah. I didn’t do the shopping. A nanny, from dad’s house, the one who had been taking care of me since I was a kid, dropped them every 3 days, or when I asked her to buy what I needed.”

“She dropped the food too? I mean, she cooked the meals and delivered them here?”

“Oppa…” she complained while chuckling, she might see me as funny. Well, I thought I was funny for not believing her.

“Well, they are so good. How do you know how to cook such delicious food? It’s like a grandma or a mom who has experienced cooking, making them, I mean from the taste…” I insisted.

“Woah, I must be very good at it. I will call grandma and tell her. I did it. Her only student did it!” she said proudly.

“Oh, it’s grandma…”

“Mmm… one of my… not so many activities when I was there, was cooking. You know grandpa? He retired from the embassy office in Vancouver. While accompanying grandpa, grandma established her home-cooking restaurant for Asian food in the city. And she makes it big. I must say, she is a master at cooking. I think I have absorbed her skill of cooking, right oppa?” I blamed myself for being so demanding about her skill, yet I was so happy it made her open up about herself further. I smiled proudly. No wonder the meals were so good.

“You can open your own restaurant. At this rate, I believe you will succeed.” She chuckled happily.

“Well, sometimes, when I want something more authentic, something I can’t make yet exactly like grandma made, I ask my nanny to make it herself. Sometimes, you know, the feeling of wanting to eat something brings a certain kind of good memory…”

“Like what?”

“I still cannot make ginseng chicken soup well. Especially, with such authentic ingredients and a technical way to make it perfect. My nanny did it. Even though I should say, grandma’s is still the best in the world. But it’s funny if I flew back to Canada only to eat chicken soup, right?” I nodded my head. Enjoying the story about herself and the meals in front of me, they were good indeed.

“Should I come here every day to eat my 3-times-a-day meal?” She smiled, and the sparks in her eyes were priceless, they were joy.

“Will you? I am happy to do it. I will tell you the pass key to this house, even when I am not here, you can find some ready-to-eat meals in the fridge. Just tell me what you want to eat, I will prepare. Only one more way to eat it well; reheat, then eat. You can see the microwave over there?” She pointed her finger in the direction of a moderate-sized microwave from an expensive brand. “I will teach you how to operate it”. Another moment which made me fly high. I stopped my hand from digging the food to enjoy the shiver throughout my body. Could there be any other meaning to the kind gesture? Or was it still about paying back the favor from years ago? I observed her being in front of me, her expression and gesture, nothing weird. She was simply that casual.

“Is there any possibility that I won’t find you at home? You said your only activity right now is studying, preparing for your GED certificate, online.”

“Most of the time I will be home. But it’s boring. Sometimes I need some fresh air.”

“What will you do?”

“Hang out? Clubbing? Driving to far away places? Something like that…”

“With?”

“You know who. Per this time, I have added 1 more person to my life; you. So if I am not with you, I must be with her.” I didn’t like the emotions it gave me. I hated her. And I lost my words. I didn’t know how to continue the topic anymore.

We were finishing the food in silence. Right after, I helped her clean the dishes and the dining table. While thinking what’s the best way to dismiss myself from the house, should I stay? Should I just go that way? Casually, just like how she did things with me? But no, I should make quick progress. I might go crazy if I just left her that way. I stopped my hand from wiping the table.