Heartbroken But More Confident In Me

(Temtem in her room staring at the ceiling soliloquizing) Hmmmm, I feel like some things have changed between me and Luke, I mean we always have that connection but now I don’t feel that connection with him anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still deeply in love with this gorgeous human but I don’t think he’s in love with me. My friends ( Beatrice and Stacy) have said that I’m the one pushing forward with these love things and everything is in my head, they don’t believe he loves me because of the way he acts towards me regarding his nonchalant attitude, but they knew I would not listen to a word they say concerning my love life, I mean who advised people in love though, one thing I’m not going to do is advise my friend when they are in love. That’s because I know what been in love feels like, you can’t hear whatever anyone is saying at that moment unless you get your heart broken, that is when all the advises been give to you before comes playing in your mind, then you would think, I should have listened to them. There’s always signs there when someone don’t love you as much as you do but we chose to ignore them because at that moment, we are thinking with our heart and not our brain. Either way I feel incredibly happy whenever I have my friends around me, who wouldn’t? They each have their flaws the same way I have mine but did that stop me from embracing them? Absolutely Not, neither does it stop them from embracing me and my flaws too. We all have our shortcomings, no one is perfect and that is okay, the most important things is to live in harmony and no backbiting, that is our motto in this friendship thing. Luke is a nonchalant person, but remember when I said everyone has their flaws, I mean I have mine too, that nonchalance is the most annoying attitude that Luke has. I embraced him and his flaws, because I have it at the back of my mind that he would change one day, I think I might be mistaken with that thought. What could I do to fix it? I have no single idea, at some point I do not even care about his nonchalance anymore, I was completely smitten. Do you have an idea how bread soak inside water? I’m sure you know it’s not possible to bring it out without using something to pull it out, if care is not taken, you won’t be able to pick it anymore just the particles remaining, it can never remain the same no matter how you try to save the bread, that is exactly how deeply in love I am with Luke. Did I regret falling in love with him? At some point I thought about it and I could not find an answer, who knows maybe I would be able to come to conclusion when the particles of love in my eyes have later been blown away, probably I could be able to come to a better decision making. As of right now. I’m sure everybody knows who is deeply in love with each other between me and Luke. My sister said,“ it is better a man falls deeply in love with you than for you to fall deeply for him, it doesn’t always end well when you are the one begging for his attention” that way you would not be at loss. I don’t know if she would be disappointed with my decision, because I’m doing exact opposite of what she thought me. I’ve been talking to myself for some minutes now. You do not have time to mend your almost brokenheart in this house, my mum must not know I’m crying because of a man when I have my whole future ahead of me yet to achieve any of my dreams. I’ve heard my mother’s voice from the distance, I don’t know if I should say being a last born is a curse or a blessing at a time like this. I’m sure she’s calling me to wash plate, or Temtem, bring the remote for me, the remote is very much in front of her but part of the reason you have children is to use them as well or should I say “helper” the way they always phrase it. Temtem! Temtem!! Temtem!!! (Temtem’s mother called her at the sitting room). “Yes mum” she answered grumbling. If it is one thing my mother hates, it is for a child to grumble whenever she calls for them, my voice was low when I answered, I hope she didn’t hear me. “I’m here mum” answered Temtem. Her mother looked at her from head to toe and said “ did you grumble when you answered me”? She said No in a frantic voice as she was afraid of what she will do to her, part of the worst thing she can do is to tell her not to bother about the errand again and that she would do it herself. Doing it herself means she would talk about that situation any given time she remembers to whoever is beside her then. I, Temtem, do not like when I’m being scolded by a stranger, I prefer to be scolded by mum than anybody. Thankfully the situation was resolved with a simple answer, No, My mother do not have time for me today. Guess why she called me, as usual, “the remote”. Was I surprised? No, if anything I was happy she didn’t hear my grumbling. I lost my dad at the age of Thirteen, my brother is the one taking care of me. My mother is a sweetheart and she loves her children dearly. I love my brother even though we have our bad moments like any other siblings but I would do anything to make my brother happy. You can’t be caught slacking in this house especially with how sharp my mouth is, part of what I always say is “no one can break my heart.” I’m not heartbroken yet, Luke and I are still together, we have not spoken for three days, he didn’t pick up my calls neither does he return calls, I’m feeling neglected. I have my pride to protect, but I don’t think my heart would allow me to keep my self respect at this moment.