Brian's Heart

Watching from afar, wanting to capture every ounce of consideration from her inquiring gaze. She was so close yet so far away. Every day was a test of her alluring presence. Her smile was astonishing. Her brown eyes, enchanting while setting judgment on everyone she came to encounter. If I could drown in her appearance, that would be the only source of fuel I’ll ever desire. All my efforts to make her deem me right for her were either considered hoarse play or teasing when it came to us being a couple. To her, I was just a confidant who knew her more intimately than anyone else. I loved it, but still I wanted more, needed more out of this connection. It was physically painful watching her go off with different guys who never deserved her attention in the first place, but I knew if I was who she ran to at times of need she would be swayed one way or another. "Brian!" She shouted from the end of the hall. I smirked, striding through the sea of individuals and to her. I adored how energetic she could be in the morning, annoying all of our peers with the shouts of curses and her contagious laughter. No one dared to call her out on it, knowing they’d have a way bigger problem on their hands, which was me. "Wassup beautiful", I hugged her. She smelled fragrant, once I got a whiff of her black hair, a mixture of coconut and saccharine made its way to my nostrils, inviting me in. I embraced her a bit longer than would have been expected, but she never minded embracing her for a bit longer. We were familiar with one another and things like this weren’t anything out of the ordinary. "Soo...?" she asked. I furrowed my brows and stared down at her. She held an expected look as if I were missing something. "Soo?" I asked confused. Laughing was her only response. I leaned against her locker. My arms crossed over my chest hoping she’d come out with it already and tell me what it was that was on her mind. She mimicked my position against a separate locker with her arms crossed as well, staring at me with daring eyes, teasing me with something she knew, and I did not. "I heard Brooke telling the other cheerleaders that she's going to ask you to be the ‘best boyfriend in the world’ today after school!" She exclaimed, she smiled brightly at me, clearly happy about the situation but me not so much. I never understood why the cheer squad tried to concur with me. Yeah, they were attractive in a way any cheerleader would be, especially the Wordlaw high girls. With the s*x appeal and those revealing uniforms, it just added a splash of excitement to any teenage boy’s mind. I only had eyes for one cheerleader, although the type of girl to give you the look of innocence, but really that’s just a tactic to gain your trust before she completely f***s you over. Sadistic and beautiful, but her mind was more mature than any twelfth grader in our class, that girl was standing right in front of me. "I don't like Brooke like that, I'm probably going to get some fellatio and leave. Simple as that" I shrugged it off, she smirked and shook her head at me. "Brian, my Brian, what am I going to do with you Brian?" she giggled. I smirked and threw my arm over her shoulder. "You're going to marry me someday," I said with honesty and pride as we walked through the halls. The boys stared at Amaya and the girls smiled my way. I gave them a slight smirk and winks here and there to keep them on their toes. But Maya remained unfazed by the attention she received. "Oh please! A new girl is going to burst through those double doors and have you smitten beyond comprehension. She’s quiet and mysterious and keeps to herself before… oh no! Here comes the bad boy...” She throws in the dramatic effects of acting like a shy and innocent teenage girl. “Then you guys experience a life outside these hell halls and hit it off very, very INTIMATELY. Before you know it, she's changing you, making you wear casual button-downs and dress shirts, and then you'll both live happily ever after. Your life is basically a cliché" she tossed her long black hair behind her shoulder as we continued to walk. If anyone deserves an Oscar it would be Amaya. The way she snaps in and out of character should be really studied. I chuckled at her description of how my ‘life’ would turn out if some chick was mysterious and quiet with me. I have no interest in anyone who isn’t Amaya. The way she laughs, her personality and her outlook on the world can never be replaced with some quiet type. I don’t want the quiet type when I’m not as talkative to anyone who isn’t close to me. I want her loud and obnoxiously funny, a hint of mischief and a lot of uniqueness within her. She shouldn’t be like everyone else. A copy and paste type isn’t who I’d want to spend my life with. Where’s the fun in that scenario? "Baby, don’t you know people don't change really, and I wouldn’t prefer someone who's going to make me adjust myself in order to be with me. I want someone who's going to love me for me and all of my... distinctive ways." "Horrific ways you meant" she snickered again; I smiled just at the sound of her voice. With her, the air was always light. Laughs and jokes were thrown, but her laughter always found a way to brighten up my day. "What do you mean I'm not that bad" I defended. She pinched my side making me yelp and jump in surprise and shock. She was abusive in a playful way. "Do you remember what you did when we first met?! You pushed me from the swings and told me not to cry like a baby and when my mom came you told her to f**k off" I thought about the day we first met, it did actually happen like that. At the time I adored her also, but I was a kid who didn't know what to say nor do at that time. The only thing holding me back right now is the fear of this being a one-sided connection. If she doesn’t feel the same way it’ll ruin our friendship, I wouldn't know what to do without my Amaya. "I did that, but we became best friends after, so either you’re f****d up in the head or it was meant to be" I smiled smugly at her. She rolled her eyes and hugged me once more, throwing her arms around my waist and hugging her body to my torso. It’s moments like this where I question if she really does feel the same. "I think I'm just f****d up, see you after" she stood on her tiptoes and placed a small kiss to right cheek and made her entrance inside the classroom. I sighed watching her take her seat in the far back of the classroom. Pulling her air pods out of her backpack and sliding them into place to tune out the noisy room. I shook my head and headed off towards the gym. There was no reason to go to class when Brooke was in attendance waiting for me more than likely. That and I didn't feel like going anyway. Canvasing the halls, I watched out for the ‘hall patrol’ and our sly vice principal, who is not really a delight to deal with. Making sure the coast was clear, I headed towards the back of the school where the football field was. A few of the guys with some random girls were already goofing around and making out under the bleachers. A typical day that would make most of these girls’ victims of teen pregnancy with little to no hope left for their futures. "Yo, Brian", Kyle called out before meeting me halfway. We had been good friends since second grade, he was the only one then who would get into as much trouble as me. So, of course, we hit it off. "What’s going on" was my only response. "Oh, nothing but we have a surprise for you, don't we boys!" He shouted. They all stopped what they were doing and agreed with him with mischief written all over their faces. "What is it" Just then, Brooke came from behind the group with a shy smile on her face. As if she tried to be innocent, she wasn't doing a good job at it if you ask me. She strutted over and stood right in front of me. Trying to make herself seem more confident than I knew she was. Her cheeks were flushed, but her body was a sight for the male gaze, leaving little to no imagination to the size of her growing breast and her torso exposed from the cropped t-shirt. Now I wish I would have gone to class. Dammit! "Hi Brian" her long lashes full of makeup made her green eyes pop in a lustful way while biting her lip seductively. For some odd reason, her voice sounded lighter than normal. It was revolting to me. She was gorgeous but she wasn’t my type. "Brooke" I acknowledged her presence, annoyed with how I was set up. She tried slipping her palm into my own, but I wouldn’t allow her to by pacing my hands inside my jean pocket, taking a step back from her. I didn't want to embarrass her in front of people.... that's a lie, I did want to humiliate her, and it's all because she's asking for it. "Um, okay... I was wondering if you know we could-" "Have s*x? Sure, I'm down." I shrugged. She looked surprised and cleared her throat. Looking back at her group of friends for reassurance, they whispered and yelled for her to continue. She cleared her throat and spoke again. "No, I meant for us to-" "So, you don't want to f**k me?" I teased her, she looked taken aback before she stuttered a response. Clearly, the vague word choice was new to her. "No! I-I mean of course, I would think any girl at this school would! But I was thinking a little more in the area of dating. Would you w-want to go out?" She stammered over her words, I wanted to cackle at her so badly, but I held it in and instead joked with her a bit more. "So, do you want to f**k me?" I smirked at her as if that was appeasing to hear. It made no difference whether we had s*x or not. I wanted to see if she’d let it go, but instead, she opted for the challenge. "I do it's just I really like you and I know you like me, so why don't we see where this could go." I squinted my eyes at her a little. Did she really think I liked her? Oh, f**k this is gold! I couldn’t help myself this time and began to laugh hysterically. She really wanted to date me? I would never date Brooke, but I could possibly use her for another thing I've been wanting to try on Amaya. "We should ditch and go to my house, are you ready?" I teased more. "I'm just kidding, unless you want ... but let's see how things go first. I don’t date just anyone, Brooke" "Oh! I know you don't. I'm so happy that you agreed-" "I don't agree. I said, let's see how things go, as in whenever I want you, you’re going to make yourself available to me and if I'm... satisfied, then we can talk about dating labels." I brushed some of her blonde hair behind her ear, her cheeks turned a deep scarlet color, and she stared into my eyes as if she’d seen Zeus himself. "Okay" She swooned. I placed a gentle hand on her scarlet cheek and could feel the little shiver it gave her. My mind going back to Amaya and wishing this could be us but knowing it will never happen on the dirty football field with our peers watching. Dropping my palm from her profile I made my way to the bleachers, everyone followed, I could hear the other girls squealing and fangirling about Brooke and me. I didn't really pay attention to it. I wondered what Amaya would say once she found out about this. She'd probably tell me to give Brooke a real chance, but I could never. My heart belonged to Amaya and only her. No one else could brighten up my life like her. I didn't want anyone else inside my heart but my Amaya.