After the vows

People like to say life gets better with time. That’s a lie. If anything, mine kept getting worse, like the universe had picked me as its favorite punching bag and decided to never get tired. I wiped the counter for the third time, even though it was already clean, my mind drifting somewhere far away from the small café and the smell of burnt coffee. My feet ached, my back hurt, and my head felt heavy from lack of sleep. I had worked two shifts yesterday and barely slept three hours before rushing here this morning. Bills don’t care if you’re tired, Hunger doesn’t either, I was doing all of this for my children , the ones who made life worth living. “Alia!” I flinched at the sound of my manager’s voice, snapping me out of my thoughts. Before I could even turn around, I heard her heels clicking angrily toward me. “What are you daydreaming about?” she snapped. “Customers are waiting…Alia , What is wrong with you ?” “I’m sorry,” I said quickly, grabbing a tray. “I’ll attend to them right now “ Her eyes shifted past me, I immediately knew what she was about to talk about me . “And what are they doing here again?” My heart sank. I turned and saw my twins sitting quietly at the corner table, bundled in sweaters that were a little too big for them. Liam was leaning against Luna, his face pale, while Luna held a tissue to her nose, sniffing softly, The sight of it made me sad. “I told you,” I said, keeping my voice calm even though I was loosing it in my head . “They’re sick. I couldn’t take them to school today, The teachers keep complaining .” “That is not my problem,” my manager snapped. “This is a workplace, not a daycare, I warned you about this !” “I know,” I said quickly. “But I didn’t have anyone to leave them with. I’ll keep them quiet. They won’t disturb anyone, I promise.” She laughed, I have known her for so long to know that wasn’t a genuine laugh , more like sarcasm. “You always have excuses, Alia. Always.” Her voice rose, drawing the attention of a few customers and even my babies looked towards our direction . I felt heat crawl up my neck, my heart was pounding, i was sweating profusely, it was my panic attack trying to kick in. “I work hard,” I said. “I never miss my shifts. I stay late when you ask. I just need today, Please…” She crossed her arms. “Maybe if you were a better mother, you wouldn’t be dragging your sick children to work.” That hit something deep, I dropped the rag aggressively and walked closer towards her . “I am a good mother,” I said, my voice shaking. “I do everything for them…Don’t you dare !” She scoffed. “Good mothers don’t raise children in poverty. You know foster care could take them away from you, right? Look our frustrated you and your kids look” Something inside me snapped and I stepped closer, my hands curling into fists. “Don’t you dare talk about my children like that.” “Oh?” she said. “Or what?” “I said they’re sick,” I continued, my voice rising. “I’m not neglecting them. we are trying to survive, You think life is easy huh? You think because you have it easy it’s not hard somewhere else ? Huh?” She stared at me for a long second, then pointed toward the door. “You’re fired! Get the f**k out of my cafe ! You bastard! You begged for this job” The word felt unreal but I tried to keep it in , This was my last job. “What?” I whispered. “Take your kids and leave. I won’t have this kind of drama in my café.” I stood there, frozen, until Luna slid off her chair and walked toward me. “Mommy?” she said softly. “Are we in trouble?” That broke me. I swallowed hard, forcing a smile. “No, baby. Let’s go.” I grabbed my bag, took their small hands in mine, and walked out without looking back. The bell above the door rang as if mocking me. “ Don’t cry mommy …. It’s okay “ Liam grabbed my dress and I nodded trying to hold my tears By the time we reached our apartment building, my legs felt like jelly. I fumbled with my keys, already thinking about how I’d explain rent being late again. But when I opened the door, my heart dropped. Our clothes were piled on the floor. My bags,The twins’ shoes. Even their blankets. “What…?” I whispered. A note was taped to the wall. “Rent overdue. I can’t keep covering for you. I’m sorry.” I sank onto the floor and the twin rushed to grab me . “ Mommy ….” They called out in unison. “ I’m okay …I’m okay “ I smiled trying to put myself together. . I covered my face, my shoulders shaking as everything I’d been holding in finally crashed down on me. “I’m sorry,” I sobbed. “I’m so sorry, I am sorry if I am not a good mother “ Small arms wrapped around me. “It’s okay, Mommy,” Liam said softly. Luna nodded. “We can go to Grandma’s house.” “ Mommy already said we can’t go there !” Liam corrected her instantly. I spoke to the twins about their grandparents but I never told them they had cut me off the day I told them I was pregnant at eighteen. No money, No calls, No support, . I had raised my twins alone while they lived comfortably in their big house, pretending I didn’t exist, The only support I had was my perfect sister who only talked to me to rub her perfect life on my face , she never helped me , never helped the twins , I was the black sheep . I wiped my tears and looked at my children. They deserved more than this. I took a deep breath. “I guess,” I whispered, more to myself than to them, “I have no choice.” For the first time in seven years, I was going back to the people who abandoned me. “ Let’s go! I will take you to grandmas…”