Blood Bound (mlm)

Chapter 2: Part 3

Once Yerik and I can tell that Anne and the others are off the territory, we head back inside. He may have been able to muscle his way out of that issue but his troubles are far from over. The second he shifts, I'm on his ass, not giving him even a second to get some clothes on. A part of me wants to take his naked body all in but I'm so angry I don't even give the rest of him a glance. "When were you going to tell me that we're mated?" I question calmly despite shivering with rage. "What?" He's confused for a second, but realisation dawns over his features. Though, before he can answer, I continue on.

"You knew the second you saw me didn't you? That's why you didn't kill me and said it would be a 'pleasure' to have me here. But what, you turned around and decided you were just better by yourself and rejected me?!" I start off with an even voice, but the more I speak the louder I become. "Luca wait, let me expla—" He attempts to talk and I'm having none of it as I step closer. "I was sick for days, Yerik, DAYS! How could you f*****g sleep at night knowing I was going through the worst pain a wolf could go through? How could you sleep knowing that YOU PUT YOUR MATE THROUGH THAT PAIN!?" I scream, tears forming in my eyes and I shove him back.

I'm so hurt by the version of events from my perspective, I can't keep my heart steady. I'm going into a state, similar to the one he put me in a few days ago. "If you just let me explain—" He tries to speak again, reaching for me but I slap his hand away. "Explain? You lost your chance to explain, so now you listen to me!" I cut him off again, far from interested in hearing him out. "f**k! I'm so stupid. Were you ever even going to tell me...? Ha! Who am I kidding, you were never going to. You were just going to have me go back home, let me be in excruciating pain for weeks or even months without a second thought for my well being. Everything they say about you is right, I can't believe I thought for a second that you were just misunderstood! You're a f*****g monster!" I feel like my head is going to explode as I continue to spiral. At some point I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

"This was your plan the whole time wasn't it? Act hospitable then reject me but apologise so I'd trust you just to do it all over again...?" I continue, pausing to feel just how heartbroken I am. "You...you just wanted to-to break me, get revenge for wha-t my parents did to y-you." I barely manage to get the sentence out through my crying and sniffling. "No, Luca no," He steps closer, attempting to initiate contact again and comfort me. "DON'T!" I flinch back and away from him. "Don't, you dare act like you-you f*****g c-are about me! I'll just—do you a favour and—sever our mateship—once and for all. You may not—have wanted me—from the start—but now I—don't want you!" I shout through hiccups then storm out, shifting when the cold night air hits me.

I run into the forest, barely able to hear that Yerik is calling after me but ultimately, he doesn't chase. I don't know how to feel at the revelation I've made except for hurt. In my heart of hearts, I didn't want to reject him...I wanted to hear him out. But I just can't take what I'm convinced is the truth of the situation. It's too much, too painful and I want the brunt of that pain to be directed at and felt by him rather than me. Despite everything, I'm not going to go home. I still have to stay away until the pack has their new alpha and Meira has her validation. And with the comment Anne made about orders to burn Yerik's cabin, I definitely can't go back. I might be angry with him and I may have rejected him, but I'm not going to let him lose everything at the hands of my pack again. I'm more useful if I stay on the territory.

I keep running and running, eventually coming across a cave. This is where I'll stay until the month is up. Time to grow up and rough it. I think as I curl up and get as comfortable as I can in the deepest part of the cave, sheltered from the freezing temperatures. I fall asleep in no time, mentally and physically exhausted after the rollercoaster of feelings I've gone through in under a week. Surprisingly, I sleep quite well and I'm up the moment the sunshine flows through the cave entrance. I walk out into the freshness of the day, still tired but ignoring it because I need to hunt for my breakfast.

I sniff the air, hoping to catch a whiff of something edible and eventually I do. After another few minutes of tracking, I have a rabbit in my jaws. I shake it violently until it stops struggling and dig in when it does. Unfortunately for me, it won't be enough at least for a while so I continue on with my search. If I can catch another two it'll be perfect, but the past few days have been anything except that so my hopes aren't up.

"Luca? Are you there?" Anne's voice trickles into my mind, making me smile a little. It's nice to hear from a friendly voice again. "Hey Anne. What's up?" I ask. "I just needed to touch base with you. Are you sure you're okay?" She responds, concern dripping from her tone. "I promise you, I'm okay. Things could be better but I'm dealing." I reply, trying my best to be reassuring but even I don't believe my own words. "Your parents want to know how you are y'know, they really are concerned." She says. "Tell them that I'm fine and that I'll be back once Meira has passed the Trials. Also, tell them not to do anything drastic because it'll definitely just drive me away for longer." I respond.

I really hope that my word will be enough to keep the heat off of Yerik and his territory. But knowing my pack's history, it's a long shot for sure. "I trust your judgment so I'll try my best to convince them, but no promises...and you try not to do anything drastic too." She replies making me chuckle softly. "Yea I'll try..." I say back my mind wondering to the second most drastic thing I've done since the start of the month; rejecting my mate out of sheer pettiness and anger. "Anne, can I ask a serious question that you'll answer honestly?" I request. "Of course." She accepts and I huff briefly, deciding to stop and sit in the sun a little.

"Do you think I'm being immature, going Lone over something like the Trials?" I ask and there's silence for a moment as she thinks. "I think you're being very bold. Few children in our pack, especially sons, would go against their parents like you have, let alone those of an Alpha Pair. Your parents are clouded by gender roles they and many other wolves have grown up with for years, they can't see how risky the Trials are for you and your sister. You could've had a more clear conversation instead of running, but who's to tell how that would've went." She explains, making me feel just a tiny bit better about my decision making.

"Can I ask another serious question?" I request again. "Go for it." She replies. "Why is so much of our pack history censored?" I question and that brings forth an even longer pause than before. "How do you mean Luca?" She asks instead of giving me a straight answer, tipping me off to the fact that she knows what I'm getting at. "I've been reading since being away from home and I noticed a lot of information missing or altered in the stuff we learned in school." I explain briefly. Another silence falls between us and I almost wish I could take the question back. But I need to hear her answer, get a reading on the kind of wolf she is.

"As Atlas's, your parents and ancestors are very proud wolves. But they haven't always acted in a righteous manner and they'd rather erase those actions than confront them." She answers, having chosen her words carefully. "And...what about you?" I ask next, not sure at first but going through with it anyway. "We all went through the Atlas education system but growing up in the beta family of the pack, I definitely got educated on the censored stuff. I'm not proud of what my family has had to do in service of yours or what I have to do in service of your parents...but it's what I have to do." She replies, her tone a bit somber.

"Thank you for being honest." I respond, not wanting to make her feel bad. It's very confusing; the line between duty and personal morals. I don't have all the answers, so I'm definitely not in any place to judge her. "Thank you for asking, it's nice to talk about these things even just a little. I have to go now but you have a good day and if the Lone Rogue tries anything, call me." She says and I thank her before we stop communicating. I continue on my hunt for food and soon have a lot of luck, by the time I head back to the cave I'm full enough to last me the rest of the day.

But now, I've got nothing to do except lay on the floor and think. I think about Yerik and how my rejection of him has to hurt. Then I think about the fact that I rejected my mate without really knowing him. Now I have to wait for who knows how long to meet my next one, and what if they're awful? Did I make a mistake...? I ask myself and I can answer pretty quickly, I definitely did make a mistake. He was trying to explain himself but I was so pissed that I refused to just listen to him. Hell, I'm still pissed at him now but I never should've rejected him. I could've just stormed off and gotten his explanation later, maybe find it in me to forgive him. Instead, I ruined my chances of a fulfilling mateship.

Other than a pack, a mate is the most important thing for a wolf. A mate keeps us grounded, gives us purpose, brings out our loving side, can help us build families or continue them. And I ruined that for myself...even for him. As a rogue especially a lone one, it's unlikely that he'll find his next mate. He can't travel anywhere he wants, he'll always have a target on his back and if he leaves his territory my parents will definitely use the opportunity to take it over. On the other hand, it's unlikely that his next mate will stumble upon him the way that I did, especially if they belong to a pack.

Ugh, Goddess, can I take the rejection back? I ask, hoping to hear Her voice but knowing I won't. The only ones that usually hear from Her directly are highly spiritual wolves and I'm far from being such. I huff loudly and turn over to stare at the cave wall, deciding I don't get to look out at the beautiful nature outside anymore. I feel horrible, I behaved horribly and I deserve to be miserable. I could always go back home or go apologise to Yerik, but I'm not sure that I can face either of those things right now. In reflecting on my recent actions all I can ask is one thing...

What kind of wolf am I?

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