Blood Bound (mlm)

Chapter 2.

It isn't easy finding out a huge part of my identity is based on lies and omissions. Although Yerik has spent the last three days making it clear he doesn't have any specific contempt towards me, I can't help but feel guilty. Every time he shows me kindness my hurt hearts more and more. Anger for my parents and grandparents, hell for all my ancestors, rushes through me every time he feeds me or every time I think about the fact I'm sheltered in his home. It's clear to me by his hospitality that he carries a lot of his packs attitude, so what does that mean for me? What does it mean for the kind of alpha that Meira is going to become?

"Luca?" Yerik's voice brings me back to reality and I look to him, his eyes full of concern. "Sorry did I go silent on you again, what were you saying?" I respond. "Yea, you did and I was just suggesting that you go for a walk, get some air." He answers, taking a seat beside me. I take in a breath, looking at the floor then my hands. "I-I think that's a good idea..." I reply finally then get up and head out onto the porch. I strip, shift then trot out into the forest. Since I'm shifted I can hear my pack excruciatingly clear and just as I figured, it's chaos.

Hundreds of voices are calling my name, barking orders and asking about me. But it's Meira's voice that stands out the most. "You're a coward for running, but don't you breathe easy for long. We'll find you and you will take the Trials with me little brother." She sneers. "Luca? Are you there? Please respond and just tell me that you're okay." Anne reaches out and it's nice to hear an understanding and familiar voice. "I'm okay...I just need to be away right now." I respond, my heart heavy. "I understand but, you have to know that we know where you are." She says. "If you know where I am, what's stopping you from getting me?" I ask, genuinely curious to hear the answer. "Hah, okay, full disclosure: we're not sure about where you are and we can't just send wolves out past the border on suspicion, but we're going to figure it out." She answers and I'm relieved to hear it.

"Do me a favour Anne and stall the efforts?" I request coyly, knowing what the answer will be. "You know I can't do that Luca. But I won't volunteer any information you tell me...I really do hope you're okay and that you've thought about the consequences of what you're doing." She replies thoughtfully. "I appreciate that Anne, thanks. I'm okay though well about as okay as I can get being lone and all. But I promise you, everything is okay." I assure her. The last thing I want is to worry the only wolf in the world that really gets me. "That's good to hear Luca, I have to go now but please reach out if you need to. I'm always here for you, as much as I can be, never forget that." She replies, making me feel warm inside.

Having some semblance of support from a wolf I admire so much, especially at a time like this, feels comforting beyond comfort. "I'll do so, thank you." I bid her goodbye and continue walking in the forest. The cool wind blows through my brown fur, relaxing me but just slightly. As good as I feel after speaking with Anne, I'm still disturbed. I can't wrap my mind around why my pack is and my ancestral pack was so...so needlessly violent. There isn't a situation where I can imagine all that I read about needing to have happened. And to make it worse, the censoring of certain events over others just makes it seem like I'm just the kin of evil wolves.

It hurts but I want to hear my parents' and grandparents' perspective. I want to ask them why before I can try to reconcile anything. Above all, I have to get justice for Yerik. It's strange that I feel that way. Not because I'm a cold person, I'm as empathetic as they come in fact. But with him it's something different, something stronger. It's almost like I need to fight to get justice for myself as well. What that justice is, I have no idea and I obviously can't get to any of that right now.

The feeling of having eyes on me pulls me from my thoughts and I worry that it's a wolf from my pack. I sniff the air, trying to get a hint of our signature scent as Atlas wolves: lavender; but I get nothing. It isn't a scent from a Riverside or Destine wolf either, years of my father training me to recognise their scent tell me as much. And it isn't Yerik's scent, which I finally pinned down yesterday. Aside from the burnt wood, he smells like a healthy forest too. So whatever is watching me, it isn't anything I know of.

I sniff harder and finally get a clue. It's a deer. I look in its direction, suddenly realising how hungry I am. I haven't hunted in days so it's not surprising that my hunting instinct is firing up at my realisation. I look in the direction of the smell and the moment my eyes land on it, the deer bolts from its position. Giving chase my heart begins to pump faster to feed my muscles and a few minutes later I have its neck in my mouth. It bawls excessively but my hunger drowns the sounds as I begin to shake it violently. Then I hear that satisfying snap and the ambient sounds of the forest are all I can hear again. I enjoy my meal until my stomach can't have any more.

There's still quite a bit of the deer left and I wonder what to do with the rest of it for a second. Deer steak, Yerik would be happy to have this! A lightbulb goes off in my mind and I get to dragging the body back to his cabin. A few minutes later, I'm shifted, dressed and carrying the remains of my meal up the stairs of the porch. "Jeez, what kind of walk did you take?" Yerik chuckles, the sound like music to my ears. "The normal kind, this just...happened. It was watching me and once I got its scent in my nose I couldn't stop myself." I reply with a light chuckle. "Well I appreciate it, I needed to restock in any case. Speaking of, don't you miss having your own wardrobe?" He asks, taking the carcass from me and putting it on the wooden butcher's table in the corner of the porch.

"I guess I do, it would be great to wear something more my style but...y'know." I reply with a shrug. "Maybe...you should go back then..." He suggests cautiously, taking out the tools he needs to process the deer. "What?" I question, immediately afraid of where this is about to go. "I'm just saying, it's not worth being away from your family over something like the Alpha Trials." He replies, not even looking at me. "Wha–I'm sorry. First you say that it's the best revenge keeping me here and now you want me to go back there, how does that work?" I ask, trying to keep my cool.

"I thought about it and realistically, it's just ridiculous for you to stay here and be away from your pack in general. What if they don't take you back when you decide to return? The consequences of going lone have to be much higher for you than if any regular wolf did it." He explains, finally looking at me and I can see something behind his eyes that's begging to come out. "Why would you care what they do to me? I mean it doesn't make sense for you to want me to go back to the pack, the people, that murd—" I begin but he doesn't let me finish, cutting through the deer with a heavy swing of his butcher's knife and making me jump at the movement and sound.

"We're not talking about that...what happened has nothing to do with you growing up and going home." His tone is icy and sends chills down my spine. "Then why do you want me to go back? I know you don't have any sympathy for what my absence is putting my pack through and I know you don't have anything against me for what my pack has done to you. So why do you really want me to leave all of a sudden?" I press him, deciding it's best not to push any further on the 'my people subjugated and murdered yours' front. He sighs and looks at me, the expression on his face one that I've seen many times in my life especially from my father.

"Just go home Luca, you don't belong here." He orders me, his gaze piercing me harder but to no avail and he stops, surprise replacing his look. "Why isn't it working?" He questions, looking at his hands and at me as if he doesn't recognise himself. "Why would you think you'd be able to get any wolf to submit, you have to be an alpha to do that." I answer him, not appreciating the deviation of topic. "I am an alpha." He says flatly. "Oh, then you've done some kind of Trials and you know that those tests can kill a wolf without Alpha Blood, which I don't have. Is it childish for me to avoid probable death?" I fold my arms over my chest, frustrated.

"I didn't but I've heard stories." He responds. "Then how do you even know that you have Alpha Blood and how can you suggest I run in the direction of death?!" I question, appalled. "Well how do you know that you don't have Alpha Blood and I'm not saying get yourself killed, I'm saying face the reality of your life!" He shouts back at me. "Ugh! This isn't what we were talking about. What's the real reason, look me in the eye and tell me honestly, why you want me to leave!" My frustration has boiled over, but more than that my heart hurts.

"Fine, you want the truth? Here's the truth: I actually don't want you here!" His words are like a knife to the chest, I break more as each word registers. What? "What..." I sound heart broken and, honestly, I am. Which confuses me but I can't think too much about it considering the situation. "I know I said I didn't mind before but..." He starts and hesitates, clearly unsure. "I don't want you here anymore." He finishes nonetheless. Hearing those words from his mouth genuinely hurt. Not necessarily because of the massive 180 from a few days ago but because it's as though he's rejecting me. It stings...it makes me feel sick, emotionally and physically.

My instinct is to leave, of course, but instead of walking down the porch stairs I walk into the cabin and go to "my" room. After locking the door behind me I break down completely. My heart hurts and my head is spinning as I cry quietly. What the fuck...why does this feel so awful? Is all I can think because why does this feel so f*****g awful? It's not like I've been here long enough for Yerik not wanting me around anymore to hurt this bad. I can't understand what in all hell is the matter with me but as perplexed as I am by everything that just happened, I can't stop the thoughts and feelings of inadequacy.

Yerik doesn't want me. Is the next thought in my head and it swirls around making me shake. As much as I want it to stop I can't make it. I cry and shiver more, feeling cold even though I've moved to lay in bed. Yerik doesn't want me! Why doesn't he want me? What did I do wrong...he doesn't want me...?

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