A sheep in wolf's Clothing.

I was born into a pack a pack of werewolves a family that lived to breed and lived to kill they bore children and they taught those children tradition and the rules to live by my father was taught it, my grandfather was taught it and my great great grandfather was taught it and way beyond. Something happened when I was born something that would tear my family and pack apart not to mention myself in the process this is my story.   My mother always said that when I was born I was different to other babies that had been born within our pack. I was quiet and withdrawn and rather reserved and petrified of my Uncles that looked huge and hairy and were short tempered and even back then I disapproved of the way they lived they were red blooded males and I always remember them having many girlfriends and how they would boast about their s****l adventures.  We were wolves and I had yet to learn about this until I was an adult even though I would very often change into a wolf as I was growing up I thought it was just the way every human was until I was constantly told by my family that I must not speak to anybody about the changes of my werewolf heritage. I was allowed to change into a wolf within my family unit and pack but never ever within the company of strangers.  We would have family parties and family gatherings with only family invited and I always wondered why my family would never invite anybody else it was always the family and the very tight knit they had that I always thought was strange. I hated our family gatherings because my uncles were so loud and they drunk so much alcohol that I just hid away in the background hiding from them and their manly ways. I loved their wives and girlfriends as they would always stand up for me when my uncles would tell me to get a grip and start being a man to which their wives and girlfriends would say he's a late bloomer wait a while and he will come along.  My family were very concerned about me as were my many cousins as I was coming of age to eighteen and I would soon have to learn how to kill and feed on my first Halloween after my eighteenth birthday. I was not really into s*x or women but I enjoyed stuff like books and being academic. I had a huge amount of humanity within me and I even hated turning into a werewolf something I dared not let my family know as I could in no way at all cope with the back lash I would get for saying such a thing to any single one of my family as they were all very proud of their heritage.  My dad would say to my mother ' why is he so different to the pack and how is he going to kill ' My mother would say ' it's a case of he will have to weather he likes it or not '. I just did not know what I was going to do and I was afraid and I hated being different but I knew I was very different and I did not want to let my family down.  My cousins were dating girls and those girls were becoming part of the pack . Once my cousins were sure that they were the one for keeps there would be a family ritual where she would be accepted into the pack she would then be bitten under a trance and weather she liked it or not she was then part of the pack where she would go on to breed children to keep the pack going. It was all about breeding and keeping the pack going any indifference was not tolerated we were born to understand what we were and what was expected of us within our blood line.  During my college years I did not date girls or hang about in boy gangs like most college guys do but I grew a friendship with a male student we both had so much in common he was quiet and reserved and like me he came from a very loud family that were very manly and red blooded. I was of course very different and distinct from any other human I was a were wolf and I could not talk about it with anybody not even my male friend from college.  My cousins two of them were also in my local college and I would bump into them in the corridors now and again they would see me with the same boy over and over and on occasions they would blank me and give me an evil stare as if they were figuring out that I was very different in more ways than one. I knew that my deep friendship with this boy would get back to my parents from my cousins I could tell just by the way they looked at me. I did not find my friend attractive in that way it was just that we had so much in common but on the other hand my animal Instinct towards males was turned on even though I also found girls attractive I was very drawn to the human male animal.  I knew it was very wrong to find males attractive I was just brought up to understand that within my own family unit and society. Me and the boy in college were singled out as a couple by some of the other students but we were not we just had so much in common that we both loved each others company s****l attraction never even came into our friendship but people are people and they will draw more into it simply because we were together at all times in college. But I have to admit I did find males attractive and I did not have a clue what I was going to do about it. I could not admit this to anybody so I stayed silent and repressed it to keep in the good books of my family.  I was not happy being a were wolf and I was very unhappy with my own life and I was not very keen on my own family and I was extremely unhappy but I had to keep silent about it but all this silence and keeping up a false Image was getting the better of me but I had to be very strong and I had to show my family that I was ok but Inside I was very unwell. My dad did talk to me about the boy in college and he simply asked me why I was so close to him and why I had not brought girls home like my cousins. I could see the anger in his eyes and his face flush red that we were even having this conversation. I explained that we were just very good friends and we had so much in common being Introverts.  My dad was not all happy about me bonding with a male and he told me to start bonding with girls like my cousins and that I must start bonding with girls to find the right one later down the line. It's tradition he said. The kill was coming up very quickly as Halloween was approaching  and my dad said you will have to be ready weather you want to or not. I felt that my dad had his problems growing up and Insecurities but like his dad did with him he had the famous family words of wisdom said to him as he is now giving to me. It's all about the pack and family and I was in so many words told by my dad that I must keep the family looking good and there was to be no Indifference.  I finished College still not knowing what a were wolf wants to do with his life and myself and my friend parted ways and we never saw each other again. I kept to myself I thought that was the best thing to do after all I was dealing with a lot of challenges in my life something none of my pack have ever really had any issues with well not that I know of but I did have issues with being a were wolf and having s****l feelings for the same s*x and also having crushes on the opposite s*x. I was confused and scared and in fear of the kill which I did not want to pursue even though it was expected of me since birth. I was petrified and I had to deal with this all alone.  The nights were getting darker and Halloween was just around the corner and the kill was coming up. We had a family meeting where we discussed the kill and focusing more on people living on the streets that way they would not really be missed and the kill would not be so difficult. I sat in the corner of the room petrified of carrying this out while the pack relished in it. While we were all together everybody decided to turn into a werewolf and so must I in front of the pack. Everybody was growing hairs over their bodies and their faces changing and their bodies growing out. Their noses grew out of their faces and large ears out of their heads and huge teeth ugly hairy monsters all around me large and sharp claws I hated being sat there but it was my turn to change. I felt my clothes rip from my body and my arms turn bigger and my body getting bigger , My face was turning and my eyes rolling over and ears were pulling through my head my feet were getting bigger and large sharp claws were coming through my feet. I had turned just like everybody else and I could feel a tear drop down the hair on my face but because of the hair nobody noticed it. We were all looking at each other and saliva was dripping down our mouths. I hated myself and I hated what I was but there was nothing I could do about it Apart from end my own life but I was not brave enough to go through with that.  The family all changed back and got dressed into other clothes they brought along with them. All the family and pack felt good about themselves being themselves altogether and planning the annual Halloween kill but I hated the whole thing and I wanted to change the way we lived but to go up against such a pack was impossible. The night of the kill came and I just wanted to run away as far away as possible as we were going to kill human beings and this was not right at all even though we were werewolves and free to kill on this one night. I knew what was expected of me and I knew what I must carry out as part of my heritage but I really don't think I was up to it I just did not want to kill anybody it just felt too wrong to carry out.  We were all given places where we would have to pursue the kill my place was in London as the killings could not be too close together. I wandered London cold and upset just watching all the homeless people all around me tucked up in their blankets and boxes just looking at passers by. I should not be feeling guilty or sad but I should be excited about this night and the animal in me should be driven by the pure thought of my annual kill. Instead I was scared and crying and I could not even be bothered to choose my kill for later in the night. I did not know what to do but I knew what was expected of me and I felt duty bound to carry out the kill for the sake of my family and the heritage of the pack. I could not go home to the pack without doing the kill they would just know weather I did or not. How would I feel after the kill might it change me or might it just make me hate myself even more I was in such a dilemma but I would have to do this.  I found my kill a young homeless guy looking very sad and cold and lost and miserable I would say he was about nineteen maybe twenty and I felt so sorry for him all alone and cold but he would be my kill tonight. The hour was 2am and there was nobody about and he was in a field all alone sleeping in a cardboard box it was time. I found a place to change into the wolf and I could feel my saliva dribble down my hairy body and I could already taste the blood the animal within me was ready to cut open his flesh and then run back to the pack in my human form. The wind was howling and I got closer to the cardboard box I could see his head at the top of the box and his cold blue face sticking out of his blanket. I moved the box away from his body and I leaned over his body with my werewolf face looking straight at his. His eyes opened wide and he looked straight at me as my face was directly over his, he looked and just spoke and said ' I am glad you are here to kill me , I have no reason to be here anymore but please make it painless for me'.  I went to kill him quickly with my werewolf hand over his face but I stopped I could not. He looked at me again and said ' what are you ' I did not know what to do just kill him quickly or run away I was in the moment of keeping my family happy or doing what I wanted to do so I put my huge hairy hand over his face and just felt his tears with my sharp claws and I ran away from him not even looking back. I could not go through with the kill I never ever thought I could.  I needed to know more about this homeless guy so that same night I changed back into a human and put on my spare set of clothes and I made my way to talk to him before I had to make my way back to the pack. He was terrified and shaking in his blanket and as I approached him he said ' no I don't want to die please don't eat me ' . I got closer to him and said ' are you ok ' he said ' did you not see a werewolf here just now ' I said ' have you been drinking ' he said ' it was huge it was a werewolf like on a horror movie'.  I have not seen no werewolf I said but what are you doing out here , I could say the same about you he said. Oh I am just taking a late walk I said I live near by but why are you out here sleeping in a cardboard box. I am homeless he said and my family threw me out of my home because I am a homosexual can you even believe it. He said I bet you have a great family right . Well I said no not really . Oh he said I see. I said can I buy you a coffee or tea somewhere and off we went to find a very late night bar.  The young man explained his life story to me and that because of his sexuality he is never allowed to enter his family home again he was disowned by the people who were supposed to love him and brought him into this world. I told him that my life was more or less the same but with more circumstances involved. Yes I thought you were one of my kind he said. I said what kind , he said the gay kind. I said Oh I see.  I could not go back to the pack without biting somebody or having a kill because they would know that I was lying if I said I had picked somebody for my kill and I did kill that person. The kill was a celebration and all my kind was on a high that night. Part of me being a were wolf was the love of the kill and I could not go back to the pack looking anxious and timid the kill makes us men and it gives us a huge boost I did not have that boost and they would tell.  I had a thought and it was the only one that was going to work benefiting both of us me and the young man. The young man had no where to go and was a lost soul living on the streets whilst I needed to bite somebody and get the buzz of the kill within my blood. There was only one option I would have to bite the young man but not killing him I would then return with him to the pack and tell them I bit the guy to complete my kill but he was still alive after I left him and I could not leave him to roam the streets of London killing people as a werewolf after he turned I would have to return with him and make him part of the pack.  The pack would go out of their minds with anger against me but it was a chance I was willing to take. I took the young man back to his place of sleep in the fields and I asked him if I could also spend the night sleeping in his cardboard box. He said I would love it as I am petrified of that wolf coming back it was horrible to even look at. While he slept I turned into the were wolf taking all my clothes off and being n***d before the turn. I turned and jumped on the young man and bit a huge chunk out of his neck before quickly running away and turning human and getting dressed. I ran back to the field to find the young man screaming in pain and bleeding everywhere. I managed to stop the bleeding and carried him off to the pack where I had to explain to everybody why I brought him back with me. As I suspected they were annoyed and livid about this but it was a chance I had to take.  The pack stopped the blood and bathed him just as they would by one of the women who had been bitten by the pack. The pack did not know how to handle this situation as this had never happened before and it was a male I had bitten not a female. My dad of all the pack could not understand why I had gone for a male to kill when all the others went for females as they tasted better to the male were wolf. Female were wolves go for males but males never go for the taste of other males.  The pack called a meeting and I think almost all of them suspected my sexuality of having a taste for males instead of females and that I had done this on purpose as a way of bringing another homosexual into the pack. My dad was angry with the pack for thinking this of his son but the truth had to be spoken about and aired in the open. The pack had never had two males or two females attracted to each other before and it really affected the packs male testosterone. The whole pack was stunned by this but as the elder of the pack said ' we are living in the modern world and it was inevitable that this would happen some way down the line and it did. ' I did not know weather I could continue in the pack or if they would accept this. I did not know what I would do or where I would go if the pack was to turn against me and the young man I had bitten.  The elder of the pack came to see me personally and we talked for many hours I had no Idea how understanding he was especially as he had never come across something like this before but he was very easy to talk to and he put me at ease with myself. He started off by telling me that he also knew this would happen one day within the pack as the world was changing and the pack would have to change with the times. He was not happy about me bringing the change and he told me that the pack was not happy at all with me especially my dad but the elder said we would have to work something out. I stated that I was confused about my sexuality and I was different to the pack. The elder said to me that the fact that I chosen a guy to bite and the fact that I did not kill him and the fact that I did bite him and brought him back to the pack as a new member was obvious enough that my animal Instinct attraction to guys was much more instinctive than my animal attraction to women and for that reason alone without making life too complicated for myself the elder told me we would have to say that your attraction to males would make me more attracted to males in my future life.  I said what happens next ?. The elder said , ' you are family and you are part of the pack and now so is the young man you bit last night we will not turn you away from us and neither will we turn away the young man. We have to look after our own weather we agree with what you are or not. You will continue to live amongst us you with your dad and the young man with another member of the pack. You will both get to see each other but there is to be no public affections between you both as the pack seeing this before their very eyes could stir trouble we need time to adapt to this as much as you need time to adapt to your new way of life.  You have both bonded with each other the elder explained and you have to work on that bond as much as we have to learn to accept it. The world is constantly changing the elder explained and weather we like it or not we have to adapt and learn to live with change. The elder explained I will talk to your dad and I will talk to the pack and you need to work out what it is you want and you have to be very patient and have lots of give and take within our family unit. The elder ended our conversation by saying ' I have lived many years and I am a very old man and yes I am set in my ways but I am also very wise and that has come with age and observation. Time is all we have and time goes very quickly nowadays we have the daylight and we have the dark Nights and that is the world turning as it has done for millions of years and all we can do is live our lives around time and accept and adapt to the changes that will occur around us as the morning sun comes out and as the sun goes down and the sky turns to darkness a constant routine of events that we have witnessed since the age of man. One thing we can count on is the day light and the darkness and time we just live with the times it's all we have and it's all we have ever had. Just live and be patient with time and simply expect that from others we know and love.  He walked away from me and blinked his eye at me . I knew then that everything was going to be ok after all.  I just had to give it all time that was simply the message. Time is all we have.