Lost between Two

Loss and Gain

26 October 1969

Flashing lights, vanity everywhere, screams after screams till I am going crazy and the people go mad, it's not enough for a great artist like me, now, the drums start playing their beat and the heartbeats of the spectators below start making a sound that nourishes my pride. Like a queen I took a step ahead, step after step till I reached my main position . one melodic scream of mine was sufficient to stop every nose in the concert area and have thousand of attentive and calm listeners but suddenly and before taking control of the microphone again, a shining light appeared and while I was wondering about it, a big whirlpool pulled me out of my lucid dream and brought me back to the reality where I am just a teenage dreamer.

My name is Sarah but mom calls me Brown sugar, I am fifteen years old, I live in London within an upper-class family, we have a lot of factories where we make tea and then we distribute it all around the globe.

I am an undergraduate student, I study in a private school where all the girls wear the latest trends and pretend to be the most classy. I give my best every day to survive all the mean girls at the end it was my personal decision no one forced me to attend this school; the whole family was against this idea except my brother who supported me; they thought that homeschooling was more convenient for me.

Every day when the sun rises the only thing that wakes me up early and pushes me to have a boring day at school is my dream of becoming an international singer I want to become a flame of melodies that nobody can stop and I am ready to put my best and my worst to achieve my dream.

Selling my soul! already tried and failed, it seems that even the devil does not want to make a deal with a loser like me.

The things that I hate in my behavior is that I am a depressive girl, I can't see life in shiny colors. My world is full of tears, screams, dark things everywhere, my sister Nina always tells me that I am possessed by the devil. Nina is my older sister, she turned twenty-seven years old yesterday, me and her we're not the best sisters ever neither the worst, sometimes I can entrust her all of my secrets but sometimes, she becomes a monster that no one can approach, of course not a real werewolf but kind of her monstrous side shows every time i touch to her stuff I know it's my fault I should stop messing with her wardrobe. She's married to a man named Carl, honestly, I don't like him, he's such a greedy all that interests him is money, the impurity is embodied on his face.

I have a brother too, Adam, I love him so much, he is my life, my eyes, my heart, my soul, my everything, I consider him like a father that I don't have, no words can explain my love toward him, I can sacrifice myself for him. He was always comprehensive, and kind, he's the only one that I can entrust all my secrets.

Mom is a busy business woman, she has no time for me, she's all the time travelling around the globe and bringing new deals to our companies I barely see her face ever .

so that was a little introduction to my complicated family let's have a  recap so first, we have the ugly bad sister Nina, the greedy Carl, the lovely Adam and the busy mom, we all live at the same mansion.

it's a big one; truthfully it's not just a house, it's a mansion with over six entries twenty bedrooms and over twenty-five bathrooms, the castle is huge and full of luxurious furniture.

This is the end of my writing today but I will be back soon with more news.

12 February 1970

I want to cry, I can't, I want to scream, I can't, I want to breathe, I can't, I can't do anything. I got very bad grades in mathematics and physics, I am losing all hope in life because I know very well if I don't get good grades in my general certificate of highschool , I will not find a university and thus I will testify my wretched end, maybe you are wondering why a rich girl need to study? I want to have my own money, I don't want to work with people who fear me and consider me as a boss, I want to work with 

people who consider me as a friend and not a high authority. I don't want to have to play the role of the wise woman in black in front of my employees, I want to touch and overstep the limits and enjoy every moment with my work colleagues, these are the reasons why I try to get those good marks but studying Is not the thing that I really want to do but singing is all that I've ever wanted to do in this life.

I was reading the newspaper and in the announcement part, I found the address of a music studio near my school and my brain is giving me a very bad idea that I can't wait to do, I guess I shall visit this studio and see what they have to offer.

27 February 1970

I did it, I visited the recording studio, but in order to go there, i had to skip school. Like every other normal day, the driver took me to school at seven am, I pretended to be on my way to the school's door and at the bottom of the crowd I changed my direction from the right to the left, I hid myself under a big tree till the driver's headed back home then I myself headed toward the studio's avenue.

I talked to the studio's assistant, she was very tall and fat as a b***h, she had a chewing-gum in the mouth that she kept chewing while talking to me. this lady was such a swine :

> I said with a gentle voice

> she said in a cocky way as if she was making fun of my baby voice.

> I said while trying to hold myself from saying something disrespectful.

>

> I lied

> she yelled  at me.

>

> she opened her mouth

>

Her hesitation notwithstanding, she said i should come back tomorrow with the full amount of money if I want to meet the studio's owner.

How happy I am, I feel closer to achieve my main purpose in this life.

28 February 1970

I skipped school again the same way as yesterday. I took myself to my happy place, the studio, I was so happy and excited to explore the world of instruments.

One movement left to open the record room when a hand-blocked me and a voice got out of nowhere: >, I turned in order to discover that it's the studio's assistant again. I had some money in my pocket, I got it out and gave it to her.

She took it with no hesitation, count it, put it inside of her wallet.

Yet, I knew that what I gave her was not even a third of what I promised but I didn't think that she can be so rude and expel me out of the studio until bringing the full amount.

Emptiness, hatred, a rising rage in my body, and some unfallen tears; all these were enough to make me take the right decision. Adam has a safe in his room, its code is written on his agenda.

When everyone was having dinner, I crept attentively into Adam's room. How I got scared when I heard someone's footsteps in the corridor but fortunately no one came to the room.

I entered the code, opened the safe, took the money, and I got out without making any noise. I was very lucky; now I have what I need to achieve my dream.

1 marsh 1970

Sometimes I wonder if I'm selfish and if all that I do is destroying others lives while I'm trying to reach my happiness, I start feeling like a wrecking ball, I wreck everything in my way without caring about.

I went to the studio with the money in my hand, I gave it to the assistant. She ordered me to wait for the studio's owner because he went to the airport to bring a young American music producer called Fred Hug . and she added > and that was the only good thing she said her entire life.

I waited and waited for so long until they came.

One of them was so handsome, maroon eyes , blond hair , large smile ; our eyes has been crossed for a second , it was like if someone blocked the time . I couldn't take my eyes off of him so I followed him with my eyes till he entered the record room with another man and closed the  door . After some minutes the assistant in turn got into the room; few seconds later she called my name out to come in too .

The record room wasn't like I dreamed about but it was more amazing than I've ever imagined . The smell of metallic instruments was like the sea smell and the dark ambiance that was hunting the room made it look like a dark paradise .

I sat in a chair face to face with the two men , each one of us presented himself to the others, and from this it turned out , my boy crush is Fred ; the producer that the assistant talked about .

Fred asked me to sing Lulu's song "To Sir With Love" ,I sung my heart out and I gave the best of me ; my high belts were amazing , my falsetto register was softer than ever ,and I was near to achieve my whistle register if it wasn't for the sound of the applauses that interrupted me.

Fred stood up from his chair :>

my eyes stuck on his eyes again and I couldn't talk. and just like that I got a record deal in the united states of america.

The hot producer fell in love with my voice and he wondered how a sixteen years old can have a deep voice like mine.

Now the only problem left to solve is how I can persuade my family to let me go with Fred . no way they will not let me , there is no chance . I'm already in deep s**t, yesterday when I stole the money from the save , one of the house maids was spying on me. 

She went and told the whole house about what I did.

When I came back home , the first face I saw was Adam's one : >. I answered with a trembling voice 

> . 

I saw in his eyes the displeasure and the disappointment : > ; I couldn't keep lying or denying what I did , I stood up eyes down , ashamed of what I've done .> he asked again with a stronger tone, I couldn't reply, he got more nervous and screamed furiously > then , Nina came and tried to calm him down but in vain , the things got worse , he blamd her too : > > . It appeared that Adam has some old affairs to settle down with Nina and he found this situation the most convenient time to do . 

Adam locked me in my room , he was very angry the last time I saw him but I understand his behavior.

2 marsh 1970

Nina came early to my room .

She was dressing in a white pajama, her beige face was looking very gorgeous even if she was makeup-free and her long hair was super silky and glossy .

When she came , I was still lying in the bed ; she sat next to me and flashed me a smile :> , I woke up from my lucid dreams and asked her : > , she said she would tell me a story that she buried, it has been more than ten years ago :>

Out of my senses , I hugged her in my arms and kissed her ; she stopped me hardly . I told her about the deal I had with Fred and she was very happy for me ; I asked her to go and make things clear with the other members of the family , and basically she agreed . 

Now I regret my demand to Nina because it turned us to homeless girls . we were taking dinner when Nina sai : > , when hearing this , Adam couldn't swallow his food , he drunk some water :> , Nina couldn't keep her hurt inside and got it out once for all , when she finished with her story , she went ahead to mine . Adam listened to every word of her cautiously till she stopped talking , then the consequences were bad , he got a rage and expelled me out of the house pretending that I harmed the family reputation with what I did , not only him , mom too gave him a hand in his decision. Nina didn't stand hands crossed , she followed me at night when the streets were so dark ; fortunately she had some money with her , we payed a night in a low-priced hotel.

I'm feeling super tired and exhausted that I'm willing to sleep in this cheap bed . 

3 marsh 1970

What a shiny day , everything went as I planed.

One day left to say goodbye to London , I will miss you so much sweetheart but this homesickness will not shade my way to the top .

Me and Sarah went to the studio and explained what happened with us to Fred , he was very emotional:> after he added >

With excitement I said : > 

> Fred reacted to my talk .

This is the end of the depressive girl and the beginning of a new one full of hope , at the end I can call what happened with me loss and gain because I lost my family but I gained the half of my dream.