The Crush Plan

14

Jealousy. I was used to it, at this point. Every time I passed the hall before, I'd stare at those popular girls sliding by, wishing I could hog the spotlight from them, only so my first crush could see me. Albeit I wasn't so fond of attention at that time, I knew it was my only asset towards receiving acknowledgement from my crush.

I hadn't felt that kind of jealousy in a while—not since a month or two -- but it shouldn't have surprised me when I felt it again.

As I stood facing my locker—which was wide open—I couldn't help but glare over my shoulder at the sight behind me. Caden was leaning casually against his locker, grinning and laughing. In front of him was the queen bee, Clarissa. I hadn't heard of her from Caden ever since Edith's banquet, but here they were yet again, avoiding me and relishing in each other's presence.

Ever since Christmas—which was a like, three weeks ago—Caden and I spoke every day. He was still quite busy with soccer practices and games, but I always made time at night to drop by his house. I knew that within the next few months—once exams would start pouring in—I'd have to work extra harder to make time for him. But I'd decided I would go to any level to keep him in my priority list. I had a spot reserved and guaranteed to him at all times. However, what I didn't know was, he'd avoid me simply because he found company in Clarissa.

I didn't want to seem like the kind of girl who always demanded attention, but I couldn't deny how offended I was.

I observed, as Caden's lips moved and formed some incredibly funny joke, and Clarissa's head jerked back, as she cackled out in response. Her plain black hair—which was tied up in a ponytail—bounced back and forth in motion. She seemed to enjoy the fact that he was now hanging out with her, like she'd been waiting for this day for a long time. Clarissa's pink cardigan matched well with her black and white, polka-dotted dress. Her black heels clicked on the ground, but she wasn't walking, she was simply tapping her foot on the ground—it was a habit.

Candice was beside me, blabbering on and on about how her first date with Alfonso went. As much as she'd hate me for saying this, I really wasn't interested. Not after the view behind me, at least. I groaned, slamming my locker shut and swirling around. She raised her eyebrows in curiosity, wondering what the heck was wrong with me.

"Oh," she realized, having followed my gaze over to Caden and Clarissa. "That's a bust."

I shook my head in disagreement. "I'm fine."

Candice placed her hand gently on my arm. "You don't have to pretend with me. It hurts and I know it hurts."

"How would you know?"

She looked down sheepishly. "I might have felt jealous over Alfonso and Edith last week."

I nodded, smiling in satisfaction. "You love him, don't you, Candy?"

"I do," Candice responded without a doubt. "He's a part of me, now."

I narrowed my eyes at her in suspicion. "You two didn't... You know... did you?"

Her eyes widened. "God, no! Autumn, that's ridiculous! How could you think I'd do that? Ew, that's disgusting and just so wrong. Not before marriage, nope, not happening."

"Alright," I chuckled in amusement. "Gee, I was just asking a simple question."

Candice shook her head. "Absurd would be the right word."

I rolled my eyes, "fine, whatever. I'll see you later. Bye."

The entire day, I couldn't get the image of Caden and Clarissa out of my brain. Every time I'd be trying to tune in to what the teacher was saying, or get into classwork, automatically, my brain would drift off to the image of them two talking, laughing. I couldn't help but wonder if Caden found her more good a company than me. He probably did, otherwise, he would at least come say hi.

I was literally right across from where he was.

"Time's up," my chemistry teacher prompted as he went around, collecting all the test papers. I realized I hadn't filled up much of the paper, just some of them, as I was too preoccupied with thinking about Caden and Clarissa. I tried to stress over my grade—like I normally would—but I didn't have it in me to sweat over a test grade when the boy I loved was out there, hanging around with some other girl.

My English teacher announced an exam the upcoming Monday, but I didn't even bother to create a proper study guide. He provided us time in class to do so, but I just merely sat there, fumbling around with my pencil locked within my fingers.

Finally, when the dismissal bell rang, I decided I'd had enough. I wasn't going to be that girl who'd just stand there and watch, while the boy she loved was stolen from right under her nose by another girl. I wouldn't have that. I couldn't have that. Whereas many students fled out the door after dismissal, I crossed over to the lockers, knowing Caden would be there, getting his belongings together for soccer practice.

I was right.

"Autumn, hey," Caden greeted, flipping his locker door shut and whipping around to face me with a warm smile.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "What were you doing with Clarissa this morning?" I realized I sounded like a possessive girlfriend, but I didn't care at this point.

He smiled, like the thought of Clarissa was ever-so-delighting. "She's participating in a debate competition next week. She wanted my notes for history, since my teacher is teaching the topic she has to debate about."

"Oh."

Caden's smile only widened. "Why, did you think I got a girlfriend I didn't tell you about?"

I shook my head instinctively. "No. I just—I..."

"You what?" he prompted innocently.

I sighed in defeat. "I didn't like the way you two seemed so comfortable with each other."

Caden's expression glistened, like my answer had elated his heart and soul. "Well, I'm comfortable around everyone, you know that." I perceived I did know that. "But yeah, I'm not friends with everyone. It takes me a while to become friends with people."

"Right," I nodded, understanding. "So, is she your friend?" I questioned casually, hoping not.

He pondered for a moment, and then this heart-fluttering smile took over his beautiful face. "Not quite."

I felt myself rest in relief. Thank God.

In less than an hour, Caden and I were slouched across his bed. His was propped on his elbow, his face towards me. I was simply laying flat on the bed, gazing at the ceiling. I felt his eyes intensely fixated on me, heat pouring off of his gaze. Like he was reading me. I avoided eye contact with him, knowing his eyes would mesmerize me.

"So I heard Alfonso and Candice are together, now," I mooted nonchalantly, sensing his eyes still on me.

He nodded, exhaling. "Yeah. They look good together, don't they?"

Then, I made the stupid mistake of tilting my head to look at him. My eyes flared, as his brooding emeralds met my plain browns. "As long as they love each other."

Caden furrowed his eyebrows. "You think love is that important?"

"Of course," I agreed with a small smile. "Love is very important in a relationship."

Caden cleared his throat, as if he was preparing to debate over this. "How so?"

I shrugged. "Otherwise, what's the point of a relationship? If you don't love someone, you can't be with them."

"Right."

I watched, as Caden's expression darkened, like this topic was causing a pang in his chest. He pursed his lips, raising his eyebrows sensitively, before sitting back up. His posture was solemn and intent and his expression deep, like he was curiously contemplating something very serious. Hurt flashed across his face, as if he was sent back to a time he didn't want to think about.

I sat up as well, concern surging into me. "Are you okay?" I inquired, worrisome.

Caden swallowed hard, nodding, but not daring to meet my eyes. "Fine."

"Hey, you guys," Patricia peeked in, grinning amicably at me. "How're you, Autumn?"

I smiled a tight-lipped smile. "Good, how about you?"

She shrugged. "Just living. I hope Cade isn't bothering you like he does me?"

"Oh, no," I shook my head, waving her off. "He's a great guy, and an even greater friend." I peered at him, noticing his lips forming a smile to my words.

Patricia smirked teasingly. "I see how it is. Anyway, sorry to interrupt all your friendly time, but can I just borrow Caden for a minute? It'll be quick."

I nodded, looking over at Caden. "Of course. Take him away."

"Be right back," he told me, before skipping off with his sister.

I took this moment to register the surroundings of his room. Everything was neat and in place, unlike the first time I entered his room. There was a pile of clothes sitting on his couch but they were neatly tucked off to the side, so there was enough room for two people to sit. I stood up from the bed, casually striding around. I arrived at an area in the corner—beside his closet—where a group of photographs were scattered around. I spotted one of Caden and Patricia, where he was jokingly yanking at her hair, while her eyebrows were all wrinkled up in irritation. I chuckled, finding amusement in their sibling issues.

My eyes wandered about, before zeroing in on a picture that stood out conspicuously in this crowd of pictures. There was Caden in there with... A girl. A girl I didn't recognize. Her hair was the color of a new penny—a combination of auburn and brown. They were curled from her ears down to the middle of her chest. Her bangs concealed her eyelashes, but left enough room for her brown eyes to see. Her brown eyes, they weren't plain like mine—they had a golden ring to it, which made her appear all the more beautiful. She had a fair complexion; not too pale, not too dark... Just perfect. Her nose was thin and pointy, bringing out this confident vibe to her. She had hot pink lip-gloss smeared over her small, medium-sized lips. In short, she was gorgeous.

In the picture, she had her index finger placed before her lips, indicating a be-quiet signal. Her eyes were widened curiously. Caden was to her side, pecking her cheek. He was side-hugging her with both his hands, a slight smile framed over the corner of his lips, while she seemed nonchalant. Jealousy reconquered my mind as I blankly gaped at the photo.

"Sorry, Patricia needed help with her physics homework," Caden chimed in, strutting into the room with his hands shoved into his pockets.

I recovered from my shock-session, whirling around to face him. "Right... Um. I should go."

Caden looked concerned. "Are you sure? I was hoping we could watch a movie—"

"No," I stated sternly, and the disappointment was evident on his face. "I want to go home."

He nodded, comprehensive of my wish. "Alright. I'll drive you. Just hold on a second, let me grab a hoodie."

I studied the picture, whilst Caden indulged in getting out his hoodie. He'd said he was comfortable around everyone, but here, he seemed more than just comfortable. He seemed... Eased. Like he knew this was where he belonged—this was where he felt right. They looked good together, much to my disdain. They seemed like friends. Good friends. More than just good friends.

When I imagined myself with Caden, there were many ways we didn't suit each other well. Like, how he was so outgoing and I was so awkward. Anyhow, with her, they both seemed to fit together impeccably.

She was everything I wasn't.

It disturbed me, to say the least.

"Let's go," Caden prompted, adjusting the shoulders of his hoodie. I sighed, slowly following him out of the room. But I just couldn't get my eyes off of the picture, and kept staring at it over my shoulder.

Who was she?