The Wish of a Broken Heart

Friday June 13th I don’t know when, how, or why I ended up where I am, but here I am. As insane as it sounds, I am no longer on earth. I think. Maybe I’m dead. Or maybe I’m in a coma! One where I can feel a hell of a lot of pain and new scents are being created? Maybe, just maybe, I should have listened to Grandmother’s crazy stories of magic in our blood and being careful what we wish for. They don’t sound so crazy anymore. All I know is I’m on the ground, can’t move, staring up at an impossibly blue sky through broken branches of trees I’ve never seen before. That’s saying a lot. Botany is my favorite hobby. I think I have internal bleeding from falling through the three-story tall trees like a pinball. My only regrets are knowing my Mum will be in a panic, won’t quit searching, and my sweet American Pit Bull Terrier, Nimuë, fell through with me. I can hear Nimuë's whimpers and the slight rustling of the spring green grasses and brightly colored flowers dotting this meadow. She’s trying to crawl to me. I feel her snout touch my fingertips, and she licks my hand before collapsing. My sweet girl. She’s just barely breathing, but she’s with me as the darkness invades my vision. At least we’ll die in a place of impossible beauty. There must be an amazing little waterfall nearby. The water’s sounds become sharper as my vision fades. It sounds like crystal wind chimes. Pure music. I can hear voices and the sounds of hooves far off. My thoughts turn to the hope that they won’t desecrate our bodies and the reason we’re here. Her. The slut who ruined my happily ever after and my w***e of an ex who shattered my heart. Thursday May 22nd 3 Weeks ago… “Cara! Cara, where are you?” “I’m here Aya Mama.” I rush down the stairs trying to shove my things in my purse while carrying my shoes and hairbrush. “Always running late.” “Fashionably late.” I say in a mock high societal tone. “That’s my girl.” Mum chuckles and shakes her head. I’ve put my brush handle in my mouth, clutching my things, and hopping on one foot at a time to put my shoes on. Miracle of miracles, I haven’t fallen on my face and can climb into the jeep safely. Thank heavens for running boards! I’m not even 5-foot tall and trying to get into a tall vehicle is comical. It’s funny. I am the shortest person in my family. Even most of the women are 6-foot plus. My mum is the shortest of her siblings at 5-foot 11. In a family of people who look like models, is me. As we drive to the bridal shop for my fitting, we go over all the details with the planner to make sure everything is set for the “big event” in two weeks. She’s a family friend, so the planning is less stressful than it could be. There’s still plenty. Unfortunately, it is nothing like what I want. My fiancé invited business clients and high society snobs. So, our wedding has become an over-the-top glam snowball wedding with gold everywhere. Ugh. Don’t get me wrong, Jasmine has really done a beautiful job and the venue is stunning. It’s just not me. And the gold? He knows I don’t like yellow tones. My skin is pale, it reflects color. So, I look jaundiced around gold. Also, being so pale around so much white, I blend in. If it was my choice, we would have a masquerade ball wedding on Halloween. But that’s “not classy.” I guess his thoughts were more along the lines of a regular Halloween party. All he and his family could say was “class, not ass.” It’s a good thing I love him so much. The planning of this wedding in under six months has put a lot of strain on everyone, but he wanted a June wedding and didn’t want to wait another year. He is so sweet. “I don’t want to waste anymore time without you in my arms at night. I want you to be the first thing I see when I wake up and the last thing I see before closing my eyes every night until the Lord calls me home.” I mean how could I say no to him when he’s being so loving? We can do this. Only 16 days to go. We’re having it on June 6th. We fought over the day. A bad relative of mine was born June 6th, 1966. I swear he was evil reincarnate. He won that fight too by pointing out how we can turn a bad day into something good. Sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it. He’s been pulling in extra work to get us a house and I’ve been so busy with the wedding, school, studying, AND working a full-time job at the animal shelter. I hardly see him. The stress is getting to both of us. It seems to make him angry and he’s been yelling a lot. Mum gives him the side eye, but others tell me it will all change when the chaos dust clears. It’s normal. “Ouch!” “Oh, sorry Miss Hawkins!” The seamstress, Natalia, missed the cloth when pinning it. “It’s okay.” I dismiss the incident immediately. I like to sew and know how hard a live fitting can be when someone is talking. We’re going over the guest list and seating chart. The planning. Never. Ends. Luckily, we only have the two tables where our closest and most loved friends and family will be sitting. The bridal party and our parents will be on stage with us, sitting at a wide curved table with a fountain sitting in its curve. “… Jenny Kilorely will be…” “WHAT!?!” My mum and I yell at the same time. Everyone flinches and Jasmine, who met us at the dress shop, jumps in surprise. “Who the hell invited the crack w***e? I don’t even want her in the same state after what she’s done.” Mum and Jaz throw their hands up and claim innocence. When I was 22, I was pregnant and excited to be a mother. Jenny’s insane jealousy reared its head. She caused an “accident” that led to a miscarriage. The father left me when he read the medical file. He saw “spontaneous abortion” and thought I had a procedure done. He didn’t want to hear the truth and married his ex within a month after abandoning me to my PPD (postpartum depression). That’s when I met Jerry. He helped put the pieces of me back together. Mum and Jaz were right there and took shifts sitting with me. “It looks like… Oh what the…” Jaz trails off and has that look of angry disappointment on her face. “Jaz?” Mum prompts her to continue. “It was Jerry.” She gives me an apologetic look. “What the heck is that boy thinking?” Mum pulls us out of our shocked states. Even Natalia looks angry. She knows the story, right down to Jenny threatening to kill me. Natalia has known our family for over 40 years and still refuses to use our first names. I once called her Lady Naty as a child and, after her shock, it stuck. She immigrated here with her family from a small European country with a strict caste system. Using titles as a peasant there is a criminal offense. The punishment could be as terrible as a public execution. Luckily, her grandparents had a way with material that brought the attention of an American clothing designer on vacation. She helped the small family escape poverty by employing them. They now own three shops and Natalia’s granddaughter just had her first fashion show. “I just don’t understand. Why would he invite such a wretched creature? Honestly miss, I just don’t understand.” Natalia shakes her head and sighs. We finish our appointment and invite Natalia to join us for brunch. It really helps brighten our day. Now, what to do about the less-than-unwelcome wedding guest? I get home and find Nimuë waiting for a walk. Her brindle markings are too cute. She has a patch over her left eye, a gingerbread man on the same ear, her right ear is a heart, and there's a “magic swirl” on her back. She has others, but those are the ones I noticed first when she was born. I named her Nimuë because of the swirl marking, and she has brought magic into my life when I needed it most. She chased the postpartum away and pulls me out of it when I do get depressed. Our family rescues animals. Pregnant, newborn, and disabled animals are our specialty. We found loving homes for all of them, but she is the best foster fail ever. She’s incredibly intelligent and sweet. Babies crawl and bite on her. All she does is walk away and jump up in her favorite seat. She can’t stand to have me out of her sight for very long. I have seizures, mild epilepsy, and some other health problems I was born with. We were able to get her trained to detect, alert, and assist me. I normally take her everywhere with me, like any service dog. Unfortunately, she was attacked on one of our walks and is injured. So, she has to stay at home until her leg is healed. I guess it’s a good thing today because she cannot stand Jerry. I don’t understand why, but she growls every time he is near. I need to speak to him about inviting that monster to our wedding. He needs to know I will not allow her anywhere near the event. He is having dinner with his parents after work tonight. I can’t believe he’s making them dinner. It’s sweet. He’s never cooked for me though. I hope he does after we’re wed. His mother and I don’t get along. I typically avoid these dinners, but I’ll suffer through and go to clear this mess up. I carefully plan an appropriate dinner-with-the-in-laws outfit and start getting ready. It’s tedious having to look perfect for a private family dinner, but I deal with it to avoid her unnecessary drama. Karen truly lives up to the cliché name. Haircut and all. I don’t understand how Larry handles her. He’s such a sweet man and doesn’t deserve her verbal abuse. 4:00 PM I’m finally finished. The pinup dress is white with soft pink roses along the bottom and there’s a matching solid pink chest panel, making the sweetheart neckline look like a heart. The petticoat is the same soft green as the vines connecting the roses. Clear lip gloss, winged-tip top eyeliner, and Bollywood glam matching eye shadow are all the makeup I put on. My pearls and Claddagh ring set in the “engaged” position gives it a simple elegance. The only super glam is my eye shadow and custom size 4 Bella Belle blush block heels with 3D flowers and ivy accents. I just love the ankle straps. I had an enclosed pair made for this cold weather. Perfect and sweet. I called for a ride after picking out wine for dinner. I don’t know what he’s making, so I pick out a red and white sent through my wine of the month club membership. My mentor gave it to me for my birthday. 4:35 PM, good. I can be there in 10 minutes. His parents never arrive before 5:00 PM. As we pull up to the rental townhouse, I notice a strange car in his drive. It’s from the early 90s and has a lot of rust. Definitely not his parents. They wouldn’t be seen in anything over two years old unless it was a fully restored or mint condition classic. I go to walk in, and the door is locked. “Huh, he never locks the door,” I mumble to myself as I pull my key out. The house is quiet. I put the wine on the counter before noticing he hasn’t started dinner. “They must be going out. He’s probably upstairs getting ready.” I have a habit of mumbling to myself. Well, it’s more talking quietly since my words can be understood. I start to put the wine away when I hear a thud, and Jerry groans. “I hope he hasn’t fallen again.” He's been having dizzy spells and getting injured a lot over the past few months. I begged him to see the doctor, but he says it’s just wedding stress. I head up to go to him when I notice clothes trailing up the stairs. And not just his. A large pit settles in my stomach, and I feel a hole forming in my chest where my heart is. I continue up the stairs. There’s no doubt what’s happening. They left the bedroom door open. Jerry is balls deep in the crack w***e’s ass. “Damn baby, you’re so loose. Did you try that cream?” Her annoying laugh breaks me out of where I’ve frozen in the doorway. I throw what I think are the keys to the townhouse at them, only to realize too late that I was still holding the red wine. Pity. I bet it was good. What a waste. It narrowly misses them and shatters against the bars of the metal headboard. They both scream and Jerry jumps off Jenny. He instantly turns white as a sheet when he realizes who has caught them. “f**k!” Is all he can say. “Yeah, that’s what it looked like from here. Word of advice, get checked at the clinic and strap a 2×4 across your ass next time so you don’t fall in. At least I know why you invited the c*m guzzling gutter slut. But don’t worry, the wedding is off. Good luck to you both. You’re going to need it.” I don’t know how I sound so completely calm about it, but I’m holding it together. “You f*****g b***h! There’s glass in my face!” she screeches out. “First, you don’t know me well enough to call me that. Second, it might actually improve your face. And finally…” an evil grin appears on my face and they both blanch back, “…you might want to get your EPI. It has strawberries in it.” The look of complete horror and panic is all I need to see before turning to leave. I take the bottle of white wine, drop his key on the floor, and head out. My driver is still here filling out his paperwork and I wave to him, just as Karen and Larry pull in. I wait for them to get out. She looks angry to see me, as usual. At this point, I don’t give a damn anymore. Larry hugs me with a huge smile. I’m going to miss him. The pain of not seeing him again cracks through my resting b***h face. Before I can cover it up, he sees “Princess, what’s the matter?” He asks as Karen scoffs. “I’m just upset that this is probably the last time you’ll see me. The wedding is off.” You can see his heart breaking. He always wanted a daughter and we became close over the past few years. Karen on the other hand looks absolutely thrilled. “Sweetheart, what happened?” His worry and sadness lace every word. “I’d rather not say.” I hear sirens approaching. “Just know that woman is the same one we’ve discussed many times.” It takes him a minute before his face turns red and fire lights his eyes. “The sirens are for her.” A grin appears on his face. “That’s my girl.” He kisses my forehead. “Complete accident. I forgot I was holding the wine and tried throwing his keys at them.” I shrug and he bursts out laughing. “Good!” He sobers. “Please, stay in touch. You’ll always be my baby girl.” “I’ll do my best Papa.” I kiss his cheek before turning to leave. If the police want to talk to me, I’m sure he’ll stop them. He is the commissioner and former police chief after all. I thrust the wine into Karen’s hands. “Here, you’ll need this. All this time you’ve hated and criticized me… just wait until you find out what your precious son’s been into. Good luck and goodbye.” For once, she’s silent and just stands there in shock, holding the wine. I get in the car and ask my driver, Mike, to take me home so we can pick up Nimuë before going to my Mum's house. He readily agrees. Before we pull out, Jerry, in his boxers, comes out carrying a scantily clad Jenny as the ambulance pulls in. The look of abject horror and anger on his parents' faces pales to the look on his. Larry grabs his arm harshly and says something that makes Jerry drop Jenny. His parents turn and walk to the officer who arrived with the ambulance. He glares at the “happy couple” before getting in his cruiser and leaving. The paramedics look reluctant to treat her. His parents leave without another word and Mike pulls away shortly after with the excuse of programming the trip into his NAV system. I know he wanted to see the drama unfold nearly as much as I did. He didn’t ask how I was or anything, just turned the radio on and gave me a nod. I appreciated his respect and understanding. I wind up smiling to the music on the way home. I quickly gather my camping bag, the extra clothes I need for a week that isn’t in the bag, and my project case. It’s pretty much a mobile server and workstation. The case is solar on both sides. There’s even a satellite connector in it. I’m gathering a database of all languages (common, rare, or dead), their translations, world history, info on cultures, plants, animals… Anything factual I can lay my hands on. I don’t know why, just a random urge. Okay, maybe it’s the frustration of trying to sift through a bunch of rubbish to get a single little fact. I have an external hard drive with my favorite movies, music from all over the world, and books, glorious books. My pack contains a simple kit and digital camera to collect plant samples, seeds or cuttings, and I can document them. It’s a hobby I get paid for. Jerry always said he loved how resourceful I am. Looking back, he probably was only thinking of the money. “Heh.” I let out unexpectedly. Mike looks in the mirror and raises an eyebrow in a silent question. I shake my head and smile bitterly. “I just realized a big red flag I ignored.” He nods his head in understanding and turns back to focus on the road. He’s driven me before and we’ve gotten to know each other. I had. The red flag was so obvious, I could have been watching a matador piss off a bull. Money. It probably all came down to money. His grandparents left him some, but he couldn’t collect until he was married to a respectable person. He couldn’t even access his trust fund after college. It was set up to cover college and family expenses. And now, he was screwed. Marrying me was the key. I realized the depth of his betrayal and the lies start piling up in my mind like an avalanche. The hole in my chest is gaping now. It’s getting hard to breathe. Silent tears start pouring down my face as we pull into my Mum's drive. Everything except the pain in my chest is numb. How… Why… Why her, of all people? Is it because I said no to s*x before marriage? Sure, I’m not a virgin, but I was married before. It was annulled after the miscarriage, but I was still married. Why couldn’t he wait for me like I’ve waited for him? At least my ex waited. Or did he? He did move on quickly after leaving me. I start shaking as I question everything in both relationships. Am I really that worthless to them? Both betrayals are now assaulting me and darkness creeps in. Right before I pass out, I hear Mike calling to me. “Hey, are you… s**t! Hey, hey, hey. Stay with me.” I feel him lift me and the darkness takes over. I wake up feeling a heavy microfiber blanket tucked around me, the warmth of the flickering fireplace, and my Mum’s incredibly comfortable deep couch. I smell the burning of maple and walnut wood, delicious apple cider and hot cocoa, and fresh-cut spring flowers. Spring here is beautiful, but the weather is temperamental. I just hope it doesn’t snow on my wed… It all comes back to me and the tears start pouring. My sobs alert Nimuë and my Mum that I’m awake. “Breathe baby, breathe. I’m right here.” She wraps me in her warm embrace. “Let it out baby girl, let it all out.” “Aya, he… She… They… It was money, not me.” “I know a little bit, but it can wait until you’re ready. You focus on you right now. They’ll get what’s coming to them soon enough.” Wait, she knows? My brow wrinkles and I look at her. "How Mama?” “How what honey?” “How… How do you know?” “The man who brought you home. He scared me when I saw you in his arms unconscious. He carried you in and helped get you settled. I asked. He showed me his dashcam and told me what he knew.” She pulls me in close. “I’m really, truly, sorry baby. I might have to print out the picture of Karen’s face though. I was really tired of her BS.” I actually giggle a little remembering Karen’s expression, then Jerry's. I loved him with all my heart. All that’s in the place he once held is hurt and anger. The rest of me is just… Numb. I stare at the claddagh on my left ring finger, heart facing out. The “engaged position.” Two more weeks and the heart would have been turned in to show I was married. I take it off and put it on my right ring finger with the heart facing out. “single.” It will be a long while before I’ll allow another to turn it in again. The light from the fire reflects off the London blue heart-shaped stone. The blue and green swirls seemed to dance in the firelight. “I went to talk to him and have dinner with his parents. I actually accepted for once Aya. I heard a thud and he grunted. He told me he’s been falling and getting hurt. He blamed it on wedding stress.” I scoff and roll my eyes. “I went to check on him. I followed a trail of clothes up the stairs. They didn’t bother closing the door. He was in her ass joking about how loose she is. I guess he didn’t want to wait and any hole will do.” I feel sick and smell blood. Mum’s fists are so tight, her nails are piercing her palms. “Was that the end?” “No. I was pissed and numb. I went to throw his keys at them and forgot I was holding a bottle of Italian Sangiovese…” Mum bursts out laughing. “You, you look… Ha ha ha ha… You look like the little girl in that GIF with the house burning in the background!” okay, so maybe I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I would. “Well, I broke it off and told them to get her EPI. It has strawberries.” “Aww, Even in a situation like this, you still look out for those who don’t deserve your time.” “Yeah, it’s a bad habit I guess.” I rub my forehead in frustration. “After that, I left his key, grabbed the other bottle, and left. Larry and Karen were just pulling in. We had a vague chat, I handed the bottle to her, told her she’d need it, and got back in Mike’s car. We watched everything, then left. Things started hitting me on the ride over. I finally saw the huge red flag…” I choke up finally. I’m trying so hard to be strong. “What flag baby?” “He… Loved how quote “resourceful” I am and he could only get his inheritance and trust fund after marrying “a respectable person.” He didn’t really love me ever. He only, he only saw money.” I finally break down again. We end up talking through the night about everything that is bothering me. All the realizations hit me hard. I’m numb now. I go to sleep and pray I could be somewhere far away from here. Friday May 23rd The next day, my bridesmaids visit me. Kyrsten, Anela, and Tammy seem to be understanding, sympathetic, and supportive. Anela and Tammy hugged me and kissed my cheek before leaving for work at noon. Kyrsten stayed. She looks annoyed and upset. They all did, but she looks angrier than our other friends. I don’t have to wait long to find out why. “Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic Cara? I mean, come on. He made a mistake, we all do. You should apologize…” “Excuse me!?” “You should get over it.” I’m burning with rage and trying to hold it in. “He’s rich. Marry him, make him buy you something nice, make him promise not to do it again, and forgive him.” I hate that tone. It’s a whiny, nasally, matter-of-fact tone. It’s like she’s trying to sound better than me. She continues spouting hateful rubbish. I’m at my limit. “I mean, grow up, will you? Men cheat. You have to make him pay and train him. Just get over yourself already. You’re lucky to have someone like him even pay attention to you.” She finally uncrosses her arms and rolls her eyes when she looks at me. “Get. Out.” I say as calmly as possible. I’m breaking inside. Fire burns inside of me, and I just want to knock her out. “Seriously, what the F…” “I. Said. Get. Out. NOW!” “Freaking Drama! See, this is your problem. You have a great guy, you find a reason to wreck it, and then you expect a pity party.” I close my eyes and take a deep calming breath. It’s dangerous for me to lose my temper. I open my eyes when I smell her cheap perfume and hear her get close. When I open my eyes, she’s right in front of me. She pushes my shoulders, shoving me onto the floor. My face and head hit an end table, my right shoulder dislocates on contact with my bed, and I’m sure there are more injuries. “Get over yourself and quit being such a bitch.” I can almost hear the fight bell ring and my mind snap. It’s like I’m watching a movie. I growl as I get up and give her a stiff left hook. Her perfect auburn curls bounce as her head snaps to the side and she falls. I grab her by the hair and drag her out kicking and screaming profanities. How I don’t know. I might weigh 120 pounds and she’s easily another hundred over me. Mum gawks and follows, grabbing Kyrsten’s things on the way out. “I said. Get. Out. Kyrsten.” I toss her down the front steps. “Don’t bother laying your hands on me or talking to me ever again. If you think he’s so great, go for it. I have no forgiveness in my heart or room for backstabbing bitches, like the two of you. Don’t ever come back.” I’m still growling, a habit I’ve had since childhood when I get annoyed or angry. “f**k you, you psychotic b***h! I’ll call the cops! You…” “Go right ahead.” I cross my arm over my chest to hold the dislocated one and grin. “You attacked me in my home, and I have plenty of injuries to prove it. Don’t ever come back. With friends like you, who needs enemies?” My neighbors are out witnessing it all. Kyrsten looks around, realizing she isn’t going to get away with whatever she is planning. “Whatever!” She gets up, storms to her car, and peels out. It’s all too much. I can’t… It hurts… Why? The darkness closes in again. I’m numb. Days blur from one into another. People come by, but I don’t hear them. Why bother? I’m not important. Not worth the time. Don’t they see that?