Love the Lost

I found you

I found you

"You stole the freaking car." P was tapping her foot in the doorway.

"He's having seizures." Eric helped a half-conscious Kevin out of the car. "He's really blue."

P's anger turned to concern. "Oh god, Eric." She rushed to help Kevin. "Drugs?"

"They just happen." Kevin whispered. "Haven't been this bad in a while."

He was wobbly, rocking as he stood.

"Hospital isn't an option, is it?" P asked but she already knew the answer. "I'll get the oxygen."

"Oxygen?" Kevin muttered.

"My sister borrows certain items from hospitals." Eric answered.

They'd explain everything in the car or Eric had. He didn't know that Remus had already told Kevin everything. Yet Kevin displayed perfect ignorance.

"Who's that?" Peter sighed. "A new kid already? I'll pack."

"Peter stop." P warned. "He's not doing well."

She took him to her room and shut the door, leaving Eric and Remus with Peter.

"So, what's wrong with him?" Peter turned to Eric.

"Seizures." Eric answered. "He's epileptic but we were worried. He hasn't been to a doctor in a year."

"Probably just needs his meds updated." Peter shrugged. "Tell P I'll be on the couch. I gotta get up early tomorrow."

Remus felt bad. Peter had been struggling at his new job. He was supposed to deliver medical supplies to the hospitals in the area. He hated it. He would go in at five in the morning and came home at seven in the evening. He was always tired and missed the things going on in the house.

"Rest well." Eric said then nudged Remus. "Let's get some food."

Remus wasn't hungry, he was worried. He didn't know what he would tell Luke if Kevin died. And if they weren't back by the time Luke woke up then they'd have to make up a story on where they took him.

"I'm not hungry." Remus declined. "I'll wait here."

"Alright." Eric turned. "He's gonna be fine, ya know? P will take care of him."

"Is he gonna be fine after we take him back?" Remus questioned. "Will he be okay alone?"

"We can't concern ourselves with that." Eric shook his head. "He's really not our responsibility."

"He's our friend." Remus argued. "We should care."

"I do care." Eric stated. "But we can't do anything when we aren't there."

"I guess you're right." Remus shoved his hand into his pockets. "How was your night with Haley?"

"Same as always." Eric shrugged. "Gets boring sometimes, ya know?"

Remus didn't know. He wanted nothing more than to experience s****l ecstasy. He desperately wanted to feel what Eric felt.

"Anyway," Eric started for the kitchen. "let me know when P is done."

Remus began to pace. Every time he closed his eyes he would see Kevin; blue and pale. He wished P would let him into the room.

*

Ten minutes went by. P opened the door. "Ah, good." She pulled Remus inside.

Kevin sat on the bed, holding a mask to his face. He took deep breaths.

"Watch him for a second." P instructed. "I need to pee."

Remus sat next to Kevin. Kevin smiled at him, his lips still slightly blue.

"Do I look any better?" His voice was muffled.

"Not really." Remus let his concern be heard. "Should we take you to the hospital?"

"No." Kevin sighed. "This really is helping. I don't feel as dizzy."

"Are you going to tell Luke?" Remus asked.

"No." Kevin answered. "Maybe. I don't know."

"What's P been doing?" Remus asked. "What'd she say?"

"Been checking my vitals." Kevin shrugged. "Telling me to get my medication adjusted."

"You should." Remus agreed. "What would you do if you were alone and had one?"

"Nothing." Kevin answered. "Because I'm never alone. Luke is always with me."

"And he knocks himself out." Remus argued. "You need a better medication."

"I'll look into it." Kevin gave in. "I need to focus on breathing."

P shortly returned. She sat next to Remus.

"You alright?" She played with his hair.

"Yeah." Remus answered. "Thanks to you, I knew exactly what to do."

"Kevin will be able to go soon." P said. "I'll drive him home."

"I can walk." Kevin pulled the mask away. "Thank you though."

"I'd feel better if I drove you." P insisted. "You shouldn't go home alone and put your mask back on."

"I'll take him." Remus suggested. "I'll walk him home."

Remus understood why Kevin didn't want to have P drive him. She may have known about the world they lived, but she only observed it from the outside. Who knows what she would do if she knew where their hangout was, or how D would react to an outsider knowing.

"It's too late to walk." P argued. "If you won't let me drive you then I guess you'll just have to spend the night."

"I can't!" He dropped the mask. "My brother will get worried!"

"Put it back on." P picked up the mask. "Why didn't your brother come with you?"

Remus shook his head. P immediately knew to drop the subject.

"Never mind." She said. "Remus, you and Eric will walk him home then come right back. We need to talk.”

"Okay." Remus nodded.

After a few extra moments. Kevin was ready to go. Remus hung back while Kevin and Eric chatted. He was too busy watching a shadow.

It crept along the buildings, waiting for them to become vulnerable. The shadow knew that Remus was watching. He wouldn't let it anywhere near his friends.

Spirits and shadows were everywhere. He couldn't stop seeing them. They were screaming at him. "Help me!" They'd scream. All Remus wanted was to be normal.

*

Luke pulled open the door. He grabbed Kevin and held him to his chest. He had dried tears on his cheeks.

"Where'd you go?" He was panicked. "I woke up and you were gone." His eyes were bloodshot and somewhat glazed over. Luke was still high.

"He had two seizures, so we took him to a doctor friend of ours." Eric explained. "We didn't think we'd be gone so long."

"He was blue." Remus added.

Luke held Kevin in the light. He studied his face and then held him close once again.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I'll take you to your doctor tomorrow. I should've been awake. I'm so sorry."

"Luke, it's okay." Kevin reassured him. "My seizures weren't that bad."

"That doesn't mean anything." Luke shook his head. "I should've been awake to help you."

"There wasn't much you could've done." Kevin whispered. "I'm okay."

"Thank you." Luke passed glances between Eric and Remus.

"Glad to help." Eric nodded. "We'll see ya guys later. We gotta be somewhere."

"Alright." Luke nodded.

He and Kevin went inside. Eric turned toward home, shaking his head. "His front really did collapse." He criticized.

"You'd do the same if it were your sister." Remus defended Luke. "Love isn't a weakness."

Eric stopped. He didn't look at Remus. His head hung low.

"It's the greatest weakness of all." He growled. "It makes you stupid. You let your guard down. You trust those you shouldn't. You fall and break. Love has killed. Don't treat it lightly. If you ever truly love someone, don't let it break you. And don't stick your neck out for them, unless they're willing to do the same."

I'll remember that.

The rest of the walk was silent, awkward. Remus wasn't sure what to say.

How does he know about love? His sister has never been involved in drugs. He wouldn't have to worry about her. He would show weakness if she just went missing when he was out.

*

P was waiting for the boys. Eric immediately tensed up.

"Start the lecture." Eric sat at the table.

"No lecture." P smiled. "Why would I lecture you for staying out late? Stealing my car? No, that'd be pointless. You'd just do it again."

Eric smiled. "Okay, bed then."

"Oh no." P slammed papers onto the table. "Homework. Eric, you've been slacking. I checked your grades today. Disappointing." P turned to Remus. "There's a copy for you, Evan. I expect you two to have the work done by sunrise. Goodnight."

"She's insane." Remus was in awe. P was usually kind and understanding. Now she was giving out punishments.

Eric began to laugh. "We've broken her." His face turned red. "Well, if it's a challenge she wants then it's a challenge she'll get." He forced Remus to sit with him. "Come on, let's do this!"

*

Remus laid his head on the paperwork. Eric had helped him through the math and he helped Eric with spelling. The two had three hours to complete their work and completed it just as P opened the door.

"Morning boys." P sported a devilish grin, much like her brother. "Papers please."

"Here ya go." Eric handed P the work. "I hope it's how you wanted it." He stopped at the door to his room. "I'm going to sleep."

P nodded. She squeezed Remus's shoulder. "Can we talk?"

"Sure." Remus yawned. "I'll need some coffee, though."

"Bad for your heart." P shook her head. "I'll make you a smoothie instead."

Remus watched P blend blueberries, strawberries, and peaches. She poured the cream concoction into a cup and handed it to Remus. Her messy hair fell to the right side of her face, as she rested her head in her hand.

"Was that kid the reason why you wanted to learn about CPR?" She asked. "He's a nice kid."

"I didn't want to be scared." Remus sipped. "But I was terrified...even cried."

"You wouldn't be human if you weren't scared." P reassured him. "You think I didn't cry my first time? I was terrified. Cried the entire time...having to do CPR is scarier than watching a seizure."

"What happened?" Remus asked.

"I was eight and just got home." P began. "Eric had been left laying in a poop diaper all day. He was only one...and I couldn't get some of the dried poop off, so I opted to give him a bath. I had just gotten all the poop off and was letting the clean water fill a little around Eric. Our brother came in and told me that someone was at the door. He said he'd watch Eric for me." P sighed. "It was the last time I'd trust him. I was gone for maybe two minutes, finding no one at the door, I went back upstairs. There I saw our brother holding Eric's head under the water. I pushed him out of the way, but Eric's little cheeks were already pale and blue. He wasn't breathing." Tears formed in her eyes. "I worked on him for ninety seconds, though it felt like hours." She closed her eyes. "I couldn't even call an ambulance...our father hit me every time I tried. He gained his color back in a few moments but he still could've died. It was the first time I'd saved anyone. I couldn't stop shaking." P grabbed Remus's hand and stared into his eyes. Her stare was cold and frightening. "I pray you never have to do CPR. It is the scariest thing you will ever have to do. Holding someone's life in your hands...it's like being a god. If you fail...they die."

She wiped the tears away then stood. "Go get some sleep."

"Can I ask you something first?" He turned to her. "Can...can Kevin and his brother live with us? They don't live with their parents! It wouldn't hurt anyone!"

"What's he do?" P asked. "The eldest. Kevin mentioned his brother worrying but his brother didn't come with you guys. What was he doing that he wasn't able to come? Was he working? I suspect not."

"They'll get clean." Remus insisted. "We can help them."

"What does he do?" P pushed. "Pills wouldn't have kept him away." She sighed. "What does he do?"

"Heroin." Remus whispered. "But we can get him clean!"

"No!" P shouted. "That is a hell of a drug and that is not coming into this house!"

"Eric wouldn't touch it!" Remus insisted. "Please, P!"

"No." P was firm. "That boy was nice, Evan, but his brother is old enough to take care of him." She stared into his eyes. "No, Remus." She whispered. "That's final."

Remus stormed to his room and slammed the door.

"What was that?" Eric asked.

"Nothing." Remus sat on his bed.

"Told ya." Haley smirked.

"Shut up." Remus pulled his blanket over his head.

*

The group was in different corners of their dealing spot. They were far enough apart as to not cause suspicion but could still see each other.

Remus was leaning against a wall and playing on his phone. He had to pretend like he was just a normal kid doing nothing.

To his left was Kevin, bouncing on his feet while listening to music. He wasn't allowed to smoke because a cop might drive by and say something. There was a*****e behind him and the lights left a glow around him. Remus couldn't help but stare.

To his right was Eric. He was sitting on the ground, partially hidden behind a bush with his eyes closed. Remus could hear Eric's favorite band blaring from his headphones.

That kid's gonna go deaf.

Luke was across from him, leaning on the corner of a building. He was holding a newspaper, slowly turning a page. Luke was actually reading the paper and it made Remus chuckle.

My generation doesn't read newspapers. He sure knows how to sell this innocent bystander bit though.

D watched from across the street. He wasn't dealing tonight.

Remus and Kevin were in the spotlight. D said that it was time they turned into men. He wanted Kevin and Remus to sell with stern faces and caution. Their days of friendly practice were over.

Before long, a girl, about fifteen or sixteen, approached Kevin. She had short black hair and bags under her eyes. Her legs were covered by fishnet stockings and a black shirt. Her skirt was covered by a thin jacket. Her boots clicked as she walked.

Remus couldn't hear what she was saying or what Kevin replied. But his blood boiled when the girl pressed against Kevin. Their lips danced and she pulled on his pants. Kevin seemed stunned at first but quickly caught on.

His hands pressed against the small of her back. Remus watched her whisper in Kevin's ear and carefully flashed him the money. Their act began again. The girl bit Kevin's bottom lip and then slid her hands into his front pockets.

Kevin slid his hands into her back pockets. To a normal bystander, they would appear as two kids in love. Yet Remus saw the true game. She'd placed the money in his pockets and he'd placed the pills in hers.

But they couldn't separate too quickly. They had to keep up the act, for Kevin's practice and their own safety. But it angered Remus. He didn't want to see Kevin kissing anyone. He wanted to kiss those lips and taste the remainder of cigarettes.

The girl took Kevin's hand and gently pulled on it. Kevin glanced at D and was greeted with a nod. Kevin slowly followed the girl.

Luke waited until they were a few blocks away before he trailed after them.

He must want to keep Kevin safe. What if a girl wants me to go with her? Who will keep me safe?

Remus looked up at D. D shook his head and Remus looked back at his phone.

There was a chill setting in his bones. He'd been outside for three hours. His phone was nearly dead and his eyelids were growing heavy.

Eric began coughing. It was February and still very cold. Eric shouldn't have been out this long.

But the streets were empty.

Dude, how much longer we gonna be out here? Remus sent a text to Eric.

Eric looked up at him. He slowly shook his head and then closed his eyes. He crossed his arms over his chest.

Neither Luke nor Kevin returned. D was beginning to look disappointed.

Finally, there were footsteps. Remus looked up to see a young teenage boy approaching him. The boy had medium-long brown hair with pink tips. His eyes were gray and full of sorrow. He wore a black shirt and pants. They boy wasn't much older than Remus but was skinnier than him.

"Sup?" The boy was shaking. "Pills?"

Damn, I can't kiss him with the guys here. Maybe a cool handshake? Like if I were greeting a buddy? I need to see the money first though and get the pills ready.

"Three." Remus muttered.

"Ain't got money." The boy whispered. "But I have some other ways to pay."

Remus saw Eric stand. His eyes were wide and he was pale. He began to walk over to Remus.

What's he doing? Won't he get into trouble if he comes over here?

The boy pressed against Remus. His breath was foul like a deceased rodent. He began to tilt his head.

Remus pushed the boy down. "f**k dude, I don't take that."

D was in front of Remus in mere seconds. He pulled the guy up and punched him. "f*****g fag." The guy fell hard. "We don't serve your kind."

Luke and Kevin ran out from behind a building. "What's up?" Luke called.

D was beating the poor guy to a pulp.

"Where were you?" Remus asked Kevin.

"That girl was a friend of D's and just took me out of sight and left." Kevin whispered. "She said her friend would do the same to you. But you got a dude. What he do?"

"He tried to kiss me." Remus answered. "What should we do?"

D was relentless on the kid. He was stomping on his leg and punching his stomach.

"D's too strong." Kevin shook his head.

"D!" Luke grabbed him. "D, that's enough! You shouldn't kill him!"

D pushed Luke away. Luke landed hard on his back. Kevin knelt beside him.

"This f*****g fag needs to learn." D growled.

Oh, f**k.

The guy was gasping now. D mercilessly kicked him. Remus was frozen. He was weaker than Luke. D would kill him.

I can't do anything. I'm going to watch someone die. I'm pathetic.

"Cops!" Eric yelled.

The group scattered. Eric grabbed Remus's shirt and pulled him behind a building.

"You alright?" Eric looked him over. "Are you hurt?"

"No, why'd we stop running?" Remus looked around. "Won't the cops get us?"

"There aren't any cops." Eric looked back to the building. "D was going to kill that guy. I knew that I couldn't stop him physically. I had to do the next logical thing."

Remus glanced around the corner. The guy was throwing up but managed to stand.

"He's okay." Eric sighed then turned to Remus. "What happened?"

"He said he had other ways to pay." Remus whispered. "Then he pressed up against me. I panicked because I didn't want D to think I was gay. I didn't mean to push him down."

"You're fine." Eric reassured him. "He knows not to do that."

"Huh?" Remus was confused. "Do you know him?"

"No, I just think that he should know how dangerous that is by now." Eric whispered.

The boy was wobbling away. His nose was bleeding and he had a slight cut on his forehead.

Sorry kid. I wish I could've helped you.

"Come on, Evan." Eric pulled Remus's shirt. "D will wonder where we are."

*

"Homo had this on him." D chuckled.

Luke and Kevin seemed uneasy but chuckled. Eric wore a fake smile.

Remus wasn't sure what to do. He felt bad for the guy and now D was making fun of him.

D held a piece of paper up to the light. "The meetings tomorrow night at nine. I need to get my fix tonight. I hope he won't be mad at me. But I need it. Anyway, I'm so nervous. What if I find someone? What would my parents say? I can't have a boyfriend." D began holding his sides while he laughed. "There's an address here too. Must be some gay meeting. We should crash it and beat the fuckers."

D passed the paper around. Remus memorized the address.

I bet that guy'll be there tomorrow. I should go.

"They probably have security." Luke whispered. "Probably shouldn't. Would just be a waste of time too."

"Yeah, you're right." D said. "Still, can't believe he tried to get it on with Evan." D slapped Remus on the back. "Nice shove kid."

"We got to go." Eric stood. "Come on Evan. Gotta go get some more pills."

"See ya!" Kevin waved as they stepped outside.

"That's so wrong." Eric shook his head. "No one should be treated like that, regardless of sexuality."

"Yeah." Remus nodded. "Think that guy'll be at that place tomorrow?"

"Who cares." Eric whispered. "He's alive. I did my job. Going to a gay meeting is just a waste and if D would see us, we'd be fucked."

*

"You're going?" Marie watched as Remus slowly crept out of the house.

"I feel bad about that guy." Remus whispered. "I want to make sure he's okay."

Remus had made sure no one saw him leave. Eric had gone somewhere, Haley was asleep, P and Peter were in their bedroom.

"And meet someone?" Marie asked.

If only I could. No, I'll only go to make sure that guy's okay.

"Shut up." He was harsher than he wanted to be. "Look, sis, you know I can't be with a guy. It's not safe."

Or considered normal. I just want to be normal.

Remus found the addressed building with ease. Outside it was just a warehouse. There was a dim light coming from inside.

"Here goes." Remus held his breath.

Inside was full of people. They were mostly teenagers. All were chatting and pretty much ignoring Remus.

"Wow." Marie breathed. She was now in a black dress with snake bites.

"Yeah." Remus whispered.

He was looking for the guy. So many of these teens looked depressed. Remus could see their cuts and he knew all too well what they felt.

They were just like him, searching for a place to belong; someone to belong with. They wanted to be loved and understood. But society told them that they didn't belong. Society wanted them to disappear. He never felt safer than in this room.

"Hey, brother." Marie's fingers chilled his shoulder. "Found that guy." She pointed to a corner.

There Remus saw the poor kid. He had a busted lip and black eye. He held his side while he spoke to a scarred-faced boy.

Eric? What's he doing here? And what are they talking about? I need to get closer.

Remus carefully maneuvered himself closer.

"I'm sorry about D." Eric said. "But that kid didn't know you'd get hurt. You surprised him. He's new. Don't go to anyone else. I've got your fix. You know that."

"It was a really bad day." The guy shook his head. "But I learned my lesson. I'll only come to..." The guy glanced behind Eric, his eyes settling onto Remus. "It's that kid! He followed you!"

Eric turned around. His face fell when he saw Remus.

In a flash, Remus was against the wall. Eric held a knife to his chest. "Let's go talk outside." He practically growled.

Remus stared into Eric's eyes. They were full of fury.

What should I do? He wouldn't believe me. He'll think that I followed him.

"Brother." Marie whispered. "Don't move."

"Slowly." Eric pressed the blade into Remus's shirt.

If I'm going to die, it'll be on my terms. And I'm going to say goodbye my way.

Remus grabbed Eric's cheeks and pressed his lips against Eric's. Eric didn't budge or fight. Instead, he placed his hands on Remus's side, the side of the blade frightening Remus just a bit.

Oh god.

Eric deepened the kiss. Remus felt light-headed. His stomach was practically soaring with butterflies. His heart was racing and blood was rushing to p***s.

Remus clung to Eric while Eric pulled him closer. Each time their tongues rubbed, Remus would fill with chills. Eric's lips were soft as feathers and felt like heaven against Remus's.

He was warm and firm against him. There was a deep hunger in this kiss. Eric was practically clawing Remus. He gently bit his bottom lip. Remus could feel Eric's p***s hard against his abdomen.

Oh f**k. Would he take me now? Here?

Clapping exploded in the room. Eric pulled away and his hid knife.

No.

"Glad to see that someone has accepted themselves." An older teen said. "Didn't mean to interrupt. Just glad to see that our little meetings have helped create a happy couple."

"Oh, we aren't..." Eric struggled. "I mean we..." He sighed. "Thanks."

What? Thanks? Why was he hard?

Eric turned around. "We'll talk when we get home. I've got business to attend to."

Remus wanted to follow him. He needed to know why Eric kissed him back.

But something held him back. A girl was standing in front of him. She had long brown hair, brown eyes and wore a look of surprise on her face.

"You were in my dream." She gasped.

"And you aren't dead." Remus whispered. "I found you."

"Kevin now knew where we lived and who P was but he was trustworthy. We would talk about it plenty afterward but we were hardly alone with D breathing down our necks about us dealing. Eric's kiss was something I'd never expected. I only kissed him because there was nothing else I could do. If I was going to die then I wanted to taste Eric's lips first. It worked out in my favor, though. I still get chills thinking about our first kiss. And then there she was...the girl from the darkness. She wasn't dead but I never thought I'd see her again. And when she saw me, she was in awe."