Rising From The Ashes of Her Past

I used to pray every night to a god I was not certain was real. I would close my eyes and beg for an end to all of the pain that was happening in my life. If there was really someone watching over me why would they have let me suffer the way that I had for as long as I had. On particularly hard nights I would awaken in a dream with my brother who died before he had ever actually been born. He was a beautiful toddler, with brown curls that framed his face, and eyes the color of a sky just after a storm had passed. In the dream we sat together at the top of two yellow slides, there was no way out, and you couldn’t see the bottom of the slides, but somehow I knew that if I took his hand and slid with him I would never wake up. HIs words were always sweet and enticing, but something always made me hesitate to go with him. Maybe that was the answer from whatever god was listening to me, maybe that had been my way out and I had hesitated one too many times. My brother had stopped visiting me around the age of 17, he never aged, but I grew in every dream, and I woke up with a cold sweat each time wishing I had taken his hand when I had the chance. I was convinced no one was listening to me when I had begged for an end to the nightmare I was living. The sun filtered through the window, waking me from a dream about a dream. My eyes scanned the room, landing on the clock next to my bedside, exactly three minutes before the alarm would blare next to my head signaling the first day of the last year of my living hell. If I silenced my alarm now, there was a small chance my mother would remain in her drug induced coma long enough for me to escape to school without an argument. I stretch my hands out of the blanket and silence the noise machine, but I may not get my wish either way, noises are coming from the kitchen, I force myself not to roll my eyes as I push up into a standing position. The bed next to mine still sat empty, my mind wandered to where my sister had gone, it has been several months since she had last slept in her bed. She had always said she was going to run away, but I didn’t believe that she could do it. The consequences from running away from a place like this were severe. I have to hope that if she did decide to run away that she made it far. My sister was just over a year older than me, she had decided to run away seven years ago when my father had died in an attack on our cities borders. My father had been the only source of happiness me or my sister had ever gotten to have. Our mother had turned to substances shortly after my birth. My father always said he was bound to our mother in a way that prevented him from leaving her, and that I would understand one day. I could never bring myself to forgive my father even in his death, because no binding or bond could be strong enough to allow my children to suffer the way that my father had seen us suffer. My sister had worshiped my father in a way I could never, and I think that is why she hadn’t wanted me to run away with her. Something stirred in the back of my mind, it felt like a warning just before the door burst open revealing my mother, with a fresh black eye, I took her in, not the same woman I had seen in the photos of before I was born. Her brown hair was stringy, no longer luscious curls, her blue eyes dull lifeless. The brother of my dreams, and my older sister looked exactly the way she had looked in her wedding photos, while I looked nothing like my mother, and everything like my father, forest green eyes, and strawberry blonde hair that flowed in light waves down my back. My mother had taken to blaming me for her problems in recent years, losing her destiny is the reason she gave for the drugs she consumed, but I knew the truth, no matter how many times she said it was because I looked like him, I knew it was because of brother that was meant to accompany me into this world, but hadn’t. “I won’t be driving you to school, 19 is old enough to find your own way.” Her words were slurred, and meant to be cruel, but in reality I had been finding my own way since I was 14 years old. “I planned on it.” I try to keep the venom from my tone, unsuccessfully. “Don’t have that attitude with me girl, you are lucky laws say you have to live with me until you are 20, or else you would be out on your ass” She shouts at me, I roll my eyes, taking a step past her. She stumbles turning around slapping the back of my head, “Don’t roll your f*****g eyes at me” I step into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I should have known better than to turn my back on her, I can still hear her ranting on the other side of the door, but I tune it out listening to the steady drum of the shower. I strip my clothes, avoiding the mirror, I don’t want to see the bruises that paint my skin. The man my mother brought home just over a year ago got drunk most nights and picked a fight with me that never ended with me winning, but some little voice in my mind always tells me to fight back, so that is exactly what I do. I have to give my mother credit, she took nearly six full years to move on from the proclaimed love of her life. When she did decide to move on, it was with the worst person I could have imagined. This last year I had gained more scars and bruises on my body than I ever had before then. My mother had also gained her share of cuts and scars, but she had never tried to stop it when Raymond had turned on me. I had never had much of a mother, but the first night he had stumbled into my bedroom drunk and made an advance on me I had lost all respect for the woman. I had never been strong enough to completely fight him off, but I had always managed to fight back long enough that he lost interest in trying to take my clothes off. Some small feeling inside my mind kept up the fight, and told me that he would never have what he desired. In school they had taught us to listen to and encourage the voice in our heads, but I had never understood that until the first night Raymond had come into my room, and the voice had started screaming. By the time I had stepped out of the shower freshly washed my mother had yelled herself out, and stumbled back into her bedroom. I made my way back into my bedroom to dress for the day. It had been a few years since I had dressed to impress anyone in my small town, but especially in this last year I had started to dress specifically to cover the marks all over my body. I dressed in dark green cargo pants, and a black shirt that fell to my elbows. Luckily the lower part of my arms had remained relatively free of damage, it was hot this time of the year, and I wasn’t sure I could handle wearing full sleeves this time of year. I sigh, thinking this is the last year I have to endure this. I am not of legal age to move out of my mothers home or stop attending classes for another eight months, but this is the last year. I don’t know what I will do once I leave here, my focus has been so set on surviving that I haven’t taken the time to figure out where I go from here. The walk to school only takes about fifteen minutes, but I head out earlier than I need to. If I leave early I can avoid a first day confrontation with the girls my sister is no longer around to protect me from. For the most part the boys at school just avoided me, occasionally laughing at the jokes made from the nastier girls, but never getting as aggressive as the girls tend to do. The vain voice inside my mind tells me it is because I am meant to be greater than they are, but I shut that down quickly, because whether I am destined for more or less than them doesn’t matter if I don’t survive the next eight months. I felt a twinge in my chest as I walked out of the front door, I fought the urge to walk back inside and tell my mother goodbye. I hadn’t felt the need to acknowledge her in a long while now, but I shoved those feelings down and started the journey to school. The weather outside set my mind at ease. A light breeze played through the trees, and the sky was cloudless. I watched the leaves tumble in the wind as I walked. This weather is the only thing I can add to the list of things I would miss once I turned twenty and left this place for good. I didn’t know much about leaving, but I do know you had to get express permission from Jackson Solis before you could leave. This had always struck me as an odd tradition, but I was willing to do just about anything to get out of here. I sometimes questioned how Jackson was able to hold so much power over the city we lived in, but something inside me had made sure I never voiced these questions outside of my head. I reached the parking lot of the school a lot faster than I had expected. I had more energy today than I usually did. I quickly contributed that to the fact that Raymond had not entered my room and started a fight with me last night, but something else felt at play as well. The entryway to the building was exactly how I had remembered it, deep exposed brick walls, and dull gray carpets. I quickly made my way to my ugly yellow locker, which was already fully stocked with my books in anticipation for today. Hanging on the front of my locker was a printed schedule for all the classes. I scanned the list, crossing my fingers that I had picked boring enough classes that I could avoid all the people I hated. The hallways had an eerie feeling without all the students and their voices. My first class was in the east wing of the school, I made my way there easily enough, and surprisingly as I rounded the corner I saw the first group of people I had seen all morning. I mumbled a string of curses to myself as I realized it was the three people I had wanted to see the least. Ashe, Lynx and Echo Solis. My heart pounded in my chest, and my mouth immediately dried of all spit. The triplets were without a doubt the most attractive people I had ever seen in my life. Ashe had blonde curls that reached his shoulders that was piled on his head in a bun today, Lynx wore his blonde hair cropped short, and Echo was the odd one out with his jet black curly fauxhawk. All of the triplets had warm honey colored eyes that you could lose yourself in. I had been in love with all of them for as long as I could remember, but I didn’t think any of them even knew who I was. I ducked my head to try and conseal myself before taking a few more steps towards the door I needed, which they were all blocking. “Ehm, I need to..” My voice trails off, as three identical pairs of eyes snap to mine, “my. My class is, the door, you are blocking.” I curse myself for stumbling over my words, but it brings a small chuckle from Echo, and the other boys just look at me puzzled. My palms are sweating, and my eyes are darting back and forth between the three of them. I am self conscious, and realize that each of them is sizing me up. Lynx has an unreadable look on his face, but Ashe looks at me as if he is trying to burn my clothes off with his gaze. My eyes land on Echo, and he is staring at the angry purple mark across all of my knuckles. I gulp, putting my gaze to the floor and pull the bruised hand to my chest before I turn and quickly run back the way I came. I find the nearest bathroom and rush into one of the stalls. My heart feels like it is going to pound out of my chest, and I am certain that it is not because of the short run I made to the bathroom. I am fighting the urge to run back and stare each one of the triplets down to show them that I am not weak or afraid of them, for far longer than I expect to be. The bell rings signaling it is time to go to my class, and even being early I have somehow managed to make it so I did not get into my classroom before the girls who inevitably will want to push me around have a chance to get here. I walk out of the bathroom looking directly at the floor, quickly rushing towards the classroom I had run away from. My gaze being on the floor I slammed into a steel wall, I closed my eyes praying to anyone who would listen that it wasn’t who I thought it was. The scent of cinnamon surrounded me, and my body felt warm, I opened my eyes and was met with the warm honey eyes of Ashe. “Aw there you are little Mayeflower! We wanted to give you a warm welcome!” Holly exclaimed loudly. I bit my lip at the nickname I had long outgrown. Surprisingly Ashe had not let go of the arm he had grabbed to steady me. “Thanks Holly, I need to go. Don’t want to be late” I said flatly, trying to move around Ashe, but his grip held me firmly in place. “Apologize to Ashe for being so careless.” Holly sneered, stepping forward grabbing ahold of my other elbow. Hearing his name seemed to have snapped him out of whatever kept him holding onto my arm, he let go and instantly I missed the warmth of his palm. “S-s-s-sorry Ashe, I should have been watching.” I stammer the words out, Holly’s grip on my arm tightens. “You know Mayeflower, I don’t think that was good enough.” Holly says, raising her other hand to catch my chin, forcing me to meet her gaze. “No, no I think you need to get on your knees.” I stare at her in horror, her leg comes up to meet the back of my knees causing my balance to sway, but before I hit the ground I feel Ashe’s warm hand catch my arm again. “Enough Holly.” His voice is gruff and commanding. My knees buckle again and I fall into him, with ease he steadies me next to him. “She said she doesn’t want to be late to class and she already apologized” As soon as my feet steady I do the same thing I did when I met with the triplets this morning, I flee. Running as quickly as my shaking legs will allow me. I make it to my classroom in record timing. I throw the door open with a loud bang, alerting the entire class to my arrival and every pair of eyes snap to either me or the door I have thrown open. Two gazes feel as if they are burning holes into my chest, but I don’t try to meet them. I put my head down and fall into the furthest desk in the back of the room. The late bell rings, and the door swings open once again. Ashe walks in looking directly at me, but makes his way to sit with his brothers. I sigh in relief, I am glad he does not come to talk to me, but my palms are sweating at the idea of sitting in this classroom every day for the next few months with all three of them. I have never had a class with all of them at once. I put my head down and lose myself in the rest of the class. I am unable to focus on the words that are coming out of his mouth, but I do find my gaze trailing back to where the triplets sit, and occasionally when my eyes find their backs one of them will be already looking back at me, when this happens I feel my stomach drop. I make myself watch the clock instead, I count down the minutes until I can escape, and when the bell rings for the class change I bolt from my seat as quickly as I can. I run through the hall making sure to keep my eyes up so I don’t run into anyone this time. I make it to my next classroom with no issues, and again take a seat as far back as I am able to. The rest of the day goes by a lot faster than I expected the first day to go. My class schedule is boring enough to keep Holly and her friends from being in my classes, but apparently not boring enough to keep the triplets away. I find that I have at least one of them in every class I have for the rest of the day, and my final class of the day once again has all three of them. I run from every classroom all day, until the final bell of the day rings and I bolt for the door, and escape into the hot afternoon air. I start immediately towards the cafe I work at most days after school. I enter the cafe about ten minutes before my shift is supposed to start and head to the back to put on my apron and clock in for my shift. I make my way to the front counter, and plaster a fake smile on my face. I have hated this job since the first day I started, but they offered to pay me more than most any other place in town and I needed to save up as much as I could so I could leave this place behind. I had saved every penny I made since starting at this job and had managed to accumulate a pretty good savings because of it. Surprisingly the shift I have today is a slow one. I only had to serve regulars today, I enjoyed slow days, but it also meant less tips to split between myself and the rest of the kitchen staff. I didn’t mind this today though, I just really needed to go home and try to unwind before my moms boyfriend came home to start our nightly fights. I clock out of my shift and slip the apron back onto my hook before starting the journey back towards my house. The air is cooler tonight than I expected and I think maybe I should have brought a jacket. A twig snaps somewhere behind me ripping me from my thoughts, the voice in the back of my head is screaming for me to run, so I do. I take off, sprinting as quickly as I can make my legs go. I think about screaming for help, but I don’t think that anyone would hear and it would just waste the oxygen I need to save in my lungs to keep running. I don’t look back, scared of what or who I would see behind me. I round the corner and run down the street my house is on, and I think I am probably safe at this point, but I don’t dare slow down. My legs are burning, but I don’t stop until I reach my front porch. I almost don’t notice that all the lights in my house are out, but just before I open the door I notice. My eyebrows knit together in concern, something about this scene doesn’t feel right. The voice in my head is silent, but it feels like an alarm bell is pounding against the walls of my skull. Everything inside of me is telling me not to go in, but I twist the handle anyways and push through the door. A sharp metallic smell pierces my senses, and when I flick the light switch on the wall nothing happens. This wouldn’t be the first time my mother has forgotten to pay for our electricity, but something about this situation feels wrong. I try to call out to my mom, but the voice in my head feels more like a being in my mind keeping my mouth clamped shut. I take a step forward trying to navigate through the darkness, but I slip on the floor in something wet. As I hit the ground the metallic smell grows stronger. I gag at the smell and push myself up trying to escape the slippery wetness, to my horror it ends up all over my hands. I stead myself and take more careful steps towards where I think the bathroom should be. I reach hopelessly for the light switch, and again nothing happens. I reach the sink and it does turn on, I am able to rinse my hands free of whatever is on the floor. Part of me is worried my mother has gotten sick and thrown up. I feel my way into the hallway closet where I know at least one candle is, and struggle to strike the match to light it in the darkness. The match catches on my third try and lights, I put it to the wick and wait for the light to start, my eyes take a second to adjust, and when they finally do a scream escapes my lips. I am covered in a crimson substance that looks startlingly like blood, and so is the floor I have just slipped on in the living room. I scream again, and that’s when the presence in my mind starts to scream again, I whirl around to find I am staring into Raymond’s wild eyes. His mouth is stretched into a sickening grin. Somehow I know he plans to kill me tonight. I should have taken my chances with the twig snapper outside. I don’t even bother to run. I know that it is not worth trying tonight. I can feel it, I need to conserve my energy. I am going to have to fight for my life one way or another, and running will only tire me faster. I don’t know how I know it, but I know my mother is dead. I know that the blood I slipped in was hers, it feels as if some small connection within me has snapped, the same way it felt the night my father died, the same way it felt the night my sister never returned home. The reality hits me very suddenly, that my sister would have told me if she were going to leave, and she is dead too. I am completely alone in this world, and while the voice in my head is screaming at me to fight, I can’t. Raymond advances on me, his hands wrapping around my throat. “Finally some silence from you, you mouthy bitch.” His words are cold, his rancid breath hits my face making my stomach blanch. “I shut your sister up, and now it is your turn.” My mouth flies open in horror, he had killed my sister? Something about this wakes up the presence in my head, it takes control of my limbs and they start to thrash. I connect to Raymond multiple times, but he doesn’t waiver, his grip remains firm. Spots are starting to form in my vision, and I am certain I am going to die. Raymond doesn’t move at all, but something is happening to me. My legs start to prickle at first, and then suddenly they feel like they are on fire, the same feeling radiates through my entire body. I manage a scream even though I feel as if no oxygen is left in my lungs. Raymond’s grip on my neck loosens, and his eyes go so wide they look as if they are going to pop out of his head. “Impossible!” Raymond shrieks. His hands leave my throat, and a noise I have never heard a human make leaves my throat just before everything goes black.