Lost

The cold prickled the skin on Tobias’s face as he hurriedly walked towards the train station. Passing the gloomy shadows of moving people; he could feel the stares and hear their whispers. He missed being able to blend into the crowd, but gossip moves fast in a small town. Even all the hospital staff knew him; they would hide their pity under fake smiles and futile gestures. Trying to ask how he was doing and asking if they could do anything to help, but grief had already enveloped his entire being, devouring the little hope that was left. It translated into his appearance; frown lines decorated his forehead, and once-bright blue eyes were now dimmed and enclosed by dark circles. Clothes hung off his body, hiding his shrivelled muscles and a swollen beer belly. The only reminder of what he was before is freckles sprinkled on his nose. The station was as empty as usual, long grey trains scraped across the railway’s and footsteps drummed against the wet platforms. Small groups of people emerged from the train brushing against Tobias when he entered a carriage. As he sat on one of the metal seats “Next destination Brenton,” sounded from the speakers. When the train halted, more groups of people entered, and Tobias exited, continuing his journey towards the hospital. When climbing the damp steps, he always took in the smells and sounds of the booming city, it is his dream home, but that wasn’t possible his mother needed him. Sometimes Tobias would tell himself it was for Meadow, but he knows he wants to escape the memories that are aroused by his hometown and the responsibility his mother threw at him. *** My body has sunken into a never-ending cycle of disorientation; the further I’ve tried to travel, the more lost I seem to become. It is a parcel stuffed with an unfulfilled life, a dormant rusting machine. My mind is now a maze full of dead ends that lacks structure; it’s dark corners sitting at sharp, dangerous angels. Memories are dirty bottomless pits I fall into at every turn I take. I scream, but my voice echoes through the walls and falls onto deaf ears. This body weighs me down, and it has trapped me. I yearn for control. I long for hope. *** The smell of cheap air freshener tingled his nose as the automatic double sliding doors opened. Heads turned when he entered the lobby, then dropped with embarrassment as he walked towards the front desk. “Hi Tina, sorry, I’m a bit late.” “It’s okay, just head towards her room. I’ll sign you in.” She replied. “Thanks.” Beams of sunlight passed through the frosty widow in Meadow’s room, striking her face and the wall next to her. Every Monday morning, he arrived in her room, sat down in the chair next to her and held her limp hand; clinging onto what others would describe as a false sense of hope. Tobias often had to remind himself why he even bothered to come. It felt like she was dead already, her pale, expressionless face directed towards the ceiling every day. The prayers and gifts stopped months ago. Shrivelled and discoloured bouquets still displayed on her bedside table, the cards and stuffed animals pushed to the corner of her room, collecting dust. Even their mom stopped coming; grief and addiction crippled her. This room had become a haven for him the predictability cradled his heart, and the familiarity of sounds and smells calmed him. As he ran his hand through Meadow’s thick black hair, he would scan the room looking at the brightly coloured lights on the machines blinking intermittently with her breaths. *** When I am lucky, I see his face amongst the crowded shelves of my mind. I can remember his warm smile that made his full cheeks plumper. I remember the small angry red spots dotted across his forehead and his chin. His voice sometimes echoes through the screams, But mostly it is quiet and still when I see him. He frees from my debilitating fear, the fear that should have killed me long ago. *** Tobias always did the same thing throughout the week because his routine never varied anymore. He would visit Meadow on Monday and finish his shift at the corner store. He used to spend time with Jaylen, an elderly woman from block A who would send baked goods every day to their door, but she had died of a heart attack a few weeks ago. Tobias had called the police after three days of her not answering her door and noticing a strange smell coming from her house. They pulled her decomposing body on a stretcher into a small ambulance, and he attended her small open-casket funeral where he talked to her only son Ashton, who only visited her a total of 4 times that year. So he was shocked to find mail at his door that was not related to bills. He quickly unlocked the door and picked up the mail he received slightly excited to see what the contents were. He threw the white envelopes on the old dining table next to the kitchen and stared at the strange red envelope with no stamp or address on it. He tore it open and pulled out a map attached to a small creased paper with three bullet points along with a threat. If you want to remain unharmed, go to the location marked with a star by the next two days. When you arrive, ask for Jasmine. Tell her the code 29987 and collect the parcel. Open the parcel and make your decision.