In Search of a Ray of Hope

Chapter One

The transition from senior high school to college was supposed to be a time of excitement and anticipation, a moment to step into a new chapter of life with confidence and purpose. Yet, as I stood at this crossroads, uncertainty gripped me like a vice, casting a shadow over my dreams and aspirations. Thoughts raced through my mind like a tumultuous storm – What if I chose the wrong major? Would I find my place among a sea of unfamiliar faces? The expectations of family, the pressure of peers, and the daunting prospect of carving out a career path weighed heavily on my mind. Everyone seemed so sure of their dreams and aspirations, while I struggled to define mine amidst a sea of endless possibilities.

The college brochures and course catalogs I had eagerly pored over now seemed like daunting roadmaps to an uncertain destination. Each option held its own allure, each path promising a different future. But with each choice came a wave of doubt and hesitation.

One afternoon, I sat at my desk surrounded by brochures and course catalogs, trying to make sense of my future. My parents noticed my distress and sat down with me, ready to offer guidance. "What's on your mind, honey?" my mom asked, her voice filled with concern. "I just don't know what course to choose," I admitted, frustration evident in my tone. My dad nodded in understanding. "It's a big decision, but remember, you don't have to have it all figured out right away. Take your time."

"But everyone seems so sure of what they want to do," I lamented, feeling inadequate compared to my peers. My mom placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "It's okay to feel unsure. What matters is that you find something that excites you and aligns with your passions." My mom's comforting hand on my shoulder was a lifeline in that moment of vulnerability. Her words, "It's okay to feel unsure," echoed in my mind, offering solace and reassurance. She reminded me that what truly mattered was finding something that ignited my passion and resonated with my values.

Days turned into weeks as I dove deeper into exploring my interests. It felt like I was solving a mystery, trying to piece together clues to understand what truly excited me and where my passions lay. I threw myself into research, trying out different things, and reflecting on what resonated with me. I paid attention to how I felt about different subjects. Some sparked a real curiosity and excitement, while others left me feeling indifferent. Gradually, I started to see patterns emerging – themes and topics that consistently captured my attention and made me eager to learn more.

It's challenging to find a course that suits me well; I don't consider myself exceptionally intelligent, so the course I choose needs to be a good fit. College is no joke, and I definitely don't want to regret my decision halfway through—it would be even more painful. I'm really confused about what to choose; the stress is overwhelming. I didn't realize how difficult it could be to pick a course; now I understand why some people opt not to go to college.

One evening, the weight of my thoughts became too heavy to bear alone. With a deep breath, I gathered the courage to share my innermost thoughts with my parents. "I think I want to pursue a degree in psychology," I said tentatively, my voice betraying a mix of excitement and apprehension.

My parents, sitting across from me, exchanged a glance filled with curiosity and support. "Psychology?" my mom echoed, a hint of surprise in her voice. I nodded, "Yes, I've been thinking about it a lot."

My dad leaned forward, "It's a field with so many opportunities, are you sure about it?"

His question hung in the air, causing me to pause and reflect on my choice. I took a moment to gather my thoughts before responding. "I've thought about it a lot, Dad," I replied, trying to convey my certainty despite the lingering doubts. "Psychology aligns with my interests and passion." My dad nodded, his expression thoughtful. "I understand. Just make sure you're fully committed to it. College is a significant investment, and I want you to choose a path that will bring you fulfillment and success."

The day after sharing my decision with my parents, we set off to the university to take the first official step toward my dream degree in psychology.

National University

As I eagerly shared my dream of attending UST with my parents, they expressed concerns about me being away from home. Despite my initial disappointment, we explored other options and discovered that there was a branch of NU conveniently located nearby.

Kinakabahan ako habang pinoprocess ng parents ko ang paper ko. Girl, entering this college environment is like stepping into a whole new world, you know? And honestly, I was super shy about approaching the staff for my enrollment stuff. But thank goodness for my parents, who were there to back me up! The staff looked all professional and intimidating, and I didn't know where to start. But with my mom and dad by my side, I felt a bit more at ease. As we sat in the bustling administration office, the hum of activity surrounding us, my mom's eyes wandered to a nearby room. It was a quiet nook tucked away from the main hustle and bustle, with a soft light filtering through the windows.

"I think that's the library," she mused.

Back in my previous school, visiting the library was not exactly a regular part of my routine. Sure, I'd pop in occasionally for research or to borrow a book, but it wasn't a place I frequented. "

But since I heard that BS Psychology is tough, I might not leave the library once the school year starts. This school makes me nervous; I feel like I won't be able to go out. But it's okay; it's not like I have a choice. This university is the closest one, so I'll just go for it even though I know my life might be at risk here. All I know about NU is that it's part of the UAAP; I don't know anything else about it because my heart is really set on UST. So many thoughts are running through my mind as I sign all the papers needing my signature, adding to my nervousness is the coldness. Why is their air conditioning so strong here? There aren't that many people since I didn't join the enrollment opening, but their air conditioning is like the whole neighborhood is here in NU.

"Here's your student ID and course schedule," the staff member said, handing me the documents with a smile. After finally wrapping up my enrollment at NU, I bid farewell for now, knowing I'll be back soon to kickstart this exciting chapter of my college life. Weeks passed by, and one day while scrolling through my f*******: feed, I stumbled upon a post from the university announcing an upcoming opening parade. The anticipation grew as the event date drew closer. I could already picture myself joining the parade. I went to my mom. "Ma, there's going to be a parade at NU. Can I go?" I asked, brimming with excitement. It's possible that I won't be allowed since I don't usually attend school events like this, and I'm not often permitted to go out either. She looked at me with a smile and replied, "Sure, dear. When is it?" Her unexpected response caught me off guard. It was one of those rare moments when she actually allowed me to go out alone. Is this part of my college life?

"It's happening tomorrow, and there's a color coding. I don't have any green clothes," I sighed. I really don't have any green outfits or any shades of green because I usually buy clothes in pink and purple colors. Why is psychology associated with green? Can't it be pink so I won't have to buy new clothes? I have plenty of clothes here.

"Just ask your dad to buy it for you; he can get it quickly, and I'm sure he'll buy it for you," Mama reassured me. Now, I have no problem.

Later that day, my dad arrived with a green shirt that perfectly matched the color coding for the parade. I tried it on, and it fit perfectly, hugging my shoulders just right. "Wear those pants too, I'm sure you'll look good," dad suggested, his eyes twinkling with excitement.

The morning of the parade arrived, and I found myself at the university, surrounded by a sea of people bustling with excitement. However, as I looked around, my confidence wavered, and a wave of shyness washed over me. I don't know why I feel so hesitant now when it comes to events like this, whereas before I didn't feel this kind of shyness. I've noticed a lot of changes happening within me; sometimes, I don't even recognize myself anymore. I stood there, observing as students and faculty members passed by, each wearing their designated color for the parade. I wanted to talk to or ask those wearing green shirts, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm worried that if I start a conversation, I might say or do something awkward, and I hate that feeling. Maybe I'll just stay by myself for now. I can join in later with the others.

We started lining up and headed to our department, carrying our green balloons and ribbons given to us before the pride event began. I overheard conversations mentioning that our department had the largest population here at the university. It took a few minutes before our walk officially started. We just walked around the entire outside of the mall because our university is so close to this mall. Not just close, but extremely close. Our university is practically next to this mall, with a branch of NU right beside it because this mall has a significant share in the university.

We paused our walk for a bit because we were so many, making it challenging to navigate through certain narrow passages smoothly. Then, two girls approached me and started chatting."I like your pants," her genuine interest made me smile. "Thank you!" I replied with a smile. As we started walking again, the group at the front suddenly became really loud. It turned out our program chair encouraged everyone to be more lively and spirited during the parade. Meanwhile, I found myself simply waving my green balloon, taking in the lively atmosphere and enjoying the camaraderie among everyone. I couldn't help but laugh the whole time because I totally didn't expect them to be this wild! Their cheers and chants were so infectious, spreading excitement and energy throughout the parade. It was like a burst of liveliness that energized the entire group.

After a lively walk and enjoying the cheers and chants along the parade route, we finally made our way into the mall. We eventually arrived in the middle of the mall where a large stage was set up. It was the focal point of the event, surrounded by a sea of people. As the ceremony began on the stage, I realized that we were positioned quite far from it, making it difficult to hear the emcee clearly. Wanting to be more comfortable and get a better view, I decided to look for a seat.

I scanned the area and spotted some vacant seats nearby. I made my way towards them, and to my surprise, the two girls I had talked to earlier decided to come with me. It was a nice gesture, and I was glad to have their company as we searched for a better spot to enjoy the ceremony.