Being Imperfect

Chapter-4

The strong caffeine burns down my throat, forcing my thoughts to take the backseat for a second, as I take another sip out of my nth cup of the day. Coffee helps me stay sane and not dive straight into the pool of self-pity and self-loathe continuously developing inside me.

I heard back from most academies that I applied to. And all of them carried the same sentence.

"I'm sorry to inform you that we cannot offer you admission in the class of 2021."

And the rest of the email would be filled with other sentences holding zero value to me. I simply didn't care for their encouraging words.

I didn't get in.

And no words in this entire world can change that.

"You do know that you have been here for the past 5 hours and this is your 7th cup within 4 hours?", Claire's voice resonates through the empty coffee shop and into my ears.

"I didn't. Thanks for letting me know", I lift my cup and smile at her.

"You are welcome."

"Are you okay? You seem a bit off."

Something tells me I shouldn't be having this conversation especially with her. And that something might have something to do with her being my ex's sister.

Why do I find the most complicated way to think something?

"I don't think---"

"That you should talk to me about your problems because I'm Michael's sister."

I nod, giving her a polite- I'm sorry but I can't do this- smile.

"I get that.", she gives me an apologetic look while opening her apron and setting it on the counter.

I watch her reaching for the doorknob behind her and disappearing into the kitchen, leaving me alone.

I kind of liked it when she was here. At least it didn't feel this empty.

The notification sound of my phone urges me to pick it up from its abandoned spot on the couch.

"Where are you?"

I rub my eyes with the back of my wrist letting out a tired sigh and put the phone back in its spot.

One part of me wants to reply to my brother's text but the other part-the part in charge right now wants to escape the world. The reality. For as long as it can.

Seeing the red lines of the sky disappear beneath the thick layer of green trees, I decide it's time to step take off from the comfort of the cafe.

The gravel of the footpath rubs against the soles of my shoes as I walk in the direction of my home. I look around my surroundings to take in the fact that the street is almost empty. I look up to the sky to feel...peace? Calmness? Happiness? I don't know.

All I know is that I need this heaviness inside my heart to disappear. And I will drink 10 cups of coffee or stare at the sky in the middle of a deserted street like a crazy maniac to make that feeling disappear.

A sudden bump against my stomach makes my eyes shoot straight ahead at...nothing. What the hell?! What did I...

And that's when I realize that the figure that bumped into me was looking up at me with her tiny eyes. Glaring at me with tears.

I whip my head around to see if her guardian is here but no one is to be seen. I apologize to her with a goofy smile but she keeps glaring at me, piquing my interest.

"I'm sorry.", I repeat.

"You made me lose it."

"Lose what?"

"My drawing."

"I'm sorry. Please don't cry."

Okay. I get that she is a kid but one drawing is not worth crying over. And so I try to make her see that

"You can always draw another one."

"You don't get it. It was my favorite drawing.", she pouts

I sigh and ask, " How did you lose it?"

"I was drawing at the playground and it flew away. I chased it to here but then you bumped into me."

You bumped into me. But whatever.

"I will help you search for it, okay?"

"Okay.", she crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows at me silently saying like why am I still here.

I look around to see if there was any drawing on the street. But there's nothing except a few littered cans.

I turn towards her to tell her that the drawing is not here. But she beats me to it.

"It is here. You didn't even look properly."

I guess it wouldn't hurt to look around for a bit.

"Okay, come on. Let's search that way."

She nods and runs towards the indicated direction. I follow her while looking everywhere for the piece of paper. And that's when my eye falls to a piece of paper dangling from the tin shed slanted roof of a vintage-looking restaurant.

"Hey, is that yours?"

"Yes. Yes. It's mine.", her mood immediately changing.

"I will get it down."

I try to catch the paper by standing on my tiptoes but it's still beyond my reach. Come on. Come on. I extend my arm as much as I can but it's just brushing my fingertips.

Damnit!

"You are too short for it.", the girl snickers.

I squint my eyes at her words. "Look who is talking."

"I'm seven years old. I'm supposed to be this small. You are not."

Seriously?!

"I'm 5 feet 4. Which is an average height."

The doorman of the restaurant walks over to us amid our bickering.

"Excuse me. Can I help?", he examines us with a skeptical look

"I'm sorry. Yes."

"Could you please get us the drawing on the roof?"

He nods at us and reaches for the piece of paper. Handing me the paper, he smiles and goes back to his position.

Fucking men.

I twirl the drawing around to see what all this fuss was all about. And I don't get it.

There is a house and a tree and a person standing in front of the house. It's not even colored properly.

It's just an average drawing with no exceptional details.

The girl snatches it from me and looks at her drawing and smiles from ear to ear. Her smile is the most wholesome thing I have ever seen. The glow in her eyes is proof of how much this means to her and how proud she is.

I chuckle at her reaction.

She might not be that good at drawing but she loves and that's what counts.

She doesn't need the validation of others to do what she finds happiness in.

"Okay. So we got your drawing. Now we gotta get you back to your guardian."

"Do you have their number?"

She nods and gives me her father's number. And he arrives within two minutes, scolding her and thanking me. She waves me goodbye while walking down the street with her dad and holding the drawing close to her chest.

The little things mean the most, don't they?

Tossing my keys on the key dish, I take off my coat to find the house packed with Neil's friends. One of them waves at me and goes back to his conversation with another guy.

What is going on?

A scrunch comes from underneath my feet as I step into living room. The whole place is filled with empty soda cans and chips packet. And some of the boys are gathered around the TV and others are in the kitchen.

I walk inside the crowd to find Neil and I see him talking to a guy with a soda in his hand.

"Neil!" I screech at him and wave my arms around in disbelief.

His friend scurried away at my voice.

"What?", Neil shrugs as if he doesn't have at least 20 boys in our house. Does he even have that many friends?

"What is going on here?"

" I invited the guys over for a game."

"This is not a game. It's more like a party."

"Your point?"

"Look, Jordan. I took mom's permission to invite them over.

So you can either go to your room and check that acceptance letter from Paris Opera Ballet School or get out of the house like Kyle did.", he smirks at me and disappears into the crowd.

What? What acceptance letter?

Did I get accepted?

I push through the horde of teenage boys and run upstairs into my room as fast as I can to find my laptop sitting on my bed and my mails are opened.

Why was he using my laptop anyways?

I scroll through the mails to find one from The Paris Opera Ballet School and my breath stops.

With shaky hands, I click on the mail and start reading.

"Dear Jordan,

It is with great pleasure that I offer you admission to The Paris Opera Ballet School class of 2021"