DOCTOR STRANGE

82

Overdrive

10 a.m.

Catherine

I called my father as soon as I woke up a few hours ago on his phone. He rarely attends any calls, unfortunately. And mine, I was sure that he wouldn’t. His secretary answered the call after four consecutive calls, which I already predicted.

To me, my father is less like a father figure normal kids have in their lives and more like a boss or a superior power who I have to listen to and follow, with or without my consent. He provides orders through his men to me which I would have to follow blindly. If he wants me to study a language, I will have to, if it is about my career, I have no choice on it either. Even meeting him is tough labor, I have to go through several levels, first of which is to take appointment from his secretary. If the matter seems important to him, he will meet me otherwise he won’t. Sometimes I couldn’t get in touch with him for days, weeks, and sometimes even months. It’s just normal for me.

The last time I met him was when I landed in New York three months ago, that time it was too to pass on orders on how I should live my life if I wish to stay in this city. I so well wish for a normal life and loving parents, but I guess it is gonna be a far-fetched dream for me in this life. My teenage years were worse. There was no one I could depend on. My sister was out there building her career so we were not much connected. No love or support from my parents either. They were never there to cheer me up on a bad day, but they were always there to push me down the pit of loneliness and depression when I failed in doing what they expected from me.

God knows how much I've searched for love, almost all my life I've yearned for validation from them. I thought that maybe then they could love me. But every time they were just hopes, every time my heart broke, by their ruthless comments. Am I even their biological daughter? Why do they treat me like this?

The day, a year ago when I was discharged from the hospital after spending days and nights there, instead of comforting me and saying soothing words he slapped me, telling me how big of a disgrace I am for the family. How he would have disowned me if he had any other successor to abdicate his business for. All those memories are still like a fresh wound to me, painful and deep. I know I can never leave that part of my life behind no matter how much time passes. Those memories still hurt me, but now they don’t scratch my soul deep in search of blood. They are more like an old scar. All I know and pretty sure of is that something has changed inside me. the girl who dropped hopelessly in the water that day and the one who opened her eyes in the hospital were two completely different people. I was changed, both physically and mentally I can feel it. That day was a turning point for me and this time I will not lose, I will prove my worth.

I have changed so much that I no longer care about finding love anymore. I don’t care about hurting other’s feelings anymore, which dreaded me before. I can stand up for myself now, I can punch others. It is so liberating and I've done that. I can say no. I hurt others before they hurt me. I've changed. So much has changed, I am the biggest proof. Me breathing with confidence is the proof. I am happy at this moment. And I can't thank enough the person who is the biggest reason for that, Ren.

I thought about him every day, thanked him for giving me this life. It got to a point where all I could see when I closed my eyes was him. I didn’t want to think about him, but it was like his face, when he was in the ambulance with me, came in front of my eyes every time I closed them. I felt the touch of his cold hands on me. I was so scared, I thought I might be going crazy I didn’t want to remember anyone, let alone someone I knew nothing about other than his name. but somehow, he came to my mind now and then, I hated it but I couldn’t help it. And when I saw him last night in Lucy’s Diner, I knew I have to talk to him.