DOCTOR STRANGE

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I wanted to be treated by him as well as my sister. So I work harder and harder. I studied hard to get into the Excel university. It wasn't my dream, but dad's. He wanted my sister to do it, to inherit his business but since she chooses another path he gave up. So I decided to do it for my father. The day I get selected by the university my father sent me a dress as a congratulatory message. It was the first time in my life that I got a present from him. He never gave me any not even on my birthdays. I was very happy that day. But I realized something too.

Do you know what I realized that day? I realized a different meaning of family. I realized that family members are the people who treat you well as long as they have some use of you. Other than that you are just trash they don't give a damn about. I knew it but I still tried to get my dad's attention. So I decided to do whatever he wants. To have that importance in his dreams. He regularly started sending me messages through his secretary, about what he wants me to do. And I did exactly that. Like a fool. If I can ever go back in time I would take it all back.

After getting into the university, my father's trash plan changed. He started to think that I can take over his company so he started to groom me for it. Somewhere I was happy from his attention. It was of course better than nothing. So I followed whatever he ordered just so the things will stay the way they are. I know I have many weaknesses but I was working on it really hard. I was self-conscious and had very low self-esteem but I gave it my all. I knew it that I can give that damn speech just if my father wasn't glaring at me scaring the hell out of me. I know that jumping off of that bridge wasn't the right thing to do. It was very wrong, it was a sin and I will never think about that ever again but I felt like the only way to get out of the darkness that surrounded me at that time. That time, that day for me was so suffocating that I felt like being dead is better than being hopeless or being a burden. I know I was wrong now and I am thankful for this new life that I have now. I will cherish it forever, as long as I live. And I will do whatever I feel the best for me in my heart. I won't let my dad manipulate me any longer nor anyone else that is what I say to myself every day after that night. I will never forget what I learned from that. I will always be with me, however long I live, wherever I go.

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