Insatiable

Chapter 18

 Many say that change is bound to happen and truthfully, it is. The thing is, no matter how big the change is, there are still some parts left.

Eleanor can prove that.

Getting her heart back doesn't mean she plans to quit drinking human blood. She changed, yes. However it's only in terms of emotion. Back then, she could suck someone’s blood dry without baggage, but right now, she couldn't drink blood without the guilt and the disgust.

"Jesus f**k," Eleanor groans after tearing off a person's head for the nth time this day.

She just couldn't stop, huh?

Of course. This is her only way to forget the things that keep on haunting her: the venom in Hope's voice, Jimin's indifference, and Sage.

Sage...

Why can't she stop missing the ruthless vampire?

It's bullshit and she knows it. She survived an entire year without him by her side. It's only been three days since she disappeared from their life for good and yet, she's acting as if she hasn't seen Sage for centuries.

"f**k me, f**k me, f**k me!" Eleanor cries while punching the boxing bag.

She went into a boxing gym to blow off some steams, unfortunately, she just ended up blowing the head of her instructor.

Eleanor leans in the ropes—making her bounce a little.

"Can't support your weight, huh?" Someone chuckles behind her. Eleanor is so familiar with his laugh that she already knows who that someone is without looking back.

♫ Our minds have new eyes and visions of you  ♫

"I don't want you here." She says, but realizing that the unwanted visitor won't leave just because she says so, Eleanor proceeds to remove her boxing gloves so she can leave instead.

♫ Girl, I think I need a minute ♫ 

"You're lying..." Sage corners her before she makes a move.

♫ These choices and voices, they're all in my head ♫  

"You don't know what I want," she insists.

♫ Sometimes you make me feel crazy ♫  

Frankly, Sage's presence is starting to irritate her. He just keeps on showing himself unannounced.

 ♫ Sometimes, I swear I think you hate me like uh ♫

"You're so f*****g bad at lying." Sage's jaw tenses.

 ♫ I need a walk, I need a walk, I need to get out of here  ♫

Eleanor looks away. She melts under his scorching gaze.

♫ 'Cause I need to know  ♫

"You claim that you don't want me here, but you've never really done anything to push me away."

♫ Who are you? ♫

Eleanor's claims are empty. She says things, but she doesn't do anything when Sage defies her wishes.

♫ 'Cause you're not the girl I fell in love with, baby ♫

"You want me here," Sage lifts her chin to force her to look at him. "You want me everywhere. You want me to get under your skin." He swallows hard.

♫ Who are you? ♫   

"You...." His eyes are dark. "Want...." It darkens more. "Me..."

 ♫ 'Cause something has changed, you're not the same, I hate it ♫

"N-No!" But her voice fails to prove her point. She's sweating and Sage can surely hear her erratic heartbeat. It's like music to his ears.

♫ Oh, I'm sick of waiting for love, love ♫

Sage chuckles and then he cups her chin.

♫ Oh, I know that you're not the one, one ♫

"Liar." The smug look never disappears. "If you don't want me to find you, then why didn't you perform a spell to hide yourself from me? Why didn't you run away?" He makes a strong point because Eleanor is still in Kinghorn University. "And don't you f*****g dare say that having a heart made you soft."

♫ Feeling hypnotized by the words that you said ♫   

He's angry, or at least that's what she thinks. His voice is hoarse and laced with acid. The dark veins are spreading under his eyes too.

♫ Don't lie to me, just get in my head ♫

"You said Eleanor Kyteler died, but why didn't change your name? You had the opportunity to live a new life with new identity, but you didn't."

♫ When the morning comes, you're still in my bed ♫

It's Eleanor's turn to swallow hard. She can't answer—definitely not when he's revealing all her desires and what she should have done.

♫ But it's so, so cold ♫

"—because you want me, Ellie. You want me to come find you."

♫ Who are you? ♫   

That's it. That's the final straw.

 ♫ 'Cause you're not the girl I fell in love with ♫

Eleanor feels as if this ruthless vampire peeled her clothes off. She feels like she's naked under his dark, angry eyes.

Everything he said makes sense.

 ♫ Who are you? ♫

"Now look at me and tell me I'm wrong. I dare you." He isn't sure where he found the courage to say these things, but what the hell, right? Since he's already here, why not push it?

"Look at me straight in the eyes, baby. I'll leave you alone if you say I'm wrong."

She can't. He got her at the endearment: baby. It's all too much.

"Y-You don't understand," she breaks and avoids his gaze.

Sage is the one who changed here. Eleanor knows it the moment she sees him the first time after she died. The ruthless vampire can control his lust for blood. This is the reason why she can't be honest with him. Shame is spreading through Eleanor's body. The shame isn't because she can't stop killing innocent people. The shame is because he'll always catch her doing and not regretting it.

Guilt doesn't equate to regret. Guilt challenges the good side of her while regret is being overpowered by the bad side of her.

"You're better off without me." It stings to say this. "You should be with Hope."

"Bullshit!" He suddenly exclaims. He shakes her shoulders roughly. "Who are you to decide what's best for me!?"

She doesn't understand what Sage feels. Hope is nothing compared to Eleanor. Hope is just an instrument to get to the love of his life. Hope is a friend. Eleanor is his life.

Why does Eleanor always compare herself with another girl? When will she ever realize that Sage only wants her?

"She tames your demons meanwhile I bring the worst in you." She tries to continue what she thinks is right.

♫ 'Cause you're not the girl I fell in love with, baby ♫

"That's not true!" He huffs. Eleanor gave him a reason to live. He's only worst without her.

"Really? Then tell me, Sage. What are you going to do if I end up killing an innocent person—"

"I'll f*****g help you dispose the body!" He cuts her off—startling Eleanor.

Sage purses his lips together when the words he just said register in his mind.

♫ Who are you? ♫   

Shit.

He f****d up.

♫ 'Cause something has changed, you're not the same, I hate it ♫   

"See?" Eleanor shakes her head dejectedly. "You just proved why we can't be together."

 ♫ Oh, I'm sick of waiting for love, love ♫

Eleanor disappears again. This time, she didn't have to perform a spell to do that. Sage let her leave. He's too exhausted to hold her.

♫ Oh, I know that you're not the one, one ♫