Don Vidal

19 - Too much thinking

Marnie

It’s been two weeks since those men kidnapped and tortured me, and I’m finally settling down. I didn’t think I’d be okay there for a while. I honestly didn’t think I could stay here with Draven; I just wanted to leave and never come back. My mind kept playing tricks on me, telling me I would never be safe. Then, the next, my mind would scream, ‘Stay! You’re not safe anywhere but here.’

I’m glad I stayed. Draven has kept to his word, and he treats me with respect. He treats me like his equal, not just the vessel carrying his child. I like that. I was never Paul’s equal in anything. Draven is always happy to see me when he gets home, which makes me feel a little better about this whole thing.

We have breakfast together every morning. It has become a nice habit for us. Although, he’s not always home in time for dinner, even though I always cook for him. I put Draven’s meal in the microwave, ready for him to heat up when he gets home.

Sometimes, it’s still there in the morning, meaning he ate while he was out, which is fine by me. I’m not the nagging kind, and I won’t get upset because he didn’t eat the food I made for him. I learned not to let that stuff get to me a long time ago.

I do worry about him coming home so late, though. I don’t see him some nights because I’m already in bed when he arrives home. Take tonight, for instance; he’s late, really late. I’m still awake and watching a movie. Nothing of any interest. I can’t keep my mind on the damn thing. I haven’t slept well in weeks, not since those men did what they did to me, and I’ve been feeling weird all day.

It’s nothing but my hormones, and they’ve had me feeling so down all day. The strange thing is I just really want Draven to hold me. God, I want to lay with him, his bed or mine, I don’t care. Lying with him is all I want to do, though. I want to feel safe in his strong arms around me. Maybe I'd sleep longer than two hours without waking up if I did.

I don’t have nightmares as such, but I wake up unable to get back to sleep. I haven’t even seen my sister in two weeks. At first, I was avoiding her because of the bruises and the bloodshot eyes. I didn’t want her to think badly of Draven. The past few days, though, I haven’t felt good about myself, and that’s caused me to push Brooke away. I hate myself for it.

We had a long chat on the phone last night, and I laughed with her. It was good to talk, but I don’t think she bought my excuse that I haven’t met up with her because I’ve been unwell. I will see her soon; I won’t have her thinking Draven is hurting me and forcing me to stay here against my will. Brooke doesn’t need to worry about me in her condition. As close as she and I are, some things should be kept to oneself.

I hear the alarm bleep once as the front door opens. I know who it is because he’s the only other person, apart from me, who can get inside the house without having to punch in numbers first. That gives off a different sound when the door opens, and the only two other people who have the code are his brother and sister. That makes me feel safer here than anywhere else.

No, Draven is home.

“Evening, sweetheart,” He says with the biggest smile on his face the second he walks into the room.

That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. The sweet smile he gives me when he walks through the door.

I know he’s still trying to make up for what happened in the warehouse, but if he’s only marrying me for the baby, he’s a damn good actor.

My heart is suddenly calmer. It’s silly, but I don’t feel safe until he's home, even though I know I'm entirely safe home alone. No one can get into this Alcatraz-like home, and there are bodyguards stationed all around the place.

Okay, it looks nothing like that, but with the security and all. Though, I guess even Alcatraz wasn’t all that secure. Whatever. The point is I know without a doubt that I can trust Draven with my life. The moment he realized Stefano had taken me to the warehouse, his work was forgotten, and he came looking for me.

I might be marrying a Mob Boss of the most dangerous kind – is there any other kind? – but I really do look forward to Draven coming home so I can see him. Most of the time, it’s not until morning, but still.

Draven is fast becoming my best friend, and yes, I think I’m falling for him even more as the days go on. I swore that I wouldn’t; I swore that I would never stay with a man whose associates could be more dangerous when it comes to me than his enemies. However, that aside, I know he cares about me. I know he’s doing everything he can to prove to me that nothing will ever happen to me again. I have no doubt in my head that we’ll be able to raise this baby together and be happy doing it. I know it because I have faith in him.

Do I wonder if he’s slept with a woman or two while I’ve been living here?

Sometimes, I tell myself that Draven promised he wouldn’t, and he doesn’t strike me as a man to break promises. His word is his bond and all that. When I look him in the eye when he’s sitting with me and laughing, I know he hasn’t been with anyone else. Something inside of me tells me so. It has me wondering how a man as highly sexed as Draven has been coping without it these past weeks.

I’ve read many books, fact and fiction, and watched many movies about men like Draven Vidal. I needed to know if what those men put me through was in any way expected with these people. Mafia Don’s have to follow the rules of the Famiglia and everyone else around them. The council, or Elders, are the ones really in charge. Or at least they’re in charge of making the Don look good in the eyes of the public. They control anyone who comes into his life, and that includes any woman the Don decides to date. Loyalty tests are given to everyone working for the Don, everyone who comes into his life. Those tests are horrendous, much worse than what I was put through.

I was made to believe the men who tortured me worked for a rival family. But those bastards were Elders working for Draven. I was so naïve about it all before that day. I walked into Draven’s home and stupidly believed I’d be living a happy and safe life. I don’t think I’ll ever truly be the same after what happened to me. I also know if I’m going to live this life with Draven, I need to toughen up.

How do I do that after the horror stories I’ve read?