Don Vidal

17 - Stronger than I think I am

Marnie

When I look in Draven’s eyes, I see the truth. He won’t take my baby from me. I feel in my heart that Draven won’t let anyone hurt me again. He will do everything in his power to protect me.

I’m not saying I love the man; I hardly know him, and I know that he doesn’t love me. But I am hoping I mean more to him than just the woman carrying his child.

“Would you like me to call you sister?”

I shake my head. I don’t want Brooke or anyone else to know what happened. I don’t want to hear the “I told you so.”

I don’t know how I really feel at the moment. I have a lot of emotions rushing through me, anger being one of them. However, I don’t want to give in to it. I don’t want to tell Draven that I want to walk away because I know I’ll regret it in the end.

We have so much to talk about, but I am so tired.

Why am I such a glutton for punishment?

Maybe I have a screw loose. Yeah, that’s it, I’m insane!

“Marnie, I’ll understand if you want to leave, and I won’t stand in your way. I will always look out for you. I’ll ensure you have a home and money to support the baby. I will always be in my child’s life because I won’t be the dad who never sees his child. Please don’t try to cut me out, Marnie.”

I don’t know why that makes me smile, but it does. We both want the same thing for our baby, two parents who will always put him or her above everyone and everything else.

I squeeze Draven’s hand. “I would never stop you from seeing our baby, Draven. I’m not going to lie; I’m still angry about what happened, but you dealt with those men. I’m still scared, and I think I will be in some way for a little while, but I will get over it.”

I will because I’m stronger than this. I can either succumb to constant fear, always looking over my shoulder for the next person to attack me, or I can put this behind me. I won’t let my guard down so easily with Draven’s men, but I can make myself stronger in their presence. I will show them that I am not weak, and I will demand their respect.

I can’t let fear take over my life because if I do, I’ll be no use to this baby at all. I cannot fail as a mother. I won’t let my child down, not when I’ve been enough of a failure in the past.

Moving forward with Draven, I know he can be the father mine never was. I don’t believe he meant for anything to happen to me, although I do believe he should have warned me that the council wanted to test me.

It’s time for me to show my worth.

“Being my wife won’t be easy, Marnie. There will be times when you feel suffocated, but I need you to know that I will never physically hurt you.”

“I know that. All my life, I have been controlled by one man or another. I never had a chance to use my voice when it came to Paul and my father. I know you have your reasons for doing the things you do, for expecting me to behave a certain way,” The Don’s wife cannot be seen to cause disrespect or shame to the Don. I’ve heard terrible things about what happens to wives who do either thing. “I have no problem with respect, Draven. I will show you respect every day, and I know you’ll give me the same grace. I like to think we’re friends.”

“Of course we are. You're the most loyal woman I’ve ever known, Marnie. Thank you.” Draven smiles.

“You don’t need to thank me. I just need to know that you won’t force me to change and won’t make me feel like I have no right to speak when I need to.”

Draven smiles. “I will never do that to you, Marnie… I’m so sorry for what they did to you.”

“Stop apologizing.” I smile at him. He doesn’t need to keep saying he’s sorry, nor does he need to keep thanking me for my loyalty. “Draven?”

“Yeah?” He runs his thumb over my hand, and it’s soothing to the point it’s making me sleepy.

I smile and force my eyes open. “I care about you.” I see the smile creeping across his face through my tired eyes. “I’m going to...stay with you...” My eyes close, and I can’t open them again. “Don’t let...anyone...”

“I won’t,” He cuts me off because he knew exactly what I wanted to say. I sigh sleepily as Draven kisses my lips softly. “I care about you too, beautiful.”

* * *

“Ugh! This tastes awful.” Draven chuckles, and I playfully narrow my eyes at him while smiling. This soup really is awful, though.

After falling asleep last night, I slept without disturbance. Weirdly, I didn’t have nightmares. Don’t get me wrong, I dreamt about the men who hurt me, but in my dreams, I saw Draven killing those men. In my dream, I stood to the side and watched my future husband as he committed murder, and my heart pounded in my chest. Watching Draven at work, beating, stomping, cutting, killing, something inside of me was thrilled and a little turned on.

When I woke up and saw that Draven was still with me, I couldn’t help the smile creeping across my face. I lay there watching him sleep; he looked so handsome; I couldn’t help biting my lower lip.

Does it make me some kind of freak to be feeling the way I am about Daven after everything that happened?

Maybe I really do have a screw loose. Most women in my situation would have taken the out offered to them and never looked back.

Me?

I took Draven’s hand in mine and kissed his knuckles. I then stroked my cheek against the back of his hand and laughed when I realized he was watching me curiously. Draven smiled at me, and I felt my heart open to let him in.

Draven is more than the man I’ve heard about; I know that now. I see the real man in his eyes when he looks at me. I also do not yet want him to know that he was right; I think I’m falling for him.

God, what’s happening to me?

“I can get you something else.”

“No,” I shake my head. “Thank you, but this is fine. Did the doctor say when I can go home?”

Draven smiles as I push the tray away from me, and he climbs onto the bed in front of me. He takes my hand in his. “Home. I like how that sounds.”

I smile shyly. It came naturally for me to say that.

“The doctor said you have no serious injuries, no lasting damage, but you do need to take it easy for a few days. That means no work, no lifting, no...”

“Draven,” I laugh and cut him off with my finger against his lips. “When can I go home?”

He smiles, and I move my finger. “An hour or so. They wanted to make sure you can keep the food down.”

Thank God. I really want to take a long, hot bubble bath, lie on the couch, and watch a film. I’d like to at least pretend to be an ordinary woman who can do as she pleases for a little while.

“Marnie, are you sure you’re okay after everything that happened?”

“I’m fine, Draven. Honestly. You seem surprised that I’m not hysterical.”

“With all due respect, Marnie, most women who went through what you did yesterday would be.”

I bite the inside of my cheek and study him. Draven seems concerned that I’m not a basket case.

What does he think is going to happen?

I’m not going to have a breakdown over the past. I am a little surprised, if I’m honest, that I am handling this so well. Maybe the only reason I’m not a basket case is due to the things I’ve already been through. I learned long ago to bury the pain and move forward. If I don’t, I’ll crumble.

I never expect anything from anyone because I’ve always been let down. If you’re not spoon-fed love when you’re a child, you learn to lick it off a knife as an adult. Just one small amount of care I’m shown has me wanting to please whichever person is giving it to me. It’s ridiculous, but I can’t help the way I am. I was never shown love as a child by anyone but Brooke, and it was the same in adulthood. I don’t think that will ever change.

God, I’m stupid!

“I guess I’m stronger than people give me credit for.”

“That you are. That you are.” Draven leans in and kisses my head. “I’ll go find the doctor.”

I grab his hand, stopping him from leaving just yet. He looks at me curiously. “Thank you for everything.” He knows why I’m thanking him; that’s why he smiles; only then do I let him leave.

I lean back and close my eyes, hands on my stomach and a smile on my face. Everything will be okay; I just know it will.