The devils mistress

   My apartment is small and white. I try to make it colorful but without paint there's only so much I can do. I have very little furniture, the kitchen is the most furnished room in my apartment. I love to cook. I love food, the way it warms your soul with every bite. Its a pretty ordinary home, there is a pile of laundry in the bathroom floor (organized by cleanest to least clean), I got a craft room, I got a dog (Patience) and I got a cat (Hobbies).      I light a joint and begin prepping for dinner. Okay late night dinner. Who can say 'No' to shrimp tacos with homemade sauce? I flip the radio on to some Goldie Oldie and dance to the fridge. " Peppers, Onion, Cabbage, Hot sauce, shrimpys. Move Patty Cake. Tortillas, flour, avocadooo." " Well Sexy can I?" my friend Carolina walks in bearing a bottle of white wine. " I don't think you were invited but since you brought gifts of good will... I'll let you in this time."  We giggle and banter while dancing and cooking.   Sorry to interrupt your entertainment but I am here to announce that our God is searching for a human bride. A live bride. Every available unmarried woman must audition this Sunday is A-K, Monday is K-S, and Tuesday is S- Z. Event is at the court centers, we will be auditioning at all hours. Bring your medical documents, your registry, and three outfits you would wear for your husband including one lingerie. You must participate in the s****l tests where you will be tested on your pleasure scale. Again every unmarried female at the court centers, Sunday through Tuesday. Bring your bag and make sure to refrain from s*x until after you have been tested. Sorry for the interruption.     " Well how do you like that rainy? We're livestock." Carolina is beautiful. Shes skinny and tall . Shes just perfect. I wouldn't be surprised if she was selected.  " Are you worried?" I asked her. "A little. but I doubt much will come of it." We  dump our wine down the drain and slowly finish cooking the tacos. We eat in silence, our enthusiasm drowned by the announcement playing on repeat on the radio. Even Hobbies and Patience were silent without energy.  After dinner we hug goodnight and go our separate ways to pack for the God's event.  I grab my medical and identification papers first " all my shots up to date; check, annual appointment and physical papers for last ten years; check, ID; check, birth documents; check, bank papers; checkaroni." I sigh as I put the papers in the presentation folder with my new ID's picture on the front . I wore yellow and looked like I had jaundice, it clashed with the serial number on the pink board I was holding. "Oh s**t serial documents." I sigh in relief, I would have been humiliated for forgetting those again. I dive into my clothes throwing several different articles into piles of maybes and definitely not.      " Alright Ladies. Line up. Your rooms are provided as well as are your meals if you want to accept. If not you can buy your own. The audition is set up into five parts. They are labeled A to E.  Audition A is medical paperwork. Audition B is the health test. Audition C is Look scale. D is homemaker test. E is the s*x test. If you move on you will get a pink sticker on your resume, If you fail to meet standards at any part of the test you will be eliminated and can go home after receiving a stamp in your presentation folder."  Carolina is just in front of me along with a hundred other bombshells that would make it to the end. I drift off into my own thoughts.                 Master chef Rainy of district 12's D group is about to prepare her world famous creole...  "NEXT. MA'AM. Do ya mind? I have to process twenty thousand women other than you."  I stumble forward and clumsily hand over my folder. The processor looks over my folder and hands me a pink sticker for my folder. That part is easy I always pass that test. The B test was normal all except for my weight is fine. " 250 pounds." The judgmental woman across the table repeats as she hands me back my folder with another pink sticker. " Rain Rain we're roomies how'd you do?" I smile to see Caroline waving her folder. " I actually made it through this time. I'm not sure how. They bitched about my weight and my pot usage but other than that I got 2 pink stickers." "See girl I told you you were getting hotter by the year. Have you never made it past Test B?" "No, Never." "Oh Boy, you are in for a wild ride." " Everybody go to your rooms and get a good night of beauty sleep for tomorrows tests."