Sky full of stars

3 years ago It was raining. As if the weather knew what day it was today. I couldn’t cry, no tears left. I looked around and everybody had tears in their eyes. Some of them cried so hard they almost fell if they haven’t been held by their loved ones. Time was passing so slowly, it almost felt like it stopped. I was looking at the clouds, the rain, the gravestones around me and I felt nothing. I was empty. There was this big gaping hole in my chest.  The coffin came. It was closed. The person I love the most in this world in it. It felt like forever, in reality, it was just a few minutes when they lowered the coffin into the hole.  Everyone expected me to give a speech, to be emotional, to break down. I held still. No tears. No words. No movement. After the priest finished his speech everything went by in a blur. My big brother spoke about her and even a few people gave a speech. The workers from the funeral home threw the soil on the coffin. They filled the hole. Family friends and my brothers put some flowers on the newly made grave.  I just stood there, getting soaked by the rain. Eventually, everybody left, even my brothers went to the car. They knew I needed to be alone to cope with the death. I stood right there for hours. My clothes were soaked through and I knew it was cold, but I couldn’t feel it.  I went closer to the grave. Kneeling down I put the flower on the headstone.  “Goodbye, mama…” I whispered and a lonely tear slipped from my eye. I stood up and walked, not looking back. 3 years later I live with my two brothers, Hardin and Christian. We lost our mom 3 years ago to cancer but moved to this part of New York only a little while ago due to Chris starting college here this year. Today is the first day in the new school. I was always a straight-A student, but I was fun too, keyword: was. Not anymore. Hardin, the ″Bad Boy″ in a white T-shirt and a leather jacket always seemed like he doesn’t study and knows nothing, but the opposite is the truth. He is very smart. He’s my best friend, the only person I trust aside from Chris. Chris and I are not as close as me and my twin. Going to parties or hanging out with people is something I loved to do but haven’t done it since mom died. I've distanced myself from everyone since that faithful day. I wonder all the time, how am I going to get through this.  Will it always be this hard? Present time ″Emily! Wake up! You are going to be late...″ Someone shouts from downstairs, probably Chris. Ugh! I hate mornings, especially on school days. There is a loud BANG as my door slams open, followed by Hardin entering my room with a bucket of water and a s**t-eating grin on his face. ″WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING??!″ I shout at him as I sit up in my bed. I love him, he’s my brother and everything, but he can be sooo annoying for God's sake.  ″Can you drive me to school? My car is still at the repair shop. Oh and by the way Chris made you breakfast.″ He rolls his eyes at that. I love my big brother! He is always so attentive. ″Get out! I’m going to get ready, and save me some breakfast please!” I use my ″puppy dog″ eyes on him and he finally smiles. He is not the same since mom died. I try to go easy on him and I try to cheer him up. Our house is pretty big, thanks to the money mom left us after she died. We have a three-storey house. On the main floor is the kitchen, living room, bathroom, we have a wrap-around porch too. On the second floor are three guest rooms - every bedroom has an en-suite bathroom and a closet. There is a library - it is my favourite place in the house. The library is big and has a lot of books, surprisingly Hardin loves to read. On the third floor is my bedroom, Hardin’s and Chris’, all of us have en-suite bathrooms and closets. There is a game room, music room, full of musical instruments, and a room nobody uses, I usually paint there. I shower, wash my teeth and go to my closet. I put on some skinny ripped jeans, a pastel green T-shirt and a necklace I got a few days ago. Then I go to my vanity table and put on some light makeup, lipstick, light pink blush and a little bit of mascara. My outfit makes my hazel eyes pop. I let my shoulder-length brown wavy hair cascade down my back. Then I make my way to my closet and pull on white gumshoes. I look ready for school. When I arrive in the kitchen, there are blueberry pancakes with maple syrup. My favourite breakfast. Chris goes to get ready and Hardin is waiting for me by the door. I quickly make a plate and eat everything in record time.  I grab my keys, we go out to my car. A black BMW 3 series sits waiting for us in the driveway. I love my car. We are a little bit late, but still, I manage to get us there on time. We arrive at school and I am amazed by the number of students. Some boys are playing football outside on the field. One catches my eye.  He is tall, has black hair, cut in a taper fade. He has bulging muscles, I can’t see his eyes or face, but he is extremely handsome. There is a bunch of guys around him but he stands out.  We get our bags and get out of the car. We are on our way to the door but I can’t look away from him. I am almost inside when he turns around and I look into the most beautiful sky blue eyes I've ever seen. I stop walking and just stand there looking into his eyes. I start to feel butterflies in my stomach and quickly look away and start walking again. Stop! You can't get into a relationship Em! Hell, I don't even know his name and besides, he might have a girlfriend. I am too damaged for anybody to want me.  ''You coming Emi?'' Hardin says, snapping me out of my head. Did he see my staring contest with the handsome guy? But he doesn’t say anything. ''Y-Yeah...’’ I am still in a daze when we get to the office. Hardin gets our schedules, they are slightly different. ''Are you going to be fine sis? Should I walk you to class?'' He sounds concerned but smiles at me nonetheless. ''No, it's fine. I'll see you in our second class. Bye, Love youuu!" I shout while I am walking down the corridor. ''Love you too!" I am a little late for my first lesson, calculus. I love math and calculus is one of my favourite subjects. I open the door and everybody looks at me, but only one pair of eyes catches my attention. There in the back row sits the guy from this morning. ''This is our new student. Introduce yourself please.'' The calculus teacher, Mr Anderson says monotonously. "I am sorry I'm late. My name is Emily Romanova, I am 17 years old. My brothers and I just moved to this part of the city." I am staring into those sky blue eyes that hold so many emotions. I don’t know his name but I am attracted to him, there is this indescribable pull. I wonder if he feels it too. He doesn’t look away, not even for a second, there is a small smile on his lips.  "Please take a seat. Students open the books on page 26." Mr Anderson instructs.  I look around for a seat. There is one next to Mr handsome and one next to a redheaded girl. She looks up and smiles at me. "Come sit with me." She waves me over, enthusiastically. I sit down, take out my book and try to pay attention. "My name is Cordelia. Nice to meet you!" She is nice. I smile at her and looke at the board.  I can feel his gaze on the back of my head. This is only the first lesson and I already can’t pay attention.  I wonder who the handsome guy is...