Sky full of stars

Chapter 4

Hardin's POV

I know if she is quiet something is bothering her. She doesn’t say another word for the whole ride home. I know Chris will be pissed that we skipped classes, but I hope he will understand. She is locking herself inside her mind again. I know that she would never try to kill herself or anything like that, but spirals can become so dark I am scared she'll fall back into depression.

She parks the car in the garage and gets out, not even waiting for me. She is on the verge of crying again and hates when she cries around others. She doesn’t need to explain it to me I know she saw it as a weakness and always hid from us. Emily is the more emotional one, always getting me to talk to her about my feelings. I am the only person she rants to and I want it to stay that way Maybe it’s selfish but it makes me feel like I am her special person.

She reminds us so much of mom, looks just like her too. She doesn't tell anyone, but when mom was alive she would play the piano and Em would sing. She was amazing, had the most angelic voice. I sing sometimes too, but never around them, it's f*****g embarrassing. I just don’t want anybody to hear it. 

By the time I get in the house she storms into her room and slams the door, probably locks it too. I know she needs space right now, she will come to me when she's ready to talk about whatever that's bothering her, at least I hope. 

It probably isn't Logan because she doesn’t know him long enough. Maybe missing mom? 

I didn't become an emotionless d**k after mom died I just couldn't tell Emi the truth. If I cried in front of her or told her about the endless nights of waking up covered in sweat after the same reoccurring nightmare, she would start suppressing her feelings again to put my needs first. I know she is doing now too but I want to help her. We suggested family therapy but she declined, so we just let it go.  

"What's going on?" I didn't even see my big brother standing in the doorway until he started talking, "Why are you home early? Did she have a breakdown or something happened?" He asks with a worried expression. My brother and I may disagree on a lot of things but the one thing we would always agree on is Emi. She's our princess and we will protect her until our last breath. Yeah, it sounds overprotective but she’s our only sister.

"She had a hard first day, so we came home." I am sure if I should tell him about Logan or Grace. "She made a friend, a fiery redhead. Listen, it's hers to tell what happened. She will come to us when she's ready." With that, I walked to my room.

I know he wanted to ask her, I wanted to too but we shouldn't push her. 

I wanted to tell Em about Tessa, the girl I met today. She was nice. Not my type at all but the way she looked and smelled… She sat next to me during the history lesson. Maybe I can introduce them next time, she is the head cheerleader. 

Christopher's POV

Since mom died I am trying to find our dad. Emily nor Hardin remember him but I do. I know that he doesn't know where we are, mom hid us well but never told us why. I was 5 when he disappeared but still, it was not his fault that mom tried to protect us from getting hurt. I remember that he left for the army. After that mom moved us to Brooklyn. We never saw him again, well me and mom because the twins don’t remember much of him.

He is probably trying to find us if he's not dead yet... Regardless of what happened Emily needs her father now even though she probably doesn't realize it. She's distancing herself not only from the outside world but from me too and she’s not as close with Hardin as she used to be. She doesn't know about my girlfriend yet, I'm scared to tell her and after what I saw when she came home...I am scared even more. I don’t think she will take it well that I have someone. The possibility of someone moving in is very scary for me mostly because of Emily. Hardin knows, he figured it out pretty fast. He hasn’t told her either because of the same reasons.

When Har told me that she has a friend, I thought I would dance from happiness. She hasn't had a friend beside us since everything happened. 

My little sister... I promised mom I would take care of her but I feel like it's getting harder every day. She doesn’t want to go on trips or hang out with kids her age anymore. Truthfully, I was scared that this move would make more bad than good but it seems to help her. I still want her to go to therapy sessions but she refuses every time I ask her. Suddenly I became a parent to both of them and I have no idea what I’m doing. I just started college, I want to make sure they are happy. 

Em doesn’t come down for dinner so after we ate, I make my way upstairs with a plate in hand. I hope she opens the door. “Emi, open up, it's me, Chris." I speak, knocking on her door.

No response.

Sighing I try again, "Please, I brought you dinner..." 

After a few silent moments, I hear shuffling around before she finally opens the door. The first thing I see are her red-rimmed puffy eyes. She wears her grey sweatpants with a white T-shirt. This outfit screamed depression… Maybe there is some boy involved or she fought with someone.

"Come in..." Looking down she stepped aside and opened the door wider so I could come in. She was drawing. She does it a lot although I loved her paintings more. Her room was clean like always, a few tissues here and there.

"Do you want to talk? Or maybe we can just listen to music, watch TV or something?" I try to be cheerful although I can see that it doesn’t work. She and Hardin think that by downplaying what they're going through they are helping me. What they don't know is that I know about their nightmares and how Em tends to trap herself in her mind threatening a relapse.

It will get better one day Chris, it has to...

She sits down on her bed, looks at me, and says something I thought I wouldn't hear anytime soon..."I met a boy today. He and I have some kind of weird connection... I don't know but it intrigues me." Before there wasn't any boy that would interest her, she didn't care… Maybe there wasn’t anybody interesting.

"He is just... God, I don't have words. He wants to go to lunch with me tomorrow." There's a but here I can feel it...

"What did he do, because I know you wouldn't cry over a lunch with some guy?" I've never seen so many emotions swirl in her hazel orbs… She is a really sensitive person but hates showing it to others.

"I thought he has a girlfriend but when I asked him about it, he said that she isn't. I don't know what to make of it. One moment it's just us and this weird connection between us. Then the next she has her tongue down his throat. He didn’t even pull back from the kiss." Boys always make the mistake of sleeping around or sleeping with some batshit crazy girl. I did it and thank god Hardin didn't pick up that f****d up habit, well I hope he didn’t. 

"So he asked you out to explain the situation?" I am sure about this one. Even if he wants my little sister he would first need to go through me. When it comes to relationships Emily is in the dark and he could easily break her heart. She's already in a fragile state and I don't think she could handle much more.

"Yeah. I mean I guess I should go, right?” She looks at me with frustration over this decision. I don’t want to tell her what to do because it is her place to decide. “I'm just really missing mom right now...She would know how to help." So there's the problem, I think sadly. I sit down beside her and hug her tightly. We are quiet for a while but then I say,

"She is here with all of us, in our hearts darlin'. She loves you no matter what and will protect you as we do... Eat a little and sleep on it alright?" She nods and hugs me back. With that, I leave to give her some privacy. 

Emily's POV

It must be around 3 am and I can’t sleep. I just keep tossing and turning. I find myself throwing back the sheets and make my way to my walk-in closet, in the back on the floor is a box with my most treasured possessions. There, sitting on top is his picture.

It was 2 years ago that I found a photo album and in there was my dad's picture. I knew mom would've taken the picture from me so I kept it hidden. He looks so friendly, familiar, and warm, the spitting image of Chris and Hardin.

I want to meet him so badly. I've always wondered who's our dad, did he leave us or did mom leave him to protect us? What does he do for a living, does he know we exist? Mom always avoided the subject, I never got my answer.

I take the picture and make my way to the library. The whole library basks in moonlight, right in the centre is a grand piano. There is still fire burning in the fireplace, Chris must have been here a few hours ago.

I sit down in front of the piano and start playing a song I hold dear to my heart. It is a sad melody but still beautiful although heart-breaking, exactly how I feel at this moment. I must have been playing for good 30 minutes when I slip and miss a key. The first tear falls and I stand up. Making my way to the window, I sit down on the windowsill. 

"Why did you need to leave mom? Why did you leave me, us?" I ask as the tears freely fall. This type of breakdown hasn’t happened in a few weeks, I don’t know what indicated this but I can’t stop crying.

"I miss you so much, mama. I hoped you would be here to talk about my first kiss, watch me fall in love with the love of my life, be there through the heartbreaks to tell me it was all going to be okay. Take pictures and embarrass me in front of my prom date. Watch me walk to the stage when I graduate from high school and college. Help plan my wedding someday. I want to know who my dad is. Is he even alive? Did he know about me? Did he love you, me all of us? Why didn't you tell us about him?! WHY MOM??!" By now I am full-blown sobbing, all my energy spent in seconds...

"I miss you so much, I feel like I can't go on. I have nightmares constantly... I'm trying to keep it together for the boys but it's hard, almost impossible. I have to fight every day not to fall back into my depression." 

I am silently crying after that. The last thing I remember before everything goes black is whispering...

I love you, mommy...