FORGOTTEN HEART

MIRA POV The beeping won't stop. I open all my eyes to see it is white. The ceiling is white. The walls are white. Even the light breaking in through the window is white and vacant. My head hurts. It is painful to such an extent that I can hardly think. I attempt to make a motion with my hand and it hurts on my side. I gasp. Everything hurts. Where am I? I wink on several occasions and the objects in my surroundings become clear. There is a machine beside my bed which makes a beep. Up and down, up and down. The waves on the screen are dashing. There's a tube in my arm. Tubes in my nose. I'm in a hospital. I am aware of this since I recall hospitals having this smell. This clean, cold, sad smell. But I do not know the way I arrived here. I try to remember walking in. I try to remember arriving. Nothing comes. My mind is like a dark room. I can't see anything inside it. I make more effort, trying to be able to push the memory out, but that only worsens my head. I stop pushing. I breathe slowly. The door is opened, and my sister hurries in. Sarah. Yes, her name is Sarah. I know this. I'm sure of this. She looks scared. Her eyes are red and wet. She's been crying. She arrives and takes my hand to my bed. Her hand is warm. Mine is cold. "Mira. God bless you, I thank God you are awake, she says. "What happened?" My voice sounds strange. Bumpy and mute, as though I have not had it for a long time. Sarah sits down next to me. She pulls the chair close. Before she speaks, she gazes at me for some time. Her jaw moves. She opens her mouth. She closes it again. Something is wrong. I can feel it. "You were in an accident. A car accident. Three days asleep, you have been, she says. Three days. That seems like a lot. I try to count back. I attempt to recall what day it was yesterday. I can't. I forget at a point where I cannot view. It is as though there is a wall in my head and I cannot reach the other side. "My head hurts," I tell her. "You hit it pretty hard. The physicians reported that you have a concussion. And some broken ribs. But you're going to be okay. You will get better, Sarah tells you. She squeezes my hand. "You're going to be okay." But she does not sound like she thinks it. She is talking to herself rather than to me. "Sarah, what happened? Where was I going? How did I crash?" I ask. The questions come fast now. My heart is beating faster. The beeping machine becomes quicker as well. Beep beep beep beep. Sarah looks away. She looks at the wall. She looks at her shoes. She searches all around but not at me. You saw you were coming home to work. It was raining. The roads were wet. It was due to loss of control of the car, said the police. They said it wasn't your fault. Some other automobile dropped you, you swerved and struck a tree," you see, she says, in a low voice. That sounds good and I can still not recollect it. I can't remember the rain. I do not recall the time when the car lost control. I do not recollect hitting anything. It's all gone. "Sarah, what's wrong? You are behaving like there was another thing that transpired, I say. She looks at me again. There are new tears in her eyes. She takes a deep breath. There is a moment during which I believe she is about to say something massive. Something important. Something that will make her look so frightened and wretched. And just as she is about to speak the doctor enters. It is a male doctor whose hair is gray and wears glasses. He smiles but that does not come up to his eyes. He checks the machine. He examines the packages over my bed. On a piece of paper he writes something on my bed. "Good to see you awake, Mira. How are you feeling?" he asks. "My head hurts. Everything hurts," I say. "That's normal. You've been through trauma. Your body needs time to heal. You're very lucky. Things might have been a lot nearer to the wrong side of the road, another few inches and all, says he. He pats my arm like I'm a child. "You need rest. Lots and lots of rest." He leaves. Sarah and I are alone again. She still looks scared. "What were you going to tell me?" I ask. Sarah closes her eyes. Another deep breath she makes. The next time she opens her eyes, she looks like she has made a decision. Similar to how she would tell me something she has had inside of her. You know, Mira, there is something you have to know. Something, something, she says. Once you leave here you are not coming home. You're going somewhere else. Some place you can forget somewhere else. What the hell do you mean I will not remember? Remember what?" I ask. You see when you meet him, Sarah whispers. "Meet who?" I sit up too fast. Stern aches all the way down my ribs and I scream. But I have to know. It is something I have to know what she is talking about. "Sarah, what are you saying?" She stands up. She goes to the window, and looks and sees the city down below. She doesn't answer me. The silence there is between us like an animated thing. At this point she turns back to me and tells me something that stops my heart. "You're married, Mira. Tomorrow he is taking you out with him.